Advice on Son's Behavior

My son is the exact same way! He is 4 1/2 now and has been doing this since he was 2 1/2. If there was someone taking the pink toy I believe he may very well knock that child out just to get the pink item. We don't have any girls in the house but he just loves everything girlie. We haven't held him back in any way. It has indeed gotten worse with age, he refuses to drink out of a "non-pink" cup and also goes with red a lot, as it is closest to pink. His favorite characters from books and movies are all based on their association with pink. It has become a complete obsession. We think he may grow out of it once in school, but honestly, I don't hold my breath. We love him the way he is, we point out his obsession with pink when we are in public. We get some strange looks but honestly, he is happy, we are happy and dude, it's PINK! One of the best colors ever, how many pieces of candy are pink! I don't want him to be picked on in school, but there are so many ways to defend his love of pink, princesses, bows and ribbons. If he wanted to wear a dress I would let him, just to see what he thought of it, you could make it a kilt so you had a reason behind it but why. He is a happy child and pink is a happy color, ribbons are fun, skirts are awesome to twirl. Why should boys miss out on all that awesome stuff just because of some different equipment! I always tell my boys "don't let the 'man' bring you down, be the person you want and were meant to be, no matter who or what that is."

N.- it only becomes a big deal when you make it one. My brother who is now in his 40s used to play dolls with me all the time. He used to wear my mothers perfume to school and play in her shoes too. Don't worry about it he will grow out of this stage. My brother is married and has 3 beautiful daughters and not damaged from the dolls, perfume and wearing moms shoes.

As an early childhood teacher I want you to know that it is very common for 4 year old boys to love girls dress up clothes, heels and dolls as much as girls do. For some parents with strong opinions about what boys need to like and what girls need to like it is considered a problem. However, as they age, just like all children, they develop different interests. I guess the question to ask yourself is why is it a problem and is making it a very big deal going to help or make it more appealing for your son to play with pink things. I guess the other point I want to make is that a lot of parents feel boys shouldn't play with dolls. However, if boys don't ever play with dolls or help with babies how will they learn to be active involved fathers? Part of playing with dolls is learning to nurture and care for someone else. Boys and girls learn by practicing in play things they see adults do. I know I would like the boys that might eventually marry my 4 and 7 year old to be able to learn how to have a tea party and care for dolls now so that when they are grownups they will be strong nurturing mannered men in addition to possessing other more "manly" abilities.

i personally have a 2 1/2 year old son that likes some girl things too, like dolls and pink things etc. but he also is "all boy"; he loves his cars,trucks and trains. when there young, they dont know theres a difference from girl/boy toys and i personally think its just fine for him to play with whatever toy he wants. i think it teaches him how to be careing,(when he plays with his dolls, we have bougt for him.) its up to you to decifer if theres a real problem there or not. my son is always curious, wanting to do what i / or anyone else is doing regardless of the (girl or boy toy/action/game etc.) if you feel this is wrong when they take it further, thats a parents time to handle it in the way they know how. i cant say that what your son is doing will make him (excuse me),but turn gay or any thing. it might just be a phase he might grow out of,; or since he is the only boy, does your daughter ever play with his boy toys with him? i was the only girl out of 3 boy, i played with boy toys most of the time, becuase they wouldnt play my girl toys with me, but i didnt grow up gay or anything. this might be the case with your son. i hope i have helped you. (T. mom of one son.)

ALL BOYS go thru this, the more you discourage the more it will become an issue, give him pink, buy him a pink polo shirt, IT doesn't really matter - they all go thru it and they all grow out of it. They like it because their sisters like it or girl they like like it, just a phase mom, just let him like what he likes for now. THIS IS SMALL STUFF - Don't sweat it! Doesn't hurt anyone for him to eat or drink off pink plates or cups right? CHILL MAMA :) When he's 15 and trying to sneak out - you'll wish for the days when you're biggest concern was him eating off pink plates! Good luck :)

I am a former early childhood educator with over 14 years of experience. What your son is doing is very common, expecially since there are several girls in the house. At his age children enjoy experimenting with and are learning about gender roles. In my opinion, our society places too much emphasis on "girls things" and "boys things", especially for young children. Pink is just a color-like red, or blue, or green. Colors don't have a gender.
What is important at age four, is that you are not inhibiting your son's self esteem by making him think that the things he is doing are wrong and that he has to go hide them from you. Encouraging him to express himself in his own way (as long as he is not hurting himself or others) will go much further in his developing a healthy self concept and becoming a confident young man.
I have 3 year old boy/girl twins. My son loves cars, dirt, bikes but he also loves princesses, pink, and pony tails in his hair. He loves wearing his pink, princess slippers to bed and sometimes wants pony tails in his hair like his sister (yes, I have taken him out in public with his short, little pony tails). My daughter also loves cars, bikes and getting dirty, etc. We are trying to raise both of them without sexism and stereotypes. There is already so much of that in this society. As a result, they are very confident, independent, well behaved 3 year olds.
As they get older, I'm sure they will develop more stereotypical boy/girl roles and behaviors. However, if they don't that is okay too because they will be happy, confident little people who will be loved by their parents no matter what.

So you are the mom of three! Very well done!
Check out ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com, we have found them very helpful.
Well done to you, now mom of 3-k

Well, I for one say why is it so important to you? Are you afraid he may be gay? at 4? And even so, is that such a huge problem? Let time and nature run its course, I say, and see what happens. it could be something he grows out of or it could be something he will need a lot of love and support on over the years. If he does turn out to be gay, I hope you and your husband can accept that and give him everything he needs to live a happy and healthy life.

Sounds like he's just trying to fit in w/his sisters. If it's something more, then he is going to be who he is regardless of how much you tell him it's wrong. You don't want him to think you don't love him and that there is something wrong w/him. You don't want him to withdraw all together which is way worse. Is your husband obsessing??? Don't worry about it too much. It will probably pass..I would let him be him though if it was me....Take it or leave it, your family.....

All children act out in different ways - they mimic - that is how they duplicate others and they understand others! Making them wrong for their behavior will make them compulsive about being right about things - not a good thing. You want them growing up understanding women and how they feel, see things and act - not ridiculing it. So get down to your child's level and ask him questions on why he's interested in things and just listen. Your child will be a better person for it.

Hi N.,
I do not see ANYTHING wrong with ANYTHING regarding your son's behavior. You sound worried that he may be gay or something. Maybe he's straight, maybe he's gay. Does it matter? Just keep loving him and encouraging him to be himself, letting him know that you're always there for him, loving him. It may just be a phase you'll see the other side of, or it may be he's not going be another sheep in the flock of bleeting followers. He's four. Celebrate him, just like you do the other kids.

My son used to wear his sister's dress up clothes, and enjoyed playing with dolls (as well as his own toys).
He's 16 years old now, a leader in his school's cultural diversity club, an advocate for the bullied and a fabulous example of a young man. He is a respectful boyfriend and loves children. He's going to be a fabulous dad someday. He's straight, but even if he was gay, I'd be immensely proud of him because he's an amazing individual.

By the way, if the child IS gay, therapy wont change it.
Your unyielding love will support his every step though.

I have a 5 year old nephew who is very simialar to your little guy. It drives my brother nuts. I really think that the most you can do (without doing any permanent psychological damage) is to expose him to all kinds of toys and entertainment (for boys and girls) and just let him be who he is.

I also agree that pink is just a color. My son came home from school saying "pink is for girls, blue is for boys". I corrected him and said all colors are for everyone. The more you try to correct it or stop him, the more it will continue. Let it go and don't worry about it. He will work it all out and drift back to what he really loves on his own. If you force somthing, it won't work. My son is all boy, cars, trucks, superheros, scooby doo etc... One day he got a pink "my little pony" in his happy meal and he loved it. He still has it and takes it with him places and I'm fine with that. My guess is that as his sister gets older and starts getting more toys (she is only 10 months now), he will start gravitating to them as well. No big deal. He will want more ponies I'm sure!

How long has your son been doing this.it could just be a phase he is going through.sure hope most likely that is what is happening.i would give him some time and see what happens if he cools it or get worse if the latter i would consider counseling.C.

you are definitely over-reacting. There is nothing that says girls have to love pink and boys have to love blue. When I was a little girl, blue was my favorite color and I hated pink. Didn't mean I was any less of a girl. My neighbor and best friend growing up was a little boy, and he loved to play with dolls. Didn't make him less of a boy. We've both grown up to be normal adults with children of our own. I'm not sure what you're afraid of - that you son will "turn" gay? I can assure that if he is gay, he's already gay and there's no color or toy in the world that will make a bit of difference. But seeing that the vast majority of the world is straight, that's probably not the case. Just let him play with what he likes (you have two girls, so there are girl toys all over the place - are you really going to restrict him to only "his" toys?), and love him exactly the way he is. He'll be fine. Our society puts way too much emphasis on what is "for girls" and what is "for boys". I have two little boys (with a third to be delivered tomorrow), and they don't get much exposure to "girl" toys. So when they get the chance to play with one of their female friend's toys, they usually really enjoy it since it is such novelty to them.

So don't worry. Your son will be fine if you give him the love and attention he needs and don't try to steer him too hard in any specific direction. And for Pete's sake, he DOES NOT need counseling because he likes pink right now.

Hello N.,
I think the worst thing you are doing right now is making him feel like he has to hide these things from you. Your making him want the girl things even more so then he probably already did. If you contune to make it into an issue he will desire them even more so then he already does. If he was born with a genital problem, consult your doctor as well as a child therapist. Your doctor will know all the medical aspects of it, but you do need to know phycologically how this gential problem is effect your son. I would advise that you and your husband open your minds to the idea that boys are allowed to play with girl things.

Hi N.,
If you are truly concerned with the way he was acting try to get his attention with something else. Something fun and more on the boy side. Do you and your husband both work full time jobs? He may be requiring some extra attention from Daddy that he is getting from his sister's. Just an opinion of course, but the main thing is just giving him the tools he needs. Man I hope that helped... :-)

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it to much. He may just be doing that because he wants attention or to play with the girls. I was an only girl with seven brothers. I did all the boy things. Even wore their jeans and shirts. My brothers played with my dolls and easy bake oven. We all turned out just fine.
Also my nephew had only my two girls and his sister to play with all the time and he played dolls, tea party, etc... He would even put on dresses with them. He is happily married, has 3 kids of his own. Is a Marine and has been in Iraq serving his country.
Maybe if he was ten or twelve I would be concerned but I wouldn't worry about it at his age. Get the girls to play with the boys toys with him if you can. That will help.
Honestly, I don't see anything to worry about.