After Prom Party

Updated on May 29, 2009
V.D. asks from Carlisle, PA
13 answers

My niece attended an After Prom party in which she claims there was alcohol. My niece sent me a text message around 1:00 am asking me to call her and say I had an emergency so I could come get her from the After Prom party. I did. I didn't go in the house, b/c she was waiting for me outside. (I wish I would have) I didn’t ask her a lot of questions until the next day. She said that the boys began drinking and so did her girlfriends. She felt that this was wrong and it made her uncomfortable, so she wanted to leave. She didn't know how they got the alcohol. The day after the prom she also noticed some of her medication was missing from her purse. She thinks it was stolen by someone at the party,b/c she said she definitly had it when she arrived at her date's house. But we have no way of proving who might have it. What angers me is that the party was at her date’s home. I called his parents earlier that week to make sure that they would be present. They reassured me they would keep an eye on the kids and make their presence known. I wanted to make this a safe environment for my niece. His parents knew this. I feel very betrayed by her date and his parents. According to my niece his parents were home, but were sleeping. Now my niece feels disappointed in her friends as well. Any advice on how to make her feel better? I am so proud that she called me and left the party. I am also so happy she felt comfortable enough to tell me. I told her all of that. She is a very mature young woman, with a good head on her shoulders. Also any advice on the parents of her date? Should I call them and complain? (If it was one of my kids I would definitly want to know. ) I am so angry at them. I told her she can never go back there again. I felt that I could trust her date and his parents to be responsible.
(Some people have been wondering if I have custody. It is temporary, b/c both her parents are in the military and are in Iraq. I have not been able to get in contact with them as of today, but they will be made aware of the situation ASAP.)

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I talked to my brother and sister-n-law, who are both in Iraq. I didn't want to over-step my bounds. My brother was so angry at his daughter's date. He said that when he and his wife get home they will decide if she can see him again, in the mean-time he asked me to ask the parents if they knew about the alcohol, and to not allow his daughter to see him again until he and his wife can come home. So I talked to the boy's parents. I was dropping my neice off one morning for a school trip she was taking and they were both at the school. After the kids left, I asked to talk to them. At first his parents said that they were awake, and when I said that ny neice's friend also said that they were sleeping, the father said, that "they had dozed off for a little while." They said that as far as they knew there was no alcohol. I told them to please not allow their son to call my neice while she is in my care. When her parents return from Iraq, then they can decide what course of action to take. At least that was her parents wishes. I noticed that his wife said nothing the entire time and never even looked at me after I asked about the alcohol. My brother came home a month later, and did talk to the boy's parents....who happen to live a few blocks from him. The boy's father apoligized to him for sleeping. He thinks they were afraid that charges were going to be pressed b/c when he brought up the alcohol issue, he had to go and hung up on my brother. My neice decided that she didn't want to see him again, but has not had any problems with her friends from school, over this issue.

Featured Answers



answers from Scranton on

Well what I think is even more imperative is whether or not her date's parents supplied the alcohol or not. It seems to be a growing trend among parents to think it's ok for them to supply alcohol at their teens party with the excuse that "they will only drink anyway and atleast we know where they are!" This is such a lame excuse! There is a reason for why we have an age limit for drinking in this country. Talk to the parents and see what they say. Then if the answer is yes encorage her to find new friends

More Answers


answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi Val. Four stars to your niece that she followed her common sense and got out of the party before "something" happened. This is a prime example of why structured "after prom" parties are a good idea. In my hometown the PTA/PTO puts together after prom activities for all the kids. They usually get "locked in" a local bowling ally or social hall to enjoy food, games, and more dancing...all supervised by dedicated parents and teachers in a drug/booze free enviroment. There are prizes donated from local businesses, and the kids have a great time all night off the streets and safe. Our tradition of going to one of the local theme parks the next day (after a couple of hours of sleep) is also still going strong. (We don't have school picnics like most schools in this area do.) One other thing I have noticed is that most prom's in this area end really early...10pm. What are kids supposed to do? To spend all that money, energy and time for an event like prom only to have it end in just a couple of hours? Hmmmm I think this just sets up situations like the one your niece encountered. It's too bad that both of you were let down by her friends and their parents, but you can't change it now, all you can do is go forward. I would call the parents in question and express (calmly) your disapointment/concern if for nothing else than their own information. Best wishes.



answers from Philadelphia on

Val D,

I agree...keep on praising your niece for having such a good head on her shoulders and for calling you. Keep supporting her as she works out the social issues at school. I have mixed feelings about calling the parents...while it would be the right thing to do, in so many ways, it also may create much worse issues for your niece.

Good luck!



answers from Philadelphia on

You sure have a smart cookie in your niece. I can only hope to have the same relationship with my daughter when she is older!

I would not contact the parents. In the long run, I think it might cause problems for your niece. I realize that that might sound cowardly, but the reality is that teenagers can be very, very cruel.

Bottom line is that you want to raise your daughter to be responsible for herself. Sounds like she is.

Good luck!

T. :)


answers from Williamsport on

I would definitely call or visit (probably visit in order to show confidence and calm control- if they think they can hide out "sleeping" and allow kids to endanger their lives by drinking in their home-confront them) the date's parents and let them know you were very disappointed in their lack of supervision and enabling underage drinking in their home. If you had known this was happening you a) would not have had your niece there and b) would have called the police.

As for your niece feeling disappointed in her friends, encourage her not to take it personally. She is not responsible for other people's actions and she's old enough now to know that many people will be drinking from now on-legal or not. This has been the case in high school for decades-some kids do it, some kids don't. She can't expect her friends to live up to her standards. She needs to do what she knows is right and not feel bad about herself and not stress out about other people. She always has the choice not to hang out with them anymore. After prom, there's not much school left. Thank god! She'll have to choose friends based on common interests and values going forward, why not start now! I remember sometimes feeling awkward that I wasn't partying like the "cool" kids in my school, but I never felt mad at them or awkward around them. I even hung out with them. She just needs to feel OK about herself. Congrats on her being such a good kid!

As for the meds, water under the bridge. No way to find out who took them. Kids are total pill poppers and cleptomaniacs, especially at parties where it's OK with the parents to drink underage. She shouldn't be carrying them around to those environments in the future! Which she won't be, I'm sure.



answers from Philadelphia on

Val D I assume that you have custody of your niece, Not that it matters. You should feel very lucky that your niece feels comfortable enough to confide in you about things like this. Most kids that age do not confide in anyone. If I were you just so you do not lose that connection with your niece, sit down and talk to her again about both of your feelings and what actions you both feel should take place. Maybe you can come to an agreement on which actions to take that will satify both of you. I forgot to say I know you are very proud of her as you should be. Good Luck and keep that line of communication open with her.


answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it was unecessary for you to "ban" her from the sounds like she wouldn't opt to go back there, and she already handled herself well and made great choices.
Now you know you can trust her in those situations.

If you want to deal with this properly, make a police report about the medication. Then it won't be your neice resposible for "ratting" about the drinking, etc...she can claim she was forced by you or her parents because of the meds. Also, one of those kids taking her meds could have potentially damaging, if not fatal results. The police will sort the rest out. Doesn't matter if it was pain meds or allergy meds. Still dangerous. I'd call the police. The parents of the host will have to answer to them.
Good luck!



answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Val, First of all, it is a great compliment to you that she trusted you enough to call you. Secondly, your niece is a fabulous young lady. I am a teacher and most kids would not have the confidence to get help in this situation; they just would have stayed at the party. I would not call other parents unless your niece feels that is the right thing to do. It would betray her confidence, and then next time she might not call you. You are lucky to have such a great relationship with such a great kid! :)



answers from Pittsburgh on

Sounds to me like everything is already "worked out" b/c she's not allowed to go there again, she 's disillusioned with him anyway, and the parents cared SO much about the behavior that they fell asleep. I don't know that your comments would make any difference to them anyway and may brand your neice as a "troublemaker" with her peers. I'd continue to discuss with her how she made exactly the right choices, took the right actions, and made you proud. Good luck!



answers from Erie on

ok, Just a question, I was never a partier so I have no idea. People seem to be coming down very hard on the parents for going to sleep, but i'm wondering, did you expect them to be part of the party all night long? I'm assuming this gathering wasn't something that was planned to be over with at 2 am or something. Perhaps something more along the lines of kids hanging out until some time early morning.
So short of frisking all the kids,or refusing to allow trouble makers to even be invited, what were they supposed to do? Again i'm making a big assumption that these are nice kids, who may have made some seriously wrong choices this night, but hadn't really been trouble in the past. Your niece knew these kids well enough to expect them to behave right? And it isn't one of those situations where the host parents were passing out shots???
I hope this doesn't sound ingorant, i'm just wondering what it is safe to let my kids do when they are this age. And what would be expected of me if i tried to host something like this for my kids friends.
If my assumptions are right and the dates parents, were trying to be responsible, they just wrongly and naively trusted the kids, then I Do think they should be told. If this isn't something they would normally allow then i'm sure they would want to deal with it. If this IS something they knew would happen or that they had a hand in, then, just keep your niece as far away from this people as possible.
She sounds like a good kid.



answers from Pittsburgh on

It sounds like you are your niece's legal guardian? If not, why aren't her parents involved in this issue? I think they should be the ones to handle it. If they aren't around, then it's up to you.

Your niece is definitely mature and handled this well.

If it were me, I would talk to the parents about the missing medication. That is serious. So is allowing underage drinking in their home. Were the parents even there? How could they sleep through kids drinking? In my opinion, I think you should talk to them about the drinking and tell them why your niece won't be hanging out over there or with their son anymore. Maybe they weren't there, and they don't know what was going on.

I would never go to sleep or leave the home while there was a party going on with both boys and girls in my house. That's unthinkable in this day and age.


answers from Allentown on

Hi Val,

First of all, Congratualtions to your niece for having the courage to take care of hersel.

Secondly, She would benefit from attending an Alateen meeting in your local area.

Thirdly, You also need to be congratulated for being a responsible adult.

Fourthly, There is a new thought about getting groups together to make decisions that help hold people accountable for their actions.

I would suggest that you contact ###-###-####

and tell them you would like to have a meeting with some folks who where involved in this incident.

See what they say. In this way, you will be demonstrating responsible concern and hold everyone accountable for their actions.

For your future reference, check the web at

Good luck and God Bless. D.



answers from Allentown on

miss Niece,
I want to say ,' good for you' .texting auntie was your way out . think of the girls [ and boys] who DID NOT GET OUT ..... perhaps as of prom night ; their lives are a MESS f-o-r-ev-e-r- and ever. [ and no one to tell]
niece, It was NOT YOUR FAULT . I now you feel betrayed ,lied too, lead into 'temptation' ,you did the CORRECT THING . YOU WERE SMART .
teens will always drink , smoke, drug'n, and sex before they get to age 21... It just happens .
PARENTS [ on the average] DO NOT BELIEVE THIS INFO .[ and kids understand this ... they will con parents everytime]
until they do .......WE WILL HAVE UNSUPERVISED PARtIES , DUI at age 17,just wrong stuff ...[ niece, it can get bad ... funerals, hospitals, pregnant teens, lost youth]
Your feelings are HURT . you will HEAL [ just like a boo boo] you will move on and find friends with values and dreams like you . you will make forever friends , find true love [ later] ,graduate college ... you will ... I promise .
Niece, your boyfriend tought you WHAT YOU 'DO NOT 'WANT IN A MAN [ for future referances] you will be starting a pro/ con list before you marry ... [ chuckle]
you have to date the ' duds' before you get to the prince charming .....niece , it is part of life ... you were smart ! [ this is called date'n, it is also why we date]
move on . learn . stay away from immediate danger .
get involved in a anti drug group at school. It will help you understand .
I wish you were a part of my childrens lives when they were teens . Every teen NEEDS an adult
confidant [ not mommy] thank you for help'n niece. = Do NOT CALL anyone .. let it be... THEY[the bad parents/ friends] WILL NOT CHANGE or CARE ...THIS WAS THE P_R_O_M-.....THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN FULL AWAKE MODE W/ food, dvd, music, etc ... they 'CHOOSE' not to be ... they will learn the hard way .. they are responsiable for all those minors me ; it will happen ALL SUMMER !
stay away .
My children grew up .[ thank God]with drugs, smoke'n., sex, crazy friends with matching crazy parents , were EVERYWHERE !!!It was horriable, we all cried alot , parents hated me, my kids were crushed , hence, they learned and are both a great success .
witness'n bad stuff , builds character in strong kids .... hence, in the weak , it will consume them .......
keep the children safe .
good job niece and auntie.
a mommy

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches