Addressing a Stranger's Young Child's EXTREMELY Bad Behavior. WWYD?

I would have looked for the mall management booth (usually there is someone in charge), or possibly a "mall cop" to help find the parents of the boy. Many malls have help buttons - especially near play areas. I would explain to the mall cop what happened.

I have known of cases where parents just put their kids in the play area and leave...to go shopping... saw a nanny do it too. It's wrong, and that's why it should be reported to the management.

I have stepped in and said something before. We have a little devil incarnate at the place we take my daughter. When he got in her face and started growling like a damn dog, that was it for me. I told him that was enough and if he couldnt play nicely I would have him removed.

I say bravo to the mom who marched over and told that obviously unsupervised boy to "find his parents" NOW. I hope I would have been as forthright in the same situation. When a child is clearly putting other children at risk of physical harm, any adult who is there should and can intervene, and I like the way she did it. You didn't say whether any adult came over and claimed this boy, or whether the boy was embarrassed enough to move away and find his adults. I hope he at least got stopped cold in his tracks by being faced with an adult calling him out. In places where kids who do not know each other are engaging in group play like that, I think adults are right if they stop a child who is swinging punches at other children or throwing things or otherwise presenting real, immediate risk of someone getting hurt. I know some parents go crazy at the idea of "someone else correcting my child!" but if they let their child do things that present risks to other kids, they should be prepared for other kids' parents to tell their child to stop.

I would almost bet that this boys' parents or other adults who were supposed to be watching him had either just left him there to play while they went off to shop or get coffee, or they were there but so busy chatting to someone (or texting or being online on their phones) that they were paying zero attention. They probably figured their boy was corraled and "safe" because he was within the play area. No thought for whether other kids might be safe corralled in there with him.

Not surprised with this situation at all. The few times I've been to the mall play area, I've seen crazy stuff.

If any child is being very aggressive towards others (except maybe siblings and parents are there), I would say something like, "Hey there. We need to play in a more gentle way. There are too many littles in here. We don't want to hurt them, do we?" By using "we" it takes the sting out of "YOU" and makes the message less confrontational.

I would have also wanted to watch to see how it played out and be there to explain to the absentee parent what their child actually did do. I think the boy needed reprimanded, but maybe not as harshly has the other woman did it. But, who knows? Maybe that kiddo will remember that very well.

If hubby wanted to pull us all out of there, I would have insisted stopping at a mall kiosk and telling them that some craziness was going down at the play area and they may want to send security over there. I would even leave my cell number if I felt that my eye witness report would be helpful.

Tough situation for sure. Now, if I knew for sure that the parent was not in the area and no reasonable caregiver was present, I would contact mall security and let them know that a young child was left unsupervised (and was being very aggressive towards other kiddos). That is not a safe situation for that child. It was about a year ago that a 2 year old was abandoned at a McDonalds and no one noticed for most of the day. How sick is that? I'm a watcher and like to know that all kids are accounted for with a caregiver (whether they suck at it or not). I do believe it takes a village....

I asked a question similar to this awhile back and I remember that a lot of the responses suggested I speak to the child directly (there was no parent around and the child being hurt was mine). I would totally talk to the boy about his behavior and ask where his parents are and talk to them. It is not your problem if they get defensive--it is up to you, who saw what happened, to let them know.

When I was reading responses I came across the words "tell on him." That very juvenile sounding phrase struck me as odd. The more people who notify parents, or the child himself, about bad behavior, the bigger the potential impact. Bullying happens because people don't want to "tell on" other people. Nothing will change if people aren't informed of what is going on.

Next time I hope you will follow your gut and seek out the parents.

I worked at one of the stores in out local Mall and have Mall Security programed in my cell phone. I would have callled Security and have them deal with the unruley child and possibly take him to their office and then try to find the parents. If they can't find the parents they have to turn the child over to CPS. Personally I would like to be a fly on the wall listening to the parents explain why they thought it was okay to leave a child unattended.

I sent kids back to their parents many times and told the parents that I could not watch their kids so they could shop. A few times moms got huffy with me and I would simply explain that yes their kids were very cute but I didn't want to see their kids pictures on my milk carton.

In one weekend during the holidays a couple of years ago managers in the store I worked in had to turn 3 or 4 kids over to security and in one case they had to send them to emergency foster care because they couldn't find the parents.

Malls are not safe places. Most of the time nothing happens. But we had creepy guys hanging out in the parking lot at closing. Women were followed as they headed home. One woman was grabbed and tossed into the trunk of a car in broad daylight.

Would not have been there to begin with

In my day and growing up in a small town, parents would parent any child needing it. In other words, we knew we would and could catch heck from any adult around.

I tend to be that way myself. I have no problem calling out a child's behavior when they need it. I know it wrankles a parent to have someone else do it. But if they really feel that way, then know what your kid is doing.

I go to these places all the time and I check on my kids every few minutes. I KNOW what games they are playing and what kids they have latched onto to play with.

What happened to the two year old who got knocked down? My 1st step would be to find their parents and make sure the child was ok. Then I would approach the rough-housing boys and ask them where their parent were. When they told me, I would go and speak with the parents directly.

I know what a tough situation you were in----not easy either way to know what to do.

M

Wouldn't it be great if the ADULTS followed the rules!? (Something about modeling good behavior.....)

Look, some parents are just cruddy. They don't care.
Years back, I went to lunch (fast food) with some co-workers.
A toddler in a diaper got his fingers slammed in O. of the doors to the place. The parents? NOWHERE. They weren't even AT the place. They had dropped him off in the play area & gone to do errands! How about THAT O.?!

In the situation you described, especially if there are smaller kids in danger of getting knocked over, I absolutely would have said something. Since the parents didn't care enough about the other kids, someone had to speak up! I probably would have said "Hey guys--watch for the little ones, OK? Don't be so rough...there are younger kids here." As a matter pf fact I HAVE said that to other kids, just as I have reminded my own of that fact. I probably wouldn't have said the "you need to leave" part because I wouldn't consider myself the Play Area Czar! LOL

I feel for the boy. He was just being a child and the other kid unfortunately got in the way. I agree the behavior was probably not appropriate for the crowd, but how does he know that? And if you're being chased (by the girl) what do you do? Turn and run!

I understand the first, visceral reaction to YELL (I do that myself). However, I hope that we all know that we should try to not come down like a load of bricks on the kid. I'm reading "Positive Discipline" and it talks about not chipping away at the child, not making them ashamed in order to empower ourselves, but helping them learn from the situation.

Since you asked (and I'm not disagreeing with how you handled it) I would have probably stayed to make sure the boy wasn't being overly abused the angry stranger. Maybe I would have said something earlier to diffuse the roughhousing, but since I have two boys, I'd have probably let them go longer than a parent who isn't used to the rambunctiousness of boys.

I wold have stood up near the boys that were rough housing and said something like " hey guys we need to take it easy.... there are little kids here" and said it 2 -3 times until they got the hint or moved on.

I hate it when parents don't watch their kids!! And I think we should get involved!

Please don't feel badly about leaving with your husband & child. You were exhausted. We've all been there. :)
I think what I would've done sounds very similar to what you wrote. I would've tried to address the situation w/ the parent(s) of the boy. That can get a bit tricky though as some parents don't want others telling them that their child needs to be corrected/redirected,etc. In lieu of a parent or not being able to figure out where they were, I would've addressed the child. (in part, because this comes naturally to me as I work in an elementary school) I would start with some positive language as in "please be more gentle with the others". If that didn't change things or prompt his parent to intervene, depending on the situation, I'd tell him he's too rough, the others don't like it or that he is hurting others and needs to stop.
Having said that, your first priority is to keep your child/children safe. Removing my child would be my first move and then interacting w/the others if possible would be next. If I were exhausted, I may have left after that as you did.
Know that even if you did say something, after you left, he may have resumed the behavior if no one else was watching him.

I suppose I'm left wondering (& this may help others respond), was this a play area that was to be supervised? Was there a sign posted that stated children were not to be left unattended? A child of 4-5 should've had an adult/much older sibling with him and asking him who that person was could be a good start to make him aware that he wasn't making good choices!

I have taken my child from the area. When some older kids blocked my DD in the tunnel, I intervened. I wasn't going to let them harass her out of my sight, or block up the tunnel for other kids. I firmly told them to let her out and stop blocking the tunnel for other kids. Go find something else to do (which they did). I think that if you can't find the adults, tell the kids to leave your child alone. If the area is too crowded to identify parents and kids, then don't go in at all. I find that early in the AM (before 11) is best for planned playtime at the mall. My DD will survey the area and decide if she wants to go in or not and I don't make her play if she doesn't like the action.

Whew! For a second there I thought you were talking about my son! We went to the play area at a mall in the cities today. First time he's ever been in that situation. He's 16 months. First thing he does if walk up to a 5 or 6 month old baby sitting on the floor and takes her toy away (He hasn't really been around any other kids. Only family members so far and the cousin that is closest to his age is 2-3). After I scold him for that, he moves over and starts digging through another lady's purse (I let him play with mine sometimes to keep him entertained at a restaurant or something)! Then, after being scolded for that, he moves over and starts digging through some guy's shopping bag! Geez-louise! Lol

No advice. Just glad that you weren't talking about my kid. Lol

Absolutely intervene. If a kid needs adult intervention (parenting), DO IT.

What's the worst that could happen? The child's real parents see you stepping in and get mad at you? SO WHAT?

Kids need to know that ALL GROWNUPS are watching. It makes kids feel more secure! I'm very frustrated that too many grownups allow bad behavior to proceed in front of them- --yes I'm talking about other peoples' kids.

No need to be mean. Be matter of fact. When a child hurts another, they need an immediate correction and time out. Don't be afraid to give it, even with other peoples' kids. When the child behaves more civilized, praise them and smile! Remember, the other kids are watching and will learn too.

Kids want attention. And I'd like to give them a chance to earn POSITIVE attention. Guess what--I'm a teacher and the kids really do like me because I set high expectations and praise the right stuff.

To the grown-ups out there reading this: Get off your butts and act like grownups...please! (Sorry for the rant...whew)

I think it shows you have a kind heart for not wanting this aggressive little boy to feel all picked on, but maybe this boy will learn something. I know when adults corrected me as a child, I learned the lesson and tried not to let it happen again.

The last time I let my kids play in a mall play land, a woman with 6 kids, ranging from 6 down to crawler, rolled on up, dropped em on off, and then promptly left to go to Kohls. NO parents watching. This was a play land that was not secure. Just walls around the climbing things and slides. No locked doors or attendents. The 2 mothers that were sitting next to me, looked at me in horror. We were just perplexed. I asked the one mother to watch my stuff, and I grabbed my then 3 year old and rolled my 1 year old out in the stroller and hunted that Beotch down. OF COURSE, we find her, and would ya know it. SHE supposedly doesnt know any English. So I say "sorry Lo siento, no hablo español." and I am calling el policio(two finger phone motion)... calling on Bebe's." Think she got the message. She booked it out to the play area. So I am thinking I am so great right? So I sit down to play and yet another mother comes and drops a 9ish year old girl and 2 younger, something like 3 and 5 ish boys off. LEAVES again. Ok I think, 9 year old sister will do the job. 9 year old sister has a mouth of a sailor and is kicking youngest brother around and off of things with her foot. That was it. I couldnt stand it any more. LAST time I will go there ever.

Its hard to know what you would do until it happens to you AND the exact circumstances when it does. I think I would have said something prior to it getting so out of hand and if it still reach that point I would have asked the boy to point out his parents.

This summer, we attended a park (geared towards the younger child) with a new splash area (very small area). You can see most of it without standing within the "splash zone" so most of the parents were trying to stay dry while the kids 4-7 were getting wett. The one little girl was there with her big sister and she was a snarky little bully in the making. She zeroed in on my 4 year old (who was there with her 5 yr old best friend and the friend's 3 yr old sister). My daughter said something (she is outspoken), her two friends said something, both me and the Bf's mom and grandmom said something. NOTHING worked until after I walked into the splash zone and talked to my daugther and she started with her while I was standing there. I told her she needed to leave my daughter alone, play nice or go find her parents. As I walked away, it started again and my friend asked a guy "is that your daughter?" He seemed completely shocked and the only thing he saw was when his daughter got pushed back at that exact moment. Mind you he had been watching the whole time but was oblivious and his wife was on the phone yaking away.

This is why I dislike those mall play areas so much, you're in an over crowded area with tons of strangers and possible creeps lurking all around. Kind of like McDonald's play area. I avoid these situations at all costs. If I witnessed this situation, I would call mall security and be out of there, let them deal with it. You have no idea how the parents are going to react. If I was in a different situation (playgroup, library, park) I'd probably step in and say something, there's just something about those mall play areas that makes me nervous.

i think it's sweet that you wanted to help. honestly in our area there are a ton of holier-than-thou snob types and most of the time in this situation i would have gotten my child and left. confronting another parent about their child's behavior often leads to defensiveness in that parent, and i have no desire to get into it. i also would not want my child to think that kind of behavior is okay. but it's not my business if someone wants to allow their child to act that way. i'd probably look after my own and let them live their life how they want. i know that's not the 'right' answer but it's what i would do. i'm not a people person :)

Good for the woman who intervened. While I would not have intervened between two like sized children (unless there was blood or obvious head trauma), SOMEONE needs to stand up for the littler ones. Who leaves their kids alone at the mall playland?