Advise for a New Onset of Depression

Updated on June 16, 2009
H.S. asks from Kings Mills, OH
22 answers

I recently changed my schedule at work to be home more with my children. I am working just 2 evenings a week. I love that my full time job is as a mother, however, I feel like I am losing myself. I cry easily, and feel sorry for myself. I feel like I yell and my kids easily, I cancel plans with friends, and avoid phone calls because I'm feeling bad. I need to stop the endless cycle of eating unhealthy. This past January I took part in a "Biggest Loser" contest at work. I got 3rd place and lost 19 pounds by April 1st. I have gained back 10 pounds. And I am sooo mad at myself! I have 40 pounds of extra weight, and I have zero motivation to exercise. Where can I find the strength to turn this around. I don't want to be a downer! I don't know if anti-depressants are my answer. I'm not a med taker, never have been, but there is a time for everything. If I thought it would truly change me and get my out of the funk, I'd try. I think I may be ready for a life change. I want to be a good mother and wife. And I can honestly say that my family is suffering. And thats not ok.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.O.

answers from Cleveland on

H., I'm a Transitions Lifestyle Coach and would love to help you....will be conducting a new class that teaches weight loss in Sept. in Westlake....contact me for more information at [email protected]____.com O.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.F.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi H.-a few years back, I began to feel like I could cry at the drop of a pin, had no energy nor motivation. So my doc recommended that I go on Effexor for a little while-I was on it for about a year. It helped immensely! There's no reason you'd to be on something forever!! Good luck!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Cleveland on

I realize that I am little late getting to this response, however, My immediate suggestion is to see your doctor. There are often medical issues going on that may have no syptoms. My daughter had a thyroid condition that went iundiagnosed for several years. She thought that it was depression and tried to fight it without meds. In the year 2009 no one should have to be miserable. Please see your doctor, have a physical and then move on from there. Good luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Lafayette on

I, too, just recently quit my job - I've worked full time since I've been 14 years old. I have a master's degree and two children. Work has been my focal point for many years.

I've been off work now for almost a month. The first two weeks were very weird. I was stressed out, I was grouchy, and my family paid for it. =( I was so "out of whack" that my period was a week late (which does not happen, normally)! My hormones were all over the place - crying often, just like you said. I've tried anti-anxiety medications before & they really didn't work. So, I prayed & got involved in church. (Vacation Bible School is this week, so that was perfect timing.) I also sell Mary Kay, so I focused on my business - getting my team and customers taken care of. We're also having a family reunion at our house this weekend, so that's keeping me busy, too.

I feel like staying busy has helped. It gives me a sense of worth. I love being a mom, but I just don't think that's all I can do. But I can still be a great mom & help other people out - providing a good example for my children, as well. I believe if you can get involved in something "worthwhile" to you, you'll be able to snap out of this funk.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Write back if you'd like to talk more! God bless you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.K.

answers from Columbus on

I would not hesitate to contact your doctor or counselor. The best advice my counselor gave me when starting meds was that I had not done anything to put myself here, my body was just out of balance. Don't put off calling someone. I wish you the best of luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hey there, I too have been there. It is no fun! When I was at my worst and thought I was losing it, I finally went to the clinic, as we didn't have insurance then, I spoke with this wonderful female Dr. I actually cried. She hugged me. how often do Dr.'s do that? She had been there too. She suggested I try prozac. I was like you, didn't really want to take pills, but I had to do something. It has made a world of difference in my life. It was seriously like someone cut a window in my brain, the light shined in! No, it doesn't solve the problems, but it does allow me to focus, I am better able to see what needs tackled first. Being depressed is like living in a haze. Its not real life. Like other moms have said, you have to act on this. You need to care for yourself, then you can care for your family better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.S.

answers from Canton on

H.. I must say the comment of losing yourself (which I just said to my husband last night!) and there after sounded alot like me. I'm 32, have 3 beautiful kids, (6, 3, and 6 months) only work 2 days a week, find myself depressed and I pretty much planned everything so well in my life I don't even know why I even get sad. but as mothers I don't think we like to admit out loud that we MISS the life we had before kids. It is a very selfless job, but worth every wrinkle. I started taking well butterin three months ago and honestly I don't think it has helped. I still find myself yelling at the kids when they've done something for the 50th time that they know they shouldn't and then there comes the mother GUILT for yelling. I think we just need to sit back and tell ourselves we're not perfect and we're doing the best we can. I'm planning on going off anti depressants. There is a season for everything and this too will pass. Find something you really enjoy and try and take time out just for you. Even if it is being by yourself for some down time. Just know you're not the only mom out there that feels this way.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Dear H.,
I've been there. It is very hard to see past your situation and the negative feelings are so powerful. I hated myself and my life when I felt that way.

The diet and exercise struggle is one shared by everyone on this planet. When we diet to only loose weight, it always comes back and brings more pounds with it. You are not alone there either.

Please know there is no pill that will address the reason you are feeling this way. The only way out of this frustrating situation is to turn to God. It is only in His power that you will overcome this. He loves you and created you and brought you to this breaking point to bring you to Him. You have nothing to loose, I ask that you open your heart, get on your knees and cry out to Him. Pour all of your fears and feelings out and lay them down. He will hear you and lighten your load.

I am praying for you as I write this and know God will respond. I also suggest you find ways to be grateful, for your children, your husband, your health, your home, the flowers, being able to walk, see, hear, smell, anything. And walk, it is excellent exercise and a great opportunity to praise God for all that you see along the way.

I know God will provide the peace you are searching for.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

If those kids are truly the most important thing......then do it for THEM. Ultimately, you must do it for yourself, but it doesn't hurt to have other motivation.

Every time you CHOOSE to eat poorly, ask yourself what kind of example you're setting for them. What kinds of habits do you want to teach them? Each time you CHOOSE to make a good choice, it gives you confidence AND you'll feel better because you didn't put junk into your body.

DO NOT SABOTAGE yourself by allowing junk/sweets, etc in the house. DO NOT MAKE THE EXCUSE that "the kids eat them." They don't need them either. This is a PERFECT time to use berries, watermelon, yogurt, smoothies for snacks, etc. Have THEM - the oldest is old enough - to start helping you make choices. Help make choices in the grocery store. Talk about & have them help look at labels - which has less sugar, etc. THEY LOVE HELPING and it gives them a sense of empowerment....and they are being empowered! When they're with you in the store, look and talk about shapes, colors, etc. They are ALL there!

Being engaged in those simple, yet learning activites, will give you a sense of accomplishment w/ the kids, take your mind off where you want to be, but aren't, and collectively help your FAMILY make good choices in the process.

MAKE TIME FOR "GROUP EXERCISE" w/ the kids. Get down on the floor and bicycle (legs in the air) w/ them. Take pretend bike rides and talk about what you see. I used to do this ALL THE TIME when my nieces & nephews were little. They are in their late 20's and we STILL talk about it from time to time. They were about the exact same ages when we started, maybe even a bit younger. It gives them some exercise and coordination AND uses creativity. I can STILL remember one of them coming up w/ a big dog coming after us and we were peddling as fast as we could to get away from the dog. We would "stop & get ice cream", talk about the different flavors, etc. ride to Grandma's, etc. It was FUN and later I realized how much they were ahead of the rest of the kids w/ coordination and basic motor skills.

MAKE READING TIME w/ the kids. They love that, great for parents, too. I LOVE children's books.

If you're not drinking water, you MUST....at LEAST 50% of your body weight in ounces DAILY. Make it a priority.

Figure out what your "triggers" are.....emotional eating, late eating, skipping meals, etc. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

And lastly, but maybe the most important.....PRAY. When you come to the end of yourself, God is there. He is available to all who ask for help.

Focus on what you CAN do, not what you've done.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.W.

answers from Cleveland on

You are being too hard on yourself. FOr how many years did you have that schedule? It takes time. It took me years and I am now past the 10 year marker. It is an adjustment. Just make sure you pencil in some you time. In regards to eating you have an opportunity to teach your kids how to eat live healthy. Make this a family plan not just your plan. Walk as a family every night. Put the kids the jogger/stroller and go for walks/jogs during the day. Eat only simple foods; vegies and fruits. Add meats and pasta when necessary but do not let it be your main dish. Add in other healthy foods if you can; nuts,legumes, beans. Drink plenty of water and avoid processed foods. As they get older learn to cook with them. There are some wonderful children's cookbooks out there. In doing all this with you kids also make time for you and your husband once a week and find a quiet place for yourself to allow yourself to either wind down for the day or prepare for the day in the AM. The more exercise you get and the right foods you eat will result in more energy and if this doesn't work after trying see your dr to make sure it is not your thyroid. Good luck and hang in there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.K.

answers from Dayton on

Hey H.,
There are already so many great responses from women who are or have been in the same situation. And I just wanted to let you know that it's normal. I don't know one person who would not lose it when it comes to an adjustment like that. You're used to being out of the house all day, getting tons of adult conversation and getting to be someone other than "mommy" for a while.
It was really tough on me when I had my first feeling like I was cooped up all the time(I had my first son in the winter), plus the sleep deprivation, getting used to the situation and post-partum emotions and hormones. I went on like this literally until after I had my second son and then I finally went to the doctor and got put on Zoloft. Honestly it was the best solution. I am not a huge medicine person either, but it really helped out because it helps with both depression and anxiety. And we all know with kids, there will always be anxiety and stress.
I would urge you to please talk to someone. Even if you decide not to go the med route, talking to a licensed practitioner will help you get through your feelings and then at that point they can prescribe you something if you need it.
I hope things get better for you and I'm glad you recognize this now, rather than later.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.G.

answers from Columbus on

H. ,
it is good that you realize you are depressed now go see your doctor and talk with them about the problem was this way for awhile and was put on a anti depressant, it did not work over night it took many weeks but it did help a lot. You need to make dietary changes as well for your weight problem, which probably contributes to the depression as well. Also I would have a fasting blood sugar done as well as a test for your thyroid. When I became diabetic I found myself feeling mean and irritable and yelling a lot. I got to my Doctor fast and now my blood sugar is under control and I am once again a very happy go lucky person. I need less sleep now and am not depressed as I was. I also went to a local counciling center because I thought I was loosing it bad. Counseling really helped a lot as well.
Good luck. Do not put this on the back burner and let it take over your life, take your life back and get help fast.
Debbie

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.N.

answers from Cincinnati on

I have been there too, H., and it is a constant struggle for me as well. I wanted to point out that your first and most important job is to 'take care of yourself'. You cannot be your best for your kids unless you truly take care of yourself first. This could be as simple as asking your spouse for a break to bathe, read or call a friend, or as possibly complicated [not selfish] as finding/hiring/paying for a steady babysitter to enjoy what you want to do besides being a Mom and wife (such as learn a new skill, time for a hobby, time with friends or counseling/therapy etc.). I lost myslef over the years and I am just now trying to find my way again. Good luck and trust your instincts to be aware of how you are feeling now and change it for the better in the future.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.P.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Hi H., I sure understand where you are at. I was doing this same thing and my doctor put me on prozac and I noticed a big difference almost immediately. I haven't taken prozac for quite a few years but I went to a psychitrist and she put me on three meds and they work wonderful. My husband is also on meds. Jack tried to quit taking one of the meds and it was almost a set back and when went to see the dr. again she told him "we have the right recipe and don't mess it up. We are in our late 60s and early 70s and as the dr. explained taken an antidepressent is no different than taking insulin when you need it. We are much happier people to be around. So get to a doctor right away and you will see how much better you feel. Good Luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.I.

answers from Indianapolis on

First of all...go easy on yourself. I have been home with my kids for 6 1/2 years myself and I can totally relate. I wish I had time to write more, but unfortunately, I don't. :( I did have the overwhelming urge to just let you know you're not alone and don't be so hard on yourself. What your doing is a huge adjustment and it takes time. It's not for everyone. Meds are ok, but only you know what's right for you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

I've been there and i'm sorry you're struggling. There are natural things you can try, i'm not sure how open you are to alternative medicine... but accupuncture works!! and hormone therapy and other herbal treatments are all options you could try before medication.

Try to find the motivation to exercise, it will make a big difference. best wishes, you can beat this and feel happy and fulfilled!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

It takes time to adjust to being home with kids. However, an evaluation by a doctor couldn't hurt. There's nothing wrong with taking meds when it's necessary and it might not be a permanent thing anyway.

The one thing I found to be the most help was connecting with other moms in my situation. Find a playgroup in your neighborhood or area or join a moms group. Check out www.mothersandmore.org to see if there is a Mothers & More group in your area. I belong to the Cincinnati chapter if you are in this area.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Cleveland on

Exercie does a lot to lift your spirits. Put your kids in a stroller and you accomplish 3 things: mood improvement, you're with your children (they get fresh air) and exercise for you that will help weightloss. If there's a park nearby your walk can include a stop there so yor children can play with other kids and a chance for you to meet other parents and have adult conversation.

Sherryl S

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.B.

answers from Cleveland on

Since you like The Biggest Loser, try this site: http://www.biggestloserclub.com/ms/online-weight-loss-die...
As far as the depression, been there, done that. When I've been depressed or had too much anxiety, I work with my PCP to get on the right medication. When my life returns to bearable, I get off the medication. It's there for a reason and even though you don't want to be a "med head" it may just help you to adjust to life and find your new normal.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor. Sometimes a change (like adding exercise) is enought to get you out of a rut, but if you are having a hard time finding the drive to do it meds may help. Especially if your family is suffering, you should seek help. Noticing that you are feeling this way is the biggest step! Good luck...I hope you are feeling better soon!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.H.

answers from Cleveland on

You have some good advice. Do see your doctor. You sound stressed. Try some stress busters such as listening to music. Believe it or not having a pet, especially a dog is supposed to be good your health -- emotionally and physically. Yes, I know that when you have kids it is hard to be your own personal self and pursue your own interests.

Dieting itself can be depressing. Everyone I know who did it put the weight all back on and even more. That includes me.

I recommend making changes such as watching sugar content and NOT dieting. I stopped buying sugary cereals and eating Fiber One, English Muffins and Post has a low sugar bran (?) cereal. I don't eat raisins or raisin bran because of the sugar content. Get the book 'Sugar Busters.' I lost some weight by doing that. Bob Greene recommends the Best Life diet foods. www.thebestlife.com/ With this plan you eat store bought food. Look for the 'Best Life' seal on store products.

Talk things over with your husband. There is nothing wrong with getting help. GO for it! Good Luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Wow H.,

You must be an amazing woman to work on a cardiac unit. That tells me that you are not only intelligent, but very caring.

Now, how about turning some of that caring towards yourself?
You have a 4 year old and a one year old - have you joined your local Early Childhood PTA program? It would not only provide activities for the kids, but expand your social horizon. I know what it is like to be "stuck" in the house with kids - and to feel guilty about feeling that way.

How about getting another mom to join you for early morning walks or runs while the kids are still in bed? The hardest part is getting out the door. That way you could work on your weight issues and have some girl-talk at the same time.
Early mornings are the best - the air is fresh; the birds are singing; and you will start a calorie burn that will last for hours! And remember that we come in all kinds of different body sizes - how boring would the world be if we were all alike?! Just be healthy for yourself and your kids.

Cut yourself some slack - this part of your life will go by more quickly than you could imagine. You ARE being a good mother and wife. Don't buy into the idea that you are supposed to fit into some perfect mold. Relax, love your kids and your husband and yourself and the life that you are so blessed to live!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches