Ack! My Two Year Old Is Sexist!

Perfectly normal. To live in the world is to make prejudgments. Your son is showing advanced thinking in dividing the world into two camps. There is nothing sexist about it.men have penises, women do not. As a culture, we use blue for boys and pink for girls.

Just because your son is a long-haired vegetarian (which is YOUR choice, not his) doesn't mean he is not going to notice a difference between girls and boys and what they tend to be attracted to, or what is geared toward them - and I can't see how a 2 year old can be "sexist". They don't even know what it means. He's not saying that girls are inferior to boys - he just knows that pink tends to be a "girl thing". Acknowledging those differences is not the same as saying one is better than the other - it's just noticing what is already there.

Personally, I wouldn't make a big deal of this...I really wouldn't. I think the more you try to push gender-neutral items, the more you might be denying to him what it means to be male. Just like I wouldn't forbid him from playing with dolls, I wouldn't forbid him from playing with trucks either, or push him to wear a pink shirt if he would rather wear a blue one instead. You might be trying to raise him in a gender-neutral environment, but it is not a gender-neutral world. Sometimes biology just is what it is. My daughter is 5 and it just so happens her favorite color IS pink - and I would never say anything to her that would make her feel bad about it or think it's wrong.

I think you're working too hard to make him what you want him to be instead of letting him be who he is...which is a healthy two year old, who may or may not need a hair cut, who realizes that boys and girls "likes" are different.

Allowing him to have the long hair is a symbol of YOUR thinking! Making him a vegetarian is a sign of YOUR thinking! His determining that some toys are for boys and some are for girls is a sign that he can clearly think for HIMSELF!

You're taking it way too seriously. Chill out... :)

He is two!! He is matching genders!! Cut the poor thing some slack! You have him labeled a vegetarian because of what *you* feed him. Not sure why you point out he has long hair, I guess you are labeling him a free thinker?

Why are you labeling the poor baby!! He is not sexist!

He is two, he does not have the ability to be sexist. It's just as sexist, to think boys should only play with neutral toys, and to actually teach that. My son (naturally, with no prompting) goes to stereotypical boys toys. If I worry about him only playing with those, that is MY issue. Not HIS. Kids play with toys. Adults make these silly assumptions and stereotypes. Let him play with what he wants with no prompting or explanation. I don't TEACH my son anything about toys. He is a child, and hos job is to be a child and play. Not learn about MY preferences when it comes to "stereotypes." He plays with what he enjoys.

Also, he is not a vegetarian, because it's not a choice. He eats what you tell him to, and what you feed him. What if he's older and WANTS to eat meat. Will he be allowed a choice?

Be careful with this, mom. He might LIKE all the stereotypical boy things. If you make that an issue, you will only teach him being who he is...is inferior. THAT is sexist.

At this age, children are incredibly keen on "discrimination learning", which simply means that they learn what something is by learning about what it is not. Despite all of the efforts of our society to wipe away any differences between culture and genders, we are DIFFERENT. Not better or worse, but DIFFERENT and it's OKAY. We get all freaked out by the possibility that our kid is "stereotyping" that we forget that stereotypes are what they are for a reason - almost all of them are grounded in some truth as well as a narrative that is perpetuating it (media, etc). As "progressive" as we like to consider ourselves these days, our media still does a darn good job of pushing stereotypes of all kinds, so the messages are largely unavoidable. Toy marketing is decidedly aimed toward specific genders. I've never seen a toy catalogue with boys around the tea table and girls swinging light sabers. Never. Kids pick up on all of it, so if you're aiming more neutral, it will be more of a challenge.

Just take this in stride by keeping it light and saying something along the lines of "people can like all colors" and "sometimes girls like to play with boy things, too"!

You're probably too young to remember Family Ties, but the son was a conservative, tie-wearing republican in a family of ex-hippie democrats. He was who he was, and while it was fiction, it's true. Just because YOU want him to be who you are doesn't mean he will be. And the way you describe him and yourself makes you sound like quite the poseur - he isn't a vegetarian because he chose it, and long hair is only how he looks because you want people to see how hip and free-spirited your family is. Now, of course, every parent dresses their child in the style of the family, but I hope you'll realize that he will be who he will be. I used to think gender differences were purely social ingrained and did everything I could to give my children gender neutral experiences, but my son went toward superheros and guns and my daughter went to ponies and barbies. That was what they wanted, not because of what they saw, but because that was what they wanted. Let him explore both genders, but don't act like he shouldn't choose traditional roles if that's where he is. The job of a two year old is to categorize. That's what he's doing.

ETA: I think you're going to be surprised the way I was at how much nature plays a role -- it was a lot more than I thought, especially because I wanted a gentle, quiet boy and ended up with the most "snips, snails, and puppy dog tails" stereotypical noisy wild boy and a very girly girl (even though her favorite color is blue).

You are making much too big of a deal out of this. DVMMOM said it best- don't push it. He's a boy, let him be a boy. Next week, he may demand that you like the color purple and he likes orange.

I didn't "teach" my children gender neutral. We just rolled with it and they learned as they grew and matured. One day my daughter wanted to play with legos and her brother's dump truck. The next day, he was playing with her tea set and stuffed animals.

Don't overthink this... just enjoy your boys!

I think girls and boys are different.

I think you need to figure out where he is getting these stereotypes and fix it. A big part of gender stereotyping is media so if he watches tv - I would completely discontinue that. A second big big thing is advertising - this is incredibly sexist. Lego used to be marketed to all children and both girls and boys played with it equally (back in the 70s). Today it is marketed specifically to boys and boys own the VAST MAJORITY of lego today. I don't really think biology has changed since the 1970s.

I would also point out to him things like - 'look, daddy is wearing his pink shirt today (my DH has plenty of pink striped oxfords so it is a very common color for adult men)' and continue to play with whichever action figures you want (at least you have some girl ones - in general there are vastly fewer female figures available). It may help to have him know what his friends moms do - 'Joey's mommy is a doctor, she helps sick kids, Joey's dad is a nurse, he helps sick people too.'

It is difficult but there are some more gender neutral toys out there - some of the playmobil is - we have female police officers, pilots and doctors. Look at the site 'campaign for a commercial free childhood' and there is a blog 'TheAchillesEffect' about the effects of gender stereotypes on boys. I can't believe there are actually people who believe that there truly are girl colors and boy colors. WOW.

kids raised with neutral viewpoints at home still encounter societal stereotypes when they hit the world.
don't freak out about countering it. ask leading questions and continue to provide a healthy model in your home.
he's just playing with the differing paradigm he's discovered.
khairete
S.

My oldest actually went through a phase of spitting on girls. It was 100% outside influences, but not ones I was going to shut down, so I had to work HARD on that. In that case, I stressed that *I* was a girl, and I would be very hurt if someone did that to me.

It's a bit easier with my younger two, because my middle son likes pink and princesses (and trains and wrestling). Sometimes other boys tell him he can't like pink, but he seems to have absorbed my strong statement that HE gets to decide what he likes. I do still have to stress that not all girls like princesses, that there are no "girl toys" or "boy colors" and so on - that everyone gets to pick for themselves.

I have to use myself a LOT as the reference (not sterotypical) girl. I do like pink too, but it's not my favorite color...and I like some princesses, and we talk about why I don't like the ones I don't (Belle, ugh)...and I like sparkly things, but who doesn't really? I am also the working parent, don't wear make-up, rarely wear dresses, and I really love science fiction and super heroes. So, I suggest you use yourself as much as necessary ("There is nothing WRONG with pink, but I don't like it"; "No, I want to play with spiderman", etc). Good luck!

I am laughing , while having memories of my son at that age. I understood your sarcasm & found it quite amusing. If it makes you feel better...My son is 10 now, with no lasting sexist qualities but I was really worried for a while.

Some stereotypes are in place for a reason, as you are learning with your child. It doesn't matter how much we try to influence them, kids have an ingrained truth...and that is that some things are for boys and some things are for girls!

Try not to judge him too much!

Ack! You do not understand that kids categorize and make connections! ( I am just kidding! :) )

Really, kids just make connections about stuff on their own, from what they observe. Unless you have him only watching Monster Truck Rally and tell him to leave the room if a female is watching Rainbow Fantasy Fairy Dancy-Prancy Show, he's just going to make some assumptions. But commercials are a great conveyer of the sexist message, in that most toys are marketed to boys OR girls, rarely both.

Does he have an older sibling? If so, he might have heard this from them. Especially the kids from 4-12 or so-- they are super hung up on 'boy/girl' specifics and they impose a huge 'boy/girl' separation of toys and activities. Or if there is any show on that dealt with this as a topic. ("Sally can't play with Jude because he told her only boys play with blocks/trucks.... whatever".) Kids are little imitators and honestly, I don't usually see this sort of strongly *verbalized* gender preference at this age.

So, unless you are sending him to an antiquated daycare program (which might encourage him to spend more time doing 'boy' things than exploring the house play area or dollies-- and some old-school adults may direct children in this way) or he's seeing/hearing it, I wouldn't worry about it.

What you CAN do: give feedback which helps to reinforce that all things are 'for' everyone.

"I like all colors, but you know, X is my favorite."

"I think trucks are neat too. Let's run some trucks down the ramp together."

Gender neutral statements which affirm that activities can be enjoyed and fun for both boys and girls.

For what it's worth, I do let some of this stuff go. My son got into a serious truck phase when he was little and wanted to be an excavator operator for a while. Totally stereotypical? Yep. But it was more important to me to validate his desire with "Wow, that would be fun to use such a big machine" than offering other gender neutral distractions. I volunteer in my son's library and see that boys get bombarded with hyper-masculinity (via superheroes, Star Wars, etc.) and girls get spoon-fed hyper-feminine models (Barbie, Disney Princessess).... all of these are Early Reader offerings, so the kids really don't stand a chance of not getting these messages in some way. The corporate media and toy companies are counting on full media saturation/cultural saturation of products that are total stereotypes. What I try to teach my son is that mom and dad *both* have talents and abilities to bring to the table; that I'll play Legos and Dad can wash dishes and make dinner, etc. Modeling is the BEST way to go forward.

As for your son handing you the girl figure-- kids at this age are bossy and assertive, trying out what it's like to 'lead' the playtime. I would have taken the girl toy and said "Okay, I have the girl, what should our people do now?" And then listen and play along. Maybe your girl and his boy action figure are now going to go conquer the world, only you have to build it with blocks first. (extending his play) And then, your 'girl' could be a great builder! She could say "I'm so strong, I can lift up this big piece of wood! I'm a builder!" You can incorporate the messages you want into your play, too. :) My son's favorite story to play with one of his boy buddies at kindergarten is "Super Kitties".

In short, kids are too little to have 'neutral' views. They thrive on absolutes and concrete connections (the pan goes in the kitchen; pajamas go in a drawer; girls like pink and dolls; boys like guns and heroes and blue...etc.) Give it another 15 years, maybe.:) I have worked with kids for a long, long time and what you see-- please don't let it worry you. Just know that your actions are the best example!

I hear ya mamma! My daughter has said somethings about gender that make me worried that I am going to get my social worker/feminazi membership yanked (please note attempt at humor vs. literal statement). I think the key is just keeping the dialogue going with our kids about all the different viewpoints in their world.

You don't mention if he's in daycare or other group settings where he would be exposed to kids sayiing "Boys play with cars, girls play with dolls" and so on. Or whether he is allowed to watch any TV that might reinforce those things (especially TV commercials aimed at kids, which are so blasted pink for girl stuff that it's nauseating). Or if he has older cousins or other kids who could be telling him that's How The World Is. (My money is on his older sibling as the source of possible "sexist" talk and role assignment, even if your older child doesn't openly do the blue-boys, pink-girls talk in front of you.)

Those are things to think about but not things to stress about -- he's going to be exposed to a lot of other kids, older kids, even adults who tell him about things that you wouldn't prefer he adopt, but you can't stop it.

He's exactly at the age when kids are extremely into defining who they are and who you are and who everyone else is, and they cannot yet think in any shades of gray so they think, often, in....blue and pink and whatever else they've been exposed to. It's typical and doesn't mean he'll stay fixed on the idea. If you try to talk him through it, at age two, it will only make him think it's important; he's not old enough to reason it out so just give him a mix of toys and teach him that different people like different things.

My daughter at a pretty young age loved to play Robin Hood and swordfighting and archery and various dragon-slaying kinds of things, and went as Robin Hood (not Maid Marian) one year at Halloween. She is 12, does serious ballet with satin shoes and tutus....and also loves swordfighting, tough women characters and equality. She has plenty of guy friends and plays with the boys at cops and robbers at recess. She also loves jewelry. So...don't despair. Of course, she has always disliked pink.....Your son will be OK, just model the behaviors you want rather than worrying about him too much.

Hahahahaha!!!! When my son was 2, we were in the drive through at the bank and a woman pulled up in a GIANT diesel pickup. My son asked, "Why is that woman driving a man's truck?" I nearly got whiplash turning around to stare at him in complete shock. :)
I was absolutely HORRIFIED, but then realized since I have an SUV and my husband has a truck, he naturally thought trucks must belong to men. Whew! :)

My DD will sometimes categorize things like that but when you get further into conversation, she wants to be a lawyer, an astronaut, a doctor, etc. If he goes on and on about it you can say, "I do like pink...and purple and green and yellow. What are all your favorite colors?"

My guy will be 4 next month and has been this way awhile. And not from my teaching him this, either. He observes the world around him, through TV, going here and there, and preschool where the boys wear dark colors and the girls wear pink and purple for the most part. Even Lego jumped in with their "Olivia and Friends" sets geared towards girls.

Just keep telling him that girls can do what boys do and boys can do what girls do, and they can all play with the same toys. Point out that men can be chefs/cooks and women can be construction workers.

my son knows i like "all colors" and "lots of colors" because when he makes me pictures, i always encourage him to "add more color! you know mommy likes all the colors!"

i say just tell him, "nope, girls like all the colors just like boys do. blue, purple, yellow, red, green..." just keep enforcing that anytime it comes up. he'll get it. and you can also point out that some boys like pink, and some girls like blue.

(*and omigoodness don't stress about it! no need to place him in a sensory deprivation tank as some seem wont to do. you raise him in your home, teach him your beliefs- he will be fine. the outside world will "get in" eventually. better to TEACH him better, than expect to protect him from it forever.)