Adoption Questions

Updated on March 11, 2009
L.P. asks from Terre Haute, IN
7 answers

I'm considering adopting a child and it would be a single mother adoption. I would love to receive advice from others who have adopted, either individually or as a couple about the process, the pros and cons, along with some estimated costs (there's quite a range shown when you research online). In addition, I'd love to have some advice as to how other single mothers deal with their every-day life, from working full-time, to child care, to maintaining a modified social life. So, I guess in general, I'm looking for any advice that others can give about motherhood and/or adoption. Thanks for taking the time to write back to me. I can't believe this is the first adoption entry on the site!

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answers from Indianapolis on

Hi L.,

I myself have never adopted so I don't realy have any information for that. However I am a single mom of 3 children. and until my oldest daughter was 8 I was married to a good father. The ups and downs of having to work full time and still maintain your home is a great challange but one that you eventualy get used to. I am now working part time and seeing my youngest daughter through school something I was not able to do with my older two kids. Child care is expensive but if you find the right person it is also good for the kids to interact with others. The only reason I am able to work part time now with my youngest is with the help of a great man and the help of a great company that offers stay at home an income. I work with other moms to make the success that I will no doubt enjoy soon. I just started with the company but my team is a great team of moms that were just starting out years ago and understand the time it takes. Hope this helps a single mom is a strong mom in my oppinion. Have a great day.



answers from Indianapolis on

I am a single mom. I had my daughter in Jan. It is hard, but it is definitely worth it. I work full time and take her to daycare. Which is 200 a week. I am sure you could find something cheaper, but it does get kind of hard. I get lonely sometimes, but there are mom groups around somewhere. I would definitely say go for it. The pros definitely outweigh the cons.



answers from Indianapolis on

Hi there,
I am an adoptive mom of one and soon to be two. We adopted domestically both times. Talk to lots of people. Do your research and listen to your heart about what is right for you. We found lots of myths about domestic adoption that proved simply not true. We've had a great experience. We would recommend A Bond of Life agency in Zionsville. They work with single parents. Not something you will find in all agencies. Good luck and please let me know if you have any questions. I'd be happy to tell you more!



answers from Bloomington on

I am not single, but like someone else said, marriage brings problems, too. I have always wanted kids, so I understand why you are thinking of adoption. We talked about it, but having our own children was easier. My advice is that you build a strong support system before you have a (get a) child. The lack of sleep and constantly being needed by someone else can really wear a person down. There have been many days that I could hardly wait for my husband to get home so I could take a nap.

I worked full-time with our first daughter. I was able to manage, but my job was very flexible and I could take her to my office when she was sick or the sitter couldn't watch her. I was also able to leave work in the middle of the day so that I could go on field trips, pick her up from preschool, watch Christmas programs, etc. I work part-time now with our second daughter and I can't imagine having the energy or strength to do all the household chores, take care of the girls and work full-time.

When it comes to daycare, you have to do some research. We have had some good daycares and some bad. One problem is that daycares have lots of germs. We are now using a mom who only watches a couple kids so that our 7-month old can go back to being healthy. Just beware that daycares / sitters take time off, too, along with sick time you will need.

If you think you have the energy and the help you need, I think it's wonderful that you're looking to adopt. We did some foster care a few years ago and there are lots of kids who need good homes.

Good luck!



answers from Fort Wayne on

I think this is something that if you feel the desire to do, you should do it. One thing about being a mother is that your life adjusts naturally for your children. It seems like when you have one and you're kept so busy, that a second child couldn't POSSIBLY be easily fit into your routine, but when you have that second child, it's as if he/she had always been there. Sure, it gets lonely at times, but that part happens whether you're a single mother or happily married. As a mother, you go through periods where you feel isolated, and feel like you have no help, but it's natural to feel that way at times, single or not. Also, I think it's great that you'll have to keep your job, because your social life won't be completely lost. Even though it's work, you'd be surprised at how much you like just being around people who don't spit up on themselves! I've thought about going back to work several times over the last four years, strictly for the fact that I thought it would be good for me to have some adult contact. It puts quite a strain on your husband or boyfriend when they're the only adults that you have a chance to communicate with some days. Believe me, I know it's hard to be a single mother, my mom raised three of us on her own, but don't let that scare you. Honestly, being married brings a whole other can of worms! Life is hard, no matter what your situation, but it doesn't mean that things aren't worth the hardship. I'll tell you one thing, had I decided to not have any children, I know now after having two of my own, that I would've cheated myself immensely. Having a child truly does fulfill a woman's life. My children opened up a part of me that I never even knew existed. It's crazy when you're having a rotten day, and your child is sick, and then they throw up all over you, and the only thing you can think of is "oh, my poor little angel!" Now that's love when you can look at someone who just ruined your favorite shirt and feel immensely bad that they're feeling sick and wishing and praying that you could make them feel better. Ever felt that much compassion for someone? It's truly beyond words. Good luck, I hope you find a wonderful child who needs a mother like you.



answers from South Bend on

Hi L., we adopted our son internationally in 2005 and I would love to answer any questions you may have or eventually think of. You have received some good responses on the mother's side, so I won't touch on that.

Are you thinking boy or girl or does it matter and what age?
Are you thinking of adopting domestically or internationally? I ask, because that will greatly influence your process time and cost. If you are thinking internationally are there certain children that you are naturally drawn to? Asian children, Caucasian children, etc. that will help you narrow down a country. I have a couple of friends that have adopted domestically and through their friends and/or doctors or lawyers have heard of a mother making an adoption plan for their child and then our friends were able to speak with the mother and the adoption process started for them.

A great book that I read when we were thinking about adopting was from (that is really the name of the book- haha) and I read through this website: and listened to a radio show on: I am not saying to go or don't go with this agency, but it really helped me when I wanted to find out more about the process.

The process goes something like this (but every adoption is as unique as the children)
1. decide domestic or international
2. find an agency to help with paperwork or some lawyers can help if it is a domestic adoption
3. start the paperwork process (this includes everything from your taxes last year to your fingerprints and background checks) your agency will tell you what you need to do then you will have a homestudy done (no they don't go through your underwear drawer-haha) and the questions for this is again based on domestic or international adoption
4. then international adoption- paperwork goes to country, gets translated, you receive a referral, you visit referral and accept or decline the referral (child) and then (depending on country), return to the USA for more paperwork and wait for a court date and then return to the country and go to court and then you are united with your child
5. I'm not as familiar with domestic, but I believe you wait for the child to be born and then you go to that state and you are required to stay in that state for a certain amount of time (some states are a day, others a week or so) then I believe you finish the adoption with more paperwork

I really hope I haven't overwhelmed you! If there is anything that I can help you with, please don't hesitate to let me know. Good Luck with your decision.



answers from Fort Wayne on

I haven't adopted a child. However, I am a single parent raising a 16 month old boy. It can be very hard and rewarding at the same time. I was working 30+ hours a week and sending him to his great grand mothers house for her to watch him. I was always worried about whether I would have enough money to pay the bills, buy food, and get diapers and things needed for my son. All of it is worth it to see my sons smiling face, have him hug and kiss me, yell mama at night when he's scared and wants to lay with me. I wouldn't give it up for anything. Sometimes I wish I had waited a little longer before I had actually had him though.

My aunt had to go through 8 hour parenting classes 3 times a week, get CPR certified, and a few other things to adopt my little cousin back into the family after he was taken away from his mother. Hope that helps a little.

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