My husband has been traveling a lot as of late, and he is also in the process of remodeling our bathroom.He put in new tile, and yesterday a new toilet. I had hoped to have the new vanity in this past weekend too, but hubby decided to sleep late and enjoy cups of coffee, etc. so by the time he started working, the day was mostly done. It's a pain to have to go downstairs to use the bathroom, especially since I'm 6 months pregnant, with an almost 3 year old that wakes me to go around 5 every morning. My son of course refused to use the toilet upstairs this morning because there was no sink to wash up...So, another week of getting completely woken up by turning on the lights and bringing him downstairs....... OK, I can deal with this inconvenience. I can even handle the stress it will create in terms of putting the bathroom back together (we have a big party here the weekend after next, lots of bday parties next week, etc. and I will need to put everything back in it's place --there is bathroom stuff all over the house! Not sure how I will do it all, but OK, this is my life, I will do it.)
This morning, however, hubby really has me pissed off about something else: he stayed up till 2:30, woke me when he came to bed, and then his alarm went off at 6:20. He told me he had an early call and a meeting to get to at 8. His alarm of course woke my almost 3 year old, and since we celebrated his bday yesterday with family, my son just had to get out of bed to play with his new toys. He usually stays in bed till 7:30-8.
Hubby of course didn't get out of bed. Not sure what this means, but he frequently sets an alarm and wakes us all up and then stays in bed. I get that he is tired, but my son woke up her sister, and they are both SICK. So now I get to spend to the day with two sick and overtired little people, when I myself am sick and tired.
How do I approach my husband about being more mindful about waking us all up? If you aren't going to get up when you set an alarm, then don't set the damn alarm!
I feel like sometimes he just doesn't think about how his behavior effects the rest of us. I'm at the point where I am happy when he goes away because I know it means I will get sleep and he won't be waking me!! I'm tempted to set up the guest room for him, but I don't want to have one of those marriages, I think sharing a bed is important.
Suggestions on how to get hubby to be more mindful about waking the rest of us? I need my sleep, and with a son that gets me up to use the toilet, and a hubby that wakes me almost every night when he comes to bed, I'm just not getting enough sleep. Soon the baby will be here, and then I will have yet another person waking me.
My children sleep in their own rooms as soon as they sleep a 5 hour block at night. We live in a small ranch, and my son's room is right next to ours, so he can ear everything that goes on in our room. He will be getting moved into his sister's room in a few weeks, to get them adjusted to sharing a room before the baby comes.
Thanks for all the suggestions.
I think you need to be very direct.
"Husband, If you aren't going to get up when you set an alarm, then don't set the damn alarm!"
LOL! I have one of "those marriages" :-) When I was pregnant with baby #2, I got fed up with my husband waking me up, and he got sick of hearing me snore. I moved myself into the guest bedroom, and it has been bedtime bliss ever since. I've had the guest room for about five years now. It was great to have the baby in the room with me and not have to worry about whether or not my husband got a good night's sleep.
My husband goes to bed hours before I do and wakes up about an hour before I do. Having separate rooms helps us both get a good night's sleep. Sharing a bed is important -- if you can both sleep in it. Otherwise, as long as you are still able to find intimacy, separate beds (at least until the baby comes) might be a good option or you.
If you want your husband to be more mindful about waking the rest of the family, the direct approach is probably best. "Honey, it is so h*** o* me -- especially being pregnant -- when your alarm wakes everyone else up in the morning. Would you mind setting the alarm time for later? " Good luck! And hang in there. Remodeling jobs are so h*** o* everyone!
"It really makes me feel upset and irritated when the alarm goes off and wakes the whole house. Can you please make a plan to ensure this doesn't happen anymore? I'm so exhausted, growing this baby and taking care of the kids...I need every minute of sleep that I can get."
"Can we get the bathroom put together and cleaned up this week? On the (date) we have the annual party, and I really want to show it off to our guests. I can't lift the big stuff, but tell me how else I can help to get it done."
Best of luck!
♥
C. Lee
Sleeping in the same bed to the determent of your health and the sanity of your family just because you don't want have one of "those" marriages, but instead would rather try and chide your husband into changing to fit your needs, seems silly to me.
Right now you are going through a tough period. Your life right now is not "normal" so why try and force some semblance of normality when in a few months everything is going to change again once the new baby arrives? You are becoming more heavily pregnant and you have a small sick child to take care of right now at this point in time and a husband who sets an early morning alarm because he has stuff to do. It doesn't seem unreasonable to me to spend some time in separate bedrooms for the duration of the home renovation/child's illness... then rejoin the marital bed when this part of your life has settled down.
If you don't feel like setting him up in the guest bedroom, feel free to use it yourself. I've slept on the couch, the spare room bed and my own bed with my husband as the situation dictates in order to get the best sleep that I can. My husband snores like a freight train and I can't in good conscience wear ear plugs with a small child in the house. I NEED to be able to hear her if she bleats out "Moooooom" in the middle of the night as a prequel to a vomit or something. I need to have my senses about me because I'm a mother, and that's what we do. We are aware at all times. We have our souls on the pulse of our family. And we need to get a good night sleep to be able to keep it up.
If that means I have to sleep in another room and have one of "those" marriages... well then. So be it.
I'll have to say though, that even though I live in one of those dreaded marriages, I haven't felt like our love is less or there is anything lacking in our relationship. I take offence at your slightly snotty connotation towards those of us who don't spend every night in the marital bed for whatever reason. THOSE marriages indeed. Piffle to that.
If you insist on sleeping in bed with your husband every single night, you're either going to have to wear earplugs, or show him the letter you wrote here so you can let HIM know your feelings and cross your fingers he won't feel put upon and actually change his naughty ways, since that's the only way you'll be able to open a dialog with him to facilitate the change in whatever behavior he is presenting that you find undesirable.
I'd just like to add, my husband likes to set his alarm to go off 45 minutes before he actually has to drag himself out of bed because he likes hitting the snooze button at least four times before taking his shower. It's a habit ingrained in him since he was a school boy. I won't be changing this old dog's tricks but, because I love him, I've chosen to work around his quirks of staying up late and setting his alarm absurdly early. Our tenth wedding anniversary will be January 23, 2013... so one of "those" marriages worked for us happily for nearly ten years. (Also, we've been together since we were sixteen years old and Juniors in high school... so we've had a fair amount of time to fit our two cogs together in the great machine of life. Flexibility is a big deal. Never underestimate the power of flexibility.)
In addition to what others have said, since the alarm wakes everyone up, I'm assuming you all cosleep? Perhaps it is time to transition the kids to their own rooms so that morning events don't wake them? In addition, at 3, your son is old enough to understand that he MUST stay in bed until it is light outside, or whatever event you want to tell him. He is also old enough to understand that YOU are in charge, not him, and he will potty where you tell him to, not where he insists.
Turn off the alarm after he goes to sleep. That's what I would do since he doesn't actually want to get up anyway.
Dawn
Sleep on the couch if you need to. Your sleep is most important. My husband snores very loudly! I just recently started sleeping in the bed with him again after weeks of being on the couch.
Do your children sleep in their own room? You could add a small fan, heater, radio, or white noise machine to drown out the noises that wake them up.
Everyone has their own sleep habits. I suggest you work around your husband's patterns.
I have "one of those" marriages and am way way less cranky because of it... Several of my friends are the same. I've personally never seen the importance of sleeping in the same bed every night if it makes someone really cranky. I'd rather be well rested so I can enjoy the hours I"m awake with my husband and know what's going on vs if I'm asleep, I have no idea where I am anyway. I'd say we're happily married despite not always sleeping in the same bed. A friend at work's wife feels the same as you but during difficult periods, he does go sleep in another room and then when things get more normal, he goes back. They're both fine with it now. He was going insane having to be up with one of their kids and then get up a couple of hours earlier than her for work so he was the cranky one. He's much happier when he sleeps.
i already have planned where i/m going to throw your alarm the next time it goes off and you dont get up. Thats where i'm at right now emotionally - one more time and i'm gonna take action.
so come on, this is a marriage. we're partners. im cool if you need more time to finish the convenient when you're pregnant bathroom. i knowhow hard you work and you deserve to have a nice slow saturday morning. but how about thinking aboutr me, and the kids. We all woke up at 6:20.
Just keep that in mind next time you set the alarm is all I/m asking, :)
I suggest you get some hand sanitizer for the bathroom for your son to use until the sink is in.
Personally I would go sleep in the guest room.
Sleep is very important to me (especially during pregnancy!) You ask how to approach your husband about this problem? Um, just tell him. Babe, I can't handle the disruptions you're causing by your habits. I don't want to sleep without you but if you keep waking me (and the kids) up like this I'm going to need to sleep in the other room.
He's not a mind reader, he won't know there's a problem unless you TELL him there's a problem.
Um, when that alarm goes off, you get out of bed and then snatch the covers off of hubby and very loudly tell him "time to get up!" Turn on the light and go about your morning.
If he has to get up with his alarm, he might be more mindful about the time he sets it for. I would not allow him to lay around in bed when his alarm got ME up.
Or better yet, when the alarm goes off, put your feet in the small of his back and literally push him out of bed.
One or the other. But I guarantee I WOULD NOT be getting up until and unless he does!
btw, if he can function well on four hours sleep, he would be doing the night feedings when the baby came home. I'm just sayin'
