Adoption Information

Updated on June 30, 2008
B.S. asks from Zebulon, NC
14 answers

Hey there everyone!! I was wondering if anyone had any experience with adoption? My husband and I are thinking about adopting through the fostor care system and if anyone has any information that could help would be great. My 7 year old really wants a little brother!! We have been trying for years to have another child and to my dismay no luck. I feel like adoption is the answer for us.We have a lot of love to offer a child and there are so many children out there that need a home. I welcome any advice.

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K.

answers from Charlotte on

We have just finalized a domestic infant adoption and would be happy to share any helpful information we can.

I also recommend joining yahoo groups for those adopting or who have adopted--it's very helpful.

Search for 'Adoption: A Gift Of Love' under yahoo groups, for example.

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L.C.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi B., I friend of mine adopted 2 kids through "foster to adopt" program in Harrnett County, as far as I know prosses was fast, and they did not pay anything.They are very happy now. I can give you her contact info if you'd like to know the details.

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S.H.

answers from Raleigh on

Cradle of Hope is an organization that works out Russian adoptions. A friend of mine adopted a one-year-old recently through them. I think this is also the organization that arranged for older kids (not babies) to come over to spend summers with families. I think some of these kids are available for adoption. This may be a way to get involved with the organization, and you may find a child who is a little more appropriately aged to really offer your son a closer to peer-aged sibling instead of a young baby. If this is something you are really interested in, email me back, and I'll try to get more information.

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V.C.

answers from Wheeling on

Adoption is wonderful! As a Christian, I've been adopted into God's family, and I couldn't be happier! I also have some really good friends who either were adopted or have adopted children. Every child needs a good home, so if you can give it, DO! God bless! There's some really good (Christian-based) info about adoption at www.family.org.

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A.G.

answers from Greensboro on

Like one of the other moms here, we adopted through Gladney (twice) and everything went smoothly. We adopted newborns born in the U.S. I don't have any experience with the foster parent-to-adoption route. I will say that the general public's view of adoption is tainted by all the dramatic stories on t.v. of adoptions that went wrong. Adoptions go off with no complications EVERY DAY. Don't let the few horror stories that make the news deter you. If you feeled called to adopt, I promise you your child is out there. Good Luck!

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C.W.

answers from Louisville on

Hello B.,
My name is C. and my husband and i adopted a little girl 8 years ago from the foster care system. It was a very long process and very hard. Although we would not change the outcome for anything in the world, i do have to tell you that it was full of heartaches and troubles! I am leaving for a mission trip tomorrow and will be gone for a week. I would love to hear more on your plans and fill you in more on what we experienced when I get back. Here is my e-mail [email protected]____.com stay intouch. C.

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S.J.

answers from Memphis on

I worked for DHS in legal department for 3 years in Arkansas and I think it is a wonderful idea to adopt foster children. They have a wonderful program that helps you and child bond before the final decree is signed. There are alot of children who have been abandoned and just need someone to love them. If you have any specific questions. I will be glad to offer advice.

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J.D.

answers from Charlotte on

We adopted thru Gladney, in fact we are in the process of adopting another baby thru them now. They're wonderful!! Check out their website. www.gladney.org

Good luck! J. D

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N.P.

answers from Knoxville on

I think that's so wonderful. I am puzzled, however, with so many babies and orphans here in the U.S. why so many go to foreign countries. Sometimes, we just don't seem to take care of our own. Good luck and God bless your family!

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S.R.

answers from Nashville on

B., Since we have moved to Franklin 1 year ago today, I have met about 30 families who have adopted. When we lived in California, my husband and I started an adoption ministry at our church. Now I'm involved in one here at our new church (Christ Presbyterian Church here in Nashville). There are so many faucets of adoption. We adopted both of our precious children as infants in California from a private agency called Bethany Christian Services (there is an office here in Nashville too).
We chose a private agency to handle our adoption because they really do their homework and provide wonderful counseling. In California, to adopt through a private attorney was very expensive and risky. In Calif., a birthmother got vety little counseling and had 6 months to change her mind (after baby went home with the adoptive coulpe) and we could have lost the baby and our money. Bethany Christian Services (BCS) did a lot of counseling with the birthmothers and never told us that we were "chosen" out of profiles by the birhmothers until BCS were very sure that the mothers definitely wanted their babies to be adopted. BCS really protected both parties. If you adopted through a private agency, then the birthmother had to give up her rights to her baby at the time of discharge from the hospital.
There is also international adoption (BCS or Night Life). I have 4 friends that adopted darling girls from China, 2 friends that adopted from Africa and a friend who adopted from Korea. Be careful of adopting through foster care situations. I've had 2 friends that were not allowed to keep/adopt the babies they fell in love with. It can be heart breaking.
Our children are now 12 and 13. We couldn't love them anymore than we do. Also Steven Curtis Chapman has a ministry and a website about adoption named after his daughter called Shaohannahshope.
We struggled with infertility for 10 years. God had a different plan for us to have children. Now that I look back, I thank my Lord for not answering my prayers the way I wanted them to be answered or I wouldn't have known my precious children I have now. Jeremiah 29:11,"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.".God bless you on your new adventure. S.

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R.S.

answers from Raleigh on

B., I just had to reply after seeing the previous post. The woman who wrote it very much misunderstood and thought you only wanted to adopt a child simply because your child was lonely. I do hope you do not allow yourself to take offense by what she said, as easy as that may be to do. She is hurting terribly by the quality of people who ended up improperly raising her precious girl. Just by the mere fact you're on a website such as Mamasource, I trust you're not an alcoholic or a druggie and that you'll work to love and raise a child the best you can. Every child deserves to be raised by a loving mother, which I trust you are, as well as a loving father.

I know the pain that comes with having a difficult time having children (took 15-mo for my first child, and I recently miscarried my second child), and I'm proud of you for being willing to bring another child into your loving home through adoption. I'm sure more homes have been blessed by it than have been cursed by it. Do remember, though, that the child you adopt will still have another set of parents out there who will expect you to treat their child with the deepest respect. I'm sure you'll do brilliantly!!

I wish you the best of luck in your search to bring joy to a child by providing him or her with a stable, loving home!

P.S. Do remember, however, that the key to helping an adopted child--especially an older adopted child--grow to their full potential is to help them develop full trust in you. When children, even babies, do not have their needs met in a loving way, they often do not trust those who care for them and will feel that their instructions, rules, etc. won't really help them. This is what most often leads to the serious trouble some children get into. They try to take things into their own young hands to make sure they survive in this world. However, the same holds true with a family's biological children. Read about attachment disorders. You need rules and to enforce those rules, but you have to show them so much love. (Marriage researcher John Gottman says 5 good experiences to every 1 bad experience together is the key to a happy marriage. I think it also applies to all human relationships.) Parents who parent like that are the ones most likely to not have children in trouble with drugs and the like--not to say all kids with good parents turn out to be good. Everyone has their agency. To sum it up again, reward the good behavior, correct the bad behavior, allow them to feel the consequences of their choices (within reason based upon their age/understanding), and LOVE THEM! Again, good luck!! Parenting is the hardest job there is!

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S.H.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi B.,
My husband and I adopted a beautiful little boy 10/02/06, he was a domestic adoption here in the states. We actually got to be there for the birth, I was in the delivery room with his birth mother, it was one of the most special moments of my life. I have a bio baby as too, well he is not a baby he is 19 years old. Our wait was very short, from the start of our home study to the day he was born was 6 months. We had a great experience and would do it over and over again but will probably just do it one more time. Do it, you will never regret it!! If you want more info let me know and I can give you some contact #'s. Good luck!!

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S.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Dont adopt just to give your son a little brother..that is no reason to adopt.If you and your husband are serious about adopting then get any and all information about it..read that information over and over.Ask any/all question you have.Think about why YOU want to adopt.Age of child(I would go close to your son)you want to adopt.Gender of child..the list goes on and on.Adopting is a big decision between you,your husband and your son as it will change all of your lives.Finacially are you able to take on another child?What will your families think?There are hundred of things you have to think about when adopting..questions you have to ask.Talk to others who have adopted through the system.Sit down and right out why you want to adopt..pro/cons.How will you respond to question the child as about why he/she was adopted when older or why didnt his/her parents want then?The list goes on and on.If you want to talk more about this email me private.Im not trying to discourage you in this but you should really think about why YOU want to adopt other then to give your son another sibling because 'he needs a sibling because he is very lonely.If he wants a playmate..find him friends of his own age..good luck..
S. B

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J.E.

answers from Louisville on

Each state is a little different, but I'm from Indiana and I adopted both of my sons through Foster Care. I got one when he was 4 months old (he will be 5 in August) and my other son when he was 7 months old (he was 5 in May). In Indiana the goal is always reunification with the parents so you have to be prepared that a child in your home doesn't always stay with you, but you have to realize that for the time they are with your family, you have made a difference in their life. It isn't always easy to deal with the birth parents, the laws etc, but I would not change anything. God truly blessed my life. There are a tremendous amount of children who are needing a good home with loving parents so I would say by all means contact your local Children Protection Department. Unfortunately, there are usually more children needing homes, than homes that are available.

PS It did take a couple of years to finalize the adoption, but I figure it was well worth the wait. I don't know what life will bring when they reach their teens, but then that is the way it is with all kids. I do know both set of birth parents and actually let the grandparents visit. I kept pictures of all the parents so I could have them for the boys when they got older. We had a huge adoption party and I explain that they were God's present to me, because their mommy and daddy wasn't able to care for them so they ask God to give them a mommy who could. I wish you good luck in your decision.

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