Ahhhhhhhhhh :-)

Updated on October 08, 2009
A.P. asks from Austin, TX
21 answers

Okay, so my husband and I are first time parents....classic love story meet when I needed help (bad decisions), we were very very young 17 and 18... (we are now 27 and 28) wr had our little angel almost three years ago..... We are extremely blessed! He is so amazing. All parents brag, and I'm honestly not right now, I really need help........so here is the "bragging" part...... He is craY smart! For example; he could say he's alphabet, not sing it but, say it before he was 18 months. He understood by the age of 26 months that in the movie Finding Nemo, that the mom dies!!! (we can't watch it cause for days after anytime I go anywhere, he says...mommy are you going to come back) ...tear....anyway you get the point! So here the problem, what do you do when your 21/2 year old is smarter than you! Lol! Like for instance.... We sometimes forget he's not four!!! Oh he's huge and speaks very clearly and good grammer, people are always amazed that he's not four or older! So we (I think ) hold too high of expectations for him?..?. He has learned how to manipulate us!! He's well behaved (for a toddler ;-)

any suggestions, or similar experiences to share?????? I know it sounds funny but, it makes me nervous like he is going to be a criminal when he's an adult! He doesn't hurt animals or anything like tht but, doesn't seem to have the connection of "that hurt" he just laughs .... You know if we tell him ouch that hurt mommy...???.?.? Hedoesnt seem to get it.... But he os so smart in other ways????? Thanks!!!!!!!

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So What Happened?

He does all those things as well, he is in daycare but becuade he's only two and a half he is in the younger class. He tells me mamma I do not want to go to the baby class anymore. We read everyday (literally), sing songs... But I could for sure have mote art type supplies.!!!!! He is very sensitive! And it's not like he is all "bwahahaha I hurt you hahaha"..... Sometimes he gets so overwhelmed I FEEL like he doesn't care.... Or he doesn't fully get it??????? That's where I get confused.... We are talking to the daycare about moving him up.... Hes potty trained meets all the "requirements" except age?!?... He has also started baby talk... So I think he is getting bored?? Thank you!!!!!!

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U.

answers from San Antonio on

congrats on having such a smart child. It's great that you are looking for ways to stimulate him.

On the issue of moving him up with the 3 year olds: I did this with my daughter and I REGRET it deeply. She is smart, verbal, potty trained at 14 months, etc. but she was developmentally still a 2 year old. Her hand/eye coordination has always been a year behind the others in her class. She's in second grade now and that ended up being a HUGE issue last year. Also her ability to focus for longer periods of time was behind the other kids. This made school REALLY hard for her, even though congnatively she got everything. She felt slower and consequently dumber than everyone else. I had to remind her she was younger, but then kick myself for putting her in that situation. And I taught her an excuse, "I'm younger than everyone else!" It was my job to set her up for success, not to push her to be older than she physically was.

Things are great this year, but I had to pull her out of school and homeschool her last year. It was great, but we're lucky that her body caught up this year or I'd be out of a career.

I say let a baby be a baby, albeit a smart baby!

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B.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Welcome to the wild wonderful world of gifted children. As you said, sometimes the gifted child is so smart, we forget how young he is, and expect more of him emotionally than he may be capable of. Also, gifted children often have what is called asynchronous development, meaning they may be ahead intellectually, but behind emotionally or socially in their development, with physical development on target, or off target. Here is a great website with lots of info about gifted in their articles section.

http://www.sengifted.org/

I highly recommend all parents of gifted children check out the site.

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L.K.

answers from Austin on

Hi,

My 13 year old daughter was the same way. At 2 she could actually tell you all the human bones in the body and most of the muscles. She could memorize whole books word for word and had this amazing vocabulary. When she was in kindergarden the school discussed moving her to 1st grade. However, even though she has a genius level IQ (we had her tested) socially she is right where she should be for her age. Due to that fact we decided not to move her to first grade. I am very happy that we did not. Now she is in 8th grade. She is very well adjusted, has a lot of friends and is still a very high achiever. She has always been a straight A student, she got the highest grade in spanish class for the entire district last year, she is in all the top classes, is in National Junior Honor Society and is in the Quest program. Quest is a program in our school district that you have to test into. It is for kids that are exceptionally smart in all areas. When she goes to high school she will be in the IB program, another specialized program. She is also an officer on her dance team at school. She still continues to amaze me with the things she knows. It is sometimes hard to discipline her when needed because she can argue with me and she actually makes logical arguments. Luckily she is a good kid with just the usual minor stuff here and there. She is not into boys at all and instead focuses her time on school and dance. She is very level headed.
Most likely this is how your boy will be when he gets older. Nuture his talents, get him involved in activities and he will grow up and be a well rounded young man.

Lisa

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

Hi A.-

A previous poster mentioned this and I wanted to emphasize the importance of keeping an eye on his social skills as he gets older. Most likely you have a gifted son who will continue to excel in his strengths and will develop new skills as he gets older. However if you do notice that he becomes socially awkward or has trouble maintaining eye contact or becomes almost obsessed with certain topics or routines as he gets older you might want to research Asperger's Syndrome. I'm always reluctant to post this because I know that it most likely will not apply to you and your son and I'm truly not trying to be an alarmist. It's just that having gone through this with my son I wish I had known about it and been able to recognize it earlier than I did.

Best of luck with your little man,
K.

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M.B.

answers from Houston on

I am intrigued by your problem because I have had something similar and didn't identify it nearly as early as you. We just accepted our kid's advanced understanding in some areas and pitched things at that level instead of to the level she was at developmentally, and wound up with a kid who had some problems because of that. Part of the problem you describe can be that your super-bright kid is also, at least for now, an only child, and in our case that definitely compounded the problem, because in a three-person family it is much easier to see every family member as equal -- there is less of an obvious hierarchy between parents, who are in charge, and children, who are subordinate. And when a kid is really smart, that can make it psychologically easier to treat them as just another person in the family, and kind of fun to, also. We were definitely treating our daughter more like a peer than we should have from a young age. On some levels this is surely positive. She is confident, poised, and isn't afraid to speak up. But it is also very confusing and scary for a child (I learned) in the same way that a dog is messed up if you don't act like the pack leader -- it perceives a vaccuum and enters into a endless loop of challenging and testing to clarify who is in charge. At least, that definitely happened with our girl. The term that psychologists seem to use for kids to whom this happens is that they are "adultified." A cousin I adore who is a brilliant therapist confronted me about this, sharing how confusing it was for her to have her parents, enchanted by her brains and sophistication, respond to her as a peer and then become upset and confused when she "acted her age." With my kid, what has finally helped me to make sense of the situation is to realize that maturity has lots of parts. While she is ahead of the curve mentally and also physically, with excellent strength and coordination, emotionally and socially she is actually behind the curve and needs attention and support from us to grow. That support includes a routine, which is one very simple, powerful way in which adults are in charge of kids, lots of activities involving doing things with other kids, a dog we've recently gotten that she is helping to train, reading together, and lots of praise for every single thing I can find that she does right. The other thing that helped me was the idea of not talking to her so much, period. This has various pieces -- it means listening to her more and more carefully, trying to better understand how the world looks through her eyes, and it also just means more time spent together doing things that don't need words. Words are the way in which she is most advanced, so being with her quietly is a way of nurturing the other levels. I hope this helps -- a smart child is a wonderful gift, and I've found that a little rebalancing has helped my girl's precociousness not to get in the way of her blossoming at other levels. Good luck!

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

It sounds like your son is very smart and advanced academically and can be placed into Gifted and Talented classes once he is in elementary school. Socially, it sounds like your son is "on target" for a two year old! I'm sure this is confusing for you as a parent when you see two year old behavior come out of a four year old mind. You're probably thinking...hey wait, I didn't expect that to come from a smart kid like that. He IS two and still learning and growing. Give his social side time to catch up to his academics. What a Blessing!!!!

Have a great day!!!

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L.G.

answers from Houston on

hey mama....
i know all too well, a little brief about us, my daughter and I are on our own w.o. a daddy, which is ok, but hard. To start my kiddo was a premmie, and was born with a heart anomoly. We had surgery and they fixed her ticker right up. Then at 10 months, we found out that when I was trying to get pregnate with fertility drugs, when the egg split, it split inside my kiddo and not inside me, and the docs did not know until 10 months, and it was then malegnate. The team of docs at Memorial Herman removed the cancer, and shes fine no radiation, its awsome, but the hard part is therapies after due to her extended lentghts of hospital stays she could not walk or speak yet, almost can and shes 2. with a brain that is 5yrs old according to docs, and shes barely 24 mths.They told me the first sign of such high intelligence that she can tune into anything she wants and she'll start humming and it started to scare me so ofcourse there i am at the doc again and he told me that shes so smart shes has thought out what makes her feel good to comfort herself to put herself to sleep. wow, a deep thinker at age 2.. AND YOUR RIGHT ITS SPOOKEY. Sorry to be so drawn out but, she also hurts me and laughs, she is so animated as well in public she usually draws a croud with just sweet gestures toward strangers who tell me that it was like she could see their pain, and she will actually try and grab a part of their body and try and kiss it...wild wild..but she will pull the heck outta my hair and hit me, not softly either..can't figure out why someone said they want us to be quite or stop what were doing because they can forsee something coming and they dont want us to do what ever you were about to do BEFORE you got hit by them..i find that they may be right, i started to listen to her and we were driving and she hummed a sippy cup at the back of my head, and started laughing, when I told her that it wasn't funny, she laughed harder so I was angry and pulled over, to calm my nerves..next thing I know there was a car wreck with fatalities at the intersection we were headed to. I guess we are lucky, they love us so much they gotta slap they mamas. sorry so drawn out..L

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J.M.

answers from Austin on

I have a similar situation. My daughter is 3 and she is very smart! There are many times when I wonder if I am challenging her enough, because I do not want her intelligence to go to waste. I often have to remind myself that she is only 3, and that she has plenty of time before I need to worry about how well she will perform later in life. I do make sure to provide enrichment, but I do it in a way that is fun, because I do not want her to view learning as hard work. If she wants to play, I let her; and remind myself that she is 3 and she is curious enough to learn without me forcing anything on her.
But, on to the development stuff. It is completely normal for a 2 1/2 - 3 year old to laugh at you when you are hurt. There are lots of tricks to help him understand, but all in all, I would not be worried. Your son sounds right on track for his age socially. In my studies (MA Early Childhood Education) I learned that it is MUCH harder to have an "advanced" child socially - parallel play is as much as you are going to get before the age of 2, but you can teach alphabet and sign language before the age of 2. My advice (and what I tell myself all the time) is that you should enjoy the things that your son picks up - because you will have your share of battles and you do not need to make it more difficult for yourself by adding more battles that are not there. LOL My daughter LOVES to hit her daddy with a pillow, but she knows that Mommy does not play that game, and if she hits Mommy, she will go directly to the time out chair with no warnings. That took a while to teach, because a smart 2 year old is going to test what happens when they disobey, but I knew I had to be consistent, so I stuck with it, and now it is a breeze! Good luck and let me know if I can help anymore.

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N.K.

answers from Houston on

A.,
We had (have) the same problem. Our oldest was like that as a baby.. she was saying complete sentences at the age of 12 months,walking at 9 etc. SO when she reached 2 she was so smart that we just couldn't get over it. our biggest problem was, discipline, and it really wasn't her being to "old" for her age.. it was that we would forget she was two and not four... so we had more of the problem then she had. But now she is 9 and still so common sense smart (not quite book smart) that her teachers say she can always have a great idea, and always can make sense of things. So, don't worry even though he is smarter then you think, it will get back to his age. And you also have to remember... MOST first borns are like this, because you give them all your attention and teach them everything you know.. without realizing it. If you have another... be ready, they are not as smart... LOL. God Bless.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Sounds like you are talking about my son, who is now 7!! I think your son will be just fine!! Continue to have disapline even though he is young!! He needs it! Find something that he is super good at and channel his energy that way. Try to remember he is only 2 once and to try and not treat him as being older! If he is like my son, he is psycially smart but not social or emotioanlly yet. That part takes awhile. So glad you have a smart kiddo!!!

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

My daughter is a lot like your son in that she is reading some words and writing all upper and lower case letters. She is also adding and subtracting small numbers now and she is 3. She also knew her alphabet (by sight) and all numbers (to 10) and colors by age 18 months and spoke in complete, grammaticaly correct sentences. She, however, is very sensitive and has tons of empathy, so I'm not sure how to help you with that part. I would just be sure you are finding him very constructive things to do so that he has somewhere to channel his mind! Does he like to draw or paint? My daughter LOVES art, so I let her do that as much as possible. It is sort of like an outlet for her. I'm not an advocate of flash cards or anything like that for kids this age, but does he like to do activity books? My daughter really likes the activity books that teach about math and writing (I usually get the kindergarten level books for her). We also read A LOT! I would keep an eye on him and make sure that the emotional side of his development stays on track. Does he play with other kids or tend to keep to himself? Is he in school? He may need some socialization to start teaching him some of this stuff. If you are a SAHM and he hasn't been around other kids much, I might consider putting him in a Mom's Day Out program or something similar to give him some time around other kids. These kinds of socialization skills are just as important in my mind as anything else and he won't be able to function in school without them, so maybe start there?

I know what you mean about feeling like your kid is smarter than you some days. My daughter is the queen of negotiation. She should seriously be a lawyer because she will talk all around something she wants and it is so funny to see how her mind works to eventually prove to you why she should have it! :-)

If you have concerns about him not understanding the "hurting other people" thing, I might mention it to his pediatrician at his next well visit. As he gets older (and even bigger), this could become an issue and they might have some ways to help you teach him. Have fun with him! Gifted children can sometimes be a challenge, but they are so astounding and interesting too!

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C.C.

answers from Beaumont on

He is young and smart but large for his age? so you want to treat him as his intellectual age rather than his maturational age...been there, done that...my then 25 month old debated all the E.T issues with me in 1982...your son's 2 and you're the mama. Decide on the behaviors you want from him, make a sticker/job chart, expect responsibility commensurate with his emotional maturity, hold the bar high, and remember that you are the adult! Don't let him manipulate you; he is old enough to have some chores. Smart boys who manipulate their moms can have a really hard time when they get to school and the teacher has already dealt with smart manipulative boys. So have high expectations--that will help him in the big world he's going to experience soon! good luck!

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

just like you are teaching him other things weather by exposier or by actually teaching him he needs to learn not to hit, or to be gentle. our son is a hitter and bully. he goes to time out. one min per year of age. it really works. you can punish your smarty pants and you should.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

If he hurts someone, there has to be consequences that get his attention. Period.
2 1/2 is a little young to understand empathy. I think b/c he is so advanced in other ways, you might be thinking he should have this skill.

It is very hard to NOT brag about your real smart, real talented, or super athletic kid.....I understand! But it is really important not to do that:
1) the child starts feeling superior to others or feels lots of pressure to be perfect later on b/c they hear you brag about them
2) there was a good post the other day about "know it all" kids---sometimes they came from homes where the parents were always telling people how amazing their kids are
3) Your friends are going to start to run the other way.
We have friends who's son is a fabulous baseball player---we hear all about it every time we see them. The first 5 minutes are fine....but all the bragging gets old and we don't enjoy our time with them much anymore.

As your son gets older, keep him involved in many non-academic things too. Music or sports or church activities.....one of my kids has very little patience with his peers in school, and he needs to make friends with people from other areas of his life. The son of which I speak had a high school reading level in 5th grade. By 8th grade, his reading level tested at "college graduate" level. So we've done all this. We did not have him skip grades, despite teachers recommendation to do so. He would be so much smaller than the other boys if he skipped a grade. And my husband, who skipped 2nd grade, said that is horrible in middle school!

So to make a long story short, as he gets a little older, have him try music, tumbling, t ball, all that so that he can develop social skills and relationships. In the long run, those are just as important as brains!

Best of luck!

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P.H.

answers from Houston on

It is extremely important to teach your son, very consistently, what is appropriate behavior and what isn't appropriate. Clearly he has a high level of understanding so take time to talk when he isn't hurting mommy or a friend and talk about ways to play nicely..ways to be a friend by hugging, sharing, building blocks together,etc.

Many times a child will exhibit aggressive behavior to get your attention. Make sure that he has time with you when you offer him 100% of your attention.Commit to 30 minutes a day when you just sit and play with him...letting him choose the activity: Puzzles, blocks, legos, outside play ball, playdough,etc. Explain that yu are going to set the timer every evening for your special playtime, however, if he hits or is aggressive the play will have to stop right then..Do not give in even if he promises he won't hurt...explain that the special playtime is over but your're quite certain that tomorrow will go much better.

Go to the bookstore and purchase some children's books to read with him about friends.....OUCH! there are many books about playing nicely and no hitting,etc. Read and then talk about this with him.Read these books every evening for at least two weeks.

Don't give up and resign yourself to having a son who is just going to be aggressive and manipulative. Keep working on it.

Good luck,
Pam

T.C.

answers from Austin on

Being ahead in some things and behind in others is pretty common. My nephew is 4. He can read as well as my 7-year-old, but isn't potty trained.

My son does have Aspergers. His vocabulary has always been above average, adults always think he is so smart and tell me he is a little engineer. He knows more about electronics than I do. He qualifies for both gifted and talented and special ed. When he was younger, I tried to make sure we went to lots of playdates at the park, gymboree, zoos and childrens museums, kids art and cooking classes, nature walks, read lots of books, etc. But the best advice I ever got was to stay close all the time when he was interacting with other kids, to talk him through how to behave and make sure he wasn't getting out of control and hitting.

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

Sounds like you have a typical first-born child. I doubt that you need to worry about your sweet child developing into a criminal...LOL.

While I do not doubt that your son is highly intelligent... have you noticed that just about EVERY parent thinks they have a brilliant, gifted child?? LOL. We are programed to be this way, I supposed...it just reflects your love for him. Just read the posts....every one's child is brilliant...LOL.

If he truly is, you will find out at the pre-school level and there are resources to help in this area.

Best of luck to you..relax. You sound like a great mommy:)

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C.S.

answers from Austin on

Hi. Wow...that's quite a jump to think he could have a sophisticated criminal mind when he's older. We have a 22 month old (smart too:) and he does the same stuff. He'll hit sometimes and then giggle after we say 'ouch!' and he'll antagonize the cat sometimes. For example, the cat likes to sit on his stroller when it's folded into it's compact flat form. The baby will march over there, no expression but determination- and pull up the stroller abruptly to make the cat jump off. It honestly bothered me after a few times and my husband pointed out it's simple cause and effect. Kids love to see how their actions effect others and their world around them. They're always pushing the limits at this point. That's what is probably happening to your little angel:)

You're just a protective, proactive parent with concerns. It's normal to want your child to grow up to be a productive and positive member of society. Just remember that despite his intellectual capacity emotionally he is at the toddler stage. It's so hard to remember this when you interact with a brilliant child. Best example for you? I read an interview about a prodigy who was in college years ahead of his peers. He admitted after a while his fellow students accepted him and were fair to him. But- he pointed out that most people forgot he was still immature emotionally and were harsh in judging him expecting him to 'know better' when interacting in certain social situations. In his own words, years later he admitted that was the hardest part of his experience.
As for his ability to manipulate you? Welcome to parenthood! They learn it quickly. It's a survival mechanism, nothing sinister. If they need something they learn how to get it from mom and dad:) He'll catch up to his intellect soon enough. Don't put too much pressure on the time table. All kids mature differently. Good luck and enjoy the little guy he sounds special!

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C.L.

answers from San Antonio on

I just wanted to say the laughing when he hurts someone is completely normal behavior for someone his age. What you need to remember is that his intellectual development has exceeded his emotional development. In other words, his mind is four and his heart is still two. My daughter is just like your son, and I always forget she isn't much older then she is. Fortunately for her, she's very very tiny (the size of a one year old) although she's three. So what happens to her is she is very quiet and then she'll start talking and people are completely shocked! I have to remember though when she does typical three year old things, that she is only three, not five, and though she is very smart, she deserves the same patience and understanding I would have with another child who wasn't as aware and verbal as she is. Good luck! I was so surprised reading your bio. I met my husband at 16, we've been together ever since and I'm 26 with a little one who turned 3 this week.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

Most firstborns are this way. It is not surprising. The only people he really hangs out with are adults. I'm not saying he's not smart, but this is more common than you might think. Appreciate his intelligence and his growth. But, don't overestimate him. When he does something wrong, like hurt someone, you have to punish him and show him how it hurts. He will be worse when he's three. At least that's my experience. My 4 year old was never a problem, usually obeyed, very smart (too smart for his own good), and has always been very good at manipulating us because he is so smart. It's good that you've recognized this. We never had the terrible 2s as we did with our others. But, after turning 3, and we were wiser to his ways, he began throwing the tantrums and getting better at hiding things and lying to us. It's much harder to deal with the terrible 2s at 3 and 4 than it is at 2 (he's bigger and smarter). But, it is something that we have to deal with. Once you've recognized this with your son, you will have to be extra vigilant at teaching him right from wrong. It will be easier if you are home with him and spend a lot of time watching and training him. He will need more time than other kids because he will be getting away with more due to his cleverness. The more a kid gets away with something, the more stuff and times they will try it. But, either way, it won't be easy. It will be exhausting. So, dig in your heels and try to nip some things in the bud now - while he's 2!!!

By the way, my brother was put ahead in school and regrets it to this day (he's 50). He had multiple problems for the rest of his school years and attributes it to being younger and smaller (even though he was very smart). His advice is don't hold them back and don't put them ahead. Keep with their peers chronologically.

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

Hmm....he sounds like me and my daughter. Have you ever heard of Asperger Syndrome? It's on the autism spectrum and often is observed in children who have super advanced language skills and a high IQ. It can come along with some learning disabilities like dyspraxia or dyslexia or behavioral/mood disorders like bi polar.

What you are noticing with not responding appropriately when he hurts someone is a lack of empathy, which is often typical in someone with Asperger Syndrome. If he doesn't feel it himself he has trouble understanding how you feel. It might help to do back to him what he does (lovingly, of course.) Say something like "Ouch, that hurts!" and if he does it again say (kindly) I don't think you understand how that feels. This is what it feels like." and then do it back to him.

While I realize that most people would be totally opposed to that, I have found that children who lack empathy WILL NOT respond to OUCH unless they actually know what it feels like themselves.

I'm not sure if this article will help but it's on teaching empathy http://www.helium.com/items/781208-aspergers-syndrome-wha...

While his language skills are advanced, he may have difficulty processing language like the 'average' person, which can be a challenge too.

We didn't figure out I had AS until my daughter was diagnosed and I turned out fine. :) But I do think things would have been very different for me (in a good way) if we knew that I had special challenges and how to help me.

Feel free to PM me.

S.

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