Hello, I've never asked a question although I've responded to a few. My son will be 3 in Nov. A little background info: I started to potty train him quite a while ago. He will occasionally sit on the potty and sometimes tells me he wants to. Most times, he gets upset or tells me no and I have not pushed the issue. He has never actually gone in the potty and has asked me to show him how...I defered to my husband on that one! When I ask if he wants to use the potty, he usually tells me "so I can get m&m's?" (He loves them!) The problem is that over the past month, he has not wanted to poop at all. He won't go in his pull up and he won't go on the potty. He will go 3 or 4 days without pooping! It has gotten so bad that he will hug/hold on to me shaking, saying "I'm pooping", obviously upset and scared. We've tried to tell him that its ok to go and encourage him to go, regardless of whether its in his pull up or in the potty. We've fed him high fiber foods, tried different juices and even childrens stool softener/laxatives. The problem with the meds is you can never tell if its going to work. Sometimes it takes several doses for it to work. Has anyone else had this sort of issue? What did you do? I feel so bad that he's scared to poop!
Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. This morning he was dry when he woke up. He decided he wanted to try peeing in the potty. So I sat him on the potty and of course nothing happened. Then he tooted! He was so excited. I thought he had done it again and when I went to get him off, he was wet, he had peed! YEAH! I was so excited he couldn't help but be happy he did it! And of course he got the M&M's he was promised when he went potty! It's a start!
try caro syrup,its natral and it works like a laxitive just add a little to a sippy cup w/ juice perferabally apple - My mom used to use it on my brother and my self and Ive used it on my two boys,you find it in the baking section in the grocery store
i think being scared of pooping is quite common at this age. he probaly had a painful BM, so he holds it in fear, which of course makes it painful again. my sister and i both had this issue with our kids at 3. pooping in the potty was so much harder than the pee.
just completely lay off pooping in the potty. and i would also stay away from the meds. he cannot NEED them to go, kwim. you need his body to go naturally, not medications. instead, try to get him to eat the kashi autumn wheat, the cinnamon one is better. it works. also feed the fiber but pay attention to what kind of fiber, you want insoluble. too much soluble can actually constipate you. you want the skins of the fruits. blackberries and raspberries are great. blueberries, pears, then vegetables. seeds are good. also make sure you get rid of any white flour items like white bread, cookies, ect. all that stuff causes problems. get the fiber bread and english muffins. and get flaxseed. it doesnt really have a taste. you can add it to yogurt, applesauce, but also sprinkle it on things like chicken. its very good for you and has lots of omega 3s. you need to get him to go as easy as possible for an extended period so he doesnt remember the bad time.
as far as the potty after he is regular. let him go in the pull up, once thats going good, tell him he can go in the pullup but just do so privately in the bathroom. focus on that first before trying to get him on the potty. most likely, he will be on the potty one day, and go accidentally and realize its not so bad. then he will prefer the potty to the feeling in the dipe. if he is potty trained otherwise, let him wear underwear, but he can ask for a pullup when needed. that worked great with my nephew.
honestly, this issue was alot of work, one of the hardest. good luck, it will get better. its so hard for them to understand!
you know...im kinda going thru something very similar--my son is a little younger than yours...but the stuff you described is spot on...so believe it or not-at his checkup this week I brought the issue up with the doctor...and upon exam-the doc found a large anal fissure...it was quite an AHA moment...so he has pain-which is why he isnt going and holding it in...that makes the stool stay in the body and the water gets reabsorbed and makes the stools hard as rocks...which in turns-hurts to pass....we are currently using miralax in his water...feeding anything with fiber that he will eat...are trying activia yogurt...and crossing our fingers. We are also using a combo of desitin and hydrocortisone to help the fissure....
good luck
Hi J.,
I would suggest not toilet training til you and your son are really ready to do it. I don't feel there's any benefit in a child who goes on the potty or toilet every now and then. Clearly it has not made him comfortable with the idea.
When it's really time, don't give the option of a diaper. Dont' make the toilet an option or ask him if he would like to use it or has to go. Simply take him every hour and a half or so. Don't force him to stay a long time or til he goes, either he goes in 5 minutes or he doesn't.
I'm not a fan of rewards or treats. The reward of using the toilet isn't getting candy, it's not having a stinky mess in your pants. Treats make it about giving them a choice and toileting shouldn't be about pleasing you, it should be something they want to do and is expected.
Good luck!
I we old the advice about Miralax. I went through something similar with my son. The important thing is to break the cycle of control and fear. He will not be able to hold it in for long on the miralax, so he will eventually give up trying. And it will never be hard. It is not habbit forming, either. My doc at the time recommended using the adult dose which did produce some, uh, messy ones... Good luck! This too shall "pass" so to speak!
we have the same issue in our house with our almost 3 year old. he too has never gone in the potty. he started holding his poop for days at a time during the summer. i finally took him to the ped. and she put him on miralax. he takes 1 tablespoon a day. the ped told me he should take it for about 6 weeks. it does help. you should really take him to your ped. he can do some damage to his colon he if continues to hold it in. our ped said it is a very common phase among children this age.
good luck!
Really REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT to his psychological and emotional development. PLEASE hear me on this seeing as to how I am a therapist. You are spot on to know that it has to do with control issues above anything else.
Doesn't matter what else I say or anyone else for that matter, just hold on to understanding the above and it will guide your decision making on how you handle it.
As far as practicals, 1st you should try to consider why he has negative feelings associated with poop. Most adults jokingly make faces and sounds that associate poop with negativity (i.e. yuk, eeeooo, etc). We do it innocently and kids laugh but some become very sensitive about it and we don't even realize how this can impact them. Make poop a good thing "wow look how much poopy is here, yeah!" and definitely use to your advantage that he has this little sister around. Let him watch you changing her and being positive and happy about it. Give him positive feedback to and try to help him re-frame his poopy experience as a way that he's showing that poopy who's boss and "pushing" that poopy right on out of his body. (versus how he is trying to be the boss by keeping it in). You might even get one of those peepee dolls and show him visually how somethings go in the mouth and then come out the bottom (don't worry that it's a female engendered item, children's gender orientation is for certain not defined by such things and moreover, you can present it as his little sis' toy and you're just casually letting him explore his curiosity about it).
The next thing you want to try is visual rewards. You can get into these potty "games" they have where you put this paper thing in the toilet bowl and the more the child 'aims' at the target (it changes color to indicate) the more points they score. AND/OR you can have a sort of behavioral chart with stickers that go into the boxes that add up to prizes. Kids LOVE stickers and motivational prizes to make them feel like they are earning things. It is in all our nature to want to be productive.
And definitely do your best not to worry. Even if he's a little later than you'd like him to be or charts say, etc if you go about it in an emotionally healthy way then you won't have lost the war in trying to win a battle.
Good luck, N.
My daughter went through the same control issues with the potty. It wasn't that she didn't have to go poop, it was that she was holding it in afraid to go in the potty. I would definetely talk to the ped though to rule out anything.
My first thought to you is to completely stop any reference to potty training for 2 weeks. Don't ask him and don't make a fuss about changing wet or poop pants. Just make sure that everytime he wets or soils himself that you get him into a dry pair of pants right away. At the end of the 2 weeks, slowly begin the re-introduction of the potty. Use a sticker chart or M&M's(my DD favorite candy) for every step. One for sitting on the potty, 2 for going pee-pee, 3 for poop, etc. You choose the reward and make it clear to him what it's for. If he begins to resist again, stop training go back to the 2 weeks of taking a break. Once you find that pattern, go for bigger rewards for going potty every day that week and have small gifts or rewards on hand to reward him for big milestones.
Potty training was not easy for us. It took a lot of backwards steps but soon we starting to make progress. My daughter was 1 month shy of her 4th birthday before she was completely diaper(pull-up) free! If you want to talk more, email me. It's a hard phase to go through and you are not alone!
Good Luck!
Hi J.- Try getting him tested for allergies if that is possibly causing constipation...you never know-(gluten, dairy, eggs, nuts)- also- our son is now 3 and a half & literally just starting to poop- not pee- on the potty, and still in diapers- you are not alone! Hang in there!
My oldest daughter was under the care of a ped gi up until last summer b/c she would do the whole control thing - as far as the softners & laxatives, if it's that blocked up it's not going to get thru b/c it becomes dried up inside, almost clay like - not to sound gross but after rushing her to the e/r so many times from this we have become pro's -
Our ped gi suggested retraining her to go when she was around 8 or so - she had to sit on the potty for about 10-15 mins per day to strain the muscles she would normally use to get her back to things - when she was younger we were told by her to give her kondremul - it is a otc liquid laxative that u can mix w/a drink & that would keep her regular(we'd usually have to go to the pharmacist for it) - the stool softners sometimes end up bringing everything on so fast that u then end up w/a real sore bottom & then they will hold it b/c of that - my daughter will be 11 & we still keep onhand prescription laxatives to be used as needed - my biggest problem was that i potty trained her when she was 19 mos & kids r quick learners i guess. u may want to just speak w/ur pediatrician about it b/c they really don't want little one's to get their bodies used to this kind of help going - good luck - any questions, i'm here for ya!
See if he will go in his diaper/pull-up..if he still holds it, try giving him Miralax. Contact your Dr, but it is very safe and effective.
