Almost 5 Year Old Son Bedwetting-but Always Dry at Grandma's!

Hi Katie,

The reason your son doesn't wet at grandma's is because he's not as comfortable there and doesn't sleep as soundly. Nighttime wetting is due to children who sleep so soundly they don't respond to their cues to use the bathroom. At home he sleeps more deeply.
If he'd been staying dry at night for a while, you might want to make sure he gets a little bit more rest, maybe set the bedtime back by 15-30 min. It might be all he needs.
He'll outgrow it. Warmly, S.

Hi Katie,
Well my dear, this man proudly says, you're not a failure, you're normal. Millions of kids wet at night at 1 place and not another.
I'm proud of you for putting him back in the nightime pull ups, here me? I'm very proud of you for doing that. You're the most wonderful mommy he could have. I wish my mom would have done that when I wet instead of doing what she did which was very emotionally painful. I'm so proud of you Katie!
Just let this roll, it's not worth getting frustrated about. There are alot of worse things he could be doing, that's for sure, and we all know that, right? (grin)
Obviously, he needs them so that's what they make them for.
Let that bedtime between you and him be the most bonding time you can have, ok? If he lets you, you put the pull up on him, and here's another thing you could do, and you watch, he will be so excited about going night night, it will shock you! That is, rub him down with baby powder after getting that pull up on. He will love it, and he'll be out in 5 minutes!
If he likes to be held, you hold him, if touched, you touch him, if hugged, you hug or kiss him, let bedtime be special with him.
Even that age of almost 5, he's not there yet developmentally anyway, how far is he behind? Is he like 2 or 3 years old mentally?
You're not a failure, my dear, not at all. In fact, you're rewarded for getting that pull up on him at night, that's what he needs, I have worked with enough of them and their mommies and childcare providers, over the years.
Personally, I would love a son like that. I'd love on that little guy, and if he's wet in the morning, I'd gently wake him up, and put him on my lap, and pat him, and tell him, "son, daddy loves you, wet or not, and I love you with that pull up on, and if you need to wear it, daddy cares about that, too, and loves you, just the same."
He needs to hear these words from you mommy, because you're the first woman in his life, being mommy, ever thought about that? If not, that's normal, nobody thinks about that.
I'll be praying that this blows over, and you can just go on putting him pull up on nightly, till he stops wetting, and please, give him a big hug and kiss tonight, from 1 who knows what it feels like to wet at night, and not be able to help it, or, just not be ready emotionally to be a big boy, yet.
love, and again, Katie, I'm proud of you, very very much about using the pull ups!
H.

It probably has to do with where he is sleeping. I wet the bed until I was twelve. It was very frustrating. My mom finally brought me to a chiropractor out of desperation. It should have been done in the first place! He adjusted my pelvis a couple times and I never wet the bed again. For some kids ling down and night puts pressure on their bladder from their pelvis. It may be that grandma's bed just doesn't put pressure on that area. If you are in the Holland area Dr. Hilsman on 136th street is great with kids. He has 5 of his own. Phone is ###-###-####

Katie, It's funny how kids will pick up things at different homes. I have a step daughter (5) who acts out if her dad tries to do anything and from what I understand she does this at her mothers as well. But when I tell her to do something or to behave in a certain manner she listens. Her mom once told me that they have a really hard time getting her to take naps and she cries and everything. When she is at our house, I simply tell her that it's nap time and she goes upstairs, goes to the bathroom, and gets in bed. No questions asked. Maybe there is a different bed time routine that Grandma is using that makes him more comfortable. Have you compaired notes? When we were potty training my stepdaughter we were just very strict on no food or drink atleast an hour before bed and made sure that she used the potty before getting into bed as well. She had a few accidents in the begining but we later found out that she had a urinary tract infection and that is what was causing the accidents. I hope some of this helps!

Hi Katie,
I don't have any great information to pass along to you.
But I just wanted to say kids always have their worst behavior at home just because they are in their comfort zone and it's safe to be themselves.
Even though your son may really enjoy it at your MIL's house he may not be 100% at ease like he is in his own home. So at MIL's house he may make a really great effort to keep himself in check and not have accidents.
You are not a failure by any means just because he does better for your MIL. That just means you have done your job well and your child knows how to behave when you are not there. If mother's received awards you would get one for that.
Perhaps something at pre-school upset him. My son also has a speech delay and in Kindergarten and even this year in First Grade some kids have teased him about the way he say's his name. It starts with an R and that is a hard sound for him to articulate. It hurt his feelings but we always talk openly about things like that. You might talk with his teacher or daycare providers and see if they have noticed any change in behavior.
Best Wishes, don't beat yourself up over it. It could be nothing more then a growth spurt for him and his body is changing and growing and he feels a little out of sorts.
m.

Has anything changed in your daytime routine? He might be needing more attention from you in the daytime? Maybe more touch or more quality time... Try reading the 5 love languages book for kids. It really helped us with our daughter her was starting to hit a lot. Making a conscious effort to meet her needs made a HUGE difference!

By the way, you're NOT A FAILURE! The very fact that you're seeking advise/help for this situation means you're a GOOD MOM! Your MIL just has more years of experience, and possibly has a few tricks up her sleeve that she's not even aware of - just things that make your son feel secure, probably simple things that she doesn't even know she does. You're capable of learning this and you'll do great as soon as you figure out what he needs! Best wishes - you can do it!