Advice on a Grandchild

Updated on February 20, 2008
C.S. asks from Sardinia, OH
14 answers

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I have my graandaughter all week long, she staays with me and goes with her mom on the weekends.I get her up for school in the mornings put her to bed at night and do all the things that come in between. My granddaughter has been complaining of not feeling well, she says she has a sore throat,which to me looks red and swolen. She does not have a fever, her mother has been told about this but refuses to taake her to the doctor. she told her that she doesnt have a fever and there is nothing wrong with her. what should i do? I feel she should be seen by a doctor but i do not have the legal right to take her,I kept her home from school today because she got up saying she was sick and just didnt look good!

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So What Happened?

I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my request, I wanted to tell yyou that my husband called his daughter up and did not give her a choice. he told her to either meet him at the emergancy room or call and give consent for her treatment. well she met us there went as far as to get her registered and found out according to her that there was a three hour wait,so she said come on we are going,she said she wasnt waiting there for three hours for something that was flu like symtoms,I'll take her with me and taake her to her dr. tomorrow. So now she has her and we know in our hearts that she isnt going to the Dr. Thank God theres no school today because of all the snow. I also want you to know that I took my granddaughter to see a social worker who is a friend of mine, since my granddaughter knows her she would talk to her. She told her to tell her mom if she didnt have her to the Dr. she was reporting her.she told her that she was giving her till the end of the week,and the only reason she was giving her till the end of the week was becaause she is friends with her mamaw and papaw. I felt that since i am the Step-grandma my hands were tied and this was the only way i could get anything done.I feel bad that i had to do it that way but a child can only handle so much and shouldnt have to handle any of it.
Thanks
C.

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S.P.

answers from Cleveland on

Yep, I think she should be seen by a dr. Sounds like possible strep to me. Anita is right, you don't have to have a fever for it to be strep. You can't let something like Strep go, it could get way worse. I don't know what to tell you to do, that's a sticky situation. Keep trying to convince her to take her in, strep is nothing to play with. Better to find out it's just a virus than to let that go.

Good luck! Wish I could give you better advice!

S.

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W.M.

answers from Toledo on

Well according to the Dr's you have as much legal right as the parents. How do I know this one time I was babysitting a little bot who liked to shove things in his nose and I couldn't get a hold of his parents so I called Grandma and we called the emergency room and they said grandparents have the same rights as parents when it comes to grandkids and medical treatment. Call the Ped yourself they probably have her ins on file and tell them she is in your care and she needs to be seen they will schedule her. Hope this helps

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H.J.

answers from Mansfield on

Hi C.! Have you asked your daughter why she is so against taking her to the doctor? If it is money, could you offer to pay for the visit and antibiotic (if necessary)? Of if it is time. . could you offer to take her during the day, since you have her anyway? I noticed some other people have mentioned strep. . .just thought I would tell you that there are other signs to watch for with strep. .those are stomach ache, fever(as you already know) and headaches. Usually my daughter's first symptom is a headache. This doesnt mean that she will have all of those symptoms, but it is something you can watch for in addition to the soar throat.

Also, maybe you could try calling in to the pedicatrician's office and speaking with a nurse. . .give her the child's symptoms and she may say it is going around and sounds like it may be viral (no antibiotics necessary) or she may tell you that she needs to be seen. At that point tell your daughter what the nurse says and then ask if you can take her in.

Either way, I don't think this should go without further investigation. Your daughter needs to make sure that her daughter is taken care of, whether it is you taking her to the doctor or her.

Hope it all goes well. Let us know how things go!

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H.G.

answers from Columbus on

Legally, you should have some "guardianship" paperwork in the event that something happens to your granddaughter while in your custody; particularly since she is in your care throughout the week. Anything could happen in an emergency circumstance that would require your signature as guardian (not legal custody). Your daughter, since she does not have custody of her daughter through the week, should be more than happy to sign paperwork for this procedure. It does not take an attorney to do this; but you should explain to your daughter that you can, legally, have papers drawn up. This would allow you to take your grandchild to the doctor, in cases of emergency, and in instances at school. Look into this not only for your grandaughter's protection; but yours also. You could be sued it something happened to her while in your care.

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J.D.

answers from Columbus on

I have 3 grandboys and have raised one granddaughter. If you are responcible for this child during the week--I would demand a letter giving you the right to take care of medical needs when she is in your home. That does not give up parental rights-just gives you the right to make basic medical decisions--like going to doctor if she gets ill.

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N.S.

answers from Columbus on

Hi C., I would definitely take her to her pediatrician and get her checked. Some doctors will see her since you are her grandmother. If she has a pediatrician that you know of, just call his/her office. For future reference though, you or your daughter can write or type out an authorization that states something like this: I, (name of daughter), authorize (your name) to take my daughter to the doctor in case of emergency or for office visits. Then both of you should sign it in front of a notary. You can find notaries at almost any bank branch. You can also find out from the pediatrician if they have a release form or authorization form that your daughter can sign. If anything ever happens to your daughter, there needs to be another adult that can take your grandchild to the doctor. If your daughter absolutely refuses to give you authorization to take her to the doctor, then call the Fairfield County health dept (or Franklin Cty whichever county you live in) and see if there is anything you can do or they can do. (Sometimes the health dept can refer you to a doctor). I hope this helps and pray that your grandchild feels better real soon.
Blessings, N.

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B.C.

answers from Indianapolis on

First of all, your granddaughter needs to go to the doctor. Strep throat and influenza are going around. My daughter does not run a temperature when she has strep throat, but she does get nauseous. Also, my kids have low normal temperatures, one of them has a regular temp of 96.4 and the other two are 97.4 and 97.6. So, even a "normal" 98.6 indicates a fever for them. My son just came down with influenza B, where you usually do have a fever, but there are other symptoms. Chlldren just don't always know how to vocalize. Both of these illnesses are serious and need attention. Your granddaughter's well-being IS your right and you should take her to the doctor. She probably isn't on your insurance, so you may have to pay for the services. If your daughter has insurance, the doctor's office will have it on file. It may be hard to hear this, but your daughter is neglecting your granddaughter's welfare. You may need to get temporary legal custody (it sounds like you do most of the work anyway) in order to care for your granddaughter properly. Do what is morally right to care for your granddaughter.These illnesses can get serious especially if you don't know what you are dealing with. Good luck.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

Good for you for not only doing what feels right for your grandbaby but for the other children as well. You do not have to have a fever to be sick, if she is old enough to appropriately tell you she doesn't feel well, etc and her throat does look red and swollen, her mother needs to take her to the doctor! I don't know how to tell you to make your daughter let you take her or to take her yourself, but good luck and good health

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K.B.

answers from Toledo on

Tell your daughter that you would like to take her to the doctor and ask her if she would like to go with her. You might ask the doctor if you can bring her. If she has her insurance on file, you might be able to. Our doctor lets me bring my grandson. I don't even have to have a note. It is nice when my daughter is at school or work that I can do that for her. In Missouri, I just needed a note from her. Tell your daughter that her daughter could have tonsilitis and not have a fever. My kids had that a lot, but didn't have a fever. She may still need an antibiotic for that. Also, you may ask the school to call her. Send your granddaughter and tell her to have the school call her mother. Maybe they can suggest to her that she need to go to the doctor. Most of the time, children will listen to someone else other than the parent. Good luck.

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L.

answers from Cleveland on

You should have a notarized statement from your daughter giving you permission to obtain any medical treatment you deem necessary.
If you have the child all week long, I would insist on it.
If the mother will not take her child to the doctor when necessary, it is child endangerment.

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L.P.

answers from Toledo on

There are a number of viruses currently in our area which could cause the sore throat and redness. The viruses do not include fever as a general symptom. They can run their course over time but also can become much worse and weakend the immune system so your granddaugther will be likely to pick up other viruses. I reccommend that if this has gone on for several days, you should have her seen by a doctor. Since you have control of her, you do have some rights and responsibilities for her care. I would want to have a copy of the mother's insurance card at all times in case of emergencies.

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K.V.

answers from Columbus on

Most doctors would want to see a child if they have a sore throat for more than 3 days. My doctor told me that they would rather I bring the child in and have then tell my nothing is wrong then not bring in my son. Some people can have strep and not have any visible symptoms like white spots on tonsils or fever. It the child is listless or not acting right err on the side of caution.
Also does your daughter have insurance? Maybe she can't afford the office visit or copay? and can't justify it if her daughter is not acting really sick.

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A.H.

answers from Toledo on

I would be careful with a sore throat. My children and I just got over a very bad case of strep throat. It took us 3 weeks and 2 antibiotics to get over it. And there are some nasty things going around this year. Strep throat can have symptoms that show up weeks down the road and have lasting effects on the body if not treated properly. And by the way...we never had a fever.

I am a SAHM of 4. 6,4 1/2, 2, 3mo.

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J.B.

answers from Dayton on

I would take her anyways. My aunt didn't have insurance on her grandson, but paid out of pocket for it. Also if she turns out to be sick you can prove it to your daughter and have her call the dr. office and submit that to ins and get reinbursed for the visit. It sounds to me like she might have strep throat which my kids don'y usually run fevers with.

Next question: Could There Be STREAP Without a Fever?