A Question for the Guys/your Guys

Funny, my dh and I have been together 26yrs and married for 20 of them. Yeah, I know he's the one ; ) but I will be doggoned if I ask him if he ever thought I was "the one". That is one can of worms that doesn't need to be opened. If you are happy, in love and things are moving at the pace you want them to, then don't ask questions, J. enjoy it!

I knew when I heard my husbands voice down the hall that I wanted to meet him. A few minutes later when he knocked on my door and we met, I knew he was the one. Weird, but true. The feeling was not mutual! LOL.
He eventually came around!

We moved in after about a year.

I said "I love you" first (after J. a few months), but he said it back without hesitation, and he never had a problem saying or showing it.

He proposed to M. after we had been together for a couple years. Oddly enough, I did not feel we were ready for that step but he did. I think it had more to do with the fact that I was comfortable with the idea of never getting married, and he was not. So I guess he finally considered M. to be "the one" after 2 years of being together, while I felt it immediately.

Thanks, this was a fun trip down memory lane ;)

I used to think there was a "one for M.". But logic stepped in as I contemplated it. There are too many ways for "The one" to be separated and never meet "the one". There are traffic accidents, wars, and many other things where "the one" might be removed from your life or your ability to meet them.

Having said all that I asked three ladies to marry M.. How could I ask three ladies to marry M. if there was only one "the one"?.

How we met:
A friend asked M. if I wanted to to to a fireside (informal church meeting) with him and a couple of his friends. I met him in the Institute of Religion parking lot and found out then that it was two girls plus his girl friend. I sat in the back seat between the two girls and he and his girl friend had the front seat. When we got back to the Institue of Religion, one of the girls beside M. left immediately. The other girl and I sat in her car and talked for a while. After about 30 minutes of talking she got really quiet. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, "You don't want to know". I told her "Sure I do. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have asked." After a few minutes of banter, she finally said, "I think I'm going to marry you." I was shocked. We weren't even on a date! We J. pooled a ride because we were all starving college students saving on gas. I have always had a hard time remembering names, but when she said that her name was indelibly tattooed on the inside of my forehead. I said good night and left.

We dated multiple times over the next six weeks and I asked her to marry M. after about 6 weeks of dating. We got married two months later because it took about that amount of time to get wedding invatations ordered, printed and sent. She was 18, I was 22 when we got married. She had a child at 19 making her a "teenage mother". Our first child arrived 6 days before our first anniversary. My dad and her dad refused to come to the wedding. Both said the marriage wouldn't last 6 weeks and two months and they didn't want to go to the wedding because it was destined to fail.

We celibrated our 38th anniversary last week. I don't remember when she or I first said, "I love you". We moved in together and had sex for the first time on our wedding night. I gave her her first kiss (by a boyfriend) while we were dating.

Good luck to you and yours.

We both knew we were the other's "one" after the first date. I don't know how old you are but in my opinion, knowing the one is something that comes with age. Troy told M., early in our dating, that he wishes he had met M. when we were in our early 20s. I told him I am glad we didn't because I would have been too young and stupid to realize what we really had.

That is it really, experience teaches you how to spot when you have it good. Young people J. luck into it in my opinion. :)

Two weeks before I said I love you, he said he couldn't say it until he was sure he meant it, that would be five minutes later. :p

He moved in two months later. This we kinda pushed up beyond our comfort level but he lived three hours away but worked in StL. Meh, it worked out in the end. :)

We got engaged after a year and were married after a year and a half.

I sorta have a fairy tale :). I literally bumped into my husband playing pool one night.. the SECOND I looked in his eyes I knew he was it. No lie. I swear. We talked for about 15 minutes then he had to get back to his game and I was on my way to get a drink and somehow his friend drug him out before getting my number. I was crushed. The next night I happened to be in the same place for a friends birthday party and he came looking for M... I was at the bar telling a friend about this guy I met the night before and I saw him, I literally J. walked away from the conversation with no explanation to go talk to him. Turns out he came back to look for M. and said he would have every night till he saw M. again. Our first date was a few days later on Christmas day, he's in the USCG (from hawaii stationed in tx) so he had nothing to do. We were inseparable from that day. Circumstances with his roommate basically pushed things faster and he moved in with M. in February (2 months), engaged in July (7 months), married in October (10 months).. The night I met him *I didn't even know his full name* I called my mom at 11pm to tell her I met "the one". After we were together I found out his roommate had seen M. the weekend before and drug him out to the bar/grill to show him M... So he basically showed up looking J. for M. :) and he found M.! His "she's the one" moment was probably about a week or so into dating but pretty soon into the relationship..

I think I was low-maintenance enough for my husband. I agree that it is a compatability thing. When we were dating, he said I was very 'easy-going' which a lot of the single girls in our church group (where we met) were constantly calling him and being super-nosy and clingy. I was recently divorced, so was J. laid back and waited for things to happen if they were going to happen and put no pressure on the relationship. Well I guess that was a good thing.

Don't remember how long it took for the 'I love yous' to come. But we met in October, started "dating" end of December, felt he was "the one" when we got engaged in May, he was staying over at my house most of April, May, June. We got married in August. So it all happened for us in less than a year. The first day I saw my husband in the singles class at church, I remember eyeing him and whispering to my friend about the 'new guy'. So perhaps I knew he was 'the one' from day one?? Not really, I was too shy to meet him on that day. But I did have my eye on him! (We J. had our anniversary this past Sat. Thanks for letting M. share these happy memories.)

I think when there are kids involved, J. possibly, rushing anything could be a very bad idea.

We both knew within three dates that we were going to spend our lives together.

We met in June of 2004, moved in together in January 2005, put a deposit on a house in March of that year, got engaged in December of that year, married in September 2006 and welcomed our first baby in May 2008.

My husband would never use the term "the one" b/c he thinks it's cheesy, but if you ask his best friend, he will tell you that my husband knew and so did his friends that we would get married.

I think I'm similar to JessinTexas's answer. My husband always J. thought I was much more laid-back than other women he'd known. I didn't judge him, didn't give him a hard time about his family situation, kind of sat back & let him work through the things he needed to work through, but was available to talk or bounce ideas off of when that's what he wanted. I wasn't afraid to not only order food, but actually ate it as well in front of him which was important to him.

I knew he was the one after our first date & I have absolutely no way of describing it other than I J. knew. I let some feelings out that first night, but buttoned them up after that until we'd been together a few months. I think his feelings grew based on my feelings at first to be honest. He loved that I loved him (his childhood was so totally screwed up that I think I was the first person to ever not withhold love based on my own demands, I J. wanted him to be his wonderful self).

As for how long before we said I love you, it was a couple of months, we moved in together a couple of months after that & were married 17 months after we'd first met without any formal engagement period per say i.e. I still don't have a diamond ring 12 1/2 years later.

Hi Jen-

My ex husband and I dated throughout high school...and through the first two years at college (I was in NY for college...he was at Notre Dame). We dated others (even became engaged to others) and remained friends (long distance, as he was military) over the years. We 'reconnected' at our 10 year HS reunion...became engaged and got married the following summer.

We did not live together before marriage...We had 'exciting' weekend trysts...we felt it was 'destiny'...we felt ready...we felt 'meant for each other...

In hind sight...I wish we HAD lived together (and it goes against every fiber of my being to say that...LOL). Perhaps I would have noticed how serious his drinking was even then...perhaps not. I WANTED children BADLY!!

Anyway, turns out we were not able to make the marriage work...funnily enough, I thought we had 'stacked the deck' in our favour for success...older...educated...both had had careers...I had known (and loved) his family since I was 13ish...In fact I knew his sister and brother through HS theatre before he and I even dated...***sigh***

I was wrong...but I got what I would not have had otherwise...our wonderful kids...

He got booze...and as I recently found out...serious liver issues...

***sigh***

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

My husbands in the middle of the ocean so ill answer for him.

We met when i was 12(he was 15), started flirting/casually 'going out"/ actively talking when i was 14(him 17). Officially dated when i was 17(him 20) that's when the "i love yous" were exchanged. We drifted apart for about 2 years, but remained friends. We dated casually again at 19, by 20 we had our first apartment and cat...:0), we were engaged only a matter of months before i found out i was pregnant. We were married with our first child by the time i was 21(him 24).....then another at 27....and now 30 ...;0)

so my timeline is

almost instantly upon dating an "i love you"
I knew he was the one the moment i laid eyes, hands and lips on him.
i was living together first then engaged months after

My husband said it was Love at First Sight. He He. I think it was hormones at first sight! We were 17 and he worked at Burger King. It was always cold in there and at 17 and being small chested I rarely ever wore a bra. He can honestly admit he liked my T.H.O.... ALOT! He kept asking M. to go out with him and I said no several times. One night we realized we were going to the same party and we drove together. Haven't really been seperated since. He said I love You like after a month.. maybe? (again.. we were 17! hahaha) and he moved in basically that same night. I was new to the area and he said he lived far away. My mom let him sleep on the couch that night. We got engaged at 20, married at 21 and had 3 kids. And the story continues from there..... :)

After our first date, he told M. that if I came back for summer school he would make it worth my while. Well, I decided to come back at the end of May. By the end of October I was engaged! I was 21 and he was 25. We married that next August. On August 23, 2011, we celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary.

He was definitely the one. He was everything I never knew I wanted!!! He was not my "type" and he was older. The day I arrived back I called and he invited M. over to his parents house to swim. Well that was it! We dated by way of AA baseball and swimming. It was a great summer and it has been a great life!

We lived together I think after 1 year and engaged after 18 months. We were engaged for at least 2 years though, J. because I waited to start planning the wedding and then wanted a fall wedding. I don't remember how long it was before the I love you's came. My husband told M. he knew I was the one when the first time I went out with him and all his friends from back home, I fit right in with everyone and everyone loved M..

I knew right away with mu hubby. My best friend and her hubby set us up at their wedding(not pushy, J. introduced us), and I thanked them the next day for introducing M. to my future husband! I J. knew. We have our lives a little backwards...we were surprised to find out we were pregnant about 9 months in & moved in together then. I always ask him when he knew I was the one...it was when we had our daughter. He said J. seeing M. with her made him so happy and so glad that he is with M.. And I freak out and say... oh god, you are only with M. because you knocked M. up!!! Not the case...he said he knew he always wanted to be with M. and having our little girl J. made it much more obvious! But, we are extremely happy...been together for 8 years, married for 5 & we are expecting our 2nd daughter in September!

My husband and I both knew there was something special about the other almost right from the start. He intrigued M. like no other and I guess I did the same for him. We were young and got no imput from our family or friends and what could have now been a 20 year marriage was interrupted by 20 years of being apart. We did reunite and have lots of interesting history in the between years.

My encouragement to you if you know this guy is the one for you is to give him some space.

He may not be certain about you because you are with him too much. So find yourself a hobby or activity that will keep you busy and separated from him for a decent time. Stop flooding him with phone calls and attention. When he calls you don't always be available to take his calls. Let him miss you or even get back to the chase. Men like the chase and need the thrill of the hunt. If he doesn't come around then you would have occupied yourself and made some new friends or hobbies and adventures but if he does then you still have something more to offer him.

Hi, Jen:

Are your emotional needs being met by this fella?

It doesn't sound like it from the script you wrote.

It is not about him, it is about your feelings.

J. a thought.
D.

Our "timeline" was weird, and far from normal. I met him downtown and had a little giggle with my friend about the handsome older man with the mixed up English / South African accent who "rescued" us from the jerky doorman. Then he went to his show and we walked to another theater to see our show. Later, we were at the local coffee house and acting stupid and girly, copying his accent and what he said....we heard some laughter and looked.....he was a few tables away. We talked a little bit. He asked for my number but I had previously been creeped out when I phoned an exbf and he got my number off caller id, did a reverse lookup online, mapquested M., and showed up at my door (5 states away!)....it wasn't a bad thing, but not having internet yet, he had to explain all this newfangled technology. I was amped that this guy found M., but was hesitant to give my number out afterwards in case random axe murderer showed up next. Soooo I gave him my email address instead and we became "pen pals" who met up occasionally to hang out, see a show, etc. Not all the time though because there was a big age difference. I thought he was "groovy" but wasn't in love at first. He said after our first meeting he felt a connection that he thought was strange for a first time meeting, and he was "concerned" about it. 3 weeks later when I did give him my phone number, after our first call he said that he knew I was special, going to be a very important player in his life (whatever that means, lol), and that the thought "she may be an angel" even went through his mind, which he laughed at. After a few months, I got creeped out because I thought I might have accidentally loved him and that upset M.. I ran away back to my mom's house in another state (I'd sworn I was never going to fall in love or get married, blech!---my parents had a nasty divorce and I didn't want anything to do with that, I J. wanted to have fun). We had an argument about my moving so suddenly and he said "is it because you love M.?" and I said "shut up" but nodded. He said "I love you too". I went to Italy to clear my mind, lol. But when I got back to the States, we talked on the phone and emailed A LOT daily, made AT&T rich, and through relative "safety" since we were far away we were able to be really honest and talk about everything past, present, and future. He ended up moving a little closer as his work would permit, and then I started visiting him on weekends every month. He moved closer when a position closer opened up, and we took a couple road trips together. After hurricane Katrina, I stayed at his apartment for a couple weeks because we had no electricity for weeks. He asked M. to marry him then. We were married 3 months later (6 years after first meeting / casual dating). I knew I loved him after a few months, but realized he was "the one" after I was about 27 or 28 and saw him with my nephew who has autism, and how beautifully he handled him.....and could really communicate and make him laugh, and they hung out together while I was with my aunts. They were amazed that my nephew was so happy and "friends" with Jeremy, and I thought "Wow. He'd make a good dad". He said he loved M. after a few months, but he says the day he thought "This is the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with" and seriously started thinking marriage was a year later when we were watching the sun go down over the Grand Canyon, talking. So we got married in that canyon. But it was a couple years later (he wasn't in "the place" where he felt right to ask M.--he got a better job, with benefits to support a family, got a nicer place...he'd done marriage before and knew some things are best put into place beforehand.....and he also knew I might spook easily and run back to Italy or somewhere again) before we got engaged. The engagement was short and fast though. Basically, J. long enough to make reservations and buy plane tickets, handle my job situation and preparing to move, and him taking care of adding M. to insurances and all that, lol. I didn't want to move in until I had the ring on my finger (I wanted to feel secure and not worry about the fact that I was leaving my great job and moving to a new state for something that could fall through if we had an argument, lol).

My husband thinks putting a label like, " the one" is rather silly. He also says it puts pressure on the men to fulfill this "romanticized view of what love should be like". Especially when we have countless movies centered around finding the one.
My husband and I met, were friends first, then started dating. It was about that long(8months) when we both felt that we loved each other.
We said our I love you's then too.
I honestly knew he was the one right when I met him, although I didn't accept it til very much later. I had issues with permanence in my life back then. Everything to M. was temporary, and fleeting.
My husband said that he knew after I met his family, that he wanted to marry M.. ( that was about a year in the relationship)
We didn't get engaged until I was pregnant, 6 years later. My mother tells us that it was God's way of telling us that we belonged together, and it was about time we were married.
We started living together two years into the relationship. 13 years later, we are still going strong.

With my husband, he was smitten with M. before I was with him (his words not mine). He was kind of seeing a friend of mine after we first met so I never looked at him more than a good 'boyfriend' for her! I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend. We became great friends, their relationship never materialized and it went from there.

In regards to your questions:

And what was your timeline? I never had an actual timeline but can tell you that after being together for less than a year I wanted to get married. We didn't for a few more years, though.

How long before you said I love you. He told M. about 2.5 months after we met (had been dating for about a month). I told him to take it back...LOL.

how long before you/he knew you were the one? We had been dating for a few months and I realize when driving to school one day that I could never imagine him not in my life.

How long before getting engaged? Four years

how long before moving in? 1.5 years

Oh my gosh if I asked my husband any of those questions he would J. shrug and say, "I dunno know." Boys DO think a heck of a lot differently than we do. I do know he earned major points one night, cause we watched a movie and in it this girl was throwing herself at a married man. I asked him if he would tell M. if someone kissed him and he said he would. I asked him if he would tell M. if he kissed someone and he got real quite. J. when I was getting ready to be alarmed he said, "You know I don't have an answer, I J. can't ever imagine it happening." He was dead serious, made M. feel great!

But out time line we dated for 2 1/2 years when we got engaged. Married at four years. I took the gumption and said I love you first after six months. I regret that, I should have let him do it first. I think I knew he was the one after about two years of togetherness, I think it's about the same for him. If I asked him I would get the I dunno answer again. We did live together, about two years in.

.

for us, we were 19 when we met. We both "J. knew". After 1 month, we were engaged. But we did wait a year and a half to get married because he was being deployed for 6 months (he was a marine). We are coming up on our 10 year anniversary in February!
Oh, we also did not live together before getting married. He lived in the barracks on the base and I lived with my parents