Adults with Aspergers Syndrome

I know two adults with AS, a friend in a discussion group, and my son-in-law. The friend expresses the syndrome much more strongly than my son-in-law (who is not diagnosed, but all friends and relatives agree that he's an Asperger's type).

I have very high regard for my son-in-law as both a husband and a father. He's practical, intelligent, focused, and doesn't get distracted from accomplishing a task he finds worthwhile. He has good judgement and is not impulsive. He is one of the most honest and ethical people I have ever known, and is not at all prone to exaggeration. He plans well and handles money well. He researches all important household purchases in detail. He is a little incomprehending on some interpersonal matters. But he asks for and takes advice and suggestions with very little ego-defensiveness, and is almost always agreeable, with a ready sense of humor. He's an affectionate, involved and consistent daddy.

My daughter feels very, very lucky to have this guy for a spouse, although he doesn't like touch very much (sensory integration?) and she craves it, and she wishes he could be a little more spontaneous sometimes, and that he could intitiate special remembrances with their son, like a special gift or activity on Mother's Day. That doesn't make sense to him; she's not HIS mother, right? Totally practical! But she's had boyfriends who like touch, were spontaneous and thoughtful, but would have been terrible mates. She's happy to accept his limitations and enjoy his strengths.

My discussion-group friend is quite a bit stronger in his expression of Asperger's. He can be quite blind to other people's reactions to comments he makes and rather strange choices he makes in clothing, simply assuming everyone thinks like he does. He talks very loudly and with little modulation, but part of that could be that he's hard of hearing and his hearing aids only pick up some of other people's words. I find him both challenging and charming, and can't imagine how he would find a significant other unless it's somebody much like him. But I like him, and find that like my SIL, he has little ego-defensiveness. If someone quietly suggests he's been talking too loud or repetitiously, or taking more than his turn, he cheerfully thanks them and adjusts accordingly.

I'm sure there's a great deal more I could say, but these are my strongest impressions.

There are several books written by people with Aspergers that are really good and might offer you some insight -
For instance Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robinson. He writes about what it was like for him growing up and goes in to great depth about how he thinks. He's been married twice and has a child.
http://www.johnrobison.com/
Temple Grandin (also autistic) has written several books pertaining to autism, animal rights and her life. I've only read Thinking in Pictures.
http://www.templegrandin.com/
Both authors are very interesting to read and good at explaining their thought processes.
It's someplace to start AND I'd bet that if you do some poking around on their websites you'll find links to support groups for people with Autism and their families.

My son is 12 and has high-functioning autism (PDD-NOS). His best friend has Aspergers. I often watch these two play together and wonder what they'll be like as adults. I hope from the bottom of my heart (and actually believe) that they will have success in both their personal and professional lives. I just wanted to thank you for posting this question because the responses you get will give me insight into what my son's future may possibly be.

Greetings L.,
I have a wonderful son with Aspergers Syndrome. He has not found anyone to seriously date and I would like to see what you learn so that we can share it with him to help him in his life choices. When he went to the prom he made it a special night for the young lady with roses, limo, and a special necklace he bought but she soon moved on to someone without a disability. You must be a special person to have a young person lucky enough for you to consider them. As a mother please let me tell you that although my son Jon, is a great young man going to college many with this disability are not able to function like that and many sadly withdraw from people when things get to intense. I know that my son has not the skills to understand a joke, read bodylanguage that says he has gone to far and is boreing people, etc. It is not an easy road but if you are willing to see beyond some limitations you will generally find loyal,faithful to a fault, and honest and pure heart in a person with this disability. Please feel free to contact me for any questions and I promise to get you what ever answers I can. Some time ago there was a young woman who was married to someone with Asperger's who made posts and I will see if I have any of those old MamaSource posts. My very Best Wishes,

My daughter has Asperger's. An excellent book on the topic is The Complete guide to Asperger's written by Tony Attwood. After my daughter's diagnosis (she's 6 now, but was 4.5 when diagnosed), while reading the book, I realized I had many traits of an Aspie also!

I'm guessing you're asking this questions because you suspect your married to one? Typical traits are obsessions about certain subject matter; talking at someone instead of with someone; difficulties with empathy; among other things.

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com