Age Gap Between Children - Chicago,IL

My oldest sister and I are 10 years apart. We are very best friends. Even in childhood we were very close, she was like another mommy, and I was her baby.

One advantage to well spaced out kids is less sibling rivalry.

Don't overthink it. Things tend to work themselves out.

Have fun TTC!

:)

I'm one of 3, and my youngest bro is 6 years younger than me. We're good friends, and my hubby, who is 3 years older than I, and my brother, go mountain biking together. He's also a really good uncle to my daughters. My aunt and uncle had trouble conceiving their 2nd so there is an age gap of almost 7 years between their 2 daughters. They were always still close, and now at 26 and 32, with both of them moms, it doesn't matter. :-)

My sister and I are five years apart. My mom said it worked out nicely for her. My kids are going to be eighteen years apart, lol. I think five years is not bad :-)

I have four. At first when number 2 came along number one was really happy, then she started to walk, talk, and steal Legos. She would do things that got him in trouble and learned real fast how to manipulate Daddy to get Big Bro into time out. .
They are 6 years apart. Now she loves him. THey are 22 and 16.
Same 16 yo gets along quite well with the Little Man. She remembers changing diapers and caring for him. THey are almost 6 years apart, he just turned 11.
My oldest is very protective if my 14 yo. THey are 8 years apart. He has always adored her.
The youngest two are three years apart, 11 and 14. Sometimes I think WW3 will break out in my house with them.

I think you will be fine. Just be sure to give the oldest plenty of attention when the baby comes home.

We were in the exact same situation--we "planned" on having our second when our first was 3 or so, but after many years and difficulties, baby brother was born when big sister was 8 years old. To tell the truth, it could not have worked out better. They love each other to death; big sister is equally comfortable playing with her brother as taking care of him; and for the most part there are no conflicts--certainly not sibling rivalry type stuff. That alone is something my mental health is very grateful for! Having a built-in babysitter (they are now 13 and 4) is fabulous as well. So please don't stress about the gap--each age has its pluses and minuses but honestly, if I had the choice, this is the way I would do it!

My girls are 6 1/2 years apart and I love it! J is a huge help and teaches her sister all kinds of things. We're trying for #3 right now, so my youngest will be at least 5 years younger than my 2nd DD and 12 years younger than my oldest! My girls are sweet (most of the time) to each other and I love that my oldest loves to help out so much. She'll make her her milk, help her clean her room, color her pictures, read to her. So cute!

Well my suggestion to you is to not panic. It will all be all right. My family has huge age gaps. First due to marriages. My husband has two grown adult kids from his first marriage, 35 year old dtr and a 31 year old son. I have a 20 year old dtr from my first marriage. Together we have an 8 year old dtr AND a 2 year old son. Was this all planned? No but you know what? It works for us (most of the time). The older kids have a different relationship with the younger ones than the younger ones have together. But that doesn't make one more special than the other, just different. My 20 year old was 12 when my 8 year old was born and she was a huge help with her sister. They have a close special relationship. My 8 year old is now my big helper with her 2 year old brother. They play together and are very close. I see them always being close. Now they may not play together like they do now but I am hoping that they will remain close. Now where it gets tricky for us is our ages. My husband will be almost 70 when our son turns 18 and I will be 56. If I'm honest, that is where our issue is but it is what it is. The age difference between kids will be fine. It may not be what you had wanted but it'll be fine. Good luck and have fun trying! :)

My DD is 14 and 18 years younger than her brother and sister. While I would love for her to have a sibling closer in age, there are still benefits to older siblings. I think sometimes older kids understand better. They can also guide and lead and protect a younger sibling. My sks are 4.5 years apart and it's been a good gap, IMO. Further, you don't have 2 in college or learning to drive at the same time. SD will graduate HS when SS graduates college. I love, love, love seeing the older two with DD. They can dote on her without being jealous of her. I wouldn't worry about 5 years or even 10. It'll work out.

My brother and I are 5 years apart and it really was not an issue. We have one child now and although we are not planning another one, if for some reason we did, I would actually want at least a 4 year age gap. The older child is more self-sufficient and can help with the baby. Being close in age or not has nothing to do with how close siblings are. My husband and his sister are 1 year apart and don't get along. I know other people who are 1-2 years apart and their brother is sister is their best friend. Many of the most wonderful things in life are not a result of your plan but God's plan.

Many times with an age gap, it prevents a lot of fighting and competition between the kids.

There is almost exactly a five year gap between my two children...to be exact, five years and two months.

When the youngest was a baby, my then five year old was the biggest help to me and just adored her baby sister.

Now that they are almost 7 and almost 2, they play together so well it's hard to believe. Granted, the 7 year old has her moments where she's fed up with her sister destroy her "set-ups" with toys, but they read together, play dolls together, play hide and seek, etc. The 7 year old also LOVES to teach her younger sister things, which is beautiful to see.

I am so glad we waited this long to have another...my first got all that time of being an "only" child and is old enough now to understand why the younger one may demand more attention without TOO many jealous feelings. Also, for us, it was the only way to do it and afford it...I couldn't have two in diapers at once (obviously my first was potty trained long before five...but still..) and it has just worked out perfectly for us.

In fact, we want to have one more...and won't start "trying" until our youngest is four to make sure that there is at least that five year gap between them. For us, it works great.

So, hopefully that can be encouraging to you!! :)

K.:

First off - STOP trying. You are putting stress on your body and it's reacting to the stress. Have sex for fun!!!

My sister and I are 7 years apart. My brother and I are 5 years apart.
My daughter is 14 years older than my first son and 16 older than my second son.

My sister is one of my best friends. I think you are freaking over something that you have no control over. EVERY child goes through the love/hate with a sibling. Seriously. It happens one minute they love each other - the next - they hate each other. You can't control it.

Stop "TRYING" to get pregnant and start having sex for fun! Stop worrying about things you have no control over.

You will love the age gap. Your daughter will be able to help you out & won't feel like she is being replaced. My first two are two years apart & then we have a 4 year age gap. Its great b/c you get to really enjoy each stage. Best of luck to you!

Our first two were a year apart and then a 6 year space with the last six being born in 9 years. The last 6 were closer and the first 2 were close. They did, however, all get along when the older boys were home but they were gone before the last one remembered much of them being there. The one born 6 years after the first two did more with them but she was the first girl with the oldest being boys and they love each other but weren't 'close'. They are/were family though so it can still work. There won't be much of that playing together, etc. but they can love each other and be siblings just as much. I wouldn't worry about the space, ages, etc. and if you have another child just love the baby and teach the older child to love the baby too. A family member just had a surprise baby and their oldest was 14 and youngest 8. The kids were not happy about it at all. Now you have to fight them to hold the baby. They all love her to pieces.

My middle child passed away when he was only 17 days old so there ended up being a 5 year age difference between my daughters. Although I wanted my kids to be closer in age I now love the spacing. When my youngest was born my oldest went to kindergarten so I could give the baby the same individual attention I gave my oldest. My oldest was also mature enough at 5 to have no sibling rivalry. My youngest even made her a Mothers Day card one year because she said my oldest was like a second mother:). I actually now would recommend the 5 year gap. I feel I really enjoy my kids and do not have so much of the craziness that so many others have with closer spacing.

My mother was very close as an adult with her sisters who were 12, 16 and 20 years older than her! She wasn't very close to them (understandably) growing up -but as adults they were very close.

I was 7 yrs apart from my 2 big brothers and my 2 little brothers. We didn't have anything in common growing up and were worlds apart. Now that we are all grown up and my parents are gone, they are my best friends in the world. There is no age differance now.

I have 2 19 yr olds, a 6 yr old, and a 5 yr old. The liitles are best friends with each other and idolize the bigs. The bigs are so proud and protective of the littles. it really has it's advantages. The bigs will come get the littles and take them to the movies, or beauty shop, or to Sonic for a drink.

My point, things aren't always on our schedule, as you are finding out. But, they are still perfectly timed! It all works out exactly the way it's supposed to. I promise.

On another note, if you've been trying 4 yrs, go to the dr and have everything checked out, just to be on the safe side.

Honestly, I never understand why parents worry about this. I hope that doesn't sound rude! But I'm just being honest. As long as you are raising them in a loving home, age gap just doesn't seem like something worth worrying about to me. I mean, it is what it is....there will be advantages and disadvantages and you can't go back in time to get pregnant, so why worry about it. I can't tell you how many people I know who have a sibling close in age, and in cases where they're the same gender and there were no more kids, the competition and rivalry is SO intense they aren't even really close. Good luck!

Breathe...

There are three girls in my family. I am three years older than the "middle child" and she is five years older than the "baby", making me EIGHT years older than my youngest sister.

Advantages:
- We were out of diapers when she was born
- We were pretty independent when she was born
- We were in school with our own friends and activities when she was born, meaning that we weren't "jealous" and seeking-out attention b/c we had our own "stuff to do"
- We LOVED helping my parents with her... still do!
- We remember all of her milestones and celebrate everything that she does because she's "ours".

Disadvantages:
- Having a baby with older children did mean that my parents had to stretch themselves to do "big kid" things while making sure that the baby wasn't a "tag-along"
- We were (and still are) her "other moms" in many ways, which often frustrates my youngest sister. The flip side of that is that she comes to us with everything b/c we're "older and wiser", but less likely to lecture her when she makes a bad decision.

The age gap evened out a lot when we were all out of high school. Now that we are all adults, we're friends and sisters which is really wonderful. I actually talk to my "baby sister" more frequently than my "middle sister".

She also has the priviledge of being the "cool aunt" too b/c she's so much younger than we are!

Added: I'm talking to my husband while responding to this posting and he thinks I should add that we are very protective of "our baby" and that in our eyes she can do no wrong... even when she does! That seems to have also spread to our spouses b/c her "big brothers" feel the same way!

My sister and I are 6 years apart and we were hardly ever apart. I loved taking her places with me. I'm not too sure if that was because I liked being the older one. My children are 10 years apart. They are great together. My son loves to play with my daughter. They wrestle, ride bikes, etc. He loves having her with him and I think it is because he was alone for so long. And she is pretty funny. And my daughter loves to come home and tell her brother what she learned or it someone bothered her. But don't get me wrong, they did have their differences. But overall I love the age gap for both my sister and my children.

I am 5 and 6 years younger than my siblings. We were close in grade school, but when they turned 10 years old they wanted nothing to do with me especially in their teen years. When I turned 18, then my siblings and I were close again.

I have a brother who is 3 year older than I am, and he is one of my best friends, but I can remember when my little brother was born. I was six, and allowed to help take care of him as much as I wanted. He turned into my baby, and we still talk regularly. I also have a sister who is 9 years younger, and the baby brother is 11 years younger. That's 14 years between the oldest and the youngest, and we are all really close.

As for currently, I have a 16 year old, a 14 year old, a 10 year old, a 5 year old, and one on the way. I honestly think it depends on the children, not the ages. the 16 year old is convinced his dad should have stopped having kids after him, because he would have made an excellent only child! (What more does any parent need? lol) However, the younger 3 love spending time together, and they are all super excited about the new baby. Their personalities are all very different, and they definately interact differently with each other because of that, but I don't know how much of it really has to do with their ages.

Hi K.,
My daughter was 4 when my son was born. She is now 5 and my baby is 14 months old. I was kinda in the same boat as you - with my girl it was very easy getting pregnant - first try. It took us over a year to get pregnant with my son - and to be honest with you I didnt even think about the age gap - I wanted so desperately to have another baby that I didnt care WHEN it happened as long as it happened. Having 2 is hard for sure but I am actually glad it happened when it did cause my daughter is so helpful with the baby (bringing me diapers, feeding him, playing with him etc) and she is so independant that I dont feel bad tending to the baby so much cause she is fine on her own. She loves her baby brother so much and its a joy to see them interact with each other. She's not only his big sister but acts like his mommy too!!! So don't worry about it and good luck on baby number 2!!

I only have a minute, so this will be short. My boys are 6.5 years apart, and they are inseparable. They are soooo close. There is absolutely no jealousy between them. Right now they are 7 and 14, and we have loved all of the ages and stages they have gone through. I really think more depends on personality than age.

I can't relate, but in my experience from others around me I've noticed when your first is that older can be much more into the baby and helping with the baby so embrace that. And don't worry so much no matter how far apart your children are they will always be siblings and have that bond. Good luck and best wishes!

My daughters are 7 years apart and while the youngest is not quiet 2 yet, there are advantages to this. There was really not a lot of jealousy at all with the baby, and the 2nd one is growing up so much faster than the first because she watches her big sister like a hawk. The older one was a HUGE help to us when she was a baby and it is easier when you don't have to worry about to really young kids at once.

They still fight and get into it, especially now that the younger is starting her terrible 2's a little early, but they really do love each other. The only issue we have is that the older one is in a lot of sports and activities and it is hard to work around the babies nap time when you have to be at a game or sports so one of us usually misses something.

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I am 25 week pregnant with my 2nd, due in May. My daughter will be 5 in July. We never planned for them to be this far apart. However, like you, I was surprised when it took us 2 1/2 years to have a successful pregnancy (1 ectopic after 2 yrs. trying). our first was no problem.

Anyway, i don't have experience yet, with this age gap, but I am very excited about it, and have been reminded that God knows what he is doing! I am excited that while my oldest is in Kindergarten every morning, I can do things with the baby and have one on one time. Often I see moms with little ones so close together and they all get dragged around to each others things. the baby just kind of tags along. Also, I now realize this is the best thing for my husband and my personalities. We both love order, structure, and are strict about house rules, cleanliness, etc. I think having little ones close together would have been very hard. I don't want to be the mom that becomes so lax with everything by the 2nd/3rd kid because it's just too much. We would like to parent our 2nd the same way we did our first and have the same expectations and boundaries.

I also babysit 1x per week for a 20 month old whose sister is the same gap that mine will be. Her mom loves it. She said it's great having big sister be so independent and helpful. I am already cautioning myself to not expect my older girl to be "too" helpful! It will be tempting to have her be a runner for me!

Since getting pregnant, I have had lots of people, old and young, tell me that they had a 4 or more year gap between siblings and that they were and are close!

ps. here are a few tips i have for getting pregnant. of course, I am not a dr.! i am convinced that i needed to be at the lower weight i was when i first got pregnant and that the 10 lbs. i was carrying helped in preventing me from getting pregnant again somehow. so, try to get yourself to the weight you were when you first got pregnant...if you've held on to some baby weight, try to get rid of it. during your fertile time, take mucinex or robitussen or something with guafenisen in it. it helps thin all the mucus in your body :) and i've also heard that vitamin B6 and B12 help.

I am nearly 6 and 8 years older than my sisters. Growing up, I helped my mom a lot and my sisters looked up to me so we played a lot together. Sure, once I got older, I didn't want them tagging around as much and we fought, but once I was in high school, they often came to me for advice. It was h*** o* them when I went away to college but once they were teens and young adults, we became very close. We are incredibly tight now so the age difference is barely noticeable (except that I'm the only one with kids so far). Don't over think it - your kids will love each other (and fight, LOL!) no matter the age gap. Don't worry and good luck!

I have a brother who is seven years younger than me and a sister that is six years younger. I am extremely close to both of them and always have been. The gap didn't affect our relationship, just made it different than the relationship I had with my sister who was three years younger. It's always been a non issue, really. Well, except now I get teased for being so "old". ;)

I'm having my second baby, a girl this thursday and there's a good 5 1/2 year difference between her and my son. Like others said i think it will make it easier because my son understands more then a baby would, and he's very interested in helping.
Added: I have a brother who's 11 years older then me and one who's 13months older and we are very close.

I can't say for myself, mine are 2 years apart but my niece and nephew are 6 years apart and they have always had a great relationship. When my nephew was born my niece was so helpful and she has always looked out for him. Now they are a little older (14 years and 8 years) and they still have a lot of fun together, just the normal bugging each other at times. Good luck!

I'm a only, but my mother has two sisters. She has ALWAYS been closer to her younger sister (5 year gap) than her older sister (18 month gap). There was always competition between the older two (for friends in the neighborhood, school achievements, sports, driving etc.) but the youngest one shared a nice bond with each of her older sisters (5 and 7 years older). Now, as adults the age gap doesn't matter anyway... what's the difference between 48 and 53, really?

My son is 6 and if I have another it would likely be when he's 8 or 9. Honestly, given his personality, I think the larger gap will make things BETTER between him and a future sibling.

Try not to stress about what you can't control. Have fun practicing, and when the time is right, it'll happen. :)

T.

My brothers birthday is 2 days before mine. He turned 15 then I was born, my sister was 11 1/2 when I was born. It was totally awesome for me, or so I hear...lol. They thought the sun shined on me and my mom hardly ever saw me.

My sisters and I are all 4-6 years apart, and there is 20 years between the oldest and youngest (what can I say, my parents really spread it out).

So our ages are 43, 39, 33, 27, 22, and 22. I will say even the 22 year old twins feel a strong closeness and bond with our oldest sister, and she was out of the house in college when they were born. The two oldests were married and starting her own family by the time the twins were 8 or so. Age gap doesn't matter. There is nothing like the bond of siblings, sharing the same parents and intimacies of family. Even if they don't "grow up together".

I actually really appreciated the space around me and my sisters... I got each stage of life to myself (Jr. high, high school, college). Only now do we feel like we are in similar life stages as moms with kids (all but the 23 year old twins, not married yet, enjoying their twenties;)

Hi K.,

My kids are 11 1/2 years apart.I wanted to have a baby when she was 6 or 7, but Mother Nature had other plans. Mydaughter is almost 16 and my son turned 4 in Nov. My daughter always asked for a baby brother or sister. So, when we told her she is getting her wish, she was soo excited. I thought her brother would ware off after x of many years, but.. they are very close. Sure, they fight, becasue they both think they are the boss until I step in. When she is doing her homework, he's in her room "reading" and doing his "homework". When my daughter and I go pick him up from daycare, she has to be the one who's in his classroom first and help him get his coat on and walk him to the car. I didn't think they would be so close, but it's great!! She was there when he was born, she changed his diapers, fed him, bathed him, and everything else. Still to this day, she helps him in the bath tub, helps him with getting his food ready.

Hang in there! I hope everything works out for you.

I have 2 boys, and they are 6 years apart (6 and soon to be 12). They get along pretty well; they argue sometimes, though but most of the times they play together (legos, cars,etc), the older one reads to the little one,and help him when he needs it. My sister is 8 years apart from me, and we are the best friends...well those are my successful stories, don't worry..take it easy!

My kids are 5.5 years apart. It took us a long time to get pregnant and we had a miscarriage. I would have liked them to go 3-4 years apart, but oh well. I have to tell you there are pluses and minuses to this (the same as there are pluses and minuses to having them close together). Pluses are my son (7 yrs old now) was 5 when his sister was born and that meant he was so much more mature and really handled having a new baby well. He was super excited and did not have huge jealousy issues. He was very helpful and he loved playing with her. As his sister got older he was psyched to show her off to his friends. I volunteered in his classroom all of 1st grade and she always came too. She was 1 then and all the kids in the classroom fawned all over her. This made brother very proud. One amazing thing about having kids spaced this far apart is that the younger one has gotten great one on one time with me. When her brother is in school I take her to do all the toddler things around town each morning (like library story time or music and movement). Then when her brother is home from school I focus on both of them...I really have to focus on him more bc it is time for homework and then he sometimes has big kid activities in the evening (soccer practice or cub scouts or piano lessons). The little one gets dragged aroudn to all her brother's activities, but she LOVES it. Now she is 2 and they do fight more now. She just wants to do everything her brother does and totally adores him. So, when one is not looking she will get into his stuff. We have learned to put puzzles up high and to put things he does not want her to get into up high. This has caused some frustration for him. But still, he loves to help and play with her and he just cracks her up. She copies everything he does. And when he is mad at her, she is tough and can dish it out right back to him. I don't know if they will get along well as they grow up or not - it is too soon to tell. I do know that my husband has 2 siblings. He and his brother are 6 years apart and they are super close. They are always calling each other and they are like best buddies now that they are adults. His brother always adored him and followed him around as kids too. I think you are worrying too much about things. Even if your kids are 10 years apart there will be pluses and minuses...and it will all work out. Our little one brings us all such immense joy - she is an amazing gift to our family. I hope it works out for you.