AHHHH All the Screaming!!!!

Updated on May 09, 2007
A.L. asks from Spring, TX
6 answers

Okay, I have two daughters (ages 4 1/2yr. and almost 3yr.) who are (generally) really good kids HOWEVER....lately, they start fighting and one or the other (whoever is mad) starts screaming at the top of their lungs (breaking sound barrier type screams!). I am losing my patience with all the screaming. Also...my oldest, when she gets sent to her room or in time out for behavior, she has started going in her room and (with lots of drama) starts saying outloud that she does not want to be in trouble...well, when she says "trouble" again, we go back to that sound barrier scream. Is anyone else dealing with this at this age? I know my youngest is just doing it because she is repeating what her older sister is doing. I am wondering if this behavior is something my oldest is seeing in pre-school but I am not sure. When I pick her up from school, they go on and on how wonderful she is, sweet, etc.... and I know those things but when she starts acting out like this, my husband and I are not quite sure what we should be doing. We are not really big on spanking unless it is absolutely necc. Is this a phase of somesort? OMG...help me. Thanks to all of you for any words of advice.

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C.H.

answers from Houston on

I have two daughters, 6 and 2, also but they are further apart in age than yours. I truly think that with girls...it's all about the drama. Admit it, we all have a little Drama Queen in us, (grin). My oldest daughter is 6, almost 7. She's a huge Drama Queen, to this day!! She and my son who's 10 used to scream at each other when they'd fight. You have to be patience and calm, while letting them know that screaming will NOT get them anything they want nor will it be tolerated. When my oldest daughter would scream, I'd put her in her room. I'd tell her that she can scream all she wants in there but I WOULD NOT listen to it. Then when she had finished, I'd go in and ask her to quietly tell me what the problem was. It's a HUGE pain but it will pass once they learn to control their emotions. Hang in there because although age 3 is worse than 2, it does start to get better when the child gets close to 5.

As for how she behaves in school, that is normal too. Kids who have meltdowns at home, tend to be angels at school. Be thankful. I was a preschool teacher for a while. The kids who would lose it at school, well when I'd tell their parents what happened, biting, hitting etc.., the parents were shocked and like, "Not MY child! They never act that way at home." It was like they were implying something was wrong at school. All toddlers and preschoolers have tantrums. It's normal and they can learn to control it. It just drives us crazy ubtil they do, God's little payback for how we treated our parents. LOL!

God bless!

Chris

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L.G.

answers from Houston on

Well as mother of two girls also -2 y/o and 3y/o I can tell you they all do it- screaming, fighting, and not being able to do things together. They are great girls and I get told how wonderful they are but I have a front row seat when it comes to their behavior. My advice to you is to make them play seprate when they fight and tell them "you aren't going to play with your sister until you'll start sharing and stop fighting". As for the screaming I have learned the more you focus on it the more they do it. If they talk to me while they are scream I don't listen and I don't give them my attention. My girls really don't scream that bad. For me it's them always fighting that I'm tired of. They are getting better, so I'm thankful for that.
What is wrong with us having two girls so close together.
Good Luck,
Leti

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B.A.

answers from Houston on

Lol...it's all about boundaries girl! They are just trying to see how far they can go before you put your foot down! :) I used to teach 4&5 year olds...can you imagine 20 of them doing this? It is normal...no worries. You're a GREAT MOM and I know you will find a way to get it under control. It is a phase BUT it can quickly become a part of their "routine" if it is not taken care of. You have witnessed my son's crying fits...we had to decide that spankings were necessary in that instance. We give him a choice. Either straighten up and act appropriately or get a spanking. It's his choice. Start holding them accountable for their actions. Remember, the "drama" is not acceptable social behavior and needs to be corrected. Thank goodness she is not doing it at school...that's really hard to handle!! It is not too soon to start teaching them about appropriate behavior...Kindergarten is right around the corner....you don't want her doing it there! We can talk more about it next time I see ya! :) I'm praying for you too and I KNOW you'll do what's best for those adorable girls. You could always have "Big D" tickle it out of them! LOL. :)

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J.G.

answers from College Station on

A. -

It's going to be okay. =) It's most likely just your little one knowing just how to push your buttons! And it's working! =) It probably is a stage, but if you want it to stop, you will have to find the right way to handle it. I find with my daughter (3 1/2 yrs old) - if I stay calm then all is better. SO - (easier SAID than DONE, I know) - but, try really hard not to throw fuel on the fire by yelling or screaming back at her when she acts like this. She is basically just throwing a tantrum. I think it's best during the behavior to ignore it as best as you can. I usually let my daughter have her fit for a few minutes and I act like it doesn't even bother me. Then after I let her hash it out for a few minutes I try talking to her. If she won't let me talk to her I just wait, because usually she will finally calm down and let me talk with her. At that point I just talk about whatever I think caused the tanrum, explain why she got in "trouble", etc. I try to keep things on her level yet explain the rules and my expectations. I also always let her know that I do not like the screaming and she needs to work on stopping that. Hang in there though. You're still a good mommy! These little ones just like to push our buttons sometimes. Also - prayer works wonders. I will keep you in mine.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

I know how you feel. With my 3, they seem to have sibling rivalry from hell. Seperating them and sending them to their rooms seems to help. They can scream their little heads off in their rooms, and it doesn't last long. I won't stand for it. My husband tries ignoring them and that doesn't seem to work. If it goes too far a good swap on the butt breaks the mad scream into a cry and they know they were bad for pitching a screaming fit. Spanking is my last resort, and there is nothing wrong with a spanking every once in a while when they push it too far. But be sure they know why they are being spanked.
I remember growing up with my brothers and sisters. We all got along pretty much, so I don't understand why my kids have to fight so much. Both my husband and my ex never got along with their siblings and they still don't so it scares me to think that this might never go away.

D.

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K.G.

answers from Houston on

Hi A.. I am K.. I am a 29 yr old single mother of 4. Mackenzie is 9, Austen is 6 and I have twin 5 yr olds, Brenden & Shane. I am also going thru the same issue with my 6 yr old and the twins. If you get any good advice could you let me know? I nkow all about the fighting and the "breaking sound barriers screams". Good Luck and God bless.

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