Advice for Mom with 2 Under Age 2 - Nashua,NH

I really like the advice Laura S. gave - we did similar things with our first two, who were 21 months apart, although a little less playing at being the baby just because my daughter was older and seemed to need it less than she would have if she were 14 or 15 months old. I will say that the first month was pretty rough, but they are best friends now and I love seeing them play together. It's actually harder to have one of them home alone than to have the two of them together, because when they are both home they entertain one another. When my daughter's friends come over for play dates my son plays along (thankfully my daughter's friends are usually really nice to him), and we've lucked out with a couple friends who have two kids who are similar ages.

Good luck! We're having our third in a few weeks, so I'm facing my own challenge with three where the oldest will only be three and a half...

My two oldest are also 14 months apart. I also underwent c-sections. Plus I nursed for the entire 1st year. I am not saying it is easy by any stretch of the imagination...but it is definitely doable...and fun. I did have help from my husband's cousin who was in transition and lived with us for the 1st month (she was there solely for the 14 month old). I think you will actually see that having your husband work at night will make it easier on you during the day. Since your oldest should be sleeping through the night this would be your time to bond. I tried including my oldest in stuff such as bathing the baby (not constantly saying "no".) and when I would nurse letting him snuggle on the couch with us.

Your oldest will not remember this time at all. She won't remember life without brother. She will adjust before you know it!

Don't stress, take one day at a time and enjoy your time with the kids!

Much luck! And congratulations!!

H. Z. (SAHM 5 1/2, 4 1/2, and 2 year old boys)

My boys (now 2 and 3 y.o.) are 16 months apart. When I was expecting #2, I was racked with guilt about changing my oldest child's life by bringing in a sibling so early. Once the baby was here though I realized that it was actually great timing. The oldest was so young that he still viewed life as an ever-changing thing. He rolled with the punches and didn't show much sign of loss or encroachment on what he had. Now that he is older, he definitely would have thrown major tantrums about having a baby take up time, attention, space, etc. if he had had me all to himself all that time. Instead he and his brother play together and have fun and the older doesn't remember a time when there wasn't a younger brother. My advice would be to keep selling the baby as a positive thing in her world - she'll take her cues from you. Acknowledge her feelings if she shows signs of feeling negatively toward her sibling - you'll need to vocalize them for her and let her know that it is okay to feel that way sometimes and then re-direct her toward the positive side. I like the advice of the previous poster Laura too. Also, there is a blog for moms of two under 2 called www.babybunching.com that you might find helpful/interesting. Good luck!

I found that reading books to my older son while nursing the younger one really helps. When we first brought the baby home, I would contort myself to make sure I could cuddle with him and read to him while breastfeeding and, eventually, over the next couple of months, he didn't feel the need to snuggle in so close. Now my youngest is 6 months old and my older one automatically grabs a book when he sees a burp cloth in my hand and sees that I'm settling down to nurse his brother.

Kids respond to new babies so differently, so my first piece of advice is just to wait to see how your daughter reacts and then come up with an action plan if one is necessary. My boys are 22 months apart, so the age gap is slightly larger, but both were still under 2 when the youngest arrived. My older son did not appreciate the arrival (his first response when he saw his dad holding the baby was to shake his head and run away), but after that he ignored his little brother for quite a while. We never saw any jealousy issues. So it could be that you're worrying for nothing -- just wait and see what comes.

The hardest part for me was figuring out how to nurse the baby and take care of my other son at the same time. I think we read a lot of stories during nursing time. DVDs are also good. I never tried this, but I have heard of having a special box of toys that the oldest can play with just when mommy is nursing. Your daughter might be too young to really have this be effective right now, but it is an idea.

You could also try involving your daughter in caring for the baby. Get her to "help" by bringing the baby blankets (my son loved to do this, although we had to make sure he didn't smother his brother with the blankets) and toys, getting a diaper for you when you are changing the baby, etc. Then it will be her baby too and not just someone else who gets mommy's time.

Having two kids under 2 is definitely challenging, especially at first, but ultimately I was glad my kids were so close in age. It's really great how well they play together. Enjoy!

My two children are 12 months 5 days apart. I tried to make the new addition a quiet, no-fuss, occasion. Since my daughter was only a year old, I was concerned about her accidentally hurting her brother, but I never got angry or upset when she popped him because she honestly didn't know better. I would gently say 'hugs and kisses only' and direct her to do something else. She had her jealous moments but for the most part I think if you give the older one 'big kid' activities or tasks that the baby can't do and that are special to her and don't get angry or scold her for her natural reactions, the new baby will be welcomed and loved by all.

Hi J. - Congrats to you on #2! My girls are 22 months apart, so it was pretty shortly after the baby was born that my oldest turned 2, but I can still share a few things I learned from the experience. The most important thing in my opinion is, don't expect anything from your 14 month old except what she is able to give... in other words, she really still is a baby herself, just an "older" baby, and she will not understand what is happening, so you have to just try to keep things as normal and stable for her as you can. Try to stick to the same routine that you have now, within reason. Make her feel special and secure, maybe focusing only on her when the baby is sleeping, or reading her special story while you are nursing the baby (I never thought I could do that, but it is AMAZING what you do when you have to!!). Just give her tons of affection and love. She will learn quickly and adapt in time. She might even surprise you and be better than you imagine with it all. I found that when you have a second child, especially when the first isn't that old herself, that you have to make it more about the older one than the baby for the first couple of weeks. In no way am I suggesting you ignore the baby or skimp on bonding time, but someone told me the older one will likely remember being second place but the baby will never know differently... that stuck with me. My girls are 2 and 4 now and they are very close and have a great relationship (except for fighting over toys, of course!!). Since you are having a c-section (I did too), you will have almost a week alone in the hospital with the baby, so get a lot of snuggling in before you get home! I had a nursing routine somewhat down with my youngest by the time I got home with her! I loved that time in the hospital with her. Finally, use your husband as much as you can during the day before he goes to work. Maybe he can do something special with your older one, like go to the park or a walk, and she can get some one-on-one attention there. I hope this helps a little... this is just my personal experience. Yours may be different. Best of luck!!

I have 2 under 2 right now and I have to say that while it is very labor intensive, as everyone said it would be, it is not nearly as hard as I was expecting it to be. My oldest had about a week that he was off because of me being in the hospital and all of the chaos from having family visit, etc. but after that he has been a great big brother and has completely adjusted to having a little brother with no trouble at all.
Because he is so young, I always have to watch that he is gentle with the baby. It is not that he is trying to be mean, he just does not understand the concept that a baby is delicate. I often have the baby in the bouncy seat on the table or the carseat on a chair so that the baby is out of reach. From day one, when I am nursing the baby, I have stood firm that "mommy is nursig right now, I will play/hold, etc. you when I am done" and after a few weeks he now understands that I cannot do anything else when nursing. I use a baby pack when we go to the store so that my son can sit in the cart and we have been able to go to the park, library etc. like that. We also have a great double stroller that has been put to use every day since day 1. I know that the transition is much harder with an older child because they are much more jealous. So that is something to keep in mind if you are feeling guilty about the oldest having to grow up so quickly.
My husband and I also make an effort to spend time one to one with each child when at all possible. Often I will put the oldest to bed or go to the store with the youngest, etc. so that we are still able to have times when we are giving all of our attention to the one child.
Everyone says it gets easier as they get older, and even a few months later it has! Good luck!