Allowance

Hi J.: I have a tape by 2 experts called 'Didn't i tell you to take out the Trash'. It is available on this website:

www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-130-didnt-i-tell-you-to-take-...

I borrowed it from my local library. It is a great technique for getting kids to do chores. I highly recommend this tape.

L.

I just love Janes chore chart! I am not that organized and I know that it would help us. I do believe in tying allowance into chores. If you have a job and don't do what you are asked, you don't get paid. It's not up for discussion, you are fired. So why is it bad to tie it in? I leave a list for my son (keeps me from being the nag) and I put times on the list that they need done by, if it isn't done, then he doesn't see his friends that day, If it still isn't done, he gets grounded from his electronics. I no longer do his laundry, he wasn't taking care of his clothes. Good luck.

Hi,
I am a mother of 5...3 graduated and a a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. (still in training)

What has worked for me over the years is a chore chart I made up on a 11x8 sheet of paper.
The days of the week across the top with the childs name in the far left coloum, their chores listed down the left side under their name.I then made copies for each week. (You can rotate the jobs too)
One of the kids places a new one up every Monday morning on the fridge. Each morning after breakfast, before school (I home schooled) we all spent 1/2 hr doing our listed chores.
Who ever chose to not work missed lunch.
Sounds cruel, but it was my husbands idea and he loves our kids dearly and is a GREAT FATHER. It is biblical. "If a man doesn't work...he doesn't eat".
One morning at breakfast the announcement was made clearly with love but firmness in the idea.
Of course this is more for like 7 on up, and you might need to have a different chore time (like after school). As long as you have some routine that works time wise BUT STAY CONSISTENT.

Anyway, it only took once for it to happen for 1 or 2 of them.

They were allowed to drink juice but the food had to wait till the next meal.
My kids also are rewarded with tickets at the end of the day (you can buy a roll at Wal-Mart) for each job completed and they each have a baggie or cup to place tickets into. Each ticket is worth a nickel or dime and at the end of the week.
They love cashing in their tickets. They can choose cash or a prize from the treasure box...candy, gum, dollar store prize etc.
The kids still love to see all those tickets adding up!
KEEP SOME FUN IN THE REWARDS and chores can become something they actually look forward to. Praise them for their important contribution to the family and let them know how much you appreciate them :)
My 3 grown kids have turned out to be GREAT workers and love to serve others for free. AND you would never know they missed a meal or 2 :) The last 2 just know now after 3 years it is part of life...helping out :)
Hope this helps, J.

Reading these answers I just had to comment on the $ to Jesus.
I think even if you are raising a Christian child, to ask them to give money to the church is plain wrong. Why should they have to do that? I think if my Mom had said that to me I would have not done the chore and I would certainly have no respect for the church. If you feel guilty them you give the church more not the kids - surely it is their cash and up to them how to spend it. We might not like the choices they make but having the opportunity to make a choice is what makes them mature, not being told what to do.
Sorry it's not strictly about the query but I just had to vent!

My coworker ties the allowance to chores as they have to work to earn the money. I agree and think it teaches responsibility. She has done $3 in elementary school, $5 in 6,7 & 8 grade $7 in 9 & 10th grade and $10 in 11th and 12th grade. No chores, no $$$. It started with keeping their room clean and she adds chores as they get older. Nothing that really takes more than an hour a week total. One has to feed the dog for a week. One has to clean the bathrooms. One has to vacuum and dust. They rotate each week and it is posted on the fridge as to who does what that week.

I would try a Chore Chart so they know who does what. If their daiy chore is not done then they loose something of value (phone, computer, tv usage ...)Hello reading books!
Honestly I don't see the big deal with chores and money. We work for our money. If money is just handed to them without earning it what have they learned?

Good Morning fellow mother of 4!!! (I am also a SAHM with a 10, 7, 4 and 10 month old! I think I could also call myself "artistic, scattered, creative, cluttered, prayerful and forgetful... but I AM a morning person :-)

How we have things running in our home in regards to chores and allowance.. they are 2 separate issues.

Allowance in our home is strictly practice and training for our children to learn how to handle money. When our kids start school they receive $3 dollars a week. We encourage them to give the first 10% to God in the form of a tithe. (This also gives us an opportunity to show them and talk about how everything belongs to God, and that when we give him at least the minimum that He asks for in His Bible (10%) it allows Him to bless the remaining 90% and make it go farther than if we had kept it all to ourselves.) Now the reason we start off with $3 in school is that my kids like to occasionally buy lunches at school. And they would love to have us pay for them everyday if we would. So they can use their allowance to buy lunch one time a week, or they can make their lunches everyday and save the money to buy other things they might want. It is so wonderful to have them go to the store with me and when they ask "Mom can I get...." all I have to ask is "Did you bring your money?" and now I have done it so much that they know.. and they don't even ask me any more! They either bring their money or they don't ask.

They get $3 up through 3 grade and then after that they get a dollar for what grade they are in. (So this year my son is in 5th grade and he gets $5 a week.) Occasionally we give extra money to the kids for extra big projects (washing screens and windows).. but not very often!

Now for chores, the kids have their morning chores that they have to have done before 8:30 am on school days and 9am on non-school days. This includes: make your bed, brush teeth & hair, get dressed, put PJ's away, have breakfast, clean up your breakfast. I started this routine 2 years ago. As a consequence for not getting it done in time.. every minute past the time equalled 30 minutes earlier that they had to go to bed that night.

Then 6 months ago i was getting frustrated at the way the other chores were not being done. A wonderful friend pointed out to me that when I ask my children to "clean their room".. it is to overwhelming and confusing about what they need to do. So we have implemented the "stick technique". We broke down into smaller jobs what it takes to clean a room and wrote them on large popcycle sticks. So take for instance "clean the bathroom". Instead of telling one of the kids to do that, I made sticks with the jobs of :spray and wipe the mirror, spray and wipe the bathroom counters, put cleaner in and scrub the toilets, empty the bathroom garbage, shake the bathroom rugs, mop the bathroom floors. And then I did that for all of the room in the house. Now every morning each child has to draw 3 sticks and that is their chores for the day. I also threw in 3 sticks that say "free" (meaning they don't have to do one chore) just for fun! If when it is time to draw the sticks my child has a bad attitude about their chores.. I remind them how we are blessed to have this home to live in and that it is all our jobs to take care of it, and since they don't seem thankful they need more practice taking care of the house and have to draw more sticks. (And I say it with absolute calmness and seriousness!! No matter how upset and "fit throwing" they are!!) Also the kids are not allowed to do any of their "want tos" (like TV, games, computer, play with neighborhood friends, bikes) until their "have tos" (work and chores) are done!!

This is what we do and it works for us. I must caution you though... when I started these new routines in our home my oldest was always the most resistant and stubborn to doing them. Probably because he hadn't had to do them the longest time, and he thought this was just a "new thing that mom was going to try" and if he made it miserable for me.. I would drop it. So staying very consistant in doing them and bringing about consequences was very important to creating a new routine together. The 4 year old started asking for his sticks.. even before I was going to have him start helping out!!

Best of luck. Just try and find something you and the kids can succeed and do well together, something that fits your style and you can monitor consistantly. Because if kids think that they can get away with not doing something.. they definately think it's worth the effort!!

Best of Luck!!
Peace,
B.

P.S. And if you are a Christian, don't forget to pray!!

Hi J.:

I love your "A little about me" description! :)

As far as chores and allowance, we chose not to tie allowance to chores. We explained, like you, that chores are done simply because you are part of the family. Like Jane, we have a chore chart for each child, each day of the week. No nagging. They can complete the chore at any point during the given day they choose. We didn't exactly withhold a meal, but we told them they were welcome to join the family for dinner once their chore was complete. (In other words, you're not gettin' dinner until your work is done!)

On the allowance end, we explained the purpose behind the allowance was to teach them money management skills. I think we're a lot cheaper than other parents in that we did give them their age in allowance, but per month not per week. We gave them three piggy banks: spending, savings and charity. We initially allowed them to divide their money up however they saw fit. We also always have them set a savings goal and write it down. This taught them to avoid impulse purchases.

Hope that helps. Good luck to you!

J. -

I, too, am the mother of four and have all the same issues. I've given up on the posted chart. The only thing I can get with regularity is unloading the dishwasher/setting the table (I call the appropriate child to the kitchen as I'm cooking dinner - they have assigned days for that) and the trash cans go out and come back in on the appropriate day.

I've found, as they've gotten older (mine are 18, 16, 13 and 4,) it's just easier to pick something I need done and kind of rotate between them. I'll grab whomever has the least amount of homework that day and just ask them to dust a room or vacuum or whatever. I try and keep it "fair" and there is no monetary reward. They understand that it is expected as their contribution to the household. The older three each use a different bathroom, so I'll ask them once a week to do the basic cleaning of their own mess. They all have their own rooms and are great at keeping them picked up. All beds are made each morning before they leave for school (no exceptions,) all dirty clothes are in the hamper and if the general clutter seems to be getting out of control, they are reminded and asked to spend some time that day straightening up.

Our house is orderly, but certainly not white glove clean. If I start to feel like I'm losing the battle, I have everyone give me a half hour at the same time. I select three things that need the most attention (my youngest is too little for this) and the first one to jump in to help gets to pick the job he/she wants to do. They come pretty quickly now when I announce cleaning time.

I guess what I've learned from all this is not to try and stick to a set chore schedule and not to tie it to allowance. The basics are done with some regularity and only a little reminding. It's so much less frustrating for me this way and I still get most things accomplished. My kids understand that a little cooperation on their part when I need it goes a long way to getting them the things they want.

I hope this helps a little. There is no perfect answer, but I've seen huge progress with my kids now that we've come to this understanding. Best of luck, L.

I took a Financial Planning class and it taught that kids should get an allowance so the parents can help them learn how to be responsible with their money. Many kids grow up and become adults and don't know how to manage or be responsible for their money because they were never taught by their parents. So an allowance is a good thing.

However, the allowance should be for extra chores that are done, like cleaning the cat litter, mowing the lawn, or whatever you determine to be considered "extra." There should still be regular chores to do like making their bed, doing the dishes, and cleaning up after themselves because a family helps out around the home together. Mom shouldn't do it all for them. This will also help them be responsible around their own home once they're grown.

Then the way they taught us to help the kids to manage their money is to teach them to give a 1/3 to charity or church tithe, 1/3 to savings, and 1/3 for spending.

I too have heard $1 for each year of age however I have also heard of them designating a percentage to go to a charity or church etc..I started the $1 per age and I think it is excessive. What does my son need $36 a month for?? We now give him allowance every other week and we have chore day where the whole family pitches in to help clean. He saves his money to buy games for his Wii or toys that mom won't buy. That does seem to work out pretty good. I hope that helps.
L.

Hi J.,
My daughter isn't old enough for this yet. But, my husband and I plan to not tie her allowance to chores.

I can say from my experience growing up that my mother tried to tie allowance to chores. It didn't work. My sister and I didn't care enough about the money ... so it was like 'ok, if I don't want the money then I don't need to do the chore.' We would rather NOT do the chore then get the money. See the problem? We also knew anything we really needed, would be provided. We also knew that my mother was just trying this tactic to get us to do the work she didn't want to or like doing. It was a new thing she tried when we were a bit older.

The only want I can see how this might work is if you make them start paying for things they want. If they HAVE to have that brand name sweater .... make them pay for it. There has to be an incentive for them to WANT the money.

I see chores as just things we do because we are part of the family. I don't get paid to make dinner... but I do it because I am part of the family and that is one of my responsibilities. Our daughter will have age appropriate things that she will have to do because she is part of the family. Being a family memeber isn't a job. It's just who we are.

Now, we also do not see any problem with paying for 'extras'. Things that her dad and I would normally do or what not. Those would be 'above and beyond' her responsibility as a family member. Then, we will pay her for those tasks. Like if your 14 year old babysits one of the younger ones. You would pay someone else to babysit... so why not pay your child. THat kind of thing.

You have to find what is REALLY important to them. That is what motivates. Also I would make any other 'fun thing' absolutely forbidden until their responsibilities are done. If the basement is supposed to be cleaned and they want to do something with their friends... then not going to happen until the basement is cleaned. Missing a few things like that and having all their friends talk about what they missed... that could get their attention.

Not sure if they are into sports or other activities .... but take them away if the chores are not done. Home participation first.

Good luck!

We have "Saturday Chores". On Saturday morning each child picks a number. The number correlates to a list that I've made and they get that job. When that job is done - they do a second one. (of course I have 7 so 14 was all I could come up with without sounding like I didn't do anything!) :) They are also told to keep their rooms clean. If they do not - that becomes an additional chore on Saturday.

They do NOTHING else until the chores are done.

As far as amount...we just looked at it and said,"The kids don't need much money, so allowance is extra for them." The teens get $8 and the younger ones get $5 a week. $1 goes into a long term savings "bank" that is emptied occasionally and put into the bank and $1 goes to Jesus. They really don't NEED money for anything so having any money to spend is plenty.

I have one that if he has money - he NEEDS to spend it. I have a couple that don't spend and right now are saving so they can buy for others at Christmas time.

Good Luck - hope this helps you out.

K.

My big pet pev is just because an article in a paper says you shouldn't do this or that, what do they know about your family, I say go for it, I have 3 kids and my 9 year old and 6 year old gets allowance, that way if she wants to buy something for herself, she worked for it, same concept of life isn't it? nothing comes for free. What I do is let me 2 older take turns taking pop cans back which we do about once a month and they get about $10-12 and they can do with it as they please and it didn't really come out of my pocket. try it out and see if it works for your household.

Call me crazy, but I cannot, for the life of me, understand why we should not tie money to work for our children. They have a job each week. When that job (their chores) are completed, they get their allowance. I agree it makes no sense to make more work for you. Each week will not be a struggle if you have a weekly job chart where they can check off when they do their chores for the week. Show them what is expected and never mention it again. If the work isn't done. They don't get paid. Period.

Raise four chidren born within five years of one another...this allowance thing is a pain!

First of all what do your children pay for? We paid for their clothing, lunches, snacks if staying after school etc. When it came to clothing , especially shoes I purused the stores and gave them a middle of the road amount. The other shoes I refered to as 'Mall shoes'. Shoes you wear at the mall to impress other kids. If they wanted those they had to save out of their allowance. Same for clothes that were just a fad and really expensive ( do my children honestly need that tag ( Abercrombie and Fitch) against their neck in every shirt in order to stand up straight and proud??)If so they can ante up.

Their allowance wasn't much and the eldest got the most and so on. It did not depend on chores either as that just made me into the police of sorts. If theri room was a mess I would tell them on a Tuesday/Wed that if they were planning on dooing anything over the weekend they should probably clean their room by Friday morning . If they didn't and I had to do it then I would be too busy and tired to go to any stores, drive them to friends etc. More so...if I am stuck at homoe cleaning you are stuck at home too with not TV or phone calls ( if they chose to sit and read a decent book ro dso their homework ( no computer either) then I appeased myself that the trade off was worth it. In time they got in the game. sure there were was the wailing and nashing of teeth with ' I had too much to do this week with sports, etc. I hate you and you are a bad mother'. Lots of those guilt things.
I did have some chores however that came with a pricetag. For instance 50 cents for loading the washer , 75 cents for putting them in the dryer and folding.Clen a bathroom and you got $3.00. One of our sons made a killing by jumping on this one. The day will come when they are ina dorm or on their own and haven't a clue how to do laundry nor clean!!
Everyone cleareed their own dishes and once a week ( often traded off woth one another) one of them made dinner ( Tacos, spaghetti etc.). I did this as I wanted them to grow up independent and not looking for some woman to wait on them or spend a forutune on fast food because they couldn't cook. Today all of them are pretty good cooks ( as time went on they would experiment with their dinner.

Allowance was for the extras that I did not think were 'must haves'. A friend of mine even stipulated that a minimum of 5% had to go to the church every month. They made it work and I wish I had done it too! Reminds tham that there is someone out there besides you who needs things too.

Cannot give a dollar amount as it always depends ont the income of the household. Think about their needs and what you can afford. I hated those parents who gave their childen way too much to thepoint that these kids would show off and brag.

Good Luck

Last note- made a big deal of annuncing who had done laundry/ bathroom etc. Not only did they make money but got the paise too

Hi J.,

A therapist gave me the following suggestion. I haven't implemented it, but plan on doing so this week. She said that every person who lives in the house should have a list of weekly responsibilities. These should be tied to a "carrot". For instance, our "carrot" is electronics. If the "responsibilities" are not done, then no electronics. She said that allowances shouldn't be tied to chores. Every member of the family should receive a SMALL amount just for being a part of the family and can do with it whatever they wish. She emphasized that it be a very small amount. Then she suggested coming up with a list of additional chores and an amount for doing each (i.e., $1 for emptying out the dishwasher, $5 for mowing the lawn). She said that parents often pay too much for these tasks, so be careful that you set a reasonable amount for each task (how much would you pay someone outside of the home to do the task).

Hope this helps!

Hello,

I really liked Jane's Post and one other I can't remember the name.

As was mentioned earlier, I think that children should be taught to work together as a family and certain things like keeping their room neat and toys picked up is there responsibilty whether they get paid or not. (This applies to my older one). This is a behavior which should be carried to adulthood. Anything extra that I would normally do but is also doable by my oldest and I want to start training him to do I will give some allowance for. Anytime that he takes the iniatiative to do a chore without me nagging I will reward him with allowance. Or if he see's something he just has to have we work out a way for him to earn extra and he pays for it. Teaches them how not to be spoiled to someone buying everything they want and to take care of the things they feel are special.

Children also have to learn you don't get paid to do nothing, they will never make it in the grownup world, so I feel some things should be rewarded with allowance. But parents provide what children need so they don't need a whole lot of extra money to be running around showing off or burning a hole in the pocket.

I agree with teaching them to save and donate. One comment I read sounded pretty selfish. I am a christian parent and I teach my kids about God and his qualities, how he created us and if it weren't for his loving kindness we would not be here. So I am in full agreement with them donating or contributing to the church or what have you. I feel this also helps them not be selfish w/ money or there services as they get older.

I like the dollar for age amount, for my son I subtract if an assignment doesn't get done. Depending on the weight of the assingment I may subtract .50 cent to a dollar. I also subtract activities if responsibilities are ignored like homework or what is important in our house.

Hope this helps.

I sure wouldn't dish out any allowance if they do nothing around the house. I know how difficult it is for kids to keep their rooms clean. Been there done that. Do they help bring the groceries in? Do they help vacuuming?

I wouldn't give out ANY $$$ whatever you call it. Loan, allowance, spending $$. Nothing. If they get upset about not being able to go to the mall and go shopping with their friends, be clear about it. "Consider how upset I get when you don't follow through/help out"

OMG . . . first of all, I just had to respond, because your "A little about me" description looked like something I would say about myself, lol . . . all kidding aside . . . I don't give an allowance, I agree, a family is a team and we all work together as a team to achieve the family's goals. I use a reward and consequence system. The reward is, we all have a clean and happy home. (if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy . . . . and if my house is a mess and I'm stressed out and noone's helping, then momma ain't happy, etc., etc., etc.) Anyway, the consequence, in my home, is that you lose privelages, and that is usually based on what their current "favorite" thing is. If my child wants to go to "x's" house to play, he cannot do that until his obligations as a "team member" are met, this will continue with each new request until those reponsibilities are taken care of. If that still does not work, or it continues to be a struggle, then they continue to lose privelages or favorite items and they have to earn them back, one at a time, by completing the chore or correcting the problem that lost the privelage or item in the first place. The main key is consistancy, if you threaten they'll lose a privelage or an item if they don't do it, then you have to follow through, but you have to do it EVERY time with EVERY child . . . no excuses, otherwise it becomes a battle of "so and so didn't have to do this" etc. But being consistant in whatever choice you make is key, no matter how you decide to handle it, they have to know, without a doubt that if "x" happens, then "x" will follow. Then make it perfectly clear that they knew what the consequence would be, therefore, they made a decision that they wanted to lose the privelage (which in a back-handed way puts the "power" and/or "control" back in their hands) lol

Don't know if what I said makes sense or helps (it's late and I'm tired) but I wish you the best of luck!!!!

We give a dollar amount equal to their age (ex. 10 years, 10 dollars). Try getting paid for doing their chores. If you have to take out the garbage that costs, for example, $2. You get the money. Shortly, I will be giving our oldest a cellphone so I was thinking of giving 1/2 his allowance in cellphone minutes....just a thought. Good Luck!!

My daughter is 12 years old and receives $10 per week for allowance. The reason for this is that I am trying desperately to teach her responsibility with finances. She needs to learn to budget her money in order to make it stretch. However, she is responsible for keeping her room clean and making her bed each morning. She must also always wash her own dishes. I normally give her little chores to do such as vaccuuming, or watching her little brother. I have explained to her that if she helps me out, I help her out. An eye for an eye. If she fails to keep her room clean, the next time she asks a favor of me I simply tell her, "When you can do favors for me, I will do favors for you." This has worked very well thus far.

Good luck,
R.

I have an 8 year old, and I have always given him an allowance. This year we are trying something different, though. We are not tying his allowance to chores. There are things he HAS to do because he's part of the family. Keeping his room clean, helping bring laundry downstairs, helping gather glasses from around the house, taking out the trash. These things he does because he lives here and everyone in the house has a job to do... especially while mom and dad are both working full-time. (Normally, I will be working part time, 2-3 days a week, but I'm covering for others taking their vacations right now.) He gets $10 a week, which I see now is kind of steep. BUT... He only has access to $5 of it. The other $5 goes into a savings account. That's the minimum and he has to actually walk into the bank and deposit the money himself. If he saves MORE than the $5, we will match it in his savings account at the end of every month. (If he saves more than $20 a month, we deposit a matching amount. So far we haven;t gotten to do this.)

However, because DS is rather demanding and wasteful, we have decided to teach him another lesson. Every happy meal that gets bought comes out of his money. Every toy, every crayon. The only things we pay for are books.

He also knows that the money in the bank is to be saved to help purchase his car when his 16. However much he has saved, we will match to assist him. He isn't happy about this plan; he thinks he should get all of his allowance, but we're trying to teach him the value of dollar and the importance of saving all at once. A crash course if you will.

I just took a love logic class and they stated that to get kids to do there chores it simple. Make statements that are enforceable. Do not say things like I told you to clean the bathroom and it better get done and I mean it. Instead say that it will be really sad if your chores are not done by.....
then when there not done by the dead line say its Friday night. Than one of the suggestion in the book is to wake the child up at 12:01 and have them do the chore or to wake them up at 6:00 am on Saturday and have them do the chore. The other suggestion in the book is to have someone else like a neighbor do there chores and have the children pay for this services which would work great if they are receiving allowances that is not for chores. Than they could use this money to pay for allowances. My favorite suggestion in the book is the energy drain. You say when they need to go somewhere or want to do something. Well I would really like to do that for you but I'm having an energy drain today. See I used all my energy doing your chores that were suppose to be done yesterday and you did not get them done so I had to do it. So I will not have enough energy to do that today sorry. When the complain about it you could make suggestion like some kids like to help there parents get there energy back. Than weight for there response (which should be like how I'm suppose to do that) And you say would you like some suggestion. You give them three. Say some children will vacuum the house for there parents. How does that work for you? Or some children will clean the kitchen and do the dishes. How does that work for you? Or my favorite is some children will clean the dog poop up in the yard? How does that work for you? well you have to have a dog for that one to work. I have also used the energy drain when my son missed behave in public and I just said to him it was really said that you acted that way You just drained all my energy and when I got home I was going to clean the house. This is really sad. Now you will have to help me get my energy back and to do that you will have to help me clean the whole house. He actually did this without to much complaining and I asked him if he learned anything from this and he said yea this was the worst punishment ever. And you do all this while you are laughing and having fun. No screaming yelling or fighting. They have a web site it is called loveandlogic.com Hope this helps.

Oh I do give my children allowance 3.00 for my 7 yr old and he is in charge of cleaning his bedroom and making his bed everyday and putting away his Landry as needed and filling water bottles.

My 10yr old get $5.00 for cleaning and making his bed and putting his Landry away when needed. and doing trash which consist Changing the kitchen trash daily and empty diaper pails twice a week and empty all other trash containers in the house the day before trash day. He also takes the Granger to the road if it is not heavy for him.