Advice on a Work Transfer Across the Country

Hi! I'm a recent transfer. ;-) I grew up on the West Coast. When hub's job offered us a chance to move to the East Coast for a few years, we took it! It's definitely a challenge being so far away from family, but it's only for a few years.

Six years ago I moved from FL to NY for my job. At the time I was single and it was great! I have since married and we have an 8 month old little boy and I will be honest and say we talk more each day about moving to FL within the next 3 years.

When you move away from family you move away from your most consistent support system (aside from your spouse). Friends are wonderful, but they don't replace family! My husband has very little interaction with his family except for "family events" and feels no need to stay in NY to be near them. We are both closer to my family and want our children to grow up near their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

Moving is an adventure and if you feel like it is the right thing for your family go for it, but keep in mind the things your family may help you with day-to-day that may be difficult to replicate. In our case, my in-laws do pretty much nothing to help so we would be moving toward more help and support!

When my mom was 40 and my dad 49, we moved to USA. We were 15, 14, and 3.5. None of us spoke english, and my parents didn't even have a plan of action. They just knew it was better to move here. My brother and I (my sister was too young), were culture shocked. We moved around a lot within U.S before settling down in one area. I really think it's made me flexible with life and able to deal with just about any situation. needless to say, the three of us grew up and went to college and are all successful. My brother became an engineer, I am in technology, and my sister is in law school. We were used to having extended family around all the time, and when we moved here there were very few. You learn to build your own network of people. I know the move you're talking about is not as extreme, but if it's for better quality of life for you and your family then go for it. Good luck to you.

Hi D.,
I am the mother of 5 and now grandmother of 6. When I was younger, I was a schoolteacher. I taught in NY, IN, PA, and CT. Why? Because my husband's job got transferred 5 times from the time I was 36 until I was 41. We did it. I have wonderful friends all over. I still stay in contact with them. It was h*** o* the children but when we finally got to CT they said this is the best ever and I am glad we came.
My mother always lived a long way away. That was difficult but we made it work. She came to visit. We visited my brother on Cape Cod. When we have family parties and celebrations, we all get together even if we have a travel some. Is it ideal to live away from your family, NO but it has it perks too. Be adventuresome. Take the chance. You can always change direction and go back if it does not work. You will have wonderful new friends and business contacts plus new opportunities where ever you go.
Please contact me to help you find a new house anywhere you move. I am a professional Real Estate agent in CT and I am able to find you a new home anywhere in the country that you will move to. Just let me know and I will send you a list of houses tomorrow.
Good luck with whatever you decide,
C. K. (____@____.com)

Hi D.
Moving! A favorite topic! Other than my children, and the Lord, I guess.
Our first move was the toughest for me. Being away from family and having to make new friends and learning how.
Since then we have lived in 10 different places across our great country. We have great friends all across the land. We hear from them all at Christmas time and it is so much fun to catch up. I send out about 150 cards and receive back about the same. Why? Because I want to keep in touch with all of them.
OK so how did I do it. First, get the house settled, with kids of school age you will naturally go places kids go. School, library, and after school activities. We always found a church, and of course there were kids and people to get to know. Bringing the kids to the playground offered me a chance to get to know a variety of people.
It was fun, and I would not change any of it.
My advice "go for it" when else could you make such a trip and meet so many new people. Our most recent moves took us from NY to NC and back to same house in NY, 3 years later. If I had known, we were going on an extended vacation I wouldn't have backed so much. It was a great trip, and we learned alot about ourselves and our country.
God bless you and the adventure ahead of you.
K. --- SAHM married 38 years --- adult children -- 37, born in MA, coach; 32, born in KS, lawyer, married with 6mo, living in Canada; twins 18 born in NY, but they also lived in NC, homeschooled, and now in college with GPA's of 3.8 & 3.7.

Hi Dianne,

A bunch of my friends have left the tri-state area recently. They all LOVE it. This area is super expensive and people are not too friendly. My friends all find life outside of the NY area to be much more affordable and family-centric. I'd love to move away but my husband's family is all here. Good luck!

Hi D.,

Been there, done that. Twice. Immediately after my husband and I were married, we moved five hours away from our friends and family. Just a year ago, we moved from New Mexico to New Jersey. Both moves were due to a change in my husband's job.

I have to admit that the first move was much harder than this last move. Our move to New Mexico was the first time I had been that far away from my family and I was dreadfully homesick. There were many times I seriously thought about packing a small bag and moving back home. It wasn't until I found a job that I finally started to settle in and get to like our new surroundings. This last move was much easier, even though it was a cross-country trek. I think having our son helped to motivate me to get out of the house and meet new people. Kids are great that way!

It's always hard moving, but if you are willing to take a chance and go for the adventure, it is well worth it. I NEVER thought I would live in New Jersey, but I've taking quite a liking to the Garden State.

Good luck!

Change is always hard and scary ...but know it's been a common thing for years now that family members live in different states. Even more common now due to surviving...needing a job...a better job..more money being the reason.

In my family it all started when all the children seemed to have made their homes in the states they graduated from college in....except for one niece, she returned to N.Y.C. landed a job who then moved her to their office in Il. where she met her husband and is now raising her children there. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, retired to warmer climets, while I headed north alone. Comes the holidays everyone seems to be traveling to be together. Some even manage to take vacations together. Most contact is with e-mails and pictures of the babies and the actual time spent together becomes more fun, more special.

You and your husband have to decide what is best and what is important for both of you....and what ever that is, just think positive and give it your best shot.. Where ever you move, you will find support groups and new friendships as you will become apart of the community...and after awhile it will feel as if you have always lived there. Family where ever they are will always be there for you... Keep in mind if a move turns out to be a mistake, it's not the end of the world...you can always find a way to move back.

Hi there :)
Go with your gut instinct. What is your gut telling you???
I am an amry wife. I love to travel, we've been able to see soooo much! I told myself back when I met my husband, "if you don't go you'll always wonder what it would have been like". Well, I have no regrets. Both of our families travel to see us everywhere we go. So don't feel like you're the only one who is obligated to go home for visits! About the grandkids...If you don't already have one, buy yourself a webcam ($30 at Walmart) It's priceless :)
Just remember...You can always go home!
Good luck
R.

My husband and I both traveled before we met and right now we are traveling with out boys -- not quite across the country - from OH-NJ, but we know no one here. We are very happy with our decision and look forward to traveling more. We do miss our families, but keep in contact via phone, email, video messaging! The boys adapt well and are learning so much!

Hi D.,
I moved all my young life as a part of a military family, so I was used to the coming and going part. However I will say it was a lot different when I was a grown-up and responsible for the process!
We do think of IN as home and that is where I graduated from college, got married and had children. When the kids were 2 & 3 we also got a great job opportunity to move to AZ. We made the decision to go because it was a great job, we hadn't see much of that part of the country and we were up for the adventure. We don't regret it and really got to see some beautiful country and made friends we still love and connect with regularly.
Having said that, I will tell you that it is hard. Be prepared for no physical family support for babysitting, holidays, grieving and facing the challenges of life. I agree with the woman who said it would be pretty difficult if it was going to be impossible to get back home. We went back once a year and family came to us more often (it was AZ after all!). We would have considered it a great tragedy if our children didn't know their family - the people best positioned to love them forever and through anything. It does make your primary family unit closer though and avoids the hassles of extended family squabbles!!
Also, be PREPARED! You think it is all America, but the Southwest is so different from the Midwest from the Northeast. Different language, different food, different attitude about life/work, different spiritual values/norms. This is what makes it so fun and interesting, but can also be a bit disorienting at the beginning.
After about 7 years we did move back East, principally to be closer to family, but also another good job opportunity. We would reommend it, but just be aware you will be making some sacrifices, so make sure you are okay with that. One thing I do know is that you make the worst decisions when they are fear-based. To go or stay, set fear aside and make your best decision. The fear you can deal with and that makes you stronger/better. To be controlled by fear leaves you living only 1/2 a life or less. Best wishes for making a good decsion. Let me know if you want to talk more!

D., I have moved across the country, back again, across and back again. I now have two children, 5 and 8, we moved back to CT 2.5 years ago and I hope to stay. Each move was good and hard. I have had to reinvent my life -friends, places to shop, schools/day care, ect. I also work FT from home so I cannot use work as a way to meet people. Almost all of our moves were for my husband's career, an effort to make our life better. Living away from family is hard, as I did not have free babysitters or someone to count on in an emergency other than friends. However, where we lived there were a lot of others in the same situation so we helped each other out. I had a nice network. I also made several trips cross country (flying) to see family each year and my parents and others came to see us too. It can work, but it also takes some work. The hardest part is learning a new area, figuring out where to live, and getting the kids acclimated, but it does work and if you both want to do it, you can. I am also great at the logistics if you need advice, as I usually have to coordinate everything from selling house to moving company to setting up again without much help because my husbands works, travels, and then starts work again. I have even moved pregnant =- 6.5 months with my first when we moved from CT to CO. If you have any more questions, please feel free to email me more.

D.: Our move was literally only from NY to NJ so there is a huge difference between situations. However, our families lived only miles away from us so the departure of having family and friends near at anytime was difficult especially on my older boy. With that said....I would not change it for the world. We have all adjusted extremely well and have a much better way of life! Best of luck!

The adventure can be really rewarding. You will find out so much about yourself! I actually moved states and then from Australia to NY. Moving away from your support network is stressful but if you are willing you can create another and having children is a great way to meet people. I think it makes you and your Hubby closer as you rely on each other more. My first move was a one and half hour plane flight from family and I had no children so visiting family was possible even for the weekend! I recommend that you keep in mind your financial position as the freedom to return "home" is a comforting one. If you financially can't make a trip but it might make you feel isolated. The first move is always the hardest. Currently I have two kids and being a 19 hour flight from family really is a strain at times but you do get used to it. Allow yourself to have teething issues and know that your emotions will be up and down for about 6months. The opportunity would be great for your kids!
Good luck with the decision.