Advice on How to Stop 8Yr Old from Messing Pants

Take her a doctor. 1 out of 10 kids between the ages of 4 and 10 have encopresis but it's ususally not diagnosed (or not diagnosed until the kid has been suffering for years and then it takes a long time to treat). Rule out medical before calling them 'accidents' (professionals use the term 'soiling' because she may honestly have no control over it. For the same reason, do not use sticker charts or discipline for it until you rule out medical reasons. Would you like it if you were punished because you threw up when you had the flu? Probably not.

One possibility is she is constipated and has encopresis. Sounds serious, but basically, she may be witholding and some BM comes out which she may not be able to control or control easily. If this is the case and this is the first time she's been like this, you can get her back on track with a few modifications to her diet and possibly with miralax for the short term. Talk to her doctor to rule this or other conditions out.

I would definitely have her medically checked out before presuming that it's a behavioral issue!!

Hi E.!
I read you request and I feel so bad for you and your daughter. Please don't take anything I say in a bad way. There's a pretty big gap between her and the little one, maybe she's feeling a bit like you spend too much time tending to the 20 month old. You have to be busy as ever I'm sure. How long has she been doing this? Is the youngest still in diapers? Maybe you could have her help take care of and change the little one. I'm not putting her or you down at all but it sounds like an attention thing to me. Not really good advice here I know, just thinking of you I guess.

If this is a new thing you really need to take her to the doctor and have her checked out. Kids don't do this unless there is something wrong. She could have a bladder or kidney infection. Or there could be something else wrong, please seek help.

At that old, there is normally an underlying cause. Starting talking to her and see what she tells you about it. Talk to her doctor and make sure there is nothing physically wrong. UTIs and constipation often cause bathroom accidents. Then consider if there could be something bothering her emotionally.
Rewards and punishments are not something I would recommend because she probably can't control it.

E.,

There have been several threads about this problem in the last year or so. Take her to the doctor as soon as you can. There is a condition where children do not feel the urge to go, and the soil themselves. It can be treated if my memory is correct. Don't wait, and stop punishing her until you get a diagnosis from a qualified medical doctor that this is a behavioral problem.

M.

I'd take her to the doctor. I wet my pants until I was like 10 because I had some medical condition. (I don't remember what it was... something with my bladder hadn't matured as fast as it should have? Something like that.) It wasn't that I didn't know how to go to the bathroom it was more that I didn't always *feel* like I had to go to the bathroom most of the time and it would just sort of happen. It was embarassing.

What you haven't mentioned is how this is handled at school. That must be quite an experience!
Frankly, I would speak with my physician to see if there is a physical reason for this. It might embarass her to have to go to the doctor and have an examination to see if there is a physical reason for it.
If there is no physical reason I would then simply purchase some large diapers for her. Since she wants to be a baby then she can wear diapers like a baby and begin taking away big girl priveleges for this behavior. Big girls do not play video games, play computer games, get to ride a two wheeler, play at friends house, etc. and for every day there is an accident she loses two priveleges and for everyday there is no accident she gets one back. By the time she is not allowed to take a bath by herself, can't go to a friends or have friends over, she will start to get the message. Besides, going to bed at 7:30 every night when every one gets to stay up later will get old and so will having someone take her to the bathroom and put her on the toilet every 1/2 hour to 45 minutes and giving her a reward for using the toilet and having someone else wipe her bottom being given a skittle or a cookie if she goes. This will be especially embarassing if you have company or are at a relatives home.

If it is a new thing, I'd make sure there isn't a medical issue. If it isn't a medical issue, I'd say you have to compel her to remember. I would make her clean it up and then send her to her room for the remainder of the day and all of the next day. Unfortunetly, the monkey is going to have to be on her back for this one - you can't do much to make her stop and go.

At 8 years old she should be well past this stage unless there are other medical circumstances involved. If this is a new thing she has recently started you really want to check with your doctor. She could have a UTI (urinary tract infection) or some other underlying issue going on causing her to have accidents.

If she has ever been able to not do this, I would also have her examined by a child psychologist. A friend of mine had a son that developed this problem about the same age as your daughter. It turns out that he was sexually abused, and this can be a symptom of that. I hope and pray this is not the case with your daughter, but it is worth finding out.

If it's everyday, I agree with the other posts that you should rule out a number of possibilities.

In the mean time my suggestions doesn't solve the problem but may help the symptom: Schedule when she goes. My mom always said she didn't potty train as much as put her 4 daughters on a schedule. As soon as you wake up, right before you leave the house right when you get back right in the house, before dinner, right before you get in the shower, right before bed and of course depending where we were if it was longer than an hour and then later longer than 1 1/2 hours we'd all troop into the bathroom so we could "try". It is work on your part but if she is too busy than you need to remind her. Even carry a timer on you if you need reminding. This should at least cut down on the daily mess AND make her feel better about herself AND take out the punishment aspect while you figure out what might be causing this at age 8.
I wish you all the best - my one child brought me to tears multiple times with the accidents

Eliabeth..while i can't offer much advice..i can tell you that you are not alone..my 8 yr old has the same problem.Alot of my daughter's problems are caused by anxiety and we see a therapist once a week but also because she gets playing and forgets and then "her belly gets hot"..good luck and if you find a great sollution let me know

I have to say that I am shocked at the responses and the way you "punish" her. I had urination problems when I was a child and my family was horrible to me and made me feel embarrassed. I am 37 years old and the psychological cruelty inflicted on me because I could not control my body functions has impacted my self image. When my water broke in the hospital it was very traumatizing for me because I automatically thought the nurses would shun me for getting the sheets wet. Please, for your daughter's sake try to be a little more understanding. I have an eight year old daughter and any negative remarks regarding body image is very damaging at this age.

Make her go to the bathroom and clean herself up. Then make her clean her undies herself, no eye contact, nothing! Shun her for a few hours each time she messes her panties, and make her clean herself each time. Give her no attention. But make sure first there is nothing physical causing the problem., as she could be constipated and leaking around the plug., and not aware she is messing herself. Good luck!
And what ever you do , DO NOT HUMILATE HER, and don't put her in diapers.,and make sure each time the shunning is over that she knows you still love her, and always will!