AD/HD Vs or with Very Intense Personality and High Intelligence - Long

Updated on March 20, 2012
J.B. asks from Boston, MA
17 answers

My 7 year old (almost 8) son is having some issues and I could use some good Mama/Papa insight. I will preface this with saying that my oldest son is a classic AD/HD-primarily inattentive kid - colicky baby, "spirited" younger child, on his own planet in school. This is not at all what this child is going through.

He was a very easy-going baby and younger child. A little late to talk, but always easy-going, social, and articulate. Charming and bright in daycare. He could read, write, add and subtract early in Kindergarten. In K, had some impulse control issues, his first sign of any behavior problem. No aggression, just he and his buddies would wrestle at free play and he was the class clown. He talks A LOT and LOUDLY (his hearing is fine) and has a lot of trouble controlling his mouth. His 1st grade teacher had a lot of patience for this and we got him to lower his voice with a positive discipline points program but he still struggles with this. His 2nd grade teacher has less patience for this so he sometimes gets separated from his table and rarely finishes his schoolwork. He has a "must do" folder that is always full but he's performing at or above grade level on his assessments (spelling math and reading tests). He can plan things in advance, remembers everything and is very detail-oriented. He doesn't enjoy homework but gets it done (it's a weekly packet, not an everyday thing). He is supposed to read for 25 minutes a day and doesn't. He can read well so it's not worth the fight to me right now. He has plenty of friends but can be very obnoxious and tiresome.

At home, we have more behavioral issues. He's been very emotional for several years - he is in tune to how others feel (he used to "feel bad" for certain characters in books who "look sad" even though they really didn't look sad and nothing sad was happening) and feels things very intensely. Will sob his guts out or throw a tantrum like a 2 year old when upset (and this is a kid who didn't act like a 2-year-old when he WAS 2). Reacts violently with his brothers, always ready to square off and fight. Even when he was small, we had to change the channel when a fight came on in a hockey game because he would shadow box with the TV and re-live the fight for days. Last year, he drew hockey fights all the time until we finally forbade them. We enrolled him in karate a few years ago to help him learn some self-control and channel his aggression and he got MORE aggressive and we had to withdraw him. So on one hand he's a fighting machine but on the other, will whine and cry because we're not having tacos for dinner or will spontaneously talk about a deceased relative in the most touching and thoughtful way or will ask me how my day was and be really interested in the answer. He showers us with affection all the time and can be so thoughtful and loving. Sometimes his insight and maturity surprise me, then 5 minutes later I'm managing a total meltdown.

Our family therapist today suggested that we do the Connor test for AD/HD - he tested him in the office and quite a few things hit, so he wants us to test him at home and ask his teacher to fill out this test as well. While I have suspected that the impulse control could be related to AD/HD, I just don't feel that it answers everything. Not that I'm looking for a "diagnosis" but it would be helpful to know if there is something obvious that I'm missing.

Should I request an educational evaluation at school? He clearly doesn't have any learning disabilities, so would these kinds of tests yield any insights or are they just for learning problems? Or is this really a matter of having a bunch of people survey his behavior in various settings? If I requested testing, are his classroom behavior problems enough to justify using school resources for this? I guess I don't want a bunch of subjective surveys from us and his teachers to be the baseline for a diagnosis. My gut tells me that while AD/HD might be part of the puzzle, that it's only one piece and to approach the problems from that angle only might not be the best thing to do. In a way it was easier to turn over every rock with my older son because he was so far behind in school, but what do you do with a kid who is *just* a behavior problem (and a relatively mild one at that - he's not throwing chairs or beating kids up or anything)? Thanks for any experience and insight you can share.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

I strongly suggest you change his diet. You need to see what food addatives set him off. Yellow food coloring is a biggy. Google it there is a lot of information on this. If karate doesnt work try a tumbling class at the local gym. He will get into the tumbling and do it all day long. Swimming is also good way to help wind him down but that might be hard for you in boston. Local indoor pool at Ymca maybe? Maybe a private school with smaller class size so more one on one attention in the classroom. Maybe a montisorri?

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Sorry but my ADD prohibits me from reading this whole thing.

Holy misinformation bat man! :(

I have four kids, all across the spectrum and if you used any one of them to judge the other you would say well that is not ADHD. Well it is!

Have a qualified psychiatrist test him or a psychologist, again qualified.

Your description sounds like my Genna. I take that back he sounds like Andy, Andy is my only one who crosses into the Autism side of the spectrum with PDD. All of my kids are crazy smart but kind of quirky.

What is classic ADHD? That comment just made me laugh. So far as I know there is no classic ADHD.

Oh my, indoor voice. My older daughter taught my younger son (Andy) sign language so he wouldn't speak in restaurants. Apparently all the people turning to stare at the loud kid was embarrassing her. :p

See how ADHD works, eventually I got the whole thing read. :)

Okay I read over it again to make sure I didn't miss where he was empathetic, still didn't find it so I apologize if it is in there. What I see is inappropriate emotions. In other words using the intelligence to interpret what is not intuitive because of some malady of the brain. I can tell you that emotions are not intuitive to me, they are all self taught. I am 44 and still run into emotions that I have to research. Thankfully my friends have accepted that is just part of what is J..

6 moms found this helpful

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

He sounds a whole lot like my younger daughter. I doubt that she has ADHD (which I think has become a catch-all for any type of problematic behavior and is WAY over-diagnosed), but she IS gifted academically. Her little brain just goes and goes and goes, 24/7 without pause. This can lead to LOTS of physical activity, LOTS of talking, LOTS of being separated from her table at school. However, her academic work is near-perfect. We moved her from Pre-K to Kindergarten in the beginning of her Pre-K year because the Pre-K teacher saw that there wasn't much that could be done to challenge her academically. She flew through Kindergarten and 1st Grade, and is now in 2nd. She has either 99% or 100% in every subject. Super smart, but with that comes thoughts and feelings that she is not always prepared to deal with. She tends to be very emotional.

What has worked for us is to be very consistent and no-nonsense with discipline. If she is being obnoxious, we tell her so, and she adjusts her behavior. (However, if she's really wound up, it can take a few reminders to reel her in.) If she melts down, she knows she has to go to her room and sit until she can calm down. She does best when she is highly challenged and has complicated things to think about and do. When she's bored, we run into trouble, so I work to make sure she has lots to do. Her teacher is pretty good about this as well.

I guess for me, I figure, some kids are more of a challenge than others. If my child's challenge is being a genius, then so be it. I'm definitely not going to medicate the smarts out of her because her personality can be inconvenient at times. She is who she is, and she's going to be this way her whole life - so she needs to know how to manage herself and respond appropriately to different situations, thoughts, and feelings. So, that's what we have been focusing on these past few years. I'm not sure if this is the answer in your situation or not, but just know you're not alone in this.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but have you considered that he might be in the "gifted" range? Giftedness occurs often with ADHD kids.
Children that are gifted mature at disparate rates. They may be extremely intelligent and advanced in one area, and very far behind in another. For example, their academic peers may be 2 or 3 years older, but their emotional peers may be a year younger.
Or they may be very mature and empathetic in some situations, and very unable to control their emotions/frustrations in others. They often have very STRONG emotions.

Obviously, what you have said here is not enough to diagnose anything, even if I (or the other moms here) were professionals who made diagnoses for a living---but it is something you might consider. Have you asked about it at all? I think the concept that ADD/ADHD co-occurs with giftedness with a high rate of frequency is a 'relatively' new one.

I may be totally wrong about it... but it is another avenue to consider, while you are trying to figure it out.
Best wishes to you.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

He sounds like a normal sensitive child. He's empathic at a young age. He feels his emotions intensely. I suggest that with continued consistent boundaries he'll adjust to the school and home environment.

I suggest he may need some counseling to help him learn how to deal with his emotions.

When you talk about asking the school to test are you talking about giving the teacher the form that you're using to evaluate him. Is that what the test is; answering a questionnaire about his behavior? If so, yes, you definitely should ask the teacher to answer the questionnaire. That's the only way to get a rounded picture of the way he is 24/7.

Because he's not having learning problems, the school district would not test him for learning disabilities if you're meaning the federally mandated evaluation by the district.

If you and the professional decide that he may be ADHD or ADD the school will work with you to provide an IEP (Individual Education Plan). Do you have that with your older son? Is this what you're talking about with your questions about involving the school?

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S.H.

answers from Killeen on

This sounds alot like my 9 year old. I actually posted a question about him a couple of weeks ago. He was also a very easy baby and toddler. He had the same issue where last years teacher was a little more tolerant than this years, he does the exact same thing with his emotions(melting down,bringing up dead relatives) and he has been tested several times using different test for ADD and ADHD...none of the doctors were willing to diagnose him based on those results because he didn't meet enough of the markers. He did (very recently) have an IQ test and tested gifted and we were told that he just experiences emotions differently. Karate has helped for him though. Right now we are just trying to continue counseling both for him to get the coping skills he needs and for us to learn to relate to him better. Since he is totally bored in the classroom we are looking into modular type charter schools for next year. Consistency with rules is a MUST with him. I suggest making an appointment with a pediatric behavioral therapist. They will be able to determine if there is a any diagnosis as well as give you and him some coping skills.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I will share these two things with you

1. if diet helps - it's not ADHD
2. ADHD and Manic Depressive (Bi Polar) have simmilar symptoms and are often mistaken for the other - before you begin anything official make sure your child is checked for both.

Bonus
3. Have the school do an evaluation to see if they can help.

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S.E.

answers from Philadelphia on

As far as I know if you ask your child to be tested the school is obligated to test. Should you be using school resources this way? Well yes. That is what they are there for. Really intelligent kids can be quite empathetic too and with immature coping skills other people's feelings cna overwhelm them. A really intelligent child who is somewhat AD/HD can be doing his absolute best to behave and masking how much he struggles because his intelligence makes him fall in the range of OK kids.

I struggle(d) with this with my daughter. She is quite intelligent and schools and teachers want to just shover her through because she can produce at or above grade. But, she is struggling emotionally all of the time because she is dyslexic and highly empathic and anxious. As her mama it is MY job to not let her fall through the cracks and ask and ask and ask even when I am not sure just what I am asking for, to get her what she needs.

Raising special kids is fun and challenging and asks us to questions what we think about how people are supposed to be. It is hard and exhausting and challenging and quite the privilege. Good luck!

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K.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

Your son sounds similar to a friend's son. He has never been evaluated by a therapist, but he has seen several natural doctors. It turns out that he has a systemic yeast infection, cannot tolerate gluten or casein (a protein in milk), and reacts very strongly to artificial colors in foods, medicines, and toiletries.

Since they have changed their diet and given him supplements, he is a completely different little boy. He still is dramatic, empathetic, creative, and inquisitive. But he is no longer an emotional roller coaster, throwing tantrums and getting violent for no apparent reason (or reacting much more strongly than the situation seems to warrant).

I am not sure what is available in your area, but I do know that they did blood and urine tests to determine how their son was out of balance. The samples were sent to Metametrix. Their website actually has a lot of information so you can see which tests might be most beneficial for you. Who knows? You may even be able to send in the samples by yourself.

In any case... Good luck! You clearly love your son, and I wish you both the best as you figure this out.

PS There is also a book called "Disconnected Kids" by Dr. Robert Melillo. We are reading through it and using it for our son right now. It may be a help to you, too.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

No one here is really qualified to say for sure (unless someone here's a specialist like a psychiatrist). It's fully worth the time to get the evaluation done. A good specialist can say whether it's nothing, ADHD or something else entirely. A Connor scale alone shouldn't be used ... you need a more thorough evaluation with a specialist like a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist.

ADHD can look different in different children. Some have aggressive behavior, some don't. Some really struggle with impulsivity, some don't. Let the experts make the determination.

No one "looks" for a diagnosis. It's just helpful to have if you are dealing with a medical condition. Whether you are or aren't, you'll be on the way to getting advice on helping end the extreme behavior. You're doing the right thing in getting the ball rolling on this.

Good luck!

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K.C.

answers from New York on

ADHD is unique in each person.

An assessment of ADHD-or ADD (the inattentive type) should include comprehensive information/check list in a standardized form from parents and teachers; a thorough history --including a psychological evaluation of your child to rule out the many factors that can mimic ADHD. I would want to rule out any nuerological conditions. Involvement of a mental health professional with expertise in childhood behavioral and emotional problems could help, as well. See chadd.org for further info.

We used to have a wonderful nueropsychologist in this area. You can ask the school for help, but, in my experience-- it might be best to seek out the assistance yourself.

ADHD---There are anatomical differences in the brain & differences in nuerochemical function that controls thoughts, impulses and mood.

A natural approach:
Have you tried an eating plan such as Feingold's--no additives, no sugar, etc...??
OR Flax oil---Barlean's Lignan-rich Flax oil?

If it is just boredom and he needs to be pushed academically, be very specific that he gets a teacher that will meet his needs from here on out.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

I think Jo hit the nail on the head. There is no typical ADHD .
And ADHD does not have anything to do with intelligence . I have a Twice exceptional 10 yr old daughter. In other words she's gifted AND ADHD. She's not behind in school , she never has been.
When they have both they are twice as much trouble.

yes get him evaluated, what's it gonna hurt , nothing. If he's not ADHD then it will be eliminated. If he is , that's a place to start with helping him.

ETA : if diet changes do solve it , it's not ADHD. It's an allergic reaction to something. ADHD is not caused by what they eat , it's caused by genetics , but it's symptoms can be made worse by sugar.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would also test for giftedness. Check out Educational Options for some resource information: http://www.educationaloptions.com/ I suspect your gut is right in that you have a combo of things going on. Because your son is doing okay in school, you will probably have a hard time getting anything done there unless you can bring them information that indicates a need for specific interventions...schools are so strapped for cash most places.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

From the website of Dr.Moldover, the neuropsych we use, click on "Parents Guide" on the right hand side. It talks about the why and how of testing.
He is great and was able to pintpoint exactly what was going on with our daughter (gifted, dyslexic and ADD inattentive type) and explain it in lay terms, as well as recommend how to proceed at school and also predicted what would happen if she did not get the services she needed (that we had to fight for for 3 years). He is in Wellesley, so if that is not to far for you I can HIGHLY recommend him.
http://drmoldover.com/

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C.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Some self disclosure: Hey this is me as a child!Bored I got into trouble, ended up home schooled and completed 2 grades in one yr then skipped another in middle school. Behavior therapy helped and consistent boundaries!!!! Did I stress that enough!!!! Meds sucked and I always felt lethargic so I fought them, keep ur little one engaged ALWAYS and you will be fine

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

It sounds like he has many characteristics of a gifted child, and could very well be both gifted and ADHD. Students who are gifted are not just intelligent, but they often have social and emotional characteristics, including being very sensitive to feelings, excessive/loud talking, lots of energy, etc. Many gifted children under-achieve in school. You may want to do some research on giftedness... hoagies.org is a helpful resource. Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from New York on

Obviously you have to do what is best for your child. Personally, I think as a society there is way too much over-medicating and meds become the solution for almost everything. Obviously some meds are really good and helpful like tylenol for a high fever or something. But sometimes it is really too much.
I don't know what to say, your son sounds like a sensitive child to me.
MANY kids cannot handle violence. Beware of what cartoons he watches, alot of them are violent. I think alot of tv watching makes kids aggressive. Food can be a really big factor too like gluten allergies etc.
So many approaches.

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