Advice for Getting 4-Year-old to Help Self Dress Needed

My son is just about 4 and has been challenging in this respect as well. Recently he himself made it a game - actually a competitive one - whereby we all "race" to get dressed and ready to go. He says "I'm winning" ... he does have quite a competitive streak so this seems to work perfectly for him, but clearly may not work for everyone! Good luck, I know it's a real drag in the am sometimes!

Hi K.,
I have a close friend who has a 4 year old and they went through a brief period like that. They did 3 things things, 1) they would dress her the night before in a school outfit, so there was no protests in the morning. 2) they let her feel more in control by letting her pick an outfit, even if it was to decide to stay in her pajamas. When she goes to school in her pajamas, her peers will quickly let her know what they think about it, which may motivate her to dress appropriately for school and any preschool teacher will totally understand. 3) they forced her to get dressed amongst protest.
I do not remember which one actually worked, but I know they tried all 3 of these.
Good Luck!
N.

I have 5 little boys ages 8-17months, all of my boys are in bed by 7:30pm...I would suggest you change your evening routine and put your kids to bed earlier then they will wake up earlier and be ready to start the day. I love that my kids go to bed early, this is the first year they've stayed up til 7:30 before it was 7....kids need lots of sleep, young kids between 12-14 hours(factor in naps too). My kids wake up at 7am and we start our day, they wake us up, I very rarely have to wake one of them...adjust your evening schedule and it may take a week or two...just like daylight savings but they will adjust and wake up well rested and ready to go...besides once they go down early you have extra time to finish what you need to do and then relax maybe even watch a show before you crash! On the other hand look at it this way at least you can dress her in what you want too, for a little while longer... I really thing an earlier bed time is the answer I don't fight the morning battles that most my friends whose kids stay up later than mine do...good luck with whatever you try!

Hi K.,
I would create a routine for her. In bed by 8pm and by 7am, go to her room, put some music on, a tape of her favorite tv character may help. For example, my daughters love the Wiggles, They have tons of musical cds in stores. That may help to gently wake her from her sleep. I have a 4yr old too and she usually wakes me up. My 6yr old on the other hand, I have to wake her up every morning. I usually turn the lights on in her room, knock on her door and tell her to be downstairs in 2mins. That works for us. For your baby, I think 10mins after she wakes up, have her go to the bathroom, wash her face and brush teeth, that will do the trick to really wake her, let her do it though. Dressing time is next. Hand her one piece at a time. For my 4yr old, she likes to wear skirts and dresses all the time. That is a problem for me because I want her to wear pants in the winter so what I do is try to distract her. I give her the pants first while I talk to her about something really silly. She often complains but then I tell her how late I will be for work and how my boss is an ogre who will be very angry at me!! She usually feels sorry for me and complys. I hope she never meets my boss.
I hope that helps. Have fun.

K.

I think she needs to go to bed earlier. Start your bedtime routine at 7:00 and hopefully she'll be asleep by at least 8 but 7:30 would be better.

8 a.m. is very early for preschool. Especially 5 days a week. I think her behavior is communicating that she is just plain tired of this rigorous schedule.

A.

Have you tried sending her to preschool in her PJ's if she's not cooperating? This might send a signal to her that she has to get herself dressed or she'll end up going in her pj's and not able to wear her outfit she picked out to wear. I've had to do that to my kids - and they were ALOT older!! My daughter went to school in 7th grade in her pajamas...she REFUSED to get dressed that morning - off to school in her pajamas she went!!! (of course I explained what happened to the principal - )...

Just a suggestion...

Good luck!

Hey K.--
looks like there's a lot of sound advice here....
But give this one a try--
Motivate her independence- by rewarding her with a fashion accessory OF HER CHOICE *AFTER* she dresses herself.
Make the expectations clear BEFORE you start the process of getting dressed in the am that if she does what is expected she may put on (with your help) an accessory of her choice once she is dressed to her shoes. Let her know ahead of time what the plan is- Day one- she needs to put on her top by herself, Once that goes well-- it's her top AND bottom....
until eventually she needs to be dressed to her socks BY HERSELF before she can put on the chosen accessory.

The Fashion accessory doesn't need to be expensive- and should be age appropriate- and possibly draw attention so she can tell people how she 'earned' wearing it(a cardboard crown, a long cord/necklace with a charm or lots of beads- bracelet- ring- colorful hair tie or headband- or a special treat of wearing unmatching socks-sounds silly to some I know- but it worked!)
I would get up in the am- go into their room and get my daughter motivated by telling her how interested I was to see what fashion choices she would be making today...and then complimenting her on her choice of colors when she came to me fully dressed. I would then ask her what 'finishing touches' she would want to put on her outfit. She mostly chose unmatching socks-- or sometimes a necklace- scarf/bandana around her waist...
ANYway--
It's different- and worked for us.
Best of luck-
D. P.

I agree with Michelle, you can take her in her pjs....or try having her go to bed in her clothes for the next day....some battles aren't worth fighting. I don't mean to make light of this, it's just I made a big deal of it back then (my girls are 14 and 19), and after, you realize, don't sweat the small stuff. Put her in cute sweats and t-shirt before she goes to bed, off you go in the morning............

Perhaps she should be getting evenmore slep? Most Pediatricians advise 9 - 11 hours at her age. Try pittuing her to bed at 7:30 or 8 latest. Also, if you gve her a bath at night, and she is clean, put her clothes for the morning on her at night, or at least the top and then pajama bottoms. Unless she wears dreses to school, most play clothes are of fabrics that move wel and don't get wrinkled. Then you can focus on waking her up and making shure she gets a healthy breakfast t help her get "revved up"

I have twin girls age 5 and one of my daughters has been going through this for the past year. A few suggestions:
1. Explain to her what you will do first, like the night before; get a timer and set it for 2-3 minutes - if she can get up and get dressed in the morning, before the timer goes off, she can get a sticker or whatever reward you prefer.
Or
2. Talk to her the night before or at dinner and talk briefly - ask her for a solution. If no go there, let her know, from now on you are going to give her a count to three and if she does not get dressed then she will sit on the step for 4 minutes.
3. Set up a chore chart. Things she must complete each morning - make it as detailed or simple as you want and have her help you decorate it. Then for each chore in the morning have her put a sticker by it. Figure out some reward system for total number of stars or stickers and end of the week give her a treat - like she can pick what she wants for dinner or whatever you think might peak her interest and get her motivated.
Hope this helps! S.

Hi K.,

Motivational tools that worked for just about any occasion included stars for each time my child did what I wanted. 14 stars equal a nice small reward like a book. It took about two weeks for a new habit to stick.

Further, at that age, both of my kids were asleep. The 2 yr old can go at 7:30 and the 4 yr can get extra time to read and go to sleep at 8. More sleep helps so much with attitude. It should make life easier for you and give you some time for yourself. See Dr.Ferber on how much sleep little ones need. My 12 year old still needs about 10 hours and goes to bed at 9 and the 9 year old still goes to bed by 8:30.

Good luck,
Ana M.

my now 5.5 yr old in kindergarten acts the same way. she fights to dress herself and once not too long ago i had to dress her. her pre-k was 5 days a week as well and the bus didnt come to pu til 9am. she was used to a very short day. she was always home by 1pm. now kind bus picks up before 8am(almost an hr bus ride as well) and she gets home right before 3 pm(1/2 hr bus ride). she even tells me how tired she is! she cant get but a few min rest in kind at rest time but who can sleep? she really could use that nap she used to get in prek
i would suggest going to bed earlier...my almost 9 yr old is going to intramurals 2x a week and the early bus comes at 640am those are the days she has dance in the evening as well so we make her go to bed at 730 pm the night before and if she pulls anything like cranky behavior like her and the 5 yr old did last night they both went to bed at 730 too. noone was cranky this am and they both got ready for school with no issues.
sounds like she needs more sleep ;o)
A.

HI K.,
I have 2 grown children and a grandchild. I am also a pediatric nurse and have been a pastor's wife who taught parenting classes.
As for your 4 year old, I can suggest a couple of things. Try getting her to bed 30 minutes earlier and allow her to pick out 2 or 3 books she can look at by herself. It will be a way of her winding down on her own. Then after 15 minutes give her lights out unless she is already asleep. One of the main reasons kids are cranky in the morning is they are not getting enough rest and each child's needs vary.
Secondly, in the morning, do not allow her to eat breakfast until she is dressed. She will catch on quickly, and finally, allow her to put a sticker on the calendar for each day that she gets dressed without a fuss and if she gets one for every day then give her a reward whether it be time with you or a treat or some other privlage.
Hope it all goes well,
Mary Jaen

Well first thing in the morning is NOT the time to get her used to dressing herself,

Try getting her to put her jammies on each night
and undress herself before hand.

creating a habit is the best, but trying to make her do it in the morning will only backfire,

keep it this way till she is accustomed to doing it easily , and then get her halfway dressed and make her finish the rest

I would make my son dress in the living room
the floor was cold and it woke him up

If i left him in the bedroom he would simply lay back down to sleep

Also very help full is a washcloth, wash her face and hands
, it makes them cold and want to hurry up and get dressed

But moving them from the bed works the best and easiest

M

Hi K.,
I a new to this site, so I don't know if you have had responses like mine, but here goes. I am a preschool director and a mother of 2 girls, ages 20 months and 4. By no means do I mean to sound like an expert, but here is just a thought. If your daughter likes school, and this will only work if she really does, then tell her she needs to get herself dressed or she isn't going. You can't cave, under any circumstances though. My husband will tell my daughter to dress herself 6 times and then does it for her. I tell her and she does it because the one time she didn't I wouldn't do it for her and she missed the bus. I drove her to school, but for my daughter, the bus ride is the highlight of her day. If you have the opportunity, provided she does know how to dress herself, try it a few times. If she doesn't like school, we go with the chart method. Right now we are working on sleeping the whole night in her own bed. Each time she does it she gets a sticker and when she gets 10, (in your case you may want to start smaller), she gets a predetermined prize. It helps when you are shopping and the "I wants" start to set in. You can respond with, "maybe when you get yourself dressed 3 days in a row, I will buy that for you" But you have to make sure you stick to it and that prize doesn't come her way for any other reason.
Hope this helps!!!
J.

830 and 9pm is awful late for a 4 year old to go to bed. Try pushing her bed time back 15 minutes a night till she gets used to a more reasonable bed time.Even 8 is better thatn 9. Maybe she is just too tired to get dressed in the morning. She needs atleast 10 hours of sleep.

Hi K.,

I have a 2, 4, and 6 year old. My oldest has always been a Raggedy Andy Doll. At 6.5 he still needs coaching (nagging), but he does do it. Also, recently he was diagnosed with hypotonia and sensory integration dysfunction, which has played a role in this. I'm certainly not saying this is the case with your daughter, because kids all work at different paces. Whatever the reason, I agree, it can be very frustrating, especially when you need to be some place early.

My advice to you, and what has worked for us is an early bed-time. I would gradually start moving toward 7:30/8pm. It will give you an hour more time to unwind, (that is given your 2 year old is sleeping too) and hopefully your daughter a bit more energy in the morning. The other thing is patience....she just may not be there yet. It sounds like you're already working the "get dressed games", I would continue with that. Songs, incentives (bribes), books about getting dressed, and tons of compliments and rewards when she shows progress.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you....and know that you are not alone.

Hi, don't worry, stop it now. Your little stinker will keep doning what she's doing as long as you keep doing what your doing. Stay calm and say " I guess you want to go to school today in your pj's" go on with the rest of the morning as usual.Ask her if she'd like to pack them in case she changes her mind. Let her choose. Tell her teachers what you are doing and ask them to please not make a big deal of it. At some point the lack of fuss will change her mind. DO NOT notice any thing until her behavior changes for the better. THEN NOTICE..." Oh sweetie you are growing into a very helpful girl.....The peer group polices it self with wonderful results.

Hi-
I have a four year olds girl as well. I used to try to make her wear certain outfits that I liked but now I make sure that I buy her elastic waisted pants/skirts/leggings and pull over dresses and shirts. I let her pick out her own clothes so that she wears what she wants. They don't always match but I have learned that it is out of my control.

Another idea...does she like "Hannah Montana" or any other characters? If so, tell her that "Hannah Montana wears leggings and skirts" or "This outfit looks like a Hannah Montana outfit". SHe will be more motivated to get dressed if she thinks it is something that one of her "idols" would wear.

Lastly, I read a book called "Positive Disciplie" that suggests that if she will not get dressed by herself she will have to wear her pajamas to school. Eventually she will not want to do that because it is different from what opthers do and then she will be more motivated to dress herself.

Hope this helps!

Hi - my daughter is turning 5 in a month, there are mornings she does not want to dress herself as well. My husband and I have made it a game where who can get dressed first. He will count out lound while her and I dress ourselves. The winner gets to pick out desert that night. This seems to have worked on those rough mornings. Other times when she does not want to listen and particpate at all, (and I have begged), I basically give her the clothes and let her know I am leaving and if she is not ready in 5 minutes, I am going with out her. (not that I ever would) but this has worked as well.

A little about me:
Mom of a beautiful little 4 year old, works full time and married almost 7 years.
D.

It looks like lots of good advice but I will add my 2 cents worth . Take your daughter to WalMart and let her pick an outfit she likes alot (RE: DORA or something similar). Hang it up in her room where she can see it, and tell her when she gets dressed for so many days by herself-or at least tries as best as she can, she may wear it . A sticker chart may help with this goal. I have a three year old daughter so know where you are at with this.

Hi K.,

Parenting is the toughest job. I know I have raised 3 boys and now just had my second grand child. With your daughter she has learned this behaviour so it will take some time to change it so be patient. Start little with one item of clothing and praise her or give her an incentive like a favorite toy or something she likes.

You could show her then let her do it. If she refuses maybe getting up a little earlier when she goes to school and take the time to have her put her clothes on herself. A lot of times kids know what buttons to push. If we make it an issue and don't win and she does, it will continue. You have to turn it around some. How do you have a niece or a friend who might have young girls or boys who dress themselves. She cold learn by watching them.

If you know she can do it then she might be playing you and you will have to just get up earlier and not listen to her pleas. Then just take the time and let her fuss if she must but insist on it and have some sort of incentive if she does it. I know their can be a power struggle and parents must win. Be patient it's taken her some time to learn this so she will have to unlearn this behaviour.

Hope this helps,

J.

Hi K.,

I think you need to figure out if she is limp because she is tired and not getting enough sleep - you may need to adjust her bedtime.

If she is just being uncooperative or defiant, I would simply not give her the choice of mom dressing her. Make sure she has clothes that she is capable of putting on herself, set the timer and tell her that she has 10 minutes in which to dress herself and whatever she has on when the timer goes off is what she will be going to school wearing, whether it's her outfit, her pajamas or her underwear.

Good luck!