Adoption by Step Father

Updated on December 28, 2012
A.P. asks from Johnston, RI
9 answers

I left my sons bio father when my son was a year old he's 4 now and I have gotten married since my sons step father is and has been more of a father to my son than his bio father. My husband and I would both like my son to be adopted by my husband,he's the only father my son knows. Im not sure how to go about this he does not want to pay child support and he doesn't want to give his right up. He's constantly in trouble with the law, he is an alcoholic and an addict and i don't want my son around him, he has other children as well and doesn't give a flying hoot about them either he's not a good role model and he's not stable he cant even take care of himself. Can someone help? thanks

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So What Happened?

i understand that people think that people may change over time but in this case it will not happen with some of the other unmentioned things he has done no court in their right mind would give him rights i really appriciate all the help

More Answers


answers from Hartford on

The best help you're going to get will be from an attorney that deals with custody and adoption issues.

But you do need to know that custody and child support are two completely separate things. A parent does not have to pay the other parent in order to have the right to be in their child's life and have visitation. Simply having donated genetic material gives them the right to never give up parental rights. As far as I'm aware, it's very rare for a court to decide to sever parental rights just because one parent wants it.

The court doesn't even always decide to sever parental rights when all parties involved are all on board with it. Their job is is to do what's in the best interest of the child, not the parents, and if there's a chance that your son's bio dad would shape up and he's showing that he WANTS to keep his rights then I'm doubtful that a judge would find in your favor. Even though you have a husband that's ready to step in as an adoptive father.

I'm not a lawyer. I just know what many of my friends have been through because they didn't choose wisely when they lay down with someone to make babies.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Eau Claire on

As far as I'm aware you can't make a biological parent give up their right to their child unless

1) They relenquish it freely

2) The father has been convicted/sentenced of something in which he is no longer allowed near the child

But as I said on another post today, I'm no lawyer, so I would definitely check with one if I were you.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Do our kids have the same father? I know what you are going through when I left my sons dad I went to court for custody and my lawyer then laid out what can and can't happen and what could happen in the future. My sons dad did not want to pay child support either has 4 other kids some after my son, never has a steady job and when he does work he works under the table. He is into drugs, alcohol, bad crowds you name it he has done it or hangs out with ones that do.

This is what my attorney told me, as of right now with his cooperation I got FULL custody (physical & legal) NO child support awarded (inexchange for him not fighting me) but NO visitation rights either.

Now for the future part due to the fact that my at the time boyfriend and I where talking about getting married (which we currently are now). In the state of Missouri, the law states that NO child is to be bastardize which means there has to be two parents responsible for this child. If your "now" husband wants to adopt him like my husband wants to do we have to wait 9 months before we can even start the process. After we have waited the 9 months we file the paper work (and then get sneaky). If your husband has had no contact with you or your child for 6 months that is considered abandonment (no phone calls, emails, letters or multimedia contact). Then you and your husband can file with less of a hassle

If he doesn't fight us it's no big deal, IF he does and he WILL our attorney said that what we can do is file the paper work if it is at the abandonment stage (which means we have not heard from him do not have a forwarding address) then we put in the local newspaper of the most current city that we know he was last in. Just a small add has to run for like 45 days or 4 weeks depends on county. If your ex is like mine he will NEVER pick up the paper then if he has seen it you file and they either try to local him or you proceed with adoption. If your ex does fight you you need to show proof of him being an unfit parent. I hate to say this but I have had multiple attorneys advise me that it is easier to prove a father is more unfit then a mother. If you have proof of arrest records (preferably current ones) housing? Can he provide for the child? Does he pay child support now? if not why not? can he provide health insurance? When was the last time he saw his child or that the child stayed with him? The judge will take all of this under consideration, but your FIRST step is to talk to an attorney in your state to see what the laws are and what can be done. Your ex doesn't make the rules he doesn't get to say what he wants and doesn't want to do the law does NOT work that way. GOOD LUCK!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Lincoln on

contact an attorney.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Madison on

I just had lunch with a friend of mine today who told me that her neice's son (4 years old) wants her new husband to adopt him. His father has never been in his life, and he's never met him/has no relationship with him.

When they went to the courthouse to see what they would have to do for the husband to legally adopt the boy, they were told it would cost them $20,000 for him to adopt the boy. Then someone in the clerk's office told them it would only cost them $60 to change the boy's last name to that of the husband's. They opted to pay the $60, as they couldn't afford the adoption fee.

The little boy is tickled pink that he now has the same last name as his mommy and "daddy."

I have no idea if it is the same all over (this is WI), but I found it absolutely amazing that the cost difference was so much. The husband is more than interested in raising the boy as his own, so everyone lucked out.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

Rights and support are two totally different things. You could possibly use the "you don't have to pay support anymore if you allow this adoption" card...he may take the out.

If you want to pursue this, your best bet is to find a good attorney. There's no guarantee but this will give you the best shot at the outcome you want.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Get a family law attorney. The legal term for what you want to do is a family realignment adoption. The court can terminate parental rights in certain circumstances, so voluntary termination of rights by the bio father is NOT the only possibility. But getting the bio father to relinquish the rights may be "easier." Your attorney may be able to have someone speak to the bio father about the benefits to him of relinquishing his rights- no more obligations of any kind to the child, including child support.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

You need to consult with an attorney on how to legally terminate the birth father's parental rights. I suggest that doing so will be very difficult if he sees his son. Only an attorney can advise you on this.

You said you don't want your son around him. If the birth father reports that you refuse to allow him contact that could go against you in trying to terminate his rights. He has the right, unless his rights have been terminated, to see his child.


answers from Tampa on

You can't force him to give up his rights and that's the only way your son could be adopted

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