aChild Neglect?

You would be doing her a kindness in a round about way by calling CPS, in my opinion. They will tell her that she cannot keep her house that dirty, and she will have to clean it up. That will help the kids.

Perhaps no one ever told her before that she has to have a certain standard of care for them. Go ahead and let her find out. They won't take the kids away. But they WILL make her keep her house cleaner for the kids' sakes.

Dawn

I would privately and kindly ask her if there is anything you can do to help since she seems overwhelmed. I agree with others that it may be more of a sign of being overwhelmed or depressed. Maybe offer to set up a play date with others and her kids so she can have a day alone? Maybe offer to pay for a cleaning service a few times? Maybe buy her some new cat litter at least - we have 2 cats and with the new scoopable litter very little smell lingers, only right after the cats poop but once they cover it up the modern litters dry out and harden the poo and pee into little "bricks". Depending on the age of the kids, they can learn to scoop the litter box on a daily basis to at least get rid of that smell. Where is the husband in all this? I flashed back to that woman who killed her 9(?) kids years ago and the husband and close family all ignored the in-hindsight-obvious signs of her mental decline. I would definitely speak to her and/or her husband kindly and offer whatever help you can, and if she refuses call some agency for help.

I lived in a house like that growing up. My dad was out in the barn from 7am to 2am with a two hour lunch break around 3pm. My mom had a full time job and a part time job that she worked at long enough to almost be considered full time (She was at one job from 7am to 2:30pm and the next job from 3pm to 10pm, her full time job didn't require weekends but her part time job did). It is still like this. Anyways, neither of them had any time to clean. My sisters and I didn't really care whether the house was clean or dirty, so it was mostly dirty. My grandma tried to come by (They live next door) and clean every Saturday, but she got too old to do that.

Anyways... Our house was a disaster area. Only close friends were invited over. But we were all happy and healthy. And that's what mattered.

My house is dusty, the TV has some chocolate on it, and I have kid hand prints all over my walls/doors/windows. I certainly hope that none of my friends would come over and decide that because I am not the "best" housekeeper that CPS needs to be called.
I will admit that my floors are cleaned and mopped at least once a week and we eat at our kitchen table, and I HATE cats because most houses do smell like cat litter if they are inside cats.
Were her kids a raggedy mess? Hungry? Beaten? No? Then it just sounds like she is a bad housekeeper or you caught her on a bad day. MYOB is my advice.
L.
Don't you dare PM me again. You asked for my advice and you got it. I am ALLOWED to tell you to mind your own business. You are allowed to ignore my advice. You send me a PM again full of hateful sh!t and I will report you.

Neglect no, gross yes.

Looking at some of the answers, I don't understand a lot of ways people choose to live but unless they actually put their health and well being in jeopardy it is not neglect. Sure you can come up with some health issues that may happen but more than likely they will not.

I often consider it a dangerous attitude society has lately of if we do not like or understand a lifestyle we want someone to stop it. This ignores the fact that there are people out there that probably don't approve of something you do so unless you want everyone peeping in your stuff stop looking so critically at others.

Maybe an offer to help (for a reasonable amount of time) is in order. This is hard to approach her with, because you are basically saying "your house is a mess to the point we are worried", but done well, you can express concern and make the offer.

Or you could call CPS and request a welfare check. It does sound like someone needs to be looking in on her. I've seen similar circumstances with people who are clinically depressed or suffering mental illness. Their children need to have another set of eyes keeping track of them, esp. as they are not in the school system.

Just out of curiosity: was it 'her turn' to host the meeting, did she offer, or was she short on childcare? I just ask because I can't imagine inviting people over for a meeting with a house in such a state. She may need more resources than she has, but may not know how (or have the wherewithal) to access them. This could include health insurance and care for her little ones. Have you met the kids? Do they seem healthy and clean?

I would also be concerned that, if this mom is so overwhelmed she's not doing housework, it's highly likely that school isn't happening. So there's another thing to chew on.

I have one sister who has three boys, homeschools, and her house is relatively tidy (no outside help, like Amy J.) and her boys are doing very well as whole people (health and academics.) I also know of other women, similar to the one you describe, whose bipolar disorder or depression has caused them to take care of the bare minimum and to otherwise shut down. They didn't like the intrusiveness of CPS, but it was better for the kids and they were able to get both educational and other helpful resources.

I use to babysit for a lady that was court ordered to clean her house because of the conditions of their house.

Her kids were never taken away.. as long as she kept the kids in "livable condition". She didn't have to have it spotless, messy was ok as long as it was clean.

They would have weeks for moldy dishes in the sink, her kids liked to have food fights and the food was all over the walls and ceiling. I don't even want to try to figure out what was all over the floors to where you had to pull your feet off with each step. There was a path in the living room to walk through. No sitting space on the couch, they just sat on top of what ever was there. The beds were the same as the couch and you couldn't find the floors in there. The bathroom was worse than any truck stop I have ever been to ( and I have been to some gross ones!).

The kids were always dirty, bodies and clothes. She had to keep the laundry up ( they took the clothes to a laundry mat and washed all of them for her to help her) and the kids had to have baths twice a week.

When I watched them, I gave them bathes and washed their hair while she was home cleaning the house. I would take the kids home after she would call right around after 2 hours and I would go through and help her with what needed more help and show her how to do things like orginizing or little tips to help her get a job done quicker.

After 3 months of coming once a week they went to once every other week for 3 months then monthly for the next 3 months and they were cleared.

The state paid me to watch the kids 2x a week for two hours each time so she could do her housekeeping. The little extra's I did on my own time and it was worth it to help her out. She was so overwehlmed with 5 kids in 7 years. At the time they were under 6 yrs old.

According to CPS it is neglect. They will not take her kids away for something like that but they will tell her to clean her house and monitor her to be sure she does it. Cat pee has high levels of ammonia, which causes damage to the throat and lungs. It can cause all kinds of problems, especially for children. Call CPS and explain just what you said here, then its their problem.

My friends house looked like what you're saying and she was approved to be a foster parent. Go figure.

She had laundry coming out of the laundry room that was at least 18" deep and she had no carpet due to so much stuff being all over the floors.

Child welfare has been there and said the complaint was unfounded so I would not call. If I were friends with woman I might understand why the house looks like this. She is used to the cat smell and cannot smell it anymore.

I would not call. If we were friends I'd offer to come help her out sometimes so I could be a good friend.

It sounds like she needs help. I agree it sounds more like depression and not being able to keep up. I would call CPS and ask about this - they may be able to provide her with help to get on the right track. They are not abused, but the home is in a sorry state.

The house you describe sounds like mine on most days when I can not get motivated. except the cat issue, we have no animals for that reason. She sounds very very busy with home school and she probably has a little one. I don't know what to tell you, I would make another trip and see. I would also offer to help her, seems like she might be overwhelmed. I am sure she does not like her house looking like that and was probably embarrassed.

What did the kids look like? A nasty house may only indicate that she's a poor housekeeper, but not necessarily a bad mother. She may neglect cleaning to focus on the kids. The house sounds filthy, but I would think she's overwhelmed. Usually the cleaning is the first thing to be neglected. I would offer her some help, cook a meal and drop it off, get to know her a little better and find out how you can help her. If things still seem questionable I might call CPS. I've been to many a filthy home -where the kids were just as happy as they could be. There are levels of cleanliness and we all have our own personal barometer on that. Her homelife doesn't sound perfect by any means, but it doesn't sound like she's striving for perfect which is ok. So many moms do that they measure this same standard against others. Years ago, a filthy home of someone would have freak me out. Now that I am older, I focus more on the person. Ask the meeting group if they are interested in trying to extend help to her. However, beware she may take offense to the intrusiveness of the group.

Sounds like the house is in deplorable conditions. I am so sad for the kids! I would talk with her and tell her your concerns. Maybe she has some issue with cleaning or doesn't know where to start? Would you help her with a clean-up party? Some people just get too overwhelmed by house clutter and they stop doing everything.....I would help her get help.

But as far as neglect, I don't think so. I think it falls under "child endangerment". Best wishes!

She is neglecting her house which I guess is kind of neglecting her children. If you think it was that bad and is a health treat then call your local health department and have them go and check it out.

I don't understand how people live like that, maybe they get used to the smell. I am sure at some point this would cause health problems for everyone living in there.

I used to attend a parent's support group for "spirited" children. One lady was there because she was court ordered because she had her daughter living in deplorable conditions like you described. So yes, I do think it's neglect. But before I would suggest calling CPS, please let us know how the kids looked.

Would u want to live like that?
The kids don't either, very likely.
At what point should you get involved?
Hard to say, but you saw this much already.