Adoption Books for Biological Child

Updated on June 08, 2009
A.T. asks from Pleasant Hill, CA
10 answers

Hi Moms,
We have started the process of adoption. We already have a 5 year old biological son, and need to start the discussion that we are trying to adopt. I would love to know if there are any books out there that I can read to him to help him understand. He knows he grew in me, and has begun asking when I'm going to grow another baby... Any advice on books is much appreciated!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your suggestions of books. I've ordered a few to start! For those of you who asked, I did do an IUI, IVF, and a frozen cycle. I also won't do an egg donor at this point because I've had 4 miscarriages, so I'm not willing to risk that again. This has been a painful process, as you can imagine, and I can actually say "adoption" without crying. I'm just keeping my eye on the prize... another child! Thanks again for the book ideas!

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answers from San Francisco on

Are you still trying for another child? I hear Pacific Fertility Center in San Francisco is a great place. I've never been, but always hear great things about it. Just a suggestion...As for the adoption books, I used to work with children a long while back and a great one I remember is called "On Mother's Lap." Hope some of this helps!

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answers from San Francisco on

I have one adopted and one bio child, different order than yours though, we adopted first. I do not have a book to recommend, but I do have life experience. What my children have been told is that children come from different places. When my husband and I got married we had to find Allison, and the only place to find her was growing in the other lady's tummy. Once we had her, it was time to look for Ryan. The only place we could find him was growing in my tummy. Very simple and they love it. So you may tell your son that you had to find him in your tummy, but his new brother or sister may not be in your tummy, so you have to find the other lady whose tummy he/she is in.

Adoption can be very confusing for grown ups, so many choices and avenues, and explanations to friends and family. But to kids, the simpler you leave it, the better. A 5 year old's view of the world is different. Give him the minimum amount of information, then answer any questions he may have. Too much info may overload him. Focus on having the new baby, not where it came from, right now.

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answers from San Francisco on

I love the book "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis and also "When Friends Ask About Adoption" by Linda Bothun. The second book seems geared more for people who aren't adoptive parents but interact with adoptive families, but it could be helpful for teaching your son how to answer questions that may be asked of him. It's a set of questions that are commonly asked by non-adoptive folks and answers written by adoptive parents.



answers from Sacramento on

Congratulations! You are starting an unforgettable, incredible journey. Sharing the experience with your son will be amazing for all of you.

I love the book, "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis. It is a kid-friendly story about meeting and bringing home your adopted child for the first time. It is geared more towards open-adoption of infants, I am not sure if that is your plan.

I have 3 adopted children and I still can't make it through the book with a dry eye-it brings back all the memories.

Good Luck! Please feel free to contact me if you need any support or have any questions, I know how the process can be exciting and stressful.



answers from San Francisco on

Tapestry books have a great selection of adoption books, and I seem to remember that they are divided up by topic, e.g. family type, intended audience. I looked for books for my son's cousins to help them understand his adoption and had no luck, but I think there are some for siblings. Good luck on the adoption :) It can be a demanding journey but very worthwhile in the end.




answers from Modesto on

Hi A.,

I don't feel qualified to answer this question since I have not adopted any children, but I wanted to mention a book called "Devotional Stories for Little Folks" by Nancy Nicholson from CHC (Catholic Heritage Curriculum -- At least one of the short stories in this book regards a child being adopted into a family with 3 other children. My children really enjoyed each of the short stories in this book. God bless, G.



answers from San Francisco on

The idea, as you will see in the good books, is to make them feel like biologicals. In fact, It is a rule when you have foster children that you are never allowed to say "this is my foster son/daughter". You must always say "This is my son/daughter". My parents both did CPS my whole life and they threatened to take peoples license away for making a child feel like they were not their "real child"

What you are doing is a wonderful thing. You have my respect and appreciation. Please consider treating this new baby like a biological child. Later when they are a lot older you can tell them it wasn't "Your child" if you must.



answers from San Francisco on

Hi A.,
Here's a link to active International Adoption resource, Dawn Davenport,

We're going through the process as well and have a 5 yr old biological son and older daughter - would be great to hear your summary of the responses you get and trade notes if you like. Feel free to contact me directly.




answers from San Francisco on

Greetings A.: You have several people that have given you wise advice. I can only add what we have done.
I got a great book called " A sister for Sam" that tells of the search to fulfill the family circle. It talks about why our family is not complete , and the joy of getting a sibling.
We talked about how there were childen who needed us as much as we needed them. We are big supporters of adoption and taking care of young women who are giving birth so that their child can bless the life of another, or of taking children out of the foster care system.
We spent time as a family praying for our new child. Each child we already have played a part of the process so this was their child as well. Including the naming of a child.
I wish you joy in the adventure of parenthood and in the excitement of adoption. Nana G



answers from Sacramento on

Have you considered IVF with donated embryos? Just a thought. I don't know what your issues are with ttc but if that is an option, there are alot of people who are doing that.


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