Advice on Preschool Behavior

Hi S.-

When you say that she is talking too much, do you mean that she is getting in trouble for not listening to the instructions to be quiet or listen to the teacher or something like that? She isn't getting into trouble for participating too much, right - she should never be in trouble for that.

I would get down to her level and explain that you are thrilled that she loves school and that she is having such a good time there. Then, I would remind her that she needs to practice her listening skill at school too, not just her talking skills. Remind her that her teacher is an adult that she needs to respect and obey. I would also ask the teacher to be sure that she is praising your daughter when she is listening quietly or following directions well. It could be that your daughter simply gets more attention when she acts up a little and the teacher needs to be sure to give her attention when she is doing well and not just when she is acting up. It could also be that she is bored with the curriculum - little kids don't have the patience to stick with stuff that they already know like adults do.

In short, I would talk to your daughter and praise her excitement and make sure that you and the teacher praise her listening skills too.

Take care!

S. -
I have been working in the field of Early childhood Education (as a preschool director) for 15 + years, and I have never heard of a 4 yr. old getting "in trouble" for talking too much! Most early childhood professionals love this sort of kid, because they are on fire for learning.
I suppose if she interrupts people and never lets anyone else talk during group time, or if she is being bossy or aggressive, then that could be a (minor) problem. Most preschool teachers are able to provide the necessary guidance when children are overly exhuberant, and these things don't become issues that parents have to become involved in. That said, if the school is overly-academic, behavior problems can and do develop, but usually this is as a result of inappropriate expectations of the children (required to be quiet, sit for too long of time periods); if this is the case, I would consider whether this is where you want your child. Preschool should be a time of mostly play-driven learning, and social development. If the school is teaching 4 year olds to read, learn numbers, and having them do worksheets, they may have a pushed-down Kindergarten curriculum, which is developmentally inappropriate.
If the school is not too academic and sets realistic expectations for sitting (15 minutes at a time), then you can help your daughter with her social skills, by giving her instructions on what it means to interrupt people, how to raise her hand, how to wait til someone is finished talking, and how to be polite. You can play listening games where you say something and when you are finished she has to respond, or you tell a story and she has to listen and answer your questions, etc. Overall, her development will even out by the time she goes to Kindergarten, and I'm sure she will know when it's appropriate to talk and when it's not. That's one of the main jobs of Preschool - to teach social skills!

Hi S.,
I think this is a fairly normal phase for children. I know that my daughter is doing the same and so are some of the other kids in her preschool class. I think it is a confidence thing and for them it's part of learning how to deal with others.
Did her teacher comment on it? What I do with my daughter is explain to her that she needs to listen to her teacher's in preschool. I do have the advantage of having an older son who is in elementary school and he also talks to her about 'how to behave'.
Don't worry, I'm sure as she feels more and more secure, she'll learn when to be quiet and when she can talk.
L.

I am also the mom of a 4 1/2 yr old little girl and I used to be a preschool teacher. My degree is in child devl. There should be very little time in a preschool classroom that should be quiet time. I would talk to the teacher about how often she is expected to be quiet. A big part of preschool should be teaching social manners and behavior ie: turn taking, listening when it's someone else's turn to talk, etc... A four year old should not be expected to know these things going into preschool. Is her school focusing too much on accademics? That happens alot in this area. Preschool children should not be expected to learn in the same way grade school children or even kindergarteners are. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well but if you have any questions, I live in Bolingbrook and you can give me a call at ###-###-####.
Hope this helps,
K.

I think you need to speak to her about appropriate behavior at school and consequences. Then I think that it is the teacher's responsibility to come up with a reward system to get her to comply with the class rules. If the teacher does not have something in place. I remember a teacher for my son who used to give a special sticker at the end of the day to the child if she was well behaved (it seemed work.) Good Luck!