A Little Bit of Courtesy - How Hard Is It? (Rant)

Updated on June 26, 2012
A.B. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
20 answers

I'm hosting a party on Wednesday night. To make things easy for everyone, I sent out evites via a FB message three weeks ago, then followed up with a reminder last Thursday.

So far, 16 out of 28 people still have not replied at all, even after I mentioned I would be making plans for food over the weekend.

Most of these people are very active on FB and it would literally take a matter of seconds to send an RSVP.

What gives?! How much easier could it be?

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone. I followed up w/individual emails to touch base. I don't want to be a pain and inundate everyone by every possible means: FB, phone, email, texting...bc I feel like that's just annoying. It is what it is at this point.

I know some people may not care for evites, and I'm sorry, but that is completely beside the point of courtesy. If you have been invited and your reply has been requested, the onus is on the recipient to have the manners to reply out of consideration for the hostess, regardless of the format of the invitation. I personally don't care for paper invitations because they clutter up my house and are wasteful as they are tossed in the trash. I thought this would be a clutter-less, convenient way to touch base with my friends who are regular FB users.

Thanks for weighing in! If anything else, this definitely serves as a reminder to me to be more intentional and considerate about RSVPs as well.

Featured Answers



answers from Dallas on

I hate getting evites on FB. I always feel like they are just a mass invite and I certainly don't feel like an RSVP is required on such a casual invite format. So...that could be another reason why they haven't responded.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

I hate that.
But, you've got almost a %50 success rate!
Is there any way to word an invitation to say something like
"If you decide to come without RSVPing, please bring a dish because I won't be having enough food to be feeding everyone since I had no way to plan for you".

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Washington DC on

A direct personal e-mail, not via FB or on an online "e-vite" site. Include the statement, "Please RSVP by (date and time) because I need a firm and final count of guests in order to plan the menu. Thank you." Or phone people and leave a reminder message with that same statement. The words "firm and final count," I've found, can kind of jolt some folks into responding.

Some folks may turn up without an RSVP. Smile (after all, if you invited them...they are on some level friends, even if rude ones, right?) and tell them nicely, "I'm glad you could come. I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought you might be out of town or something since I didn't hear back from you on the invitation." Then drop it and enjoy your own party rather than steaming at them. Anyone with half a brain will get what you're actually saying: "You didn't RSVP and that was wrong."

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

People are rude. Plain and simple. Oh, and we Americans are the most self-centered bunch of people in the world. I went to Central America for a vacation and the people were amazing. I came back disgusted with us.

So, my brother does this all of the time....and most of the time, he won't RSVP or he will 10 min after the party started....saying that he won't be there. Now, I just text him.

PS I look at FB every 2 weeks and don't know how to even respond to the invites....or if they are just a notice telling me something is going on.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

just as a heads-up, not everybody sees/knows how to view evites on FB!

you are assuming you got the word out to everyone....& that's the fallacy on your side of this issue.

make it more personal, & you'll receive a better response. :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

I wouldn't even know how to view an evite on Facebook. Heck - I might have some that I don't know about. Even people who are on Facebook regularly might not know all the features. How about sending a direct message to each of the people who hasn't responded asking them to let you know?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Yes, they should RSVP. It's rude not to. BUt, when I get a evite from FB (and I am on there often). I look at it and think, "Hmmm. Let me check my schedule." Then I forget. Then the reminder comes and I think "Oh crude, I forgot!". And then I check my schedule and respond with an apology. When I get a mailed invite that thing stares at me in the face and reminds me to rsvp. I wouldn't take it personally. Call those who haven't responded, tell them you are working on the menu and ask if they will be able to make it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

I'm on FB frequently, but I have never used an e-vite myself. I mean, I have received a few, but I have never sent one.. so I am not exactly sure how they work. Once it is looked at, does it send reminders? Or if they look at it and don't know yet what to respond does it just go away so that THEY have to look it up to click on it again?

If it doesn't prominently show up every time they go on FB, then maybe they didn't know how to respond when it first came in, and then they forgot to check back on it and it slipped to the back of their minds.

Is there a way to send out a "reminder" type notice with a new RSVP?

OR, depending upon whom the evites were sent to, (if they are older perhaps?) maybe they don't think of them in the same category as an actual physical invite...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

Oh, you didn't know that it's the fashion not only *not* to RSVP, but not to *expect* others to? Some people are even affronted at the mere RSVP request. Is it about the difficulty of commitment?? Sigh.

Whether your guests like evites or not, they should respond. But you can't count on it. I guess you're going to have to check with them again. It might be better to do it by phone. It's a little less "virtual."

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Phone calls, the next "easy" step in the plan.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Wow, you got 16 and that's pretty good.

Most people now just have the mindset of me, me, me and believe that the world revolves around them.

Just like thank you notes, people have forgotten basic manners (or were never taught). It is a pet peeve of mine.

I would either, send a personal email or phone call to follow up. I'd simply say, my reason for contact is to make sure I have enough food for guests, etc.

I also like Cheryl's response if you have non RSVP's show up.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Hartford on

I don't always see the FB e-vites. It's not a matter of "how easy it is." I literally just don't always see them and I don't get notifications all the time. I might get a notification on one of them, but not the other three until the day before the event or three days after it's over.

When I create an e-vite, I ALWAYS follow up with real life paper snail-mail invitations. It's just polite. Especially since online e-vites are NOT reliable.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I detest evites.
Especially the ones with an active survey of who responded, who did not, and the never ending comments.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Amy - people are rude!!! Things like thank you notes and RSVPs? It seems they are "too busy" to be bothered with them!! URGH!!!

I would plan for the 16 and if the others show up? Say WOW!! I didn't know you were going to make it!!! You didn't RSVP!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Amy, I would send them a personal email and also send them a text message. Some people don't check answering machine messages. If they don't RSVP and don't show up I wouldn't bother sending them any more invites. You should of read what someone wrote to Dear Abby in yesterdays paper. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Now that you've got a smaller number to deal with, send them a group inbox message asking them to view their Events. You can even post to their walls a note to check their Events page. If you don't hear from them, just go with what you have.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Do you have their phone numbers? Call them up and ask them if they got your evite. I'll bet half of them didn't even see it.

Lots of people only sporatically look at their FB.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

You got me! I am having a party later in July and only 4 out of almost 30 have responded!

It's just RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!

I know people said real invites are preferred, but I find that the RSVP rate is even lower with snail mail invites. For my daughter's birthday in April, I had to call or email 99% of the list! And many people, especially her school friends' parents, emailed me 2-3 days before the party, even though I had an RSVP by date on the invite (which went snail mail).

I normally send a kindly worded email that states that if I don't hear from that person by this time and date I will assume they are unable to join us and will not include them in the menu count. This way they know if they come, there will not be food for them. I finish up by saying how much I hope they can join us and if not, they will be missed.

Good luck!



answers from Philadelphia on

Facebook settings constantly change... Sometimes those invites get 'hidden' in the 'other messages' or 'other notification' settings. I was invited to a cousin's birthday party, yet never knew it because of weird settings. I would try two things:
1. Make a wall post on your wall mentioning that you're excited about the party and can't wait to see .... (tag everyone you haven't heard from yet or everyone who responded 'yes.')

2. Do the same thing with a note where you can tag people individually. This might be more private and may not show up on your wall.

Good luck!



answers from San Francisco on

Telephone call. A real invitation not just group posting on FB.

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