A Christian School with a Not So Christian Teacher

Updated on January 05, 2010
D.G. asks from Corpus Christi, TX
11 answers

I have a 3 1/2 year old little boy and he goes to a Christian Private School and my little boy has been experiencing some problems with day to day issues.

He has been going now for 4 months and I must say that I got a bad feeling about his teacher early on. I dont know where to start except..the treatment towards him has started to show its agly face. He constantly dreads going and always wants to go his other sitter, he says that he likes his after school teacher more than he likes his regular school teacher...which I also like...he has told me that she has hit another child, but I am not sure if he is telling the truth,( at that age it can be questioned) He also has picked up what my sister has stated as a nervous syndrome...He picks at his sores and they get very infected and then he moves on to another one..this only started after he started school...I am not sure if it is him doing what other kids do or if it really is her meaness that has driven him to do what he is doing? I have this gut feeling she doesnt like him or me and feel that every time I am around her and when she talks to me...she has stated to me that he is slow and that he doesnt pay attention, but when I ask for some examples or how we can help, she doesnt have an answer for me, I began sending my husband because she was just unpleasent and I dreaded talking with her and at first he said it was fine, but now he is changing his tune. When my son is with me or my husband or anyone in the family, he is a very sweet attentive, friendly, happy and an intelligent child..he knows his ABC's, 123's, he can sings and dances and gets along with other kids,and he is almost potty trained night and day. I am really thinking about taking him out because he seems so miserable--any input of stories is greatly appreciated..I do not like confruntation but I will do what I have to do..The pricipal seems to be one sided because I have sat and watched thru the glass at school, but she can see me and so can the teacher..I am caught between letting him stay where his friends are and thinking it will get better and dealing with the fact that the teacher just cant deal with my child and just cant stand him...I keep telling myself that she is just preparing me for the future. Other mothers that I am friends with that dont go to that school say that some teachers are just like that even in public schools and that I need to just understand and deal with it...What I am worried about is the fact he cant leave his sores alone and what he might be induring when I am not present..sorry for the book, Thanks again for the advise

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So What Happened?

WEll, I want to say thank you so very much for all the great advise...I took him out and he went back to stay with my aunt...she had taken care of him since he was 10 months and he loved it soo much...she takes care of infants, but they are all at least 1yrs old now..we wanted him to have some interaction with other children before he went to school, and I am going to put him in public school in June...I think he will be okay with all the experiences he has already had and he is so happy he wont be going back.

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

I LOVE the advice you have recieved. Absolutely go with your gut! I remember my kindergarten teacher....she was beautiful and so sweet when parents were around, but in the classroom she was HATEFUL. She was angry and degrading to all of us.

GOOD FOR YOU for saying that even though you don't like confrontation that you will do what you have to do. You are your childs BEST advocate.

As far as this being a Christian school, I would detail that to the principle....that you chose that particular school because of the values and that you expected that your child would be in a kind, welcoming, and encouraging environment and that you are greatly disappointed in their standards for teachers. I would say that regardless of the religious affiliation of a school.

Be strong!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Santa Barbara on

D.-
Follow your gut on this one. If it feels bad, it probably is. You need to keep your little one's best interest in mind regardless of how awkward it might be. Why put your child through misery now? My son is older and is learning the "you won't love every teacher you have" rule now, but he is in 5th grade.
S.

1 mom found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Well I had a first grade teacher who totally hated me and it was terrible. She ridiculed me in front of the class and made my life miserable. My parents had just divorced and it was a really stressful time and she made is so much worse. I was in public school so there just wasn't much my mom could do but she had the same problem of going to the teacher and the teacher just acting like I was a bad apple and giving no solutions on how to help me develop. We ended up having to move again that year and that was the best thing in the world for me. My next teacher loved me and helped me so much at a difficult time. So at three, I would say get him out of there. He is so little and his memories of childhood should be positive and happy. If he is developing nervous habits, I would say the things he as told you are most likely true. Children are not always making things up and it is important to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially because he is so young. So I say ditch the class and follow your heart on this one. Best wishes:)

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B.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Follow your gut on this one. Age 3 is not the age to tell a child he has to learn how to deal with a personality conflict. He is already showing distress in his nervous habit of picking his sores. I would also inform the teacher and principal that you feel that you have to remove your child because the problems were not being addressed. I don't like confrontation either, but what that teacher is doing is wrong. She is a professional, and it is her JOB to learn how to work with your son.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.C.

answers from College Station on

You already have some great advice. Follow your instincts.

You may want to ask for a time to observe him in the classroom at this school. I absolutely hate schools where they make it impossible to allow observation. Of course, it needs to be in some small way where your son doesn't know you are there.

One thing bugs me. I would absolutely believe your son if he said he saw the teacher hit another child. The development experts I have talked to have told me that the age when children learn "real" from "not-real" is about 4-yrs-old. It is very intimidating to see that happen to a classmate not to mention scary! Personally, I wouldn't doubt him.

I hope you and your son find a resolution that benefits your son (and soon!!!).

Prayerfully,
D.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

You will always be your child's best advocate. He is only 3 and this is not an age appropriate time for him to have to learn to deal with this type of treatment.

Always follow your mommy heart, brain and gut. He needs to be in a loving caring classroom with a teacher that respects ALL children.
I am sending you strength.

1 mom found this helpful

L.H.

answers from Austin on

I say trust your gut to an extent and act accordingly and quickly. Yes, children his age "lie" frequently as they have yet to understand the difference between something that CAN happen and something that DID happen and something that is IMPOSSIBLE to happen.....it's not really about a character flaw....the lying...at this age.....anyway...

At his age, I believe his feelings should be respected about who he likes and doesn't like to be left with in your absence REGARDLESS of whether or not you have evidence that his feelings are justified. The fact that he's uncomfortable with her is enough....he shouldn't be uncomfortable with his caregiver on a daily basis...that IS causing him undue stress and "picking on himself" is definietly a symptom of high stress for a child his age. A teacher who tells you that your child is "slow" and "doesn't pay attention' and then offers you no ideas as to how to approach remedying those issues is NOT a teacher but a barely qualified babysitter. If she treats me like he's "slow" at his age/stage, she may as well hit him as it will damage his self-esteem exactly the same way when she treats him with frustration or compares him to others or whatever she does. I wish I had seen your post earlier as I'd hate to think he's still at that school...

Let me know if I can be of any help.
L. Harvey
Basic Trust: Family Support Services

[email protected]____.com

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S.H.

answers from San Antonio on

I could have written this a few years ago. I made my dd stick out the semester, b/c I didn't want to teach her that she could complain about school too much, but I took her out at Christmas time.

I deeply regret not having done it sooner. It wasn't the right place for her.

He seems to be telling you in every way that he can that this is not good for him. You hear it in your heart. I know it is tough to look for a new school and all, but he's so small and the person who is supposed to care for him at school is making him feel bad about himself.

Rescue him.

Good luck.

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

You should speak to other parents and find out if their children have said that she hit a child. I have a CDA in child development for infants through preschool. I have many years of experience working in schools and daycares. Some of the teachers I have worked with were verbally or physically abusive to the children. I have had directors instruct me to not tell the parents anything EVEN WHEN ASKED!! The physically abusive teachers were let go and the verbally abusive ones were reprimanded, except for those who are friends of the directors, of course, those were allowed to do whatever they wanted.

Don't discount something just because a 3 1/2 year old said it.

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A.C.

answers from San Antonio on

You've gotten great advice. Go with your instincts. The clues are there...it doesn't matter whether this teacher is intentionally mean or not, there is a problem. I would explain to the principle that if you cannot have your child placed in a different class, you cannot continue to have your child enrolled in that school. Explain that whatever the reasons may be that your son is not comfortable in that class and that it is the school's primary duty to ensure that all students feel safe and yours does not. If you get nowhere, pull him out! Don't leave him in an unhealthy environment which is what that is.

Wishing you the best.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

I am a teacher - and believe me there will be personality conflicts that your child will have to overcome. When he is older, it is important that you don't remove him out of a classroom just because he doesn't like the teacher - or vice versa. It is an excellent opportunity for him to learn how to deal with others. BUT, he is 3! Follow your gut on this one. My son would be hoarse. I thought he was getting sick. But, when I showed up unannounced - he was just standing off on his own crying. Come to find out he was crying ALL day, making himself hoarse! When he wasn't - he happened to be with a substitute that day. I was blessed at that time and was able to take him out of daycare altogether. But, I would definitely have pushed the issue if I couldn't have. Note: there wasn't a problem with the teacher that I could see other than she wasn't very nurturing and motherly and he was just scared. You might just need to work with him assuring him he's safe and that she's nice, hang out with him in the classroom a few days if you can, cutting it shorter each time. But, since you have a bad feeling about her anyway - I would place him somewhere else.

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