ADHD 3Yrs Old

Updated on September 01, 2007
J.P. asks from Orlando, FL
20 answers

Minor child is turning three this month and was diagnosed by a specialized physician July 3rd of 2007 for ADHD. Does the father (been in picture 6 months)have the right to disagree with the medication? He is refusing to administer prescribed meds while he has her every other weekend. Let me go a step further. He has not bothered to pick up a book to educate himself on the topic nor does he spend quality time with, at least not enough to be able to have a opinion. The doctor will not treat the child if both parents do not agree. So now I am having to ween her from this medications that had such a positive reactin for her. She had already started making such a big difference in her sleeping, behavior, eating, and relationships with siblings. The father requested a second opinion and has yet to notify me of when this is. I am the insurance carrier for the minor child and naturally left paying all the co-pays and medications. In fact he pays minimal child suppport and the courts are in the process of increasing this (he is mad) so I feel he is only doing this to retaliate.

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So What Happened?

Just a update. I took her to the school board for evaluation called Early Interventions. They test test and test the child with you in the presence to see how her social, communication, attention, and focus are developing. She did not pass. We have to go back in October again. Dad showed up and still says nothing is wrong and when she is with him on the every other weekend that he sees no problems. Yet she is telling me he spanks her. So now what? I totally disagree with the spankings only because I do not feel her behavior is a conscious choice she is making. When she was on the clonodine for those few weeks it was so different for her. She would actually slow down enough to listen and comprehend what you were asking and requiring from her. Now, she is unfocused and just running wild. Things you say to her are in one ear and out the other. No time to listen

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A.S.

answers from Lansing on

I would get a second opinion from an objective pediatrician. Three is incredibly young to make an ADHD diagnosis. Most pediatricians who are well-educated on ADD/ADHD won't make a firm diagnosis until the child is in school.

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A.S.

answers from Melbourne on

J.,
Please look ahead before you accept the label of ADHD.
My daughter was aslo diagnoised at 3 and her life was so much harder with that label.
She was shunned by family and freinds. Even the kids picked on her.
School was worse. She was put in special classes. And treated like a freak. iT followed her through Highschool even though she worked out of the classes in elementry school.
Shes now a mom of two and my office manager and probaly stronger because of it.
But if I had this knowledge then I would not let them label her.

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V.

answers from Melbourne on

I do think it is a very good idea to get another opinion, and make sure this medication is right for your child. I think 3 is a bit young for a full diagnosis and meds, but it is certainly not unheard of. I would think that you as her mom would know your child better then anyone and only want what's best for her. It seems to me that there must be very important issues that made you feel that she needed to be evaluated, and that gave the DR reason to diagnose her and medicate. Still, I would be careful with meds at that age or any age. Just do a lot of research, get more then one professional opinion and do a lot of observing your daughter and other kids. That way you can insure you know as much as possible for your child and your family. Also if you haven't already, try to find out as much information as you can on ways to deal with problems and symptoms, ways to discipline ADHD children, ways to ease family life and minimize probelems, ways to set up a better environment that is accommodative to everyone, and any other thing that can make life a little easier. There is a lot of information out there, but it can be difficult to sift through it all.

Someone claimed that ADHD cannot be diagnosed at that age, but that isn't true. It is very difficult to diagnose at that age and takes a great deal of consideration but it can be diagnosed at that age. Most children are diagnosed after they get in school, because that is when their inability to pay attention, stay still, and not be disruptive causes the most problems. Still many of those children demonstrate problems beyond your typical toddler well before they enter school.

I just don't think a DR would make an ADHD diagnosis on a 2 yr old unless that DR is sure about the diagnosis. Some of the other posters may not be aware, but there is more then one type of ADHD, three main ones that I know of. In any case not all are hyperactive or bounce off the walls, some are. Not all are inattentive having difficulty concentrating, some are. Some can be a combination, and some can have other disorders on top of ADHD, so I don't think they can all be lumped in the same category.

Anyway I added some clips I pulled from other sites that discuss the issue of very young children with ADHD, to show that it can be diagnosed at that age but it is not easy to diagnose. I really don't think a specialist would take this matter lightly as some seem to think. I also placed the web page after each clip so you know where they came from.

There is no one age that ADHD is diagnosed, but it is very common that once a child enters school that the symptoms will be more apparent in a structured environment. http://www.comeunity.com/disability/adhd/agediagnosisadhd...

Parents can ask their child's pediatrician, or a child psychologist or psychiatrist, to assess whether their toddler has an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or is, more likely at this age, just immature or unusually exuberant.

Because many children in the preschool years are diagnosed with ADHD and are given medication, it is important to know the safety and efficacy of such treatment. The NIMH is sponsoring an ongoing multi-site study, "Preschool ADHD Treatment Study" (PATS). It is the first major effort to examine the safety and efficacy of a stimulant, methylphenidate, for ADHD in this age group. The PATS study uses a randomized, placebo-controlled, double-blind design. Children ages 3 to 5 who have severe and persistent symptoms of ADHD that impair their functioning are eligible for this study. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm#adhd

Some children, however, have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as early as 2 years of age.

Many parents of children diagnosed later have indicated that they knew something was different since infancy. Many parents, especially those with other children without ADD/ADHD have noticed differences in behavior and have documented ADD symptoms long before a child enters school. http://add.about.com/cs/forparents/a/preschool.htm

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a syndrome that affects babies, children and adults to various degrees.
HOWEVER
Medication isn't usually the answer and it's rarely given to children under 3. http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/1_4/tod_fit01.asp

Some people claim that medicating ADHD children is only a frustrated attempt to explain failures in parenting and to explain inattention, incompetence and inability of adults (or teachers) to control these children. These people say parents try to mask their own failings and use medicine to calm children down.
This is unfair because most of these people never got contact with any ADHD children or the parents for a longer period. People without such children have no idea what it's like. http://web4health.info/en/answers/adhd-myth-dope.htm

Since AD/HD is a developmental disorder, diagnosing young children requires some special consideration. For instance, toddlers don't pay attention for long periods of time, so a clinician wouldn't necessarily find inattention in a toddler a symptom of AD/HD. Also, toddlers are more easily frustrated and do shift activities a lot. It's important that the person doing the diagnosis be very familiar with normal child development in order to determine what behaviors would be inappropriate for that age. http://www.magellanassist.com/mem/library/default.asp?Top...

So as you can see, diagnosis at that age may not happen often but it can and does happen. I did not see any site that said anything about not being able to diagnose before a specific age, just that it is extremely difficult and often avoided.

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R.J.

answers from Orlando on

hello

i'm sorry but do i agree with the father i would get another opinion just because i hate the idea of the whole adhd when a child is that young i could see if the child was older but the child is only three they are still learning things. and as for him not spending enough time with the child the doctor is doing the same thing he is with the child for about an hour and they are saying the child has this if that was the case every young child that does not eat or is running around crazy ,problems sleeping and have issues with siblings would have this that means that is 90% of any child under 10 would have ADHD. I'm sorry if it was me i would get alot of opinions.

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S.F.

answers from Melbourne on

My daughters dr wouldn't even consider diagnosing her until she was atleast 4, butnow that she has finally been diagnosed and her meds are working GREAT I would do anything I can to make sure she takes these and is not discouraged not to. i know my father has said his two cents about it to her, but I put a stop to that.

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S.F.

answers from Orlando on

Hi J..
I feel for you, When you try to get an increase in child support they sure do retaliate. It happenned to my friend. If he does not want to give the child the traditional, strong medications. Let him to pay to see a naturalist doctor. I have one who is in Orlando who is very good and has a ton of patients whose kids have ADHD and he has a lot of success getting relief for them. He is expensive so have the father pay for it. The Dr's name is Kirti Kalidas and his telephone # is ###-###-####. He also has a web site and it is
www.meta-ehealth.com/site/office/index.jsp
Go to the site and check it out.
All the very best. Will keep you in my prayers.
S.

go

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I.M.

answers from Melbourne on

J.,

Some of the previous posts have some good suggestions. I do feel that second and third opinions are important because of the age of your child. You may want to investigate other causes for her behavior manifestations. Always consider medical and environmental/emotional causes before a mental health diagnosis. ALWAYS. Also, remember that most ADHD medications are lab created forms of SPEED for children. It has the opposite effect on their brain chemistry. If there is another reason for her symptoms other than ADHD, you could predispose her to haveing an addiction later in life, among other risks to their hearts and brain.

Now, you mentioned that you have to go back to court for his child support. Many times you can request a hearing on this, and if you have been appointed an attorney you can have them bring up the fact that he is unwilling to follow recommendations from the DR. If you have two or three of the same recommendations in favor of medication, a judge will not allow the child to visit unless he complies. I am not suggestion you not allow the child to see her father, it wouldn't be fair. However, after you have exhausted your research and it is in the ULTIMATE BEST INTREST of you child to have her on meds, bring it up in court.

Also, educate dad as best you can and try to get an open line of communication with him. Easier said that done. My son is ADHD and I have had to move across town so he is with me during school days, because his father and family will not give meds. If he doesn't get it on the weekends, they can deal with his behavior.

Anyway, Do your research and search out all avenues first before medicating a child so young.

I.

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A.L.

answers from Melbourne on

J.,
This is an area where you must really do your research and go with your own opinion in regards to your child. It is very easy for someone to say you shouldn't medicate when their not in your shoes. I am not pro-meds. I have a 10 year old who has ADHD and does not take meds, he does well withh mininmum modifications and accomodations. I have a 6 year old who was first diag. ADHD at age 4 1/2 and started meds, after further evaluation it was determined that she was bipolar/ADHD. I wish we had been able to start her treatment earlier. It has made such a positive impact in her life. Besides medicine, I have her in therapy in the office, at home and at school. Therapy is important key to treatment especially since your daughter may be experiencing stress from the divorce. I am also working with her teachers to develop an IEP for her. Does your daughter go to preschool? They could have helpful input in regards to your child as well. There is not always a "cause" that you can identify with, in my daughters case she has never had any kind of drama in her life but she is the way she is. We, as mother's have to decide what is best not just for our children, but each child individually. Good luck.

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J.W.

answers from Lakeland on

find another doctor. my brother has been on meds since he was 3 and my father was not involved in the process. you also need to speak to a lawyer and see if you have a case against him so a judge can give you the go ahead to give her the meds. adhd and other issues like this usually lead to bipolar and depression. my brother (at 3) was already talking about suicide, not those words exactly but about how he didn't want to live anymore...scary to think about but it's reality.

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P.G.

answers from Orlando on

I would agree that three is too young to make a diagnosis. Five is the age at which ADHD can be formally diagnosed. A second opinion may not be a bad idea.

Yes the father can disagree with your daughter's treatment. He is her other parent and he does have a right to make parenting decisions if you have joint custody, which is usually the case in Florida. I don't know about the medical field, but in my field (mental health) if the parents are divorced we must have the permission of both parents to treat a child. That is why it is important for the two of you to have good communication.

I know it's unfair that he isn't cooperative or helpful. Obviously he's not the best co-parent. It sounds like the divorce is fairly new and the two of you haven't settled into a calm, healthy co-parent relationship. The process can take several years if the divorce was particularly nasty and there has been a lot of post-divorce animosity. I suggest you begin the process of building a healthier relationship with him. It is in your daughter's best interest for you to try as hard as you can to create a positive relationship with your ex. It doesn't sound like he's going to do it so you must be the bigger person and try--even though he's being a big jerk and making life difficult.

Ask him his thoughts and feelings about your daughter's diagnosis. Bite your tongue when you want to say something nasty to him. Give him information (if he doesn't read books, give him smaller articles). Try to open the lines of communication or you are going to have 16 years of hell with him.

I've been there so I know it isn't easy, but you and your kids will be so much better off if you try.

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A.P.

answers from Lakeland on

let me start off by saying that dad has no right to disagree with medication that is already showing positive improvements in her behavior. if he were really concerned about her, he would have educated himself with the diagnosis. I would agree to a second opinion but only if he agrees to continue the current treatment until then. if you carry the insurance, shouldn't what is best for her be determined by you? good luck and I hope it works out best for the child.

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D.B.

answers from Orlando on

Sweetie,

I have read your article and after speaking with you,,,I just wanted to say,,,give it to God,,,,a child is active and does a lot of crazy things at your child's age,,,now-a-days most Doctors find it easier to say ADHD or ADDHD or any other diagnosis which enrich the pharmacutical and their business. It also makes it easy for them.

My oldest son was diagnosis with ADHD,,,I refused to give him any medication,,,I just did not believe in medicating a child,,,he was 4 years old, I was 22, I could not keep up with him. He was so active always into everything, causing harm to himself and causing little accidents,,,What I found out was he was a normal active 4 year old little boy who was curious, i learned he was bored, and per a very wise man this was because he was very smart. He is fine,,he is 37 years old,,you know him. When I spoke to you I did not tell you because I wanted to put it in writing.

All people are different,,and there are some children who need this medication,,, but at the age of 3??? i am just saying,,,place it in God's hand and wait,,,all will fall in line in time. Believe in Him and let go.

Love

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J.S.

answers from Melbourne on

Hi J.,
My name is J.. I was in a simmilar situation with my sons father. I have sole custody, but he was required to carry medical coverage, which he never really did. He pays his child support off and on too. When I began my son on concerta his father was totally against it and would not give it to him. Fortunitally Concerta is not something you need to ween a child from, it is tme release, no harm if he misses a dose, except being high strung, and going 100 mile an hour. Finiall he experienced a day with his sn on his meds. and changed his mind, I also told him to give him the meds or forget your visits with him. I eventually won. Unfortunitly my sons father is an alcoholic and doesn't pat his child support (not the reason) and doesn't see his son any more. My son decided until his father is sober he wants nothing to do with him. Tell you childs father you'll haul him into court over this. It is to bennifit your childs developement. Trust me I know, my son fell behind in school for not having his meds and stayed back. And my son has a 117 IQ. Good Luck! J.
____@____.com

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C.P.

answers from Gainesville on

First, Let's forget the problems you and father are having. What you need to focus on is the health and well-being of your child. Denying a child her/his father (as someone in a previous post said they did) is not the way to solve this. It wouldn't require 2 ppl to make a baby if it didn't take 2 to raise them.

If you feel like his actions are in retaliation for something he perceives you doing, call him on it. If he won't listen, talk to your caseworker.

Now, personally, I think diagnoses of ADHD and ADD are abused and frequently used as a "catch-all" for kids who simply need more attention than most other kids. I hope you or others don't take offence to that opinion. I also hope that you have exhausted all other options before medicating your baby. And if you didn't get a second opinion, please do. If dad has requested one, pressure him to find out who and when especially if it's his dime! Even if it's not, it's probably worth the money (think of how much you're surely going to spend on meds)

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H.R.

answers from Orlando on

Being the parent of a child with ADHD, and having been a child with ADHD, I know that it is important that both parents agree on treatment for the child. However, that being said, I am concerned that a child that young is being put on medication already for this. I don't know your daughter, so I don't know what her symptoms are or how her behavior is, or even what the family situation is besides the fact that you are divorced. I do know what my own son went through being placed on medication at the age of 4 while living with my husband. In our case, my son's behavior was not only a result of ADHD, but also of our divorce. What child wouldn't be affected by it? It took me 8 years to undo at least a portion of the damage done by him being placed on medication so young. I will ever be able to undo all the emotional damage that was done. I went through 8 different doctors/psychiatrists and even more medications before I finally found one that would take him off all medication and re-evaluate him to make sure that he was being diagnosed correctly.

As I said, I don't know all the details of your situation. No matter what you decide, the most important thing is that you and her father are on the same page. Even if that means you both make some concessions. there are medications that she can take during the week, but not have to take over the weekend. If that works for your family, then wonderful. I would highly recommend a second opinion, especially concerning a child as young as yours. ADHD does not normally manifest itself until a child is at least 5 years old (though this is not always the case). I am not sure if the psychiatrist that my son sees would treat a child as young as yours, but I would be happy to share their phone number with you so that you can check with them. If they do not, I would trust anyone they recommend. Three generations of my family have been treated by this office over the past 20 years, so I am very familiar with them and trust them implicitely.

Your family is in my prayers.

H. Ramsey
http://www.theflutterbyshoppe.com

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S.M.

answers from Melbourne on

Hi J.,

How awful! You must be so stressed out. The first thing I want to say is don't let him aggravate you. Hopefully, he's not doing this to retaliate, hopefully he's really concerned about the meds. Remember, he loves her as much as you! Try talking to him. You guys are going to have to try to get along at soem point for your daughter's sake.You can rise above this.
Having said that -
may I ask, who is the custodial parent? (I assume you?) The parent with whom the child resides (usually) makes the medical decisions for the children. You should point that out to her Dr. It should be stipulated in your custody agreement. Have you tried bringing him to the Dr's office with you and your daughter? Maybe that might help. Usually they calm down if they feel you're not trying to leave them out of the loop, you know?
Child support has nothing to do with child custody. Because you have a child SUPPORT order in doesn't mean you have a child custody agreement.
If you don't have a custody agreement, you need to go to court to establish one. When I temporaily seperated from my husband, I had to discuss all medical conditions with my husband, but I got to make the final decision. (because our child lived with me.) Like I said, if you don't have an agreement, go to the courts 1st thing Monday morning and make a petition. Do you have a lawyer? You should get one. He or she would make sure that you, as the custodial parent, be able to enforce your rights as such if something like this happened again. Unfortunately, your daughter's father is entitled to seek another opinion but you are also entitled to be there. But a second, third, even a fourth opinion is godd. What can it hurt? She is only three, do you really want her medicated that young, if its possible that she doesn't need it? I'd find another Dr if I were you. Three is young to be diagnosing with ADHD.
But if you're sure she needs it -and you end up in court- my advice to you, keep a detailed diary. It helped me so much in court. Write everything he says and does down. If he came late to pick your daughter up, if he didn't bathe her or brush her hair, or if she came back home hungry. I'm not saying he does these things, but whatever it is, write the date and time down with details. Like that he withheld the date of the Dr's appt. That her refuses to give her her meds. He is not a medical Dr and his opinion should not be allowed to supercede the medical diagnosis of a medical professional.(If you are indeed the decision maker) Are his actions for the benefit of your child? Hardly. The thing is, the courts favor men, and you need every advantage you can get. If you are forced to go to court, remember, he is not on your side!!! I've been there and it was a hellish experience.
He is required to pay for 1/2 the co pays and the meds, maybe that's a reason why he wants her off of them. You can even ask the courts to have him pay for 1/2 of the cost for your daughter's ins. This is why you need a lawyer. In some states, dads have to pay 15% twice a year, on top of the 17% child support, for clothes. You could ask the lawyer this. I hope this helps and I wish you luck. Keep your chin up. Maybe you could find a support group for moms? Or therapy one on one? Keeping this stress inside is no good for your family, especially when it starts to make you feel crazy. It takes a toll on your body and you feel broken.Talking to friends and family helps, but its not the same. They love you no matter what and they're going to take your side. Find an outsider, they make great sounding boards and usually have good advice. Good luck, J..

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C.P.

answers from Orlando on

I am sorry to say, but I agree with your husband. Based on my own experiences, I would definitely tell you to get a second or even third opinion. I was told by my son's karate instructor that he is positive that my son has ADHD. He brought me and my husband into his office several times to discuss my son's "condition" as he referred to it. I began to worry and start thinking that maybe my son is ADHD positive. I went as far as getting the evaluation sheets from his pediatrician and giving them to his Kindergarten teacher and other teachers in his school. They all told me that he was a bit hyper at times but nothing that warranted ADHD medication. I told his pediatrician what his teachers said and he than told me that a diagnosis of ADHD usually will not occur until the child is 8 or 9 years old. Children tend to be naturally rambunctious and hyper until age 7. He suggested I waited until my son was in 1st or 2nd grade and if the behavior continued, than to bring my son for an evaluation. Basically, I had to wait until my son matured a bit. Toddlers are a handfull but that does not mean that they have ADHD. Therefore, I did not keep my appointment with the behavior specialist and decided to wait it out. My son is now 7 years old, going on 8, he is an excellent student with excellent grades and no complaints from his teachers. I have since removed him from that karate school who adamantly harrassed me about my son. I am so glad I spoke with several other people and his pediatrician about this. I have a friend of mine that told me that when he was little, they used to tell his Grandma that he had ADHD and he needed medication, his Grandma flat out refused and my friend is a healthy, productive adult man (37) and never took a single medication. Those medications put the children in a zombie state and that is why they sleeep so well, it makes them really melo. Do some research about her medication and read all of the side effects. Please get another opinion before you put your beautiful baby on meds she may not even need. She is too young to be diagnosed with ADHD.

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A.H.

answers from Fort Myers on

I have to say 3 is very young to make that diagnosis. I have an 11yo that is ADHD. She is ONLY 3!!! Still young, learning about the world and such. Putting them on meds that young is gonna suck the joy of life. Sorry but that is how I feel.

I would differently be getting a second opinion. Also have you ever read up on spirited children? They show a lot of the same signs but are just needing to be nurtured a lot differently and creatively than a "normal" easy going child.

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/t101000.asp Here is a link to Dr Sears site, to info on ADHD.

I also recommend the books Nurture by Nature and Positive discipline for preschoolers.

Have you looked into diet issues? I know some children are sensitive to foods and when they eat them they show these behaviors. Take those trigger foods away, the behaviors vanish.

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L.M.

answers from Melbourne on

I don't think I could give any better advice than what was offered, although I DO agree with your your child's father on a second opinion. Starting medication that early (and you didn't mention counseling...) without a second, and even a third opinion from not just a pediatrician, but a neurologist who specializes in child brain disorders AND a child psychologist as well is just foolhardy and could be dangerous to your child. You also might benefit from counseling yourself, as a child who has ADD or ADHD is challenging on the most patient of people.

This might not be what you wanted to hear, but it's VITAL to keep the lines of communication open with the child's father. And include him in doctor's appointments and counseling sessions. It a case of who or what is more important; your control over her medical issues, or the well-being and health of your child. Money should not be a factor. And if he doesn't want to be involved, then a consultation with your lawyer/counselor would be in order.

And yes, I'm speaking from experience.

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L.M.

answers from Fort Myers on

I don't care how good the specialist is, I wouldn't be medicating this child. It is really suspect that you got a diagnosis at such a young age. My husband is actually becoming a doctor and he told me that you can't diagnosis ADD/ADHD until 5. It is even in his medical text books!

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