A Child in My Son's Daycare Class Is Continuously Crying and Disruptive

Updated on July 30, 2012
F.L. asks from Albany, CA
29 answers

A child in my son's daycare class is always crying and disruptive. I have never seen this child happy. I asked my son's teacher if this child's behavior continues throughout the day. She explained that this particular child cry’s and is disruptive all day long, every day. How should I approach the School Director regarding this child? I feel as though this unhappy child's behavior is not fair to the other children in the class (including my son). My son is 33 months old and all the other children in the class are around this same age. I know that kids will be kids and they all have their bad days however I don't feel as though this child should be in my son's class. I don't feel as though my son and the rest of his classmates are receiving the attention and time they deserve because of this one child's behavior. Any advice as to how to approach the school director is very much appreciated.

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So What Happened?

Nothing Happened!! I followed my own instincts regarding this situation and I will never ask strangers for advice again. I'm a new Mom and everything I am experiencing with my child is for the F. time so I believe from now on I will only ask the advice of those close to me.
I'm not a "heartless" person because of the concern I have regarding this situation and how it affects MY child. Any good parent would question authority in this type of situation and NOT ignore it and simply say "it's none of my business".

Featured Answers



answers from Shreveport on

Have you thought to ask if this child has special needs? The behavior sounds like that to me. May be you need to be a friend to the mother and see if you can help her out instead of working against her.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

Last I checked, the world revolved around the sun.

28 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

How long as this child been in the class with your son? If he is new he is probably just scared. These are very young children. Have a heart he's a baby and needs to comforted. You have no idea if anything is going on in this child's life that has upset him. For all you know the Mom was a SAHM and is now working, maybe she and her s/o split and there is a lot of tension, maybe they recently moved ....... there are so many possibilities.

I thing you are being a bit selfish and pushing to much for your child and not being even a little bit empathic with a child that cries all day. Try walking a mile in his shoes.

Because of confidentiality laws the school administration and the teachers cannot discuss this with you. If you don't like the situation remove your son from this school and find another one or have faith that you chose a good place for your son.

How would you feel if your son was the one crying all day and the staff just put him in a corner and paid attention to all the other kids?

25 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Ouch.... F. of all, the employee of the daycare had no business breaking any confidential information by telling you he cries all day and is a disruption... That would be a concern of mine.. What is this person blabbing about to other parents.... gossip/hearsay

Secondly, if you are not happy with the daycare, then change where you go. It is not a preschool, it is a daycare. Choose something that fits more with your expectations... Maybe a home daycare where you son has more one on one. NO place will be perfect with perfect children. There will be obstacles where ever you go.

I agree with the others, you don't know what you don't know and I am sure this child's parents are doing everything they can to help him adjust. This child needs support... not other parents trying to get rid of him. You have no idea what is happening in his home. Try to think about this child for a few minutes and how he must feel.

Just FYI, when you son gets to "real" shool... there will be (I promise) a child or 2 in class through the years that you don't want your child to be around. It happens and it is life. It is how the children learn to get along and work with others. When they are around other children, gifted, special needs, different race, different religons, brats, etc they learn diversity and that the world does not revolve around only around them. They learn that they are a part of this big world and they have to adjust in order to be a productive part of society.

Use this as a learning tool for yourself and your son. If you still feel the need to request another classroom, etc... go for it but the director will know your reasoning behind asking for another class or asking that this child be removed from the daycare and that says a lot about you.

21 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

As a paying patron, you have every right to voice your concern about this child.

However, I can guarantee that the Director already knows about this child, and the best you are going to get is probably a 'we understand, and we are working with the family'. They are NOT going to boot him out of class because YOU feel he is disruptive.

17 moms found this helpful


answers from Hartford on

If I were you, I would not approach the director. You already spoke with the teacher. Chances are if you go to the director, it will be taken as an ultimatum of keeping your child versus the child that needs more time to adjust. Therefore, be prepared to pack up your child's diaper bag and find a new daycare. Your child's slot can always be filled by another child.

If I were you, I would be a lot more compassionate toward a child that's clearly having some trouble adjusting to being in daycare. This is one of those opportunities that teaches children to be empathetic and compassionate to others. Put yourself in place of the child's mother. Put your own son in this child's position. What if it were your son crying in sadness, fear, and whatever else is going on in this poor little baby's head? Wouldn't you be horrified to know that there was someone callously demanding "something be done" because your child was possibly causing ::gasp: a disruption that wasn't fair to others? That some other mother felt the money they paid was worth more than the money you paid for care in the same center?

This other child isn't a problem to be solved.

15 moms found this helpful


answers from Alexandria on

I'm going to be a nice as I possibly can be whenever saying this...

You don't know why that child is crying or upset. Or why he does it all day, every day. Maybe he isn't getting attention at home, or maybe he is abused. Perhaps daycare is the only place he feels any love at all. You don't know and neither do I.

In life, you are not going to be able to pick and choose who goes to your child's school or who his coworkers are, who sits by him at lunch or on the school bus.

I really think it's quite selfish to want to have a child banned from a class bc YOU feel your child or the others are getting ALL the attention that they need. The other child needs love and attention just as much as they do.

Obviously the other children are happy and well rounded. The one you speak of obviously doesn't have the greatest home life. How would you feel if it were your child that was upset at school?

I am sure that the director is already aware that the child cries a lot. In my opinion, I would not approach them about this.

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

My son went to Preschool, and he loved it.
He was 4 at the time.
In his class, there was a boy, the same age, that was just like that. He cried a lot and had a HARD time adjusting and separating from his parents. The parents did give a head's up to the school/Teachers, about their son. They know he is like that. (The parents have talked to me & told me this). The other kids in class and my son, were NOT affected by him or his crying or his "disruption." Why? Because the teachers were kind and tried their best to help the boy adjust and was very mellow about it all. They also explained to the other kids that everyone is different and the boy simply misses his Mommy or he is tired (because the parents tended to put the boy to bed very, late).

In my son's class, there was about 15 kids, and 3 Teachers in the room at the same time. So even if there was a child there, that was fussy/crying/having a hard time... there was enough coverage for ALL the kids. And they were very good at managing every child. And my Son, never ever, complained about that boy or about the quality of his time there.

It took several months, for this boy in my son's class... to adjust. By the time the end of the year approached, the boy was much better. Not perfect, but he was acclimating to Preschool.

It never caused a problem, at my son's Preschool nor among the other children or the parents.
I saw, how the Teachers handled this boy, and I really was proud of them. Not once, did they grumble about him or give him a bad time, nor did they make him feel odd or embarrassed. They really facilitated him well. Which is what I would expect from a Preschool. And seeing how my son's school/Teachers handled that boy... I was really impressed with them. Even if that boy was always crying and "unhappy"... even I would go and say "hi" to him and smile.

Now, even in Kindergarten, there are kids that cry and have a hard time adjusting or separating. This is common. It happens. They are kids. And hopefully, whatever Teacher the child has, she/he has compassion and a very nurturing and professional manner, of handling a child like this.

14 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I don't think you should approach the director at all. This poor child obviously has some issues; his parents may be working on it. You don't really have any information as to why this is happening and it is really none of your business and I'm sure the Director cannot discuss it with you. If you're that worried, find a new daycare with all "perfect" children.

This is "daycare" not preschool. I'm sure everyone is doing the best they can. My heart goes out to the parents of this child who, I'm sure, are very aware of the situation and are probably trying to get it under control. Parents like you only make things worse for them.

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I knew I wanted to answer this question but I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach the subject........ReverendRuby said it best.

Also - the F. two weeks my son was in a new daycare (he had already been in one we simply had to change him due to a move) - he cried all day/everyday for two weeks. It broke my heart. If I had any inkling that another parent was pissed about it rather than trying to be understanding I'd have had an issue. They are young kids for crying out loud - they are just learning how the world works...........

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I really can't belive you would even ask a question like this. You have no idea why that poor baby is crying maybe he has special needs and YOU are not in the day care all day to see what kind of attention the other kids are getting. And I'm sure YOU have no idea the amount of stress his parents are under because I'm sure they aware of the situation...really!!!

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I'd be more concerned if I felt the teacher had a dismissive or gossipy attitude toward a child that needed some TLC. If the teacher cannot handle the group (we call it class, but if it's daycare it's really a group), then I'd wonder about HER more than the kid. I don't think you should go to the director at all. If you don't like the center, you can change and find somewhere else but I'd give the kid a break. You don't know what he's going through and they shouldn't tell you (confidentiality and all). Hopefully they are doing their best and will do their best if YOUR son ever needs a little understanding and patience.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I worked in childcare for years and there was always one kid who cried alot. I had one little girl who parents divorced and she cried non stop becuase her life was different. You don't know what's going on with this child and to assume he's just being some sort of problem child is really heartless. Like others have said what if it was your child? Would you want someone posting asking how to get them kicked out of your sons class?

8 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

When my younger daughter started preschool (she was 2.5), she cried All. The. Time. She's an emotional child to begin with - when she's happy, you have never seen a happier child. And when she's sad, you want to cry along with her. Anyway, she did have a hard time adjusting to school. But with her teachers' help, she adjusted to school after a while. It took a LONG time for her to pull it together, though. Even to this day (she's going into 3rd grade), she still cries sometimes at school! My mom was a teacher for 25 years, and she says that almost every year, there was at least one kid who would cry from time to time (and she taught 6th grade). Some kids are just SUPER emotional. That's how they are - you always know exactly how they feel.

I point this out just to let you know that throughout your child's academic career, there will ALWAYS be a kid who is emotional. Always. And actually, throughout life, there will be people your child will encounter who are more emotional than the average person. This is a good time for your child to start to understand that not everyone is the same, and to develop empathy. A good teacher will be able to teach, even despite the various personalities of the children. Try not to worry about this. I'm sure this child's parents are worried enough without anyone else worrying, too. :)

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I've read through the responses and I've read your So What Happened. Sorry that you didn't hear what you wanted, but I agree with all the other moms, there is nothing that you can do but remove YOUR child if you are unhappy. You are talking about a child that is a toddler and crying! To be frank, since the child isn't hurting anyone, it's really none of your business how the daycare chooses to deal with this situation. We can only control OUR response to any given situation. Such is life. Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Grand Forks on

I honestly don't think you will find a daycare, pre-school or even a school anywhere that won't have on of "those" kids in the class. It is crappy to have to put up with, but there is always at least one in the bunch. Kids learn tolerance, they learn that in real life they will have to "put up with" people who are hard to take and some kids even learn how to help out with those kids. This is just a fact of life.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Jackson on

I am sorry, but this child crying is none of your business. Every daycare has at least one disruptive child per class. I have worked in daycare on and off. I, too, had a girl who her parents were going through a divorce. She was so very disruptive as soon as the change in her life started happening. Kids are just like adults. If something is not right in their lives or going their way, they will fuss and cry about it. You can not approach the director because this kids behavoir is none of your business. You can ask your child be put in a different classroom or find another daycare.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I've done daycare, and you don't have any idea why that poor little guy is so upset. So...maybe he needs some extra nurturing. Little kids that age can learn empathy. My own children were natural nurturers. They had a heart for kids who were sad or upset. They are nurturers to this day at 25 and 17 years old.

The child isn't kicking, biting or hitting other kids. He is crying. It's my guess that he is extremely sensitive for some reason. That's not a reason to have him removed. As far as other kids not getting the attention they deserve, it could be seen as an opportunity for patience for all involved. Many kids cry at preschool, many kids cry at kindergarten. Adjustments aren't always easy for young kids.

It's a catch-22. The child isn't "happy" so the staff tries to accommodate him and help him settle in. You feel it's not fair to your son and the other kids. Is banishing him to yet another situation the fair thing to do?
What if it was your son that was having trouble adjusting? Would you want other parents asking that he be removed?

I don't know how long this child has been in your son's daycare, but if you truly feel his presense isn't fair to your son, you have the option of placing your son somewhere else. However, if you think he won't ever encounter criers, you might be wrong. I have friends who are teachers and they always have kids who either cry at the beginning of the year or at the end of the year because they are sad to be going to a different class. Some kids don't handle adjustments as well as others. I don't think they should be kicked out of their classes over it. They need little friends and teachers who help lift them up and get them through it and support their families.

It doesn't sound like he's being naughty, he's being emotional. If you feel that another child being emotional is harmful to your child, you have choices.

I'm not meaning to be rude or unsympathetic to your concerns, I just doubt seriously that your own child is being ignored completely. Like I said, I did daycare and all my kids needs were met according to their personalities and we worked as a team. Skiddish kids usually blended in quite well and were happy to begin becoming part of the structure of things. Some kids take more time than others.

Just my opinion.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

It's not your business to ask teachers to discuss another child. It is not your place to tell a teacher how to run their classroom, and judge a child off of one tiny piece of time that you've seen them behave poorly. Unless you're there all day, you have no idea what's REALLY going on. How would you feel if they were discussing your child with another parent? Mad, right?

What if it was your child that was having problems? And you still had to hold down a full time job, try to figure out what was going on with your kid, and maintain a household, husband, and possibly other kids? And on top of it all, other parents wanted your kid kicked out of the daycare because he wasn't perfect? I can't imagine how stressful it must be. You have no idea if this kid has been through a recent trauma, or is getting used to a new place, etc.

Just be happy that your kid is "normal". If you aren't happy with how they are handling it, then find another daycare. Are you a trained childcare provider? Didn't think so. Let the professionals handle it. Oh, and try to mind your own business & take a chill pill.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Unless your son is being affected by it why say anything?
My kids' preschool sometimes had kids that were crying and unhappy a lot of the time (hardly, but there were a few.) It never bothered my kids. They just ignored it and did their own thing.
These types of behaviors tend to disturb adults more than children, especially young children who are so often caught up in their own play they don't notice what is going on anyway.
So unless your child is somehow suffering, why try to get the other kid removed? I would just feel sorry for him, poor guy :(

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

MY son was the disruptive one for the F. 3 or 4 months of nursery school a couple years ago.

He was never a problem at home. Only at school. It was a whole school year of hell for me, even after he began to settle down and blend nicely into the class.

Thank God I never got wind of any parents wanting him kicked out of the class. Not sure any ever did. If so, it would have been devastating to me. The teacher was already giving me a major hassle over it and I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life. I was very concerned something was "wrong" with him.

BTW, he was never harmful towards any of the other children. THAT would have been a cause for major concern. He cried a lot and had tantrums, apparently. After a little over 3 months, the behavior slowed down and then basically stopped.

In Pre-K this year, he settled in pretty quickly and was a teacher favorite by the end of the year. He is good friends with a couple of the kids who were in the other school with him last year.

I say all this just to point out how it can feel from the other side and also just to say you never know how things may turn out later. Kids this young are just learning how to behave in social situations away from mom and some will act out while others will fit right in.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

My advice is - don't ask for advice if you're not prepared to hear it. It seems you had already decided what you wanted to hear, and now you're angry because nobody followed your script.

I don't think you're heartless or selfish, and of course every new mom is concerned and wants the best for her kids; however, the same could be said of the crying child's mother. Don't you think she hates the fact that her kid is so unhappy? Don't you think SHE might worry what other parents think?
I bet she is more upset than you are.
And the teacher should be reprimanded for talking out of turn - if I found out a daycare teacher was talking about my kid to other parents whom I've never even met, there would be HELL to pay.
Wait 'til your kid accidentally knocks down some other toddler who happens to be easily bruised and then you find out that the teacher tells that other parent that your kid may be a "problem child".
Won't be quite the same then, will it?

It's good that you're aware of what goes on around your child. It's good to voice concerns if you think there is a serious problem.
But it's not good to put your own kid on a pedestal and think that everyone else should be less important.
And it's not good to ask for advice and then get mad because you don't like it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Forget the crying child, why is the teacher discussing another child with you. That is unprofessional. I'd be worried about what the teacher is saying about you and your child behind your back.
Once again, the teacher, What is she doing to help that child and your child besides flapping her lips?
I'd be more worried with what kind of care your child is receiving at this daycare.
One Word: Volunteer
and you will get a better picture of what is going on at this preschool.
Oh you asked how to approach the director:
Ask her what kind of training and experience the teacher has in dealing with children, obviously she is doing something wrong because you feel that your child is not tended to properly and rest of the class you noticed is suffering too.
Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Before you approach the director decide what you are prepared to do if nothing changes. Are you willing to remove your child from the daycare and place him in another? If not, simply making your concerns known may have little value, they're already aware of the situation and have decided the disruptive child can stay, perhaps because of the money they receive for caring for him, or they are aware of a situation that is causing his behavior.

Or, is there another class you can request your child be moved to? When i worked daycare a couple of times a child was moved up a class, even though he was not yet of that age, perhaps he can be moved to the 3 year old class if he is potty trained and on their level?

If you decide you will remove your son if nothing changes you can mention that when approaching the director, otherwise I'm not sure what saying anything will do.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Rather than approach the Director, who knows I am certain, perhaps you could make an effort to help. My son has a classmate who has had some trouble with the transition. The Director suggested it would be easier if that child had a friend in the class. My son and this child have had several outside school play-dates and this has helped. Maybe if this boy felt like your son was a friend he would be more comfortable in class.

Poor kid, I was that kid when I was in preschool. I was horribly anxious. I hope that people can be kind to him because it's hard.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

What I would worry about is the low level stress that your son and the other children have all day long . It is not healthy for them or the adults to have to deal with this. The health tolls of constant stress are not to be discounted for anyone but unfortunately are. We put up with way more than our bodies were meant to and it is behind many of our most serious diseases.

I would talk to the other parents and get a group together to confront the director about doing something about this child. While it is ok to feel bad for the "poor little guy" as many other posters are suggesting you are still responsible to YOUR little guy. If you can't resolve it I would look at other places.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I didn't read all the other responses - sorry if some of them were harsh.

Personally in your place I would be less concerned with a disruptive child in a pre-school class and more with the blatant unprofessionalism of the teacher you have talked to. It is beyond bad form to discuss the behavior of a child in the class with someone who is not that child's parent or guardian. I have been to daycare center where something like that is a fireable offense against their privacy policy.

If this teacher is basically complaining to you how disruptive this kids is and how she can't handle it (as in giving all the kids the attention they deserve) I would be more worried about the capabilities of the teacher rather than the issues of one child.
And just imagine what she might tell other parents about YOUR child...
I would bring THIS up with the director.
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

If the daycare staff are doing their job, they should nip that behavior in the bud. I worked at a daycare, if children were whining/crying for no reason they were directed to the bathroom to blow their noses and take some time to calm down and to come out when they were ready to be happy/nice or use a nice voice to ask for what they want. For younger children, a staff member would remove them from the group and redirect them or talk to them until they could calm down. A child should not be constantly screaming and distrupting class/ activities. Im not sure if theres anything you can do except maybe talk to them about your concerns or look for another daycare with a different policy on discipline.



answers from Las Vegas on

Oh I have been in your shoes.. and there is ALWAYS a child in the class who seems to need more attention than everyone else... it IS frustrating to say the least.. I would voice your concerns to the teacher F. and then if you don't get a reasonable answer DO approach the director. I presume you pay for the daycare and if so, I definitely think your child (and others) deserve equal time... My son had a disruptive kid in his class from Kinder until about 3rd grade. The teachers all tried to work with the child and his mom and really nothing helped much. Thankfully, the mom finally removed the child from the school............ (relief) .... I think this is a case where if the school doesn't do anything can you attend another? Truly, had that kid not left our school, we would have left. Oh and I know some will say, you are heartless... to those I ask.. how much should the rest of the class put up with?? also, if the child is never happy.. it's not fair to keep the child in a school where they cannot thrive... could be there are more issues with the child than meets the eye... I definitely think you have a right to speak up..

good luck!

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