A Neighborhood Kid Stealing from My Kids

I agree with Dawn B.

No more coming to your home!
That's it!

If the parents or the child don't like it, well that is not your home that their kid is stealing from.
Your house, your kids, your rules.

And, I wouldn't want my kid, being friends with a Thief.
You gotta teach your kid, about this, now.
This is a life lesson.
Your kid can get into trouble too!
If they are together somewhere and that boy steals from other places.
What if they are in a store?
At school?
Someone else's home?

My daughter has a classmate that steals from other kids, and at other kids' homes. My daughter knows. The parents have been told. My daughter stays AWAY from this kid and her group of friends. She knows this is WRONG. And to not hang out with kids like that.
My daughter is 8. I don't care if that girl befriends my daughter or her friends. My daughter, does not, mingle with that girl.
She is bad news. My Daughter knows that.
And I told her, even if my daughter already knows, to stay away from that girl.

You teach YOUR child, about right/wrong, and that your home is not a store to steal from, and it is simply, NOT allowed. You teach your child, discernment.

If those parents, don't let your son play with his friend because the older brother is not allowed in your home, then, that is a poor judgment on the parents part. You ALSO teach your son, about that. It is life. It is how some people react, but, STEALING is wrong.

Have you ever, gotten back, the things that that boy stole???
You should demand this.
Too.
Even if it is just "silly" stuff like a bouncy ball or Legos.
THAT Is still stuff he STOLE. He has to give it back!
I would tell the Parents this and demand that.

We had a similar situation with a 10 yr old neighbor girl...as hard as it was the rule was they could only play in the back yard and my daughter was limited as to what she could even take out to play ( toy wise) and if the weather was crummy they could play in our living room where I could observe ( casually) or at the kitchen table doing arts and crafts. Ir was sad...but I did not like the idea of things walking out of my house in her pockets either.

.

Why have you let it go on this long? Your house, your rules - he's not allowed in your home anymore, period. He's going to have to get his own friends.

Depending on how close you are to the parents, can YOU talk to the little thief? My BFFs 15 year old son is about 1/2 foot taller than me and got reeeal smart with me one day. I love the kid like he's my own, but damn, the stuff he was saying, and then turning on his mom... I was like oh HELL no, you know better then that, I'm not your mom but you do NOT speak to grown ups that way. He even tried to push me to get me out of his face... I took him to the ground. LOOOOONG story short (he cried and apologized instantly, that's NOT how he is, and we've never had a problem again), ME talking to him held more weight then his MOM talking to him. Sometimes you have to hear it from someone else, just so you know that NO, YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS BEHAVIOR, I'VE GOT BOTH EYES ON YOU SON!!!!!... Yeah, he might run back and tell mom and dad, that's why you tell them first... but don't be afraid to say something. Some kids need tough love from a 3rd party, and that child needs to know that YOU mean business. Remind him that thieves get the cops called on him, and tell him to dare you to ;)

No coming into your home anymore..
Why does he have to play with the younger boys. Is it their family rule? If so, they can play outside and you should be honest as to why. Do not be a wilting flower, be strong and smart. Let them know you are very aware of what this boy is doing and let the boy know too.

Tell him, "you are not allowed inside our house anymore because you have a bad habit of taking things from our home that do not belong to you. " You may only play with our son outside in our yard (or where you approve).

If he goes home crying, his parents/your good friends can be told the same thing..

When we were younger there were a ton of kids in the neighborhood, but there was 1 child that was not allowed to play with us because she was so mean.

Our parents had spoken with her parents but they never did anything about it.. We are talking about picking up tools and hitting people on their backs. Chasing us out into the street when cars were coming. We also know she was stealing, but her parents never would believe us.

Lord knows where she is now.. she was downright scary..

I think it's reasonable to not allow him in your home. Have you and the parents required that he return the items he takes? Are they concerned or do they feel that since the items are small and very inexpensive it's not really stealing? Start with the basics and don't assume he has an emotional problem. Stealing is wrong, no matter the cause. When you suggest he has an emotional problem, it may be more difficult for the parents to face the issue.

And don't second guess the parent's reaction. Tell them what you're thinking about doing and ask for their response. Be up front about how you feel and ask them for their help. They may agree that it's best that he not be allowed to go over. That would be a natural consequence to stealing.

What is he stealing? How is he getting it out of your house?

I think you should talk to the child in a very serious manner and use the old "positive, positive, negative" method.

Example: "Timmy, we really like you, you're a very nice boy and you are always welcome in our home but we will not put up with you taking things from our home...no matter how small the item. Now you are always welcome to come and play with Joey and Jimmy, but do you think that's a rule we can count on you following?"

You need to tell those boy's parents the older boy is no longer welcome or allowed in your home, due to the severity of his kleptomania. PERIOD. Then say if it's a rule the older boy must be with his little brother instead of making his own friends, then the only time the two good friends can play is at her house, where stealing things won't be an issue.

I'd also mention to the parents that you've tried to talk to them about their oldest son's issue, but they blew it off and the unacceptable behavior continued.

I'm wondering why you've let this go on for a year.
My kids had friends with sticky fingers and they had two choices: Empty their pockets, etc when coming in and emptying them again on the way out or they simply couldn't come over anymore.
My kids did have some of the same toys as other children so I wanted to know who was coming in with what. And I made sure they left with what they brought.
I would just tell the parents that for some reason, it's getting to the point of having to practically frisk the older kid because he takes things that don't belong to him and then just claims that they are his when you know they aren't. You've mentioned all of this before and it's still happening. You can't let it continue. If they take your son's friend away because they don't want to deal with the older brother taking things that don't belong to him, it will hurt your son but it's on them.
No one has to have a child in their house that they can't trust.
My sister went through this with one of her son's friends. Complicating matters was that she and her husband were friends with the parents. They were very cavalier about it all and their own son helped some friends rob their house when the parents were at work. Ater that, that kid was not allowed around my nephew at all.
Protect your own home. Make rules and guidelines. If other parents get bent out of shape about it, oh well.
I personally did not put up with kids in my house that I couldn't trust for very long regardless of whether the parents took it seriously or not.

Just my opinion.

That's a tough one. The boy next door to us was taking toys from my two little guys (he's several years older and my boys totally look up to him). We talked to his parents (which was tough because we're friends). They made him apologize to me and the boys. He asked for our forgiveness and hasn't done it again.

I think he was really embarrassed about having to admit to stealing. It sounds like the parents need to do something. It's tough to tell someone else how to parent, but your rule sounds fitting to me.

can your son go play at their house??

For such a little boy, who already feels semi alone as he has no friends of his own age I would stray away from any negative feedback as the effects could be devastating and last for years----"I am a bad, bad person"!

Instead why not speak to him about borrowing and then returning things he may like, but does not have at home. Little ones steal for many ddiverse reasons, sometimes they don't know the boundaries, sometimes they feel alone, sometimes they don't realize what they are doing----THEY ARE JUST LITTLE KIDS> But if you make a big deal about it it can become a big negative deal for this child that can last for years!

Also keep in mind that behind adult backs kids can become cruel and if the older boys don't want him around he can feel it, even if you cannot! So he make take some things out of anger to the other boys rejection, frustration, and/or to fill up the emptiness/lack of his own friends within.

Get to the root before approaching, blaming and critizing!

There is something going on with this boy, I agree. But unless the parents are willing to get it taken care of (by talking to the doctor, referral to child counselor/psychiatrist, or whatever it would take to figure it out), there's little you can do there to help.

As far as for your son and his friend, let them play outside as much as possible. Sandbox, kiddie pool, even running in the sprinkler, are all good summer options (don't forget sunscreen, and an awning over them might be good too). They can still play together, you can monitor them more and prevent older brother from going in the house or pocketing any toys.

I hope things get figured out soon!