Almost 4 Year Old Girl Not Wanting to Eat

Hi H., I would think that maybe she doesn't eat in fear of throwing up, that's pretty scarry for some kids. But no snacks, if she can eat snacks then she can eat regular food, let her help with dinner, maybe ask her what she thinks the family would like, see if that helps, but if she knows she will get snacks even if she wont eat her meals, she really has no reason to eat her meals. J.

My 4yr old son knows that he has to eat dinner everyday... there are times when he tends to cry and say that he is tired.. to get out of eating, but I'm the mom and he knows that I'm the BOSS and he sits down until he has finished his plate, it may take him a while , but he eats it up and then he can have a snack of his choice. If he doesn't eat then he can't watch his favorite show/cartoon on tv later, can't play with his toys or Leapster... Parents have to be strict with their kids when it comes down to certain things... It sounds mean but you have to do, what you have to do.... Kids have their parents figured out at this age so you have to discipline them at an early age so they know that when it's time to eat they have to sit down and eat.

We never make a big deal about eating, since we want to keep food trauma free. Of course we don't allow bad table behavior or tantrums or demanding different food, but if the kids dont' feel like eating what I serve,they have to eat at least one bite, POLITELY decline the rest, and they get nothing if they don't want to finish it until the next time I give them something. I dont' scold or anything.
I make sure they eat enough healthy things per day, and I don't sweat the exact time they eat it. My older two have both had some little phases where they don't eat much, but it always passes. They never get "treats" (other than fruit because it's nutritious) when they don't eat properly. On the rare occasion there is ice cream left form a birthday or something int he house, they will NOT get any if they did not eat their good snacks and meals.

My son tried the gagging thing once and we nipped it like a tantrum and said "NO!" as soon as he started it and gave a consequence on the second warning and he never did it again. BUT, sometimes they really do gag in new foods they don't like, and that's OK, we don't discipline it. Be careful to be sure she's "just doing it" before you discipline.

I wouldn't sweat her nutrition since you say she is eating snacks during the day. I would insist the sit and participate in the meal with everyone even if she doesn't eat, and leave it at that. My kids have to sit and talk and be polite and wait for us all to finish even if they're done eating or don't eat.

First of all, let me say that I really feel for you. I have 3 kids ages 10, 5 & 3. I have gone through this with the oldest and am going through this with the younger two.

Here is what I do....First, no snacks of any kind unless they eat everything on their plate. My feeling is that if they aren't hungry enough to eat their meal, then they can't be hungry enough to eat a snack, even if it is a healthy snack. So, make sure not to put too much on her plate. Start small with your portions. As she gets better at eating her meals, you can increase the portions until they are appropriate for her age If she doesn't eat her entire meal, then she gets nothing else to eat until the next meal. Now, sometimes kids will fill up on drinks like milk and juice and not eat the food. If this starts to happen, include all drinks except water with the snack rule. If she does eat everything on her plate, then she may have a snack later. If she is still hungry right after she finishes her meal than she may have second helpings of the meal.

I insist that my kids sit at the table with the rest of us whether they eat or not. I consider this a sign of respect. I don't think it is right to have one kid out in another room watching tv or playing with toys while the rest of the family is sitting at the table eating. My kids know that if they refuse to sit at the table for the entire meal, I have either a belt or a piece of rope handy to tie them to the chair. I have only had to do this once or twice with each kid. If they try to push me by getting out of their chairs without being excused, all I have to do is reach for the rope or belt and they get back in their seats. Now, they stay in their seats until they are excused.

Good Luck!

My 3 1/2 year old, who likes most foods, often says she doesn't want dinner, and sometimes breakfast. I'm trying to be careful to make her portion sizes appropriate (protein should be about the size of her palm, starch or veggie about the size of her fist) and not force her to eat more than that. Limiting snacks and drinks with calories for a few hours before dinner should also help. Most nights, though, we wind up using a small dessert, like a cookie as a bribe to eat a few more bites of dinner.

Kids at that age will get picky sometimes because of grew spurts (eating more) and inbetween spurts (eating less). These can last a short time or long time. Be patient. Only offer healthy foods and cut back on the amount of her snack so she won't be so full at meal time. Make sure you offer milk at all three main meals but don't let her fill up on that before eating a few bites of everything on her plate. When she's going through these stages, offer less on her plate at meal time and things that she will like better, if possible. For example, if you're thinking of which vegetable to make with dinner and she likes carrots, add those to dinner rather than beans that she may not like.

Give her a multi-vitamin complete every day to make up for anything she misses through out each day during her picky days. Doesn't matter what time of day or night, just be sure it's not before bed after she's brushed her teeth.

Concerning the "vomiting", it's all in her head. I had a child like that and have seen others do this too, boys and girls. Because they're having a lower appetite right now, they're just not hungry, but we don't want them to become unhealthy or even lose weight if they're already thin. So be firm and to not tolerate this behavior. Insist that she eat at least one or two bites of each course on her plate (veggie, meat, noodles). I have no problem "bribing" a child to eat and earn a treat when they're done, but be sure it's something healthy and not junk cuz then she'll fight even more on not eating. So an apple/orange/pear/banana if she eats 2 bites of everything is fair but be sure she's not playing you, lol!

If she does do the game playing, give a warning to stop. If she does not, she is to leave the table. If you know she will fall asleep don't send her to her room or to the couch. Make her sit there with you at the table until everyone is finished, and talk about how good and healthy the food is, and how each food helps which part of your body. i.e. "These carrots are really helping my eyes!" It won't mean anything at the moment but it'll be stuck in her brain and she'll remember later.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Hi H.,

You didn't say if she was underweight or overweight. Both of these are signs of malnutrition. Sometimes eating is driven by habit and sometimes the body will actually not crave food if it is not healthy. Looks are always deceiving.

Something's going on. If it's simply behavioral and defiance, you have to keep doing what you're doing. If there is a health issue going on, then we need more info. Feel free to PM if you'd like.

M.
www.squidoo.com-/ifyourbabycouldtalk

Hi, H.:

Seems like the behavior is a symptom of some deeper issues going on.
Being punitive never works. Is control that important to you? Children at this age is trying to control their environment.

Have you thought about Co-Dependents Anonymous support group
to learn about control issues: www.coda.org

Good luck. D.

As mothers we feel like we are a failure if we cannot get our children to eat. In reality, our children will not starve. This is one of the only things your daughter can control in her life..

Instead of harping on her, place the food you all eat in front of her (very small servings on a small plate) and do not say a word.. Instead you all enjoy your meal.. No comments about what she is eating or not eating. If she does eat something, add another small spoonful (again no comments).. She will eat eventually.

At a time when it is not meal time, speak with her about meals. Let her know that if she eats the main meal, she may then ask for a snack later in the evening. If she does not eat, snacks are not available. Also remind her it is rude to spit out food. At home, at the sitter and especially out in public. Instead remind her to take tiny bites so it will go down easier..

I know this is difficult, but this will pass. Also remember children go through growing spurts where they eat a ton and times, when really they are just not hungry.
I am sending you patience and strength.

No snacks.
3 meals - eat 'em or don't.
If she acts up at the table - her plate gets taken and she sits until the rest of the family is finished eating.
No dessert.
YMMV
LBC