Hello Mamas,
I just have been diagnosed with ADHD at 40, its been bitter sweet. So many of my questions that I have had all of my life have finally been answered. I would like to hear from other moms who have ADHD, how has your experience been? Are you on meds? which ones? I know everyone reacts to meds differently. I am very successful professionally however it has been a struggle. I guess I have determination on my side, but I like to explain it as always swimming upstream and I am tired. Everything has been a challenge for me, from being present and patient with my children to comprehending information for my job, not to mention the organization part of my life, my house....etc etc. If you have ADHD I don't have to explain I know you get it. Just wondering where to go from here. I have already had the experience of friends/loved ones not understanding the diagnosis and minimizing it. Not a good feeling. Any words, stories, tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Most important tip, don't listen to people who don't have ADHD or have never loved someone with ADHD. I do find it amusing that I can accept I haven't a clue how their minds work but they seem to think they know all about mine.....and will tell me all about it.
The right meds are amazing. Ritalin isn't the right med for most. Makes you into a zombie. Stratera doesn't work either except for like 5% and it takes almost a month to rule it out.
I don't have ADHD, but my hubby does. He was diagnosed at 45 after our 6 yr old was diagnosed. He is on Adderall and it has helped a lot. I really suggest seeing a therapist. My hubby also battles depression because he has a lot of "If I had only been diagnosed sooner" thoughts-how much more successful he could have been, etc. Seeing a therapist and getting on meds has helped him a lot. Also, recognizing that certain behaviora are ADHD driven and how to cope and make adjustments.
I was diagnosed at 44 with ADHD. I'm 52 now. Up until I had children I seemed to function okay, not great, but the house stayed reasonably tidy & I was mostly organized in my business affairs. After the births of our 3 girls in 4 years...not so much. When I finally took our oldest daughter in for a diagnosis, my husband asked me to PLEASE go too. He gleefully filled out the spouse questionnaire & although I at first resisted taking medicine for both my daughter & myself, it has helped tremulously.
One time I explained my thoughts to my husband as my mind is a lotto machine going 100 mph & each ball is a thought. Those thoughts are overwhelming, each one demanding that I do it now, regardless whether it is really important or not. With the Concerta, I can usually grab a "ball" focus on it long enough to at least write it down, figure out if it is needed now or later & hopefully get done what needs to be done.
I still struggle with prioritizing my to do list & sometimes with depression, but I have been plugging away at my self improvement program: healthy eating, sleeping enough & exercising at least 5 days a week--outside--I seem to REALLY need to be outside for at least 1/2 hour everyday. More outside time would be nice, but I can't always do that.
I struggle with loneliness also, because if you haven't lived with ADHD, it is easy to minimize it. And explaining my "issues" to others seems to me like I'm making excuses or I'm lazy.
I am sort of doing the FLY Lady system for both our house & our business. I'm not following it exactly, but the bits I DO do, have made a HUGE difference in how our house looks & how our business is functioning. It is still not the house my husband wants, clean wise but there has been a VAST improvement in the last 3-4 years.
I know that there are Adult ADHD support groups around town & I always mean to make time to go to one, but it hasn't happened yet. Seeing a therapist & reading books on ADHD have helped me some also.
I'm 34 and I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8. I was on meds from then through school and they did help me quite a bit. I stopped taking them in my 20's and then tried Adderall XR in 2008. It worked very well for me, but I was getting flack for taking it as a Soldier, so I stopped and started using caffeine to self medicate.
Caffeine gave me migraines, so I had to back off. I still use it on occasion for certain projects, but I don't ever drink enough to allow it to build up in my system.
Adderall XR was great for me. My son, who also has ADHD, takes Vyvanse and Intuniv with great success. He tried Adderall XR and had bad side effects.
You just have to start somewhere when it comes to the drugs, and recognize that it may not be the drug for you. Be open-minded.
Also, stop trying to be "normal." Make goals for what you want to do and come up with innovative ways to get it done. Use the calendar and reminders on your phone. Be consistent each day.
Good luck to you. ADHD really isn't awful once you've learned how to work with it.
I'm just the parent of a child with ADHD, but I wanted to wish you well on your journey.
A couple of great resources as you begin. The first is CHADD, the association for adults and children with ADHD. I went to their national conference last year and they do amazing work. A reliable source of facts about ADHD. Second is ADDitude magazine. It, too, is aimed at both adults with ADHD and families with children with the condition. Really great, practical life tips in an easy-to-read magazine.
Best of luck to you in finding your match with medication. When you get the right one, it's a "wow" moment. Our son doesn't gripe one bit about taking his because he knows what a huge difference it's made in his life. And just a note that Ritalin doesn't make you a "zombie" any more than any other medication will on too high a dosage. The right dosage will not do that to anyone. Psychiatrists today will start you off on a very small dosage and work up until it's just right.
I have not been diagnosed with it but sure I have it. I do the same thing as I do for my son caffeine. He's got more hyperactivity than I do but I as like him when I was young. We can drink Mt. Dew and fall asleep. It works the same as meds. For most people it's an upper and so are the meds but for someone with ADHD it works the opposite way.
Wishing you well on this journey, I know the diagnosis is not an easy one but knowing now you can help control it can be a relieving feeling. I do not have ADHD but my 11 year old was diagnosed when he was around 7-8. His issues are more the hyperactivity and lack of focus. He was on a non-stimulant for a few years (Intuniv) and it worked well for a while but earlier this year we/he noticed it wasn't working well for him anymore. I was against adding a stimulant, but after doing my homework I finally agreed with is pediatrician. His pedi moved him to 36mg of Concerta back in May and he is thriving. Doing well in school, attitude, focus, hyperactivity, friends etc. The right medication and dosage can make a world of difference. Definitely check out the resources NewName2013 recommended, there is alot of great advice and information there. I agree don't take advice/opinions too close to heart of those who do not live with ADHD/ADD and it's effects on daily life, some of them don't and won't care to understand it. I have gotten a little of that on our journey with ADHD with my 11 year old, some just thinking he needed more discipline when in fact he couldn't control the way he acted at times. He will deal with this his entire life and as a parent I will do anything in my power to help him thrive and succeed. Good luck to you and wish you well!
