9Mo Has Learned to Scream VERY LOUDLY! What Can I Do?

a couple of mine did this

I don't remember what all I did with the first time 'round (child #2), but on the third, a lot of it was just giving them no reaction, or, if you can't not react (#2's screams were literally stunning), a walk-away/deliberately ignore them type of reaction

I also provided a place that that behavior was OK (the basement playroom), so if they got to screaming, they could choose to stop or go downstairs (when young, be carried downstairs and left).

hope that helps :)

There will always be old ladies who shake their heads. And really, a loudly-screaming child is probably worth a headshake, don't you think? But it's just the way it is, you don't have to take it personally. If you are within speaking distance, you might offer something like, "Yow, that hurts, doesn't it! Sorry, new phase, we're working on it!"

A big smile goes a long way, too, even if they don't have the presence of mind to smile back. It will send a much more positive message than you cringing, punishing your child, or glowering back. Keep your heart open, and your little boy will learn good things from you.

For the next year or so, one of your son's primary ways of learning how to be in the world will be through imitation, and he won't be very disciminating. As he becomes more verbal, you'll be able to reason with him more, so the mimicry will be less central (though it does continue to be important, so work on developing those reasoning skills before he's a teen!).

My daughter had an exceptionally shrill squeal which she was happy to employ for all sorts of reasons – the main one being, I think, because she could. Since it hurt my ears, I assumed it was just as h*** o* helpless bystanders, so I would quickly cover her mouth with a finger or two. No pain, no shaming, just sort of a "fun" response. Sometimes I would pat her lips to create a "wa-wa-wa" effect, which she enjoyed, and it would distract her from the shrieking.

I also kept my responses flexible. Sometimes I'd look her in the eye (or get close to her ear), and whisper, which would often throw her into a different mode. Sometimes I would make funny faces, maybe cringe and hold my ears (she thought this was funny, and instead of encouraging more squealing, I could actually distract her with some other focus once she started watching to see what funny thing I'd do next). Sometimes I would pat my own lips, and she would imitate that, at generally a lower volume than the shriek. A few times I would just jump, or instantly throw my arms up, or drop something. She would stop the noise, in surprise, I think.

Mainly, I paid close attention to what got her going. I know this will be harder for you when your attention is spread three ways, but to whatever degree you can do this, it will pay off. I got so I could usually anticipate when she was about to squeal, and do something that would distract her. This is a degree of "bonding" that you may not have patience for, but I felt it contributed to a happy experience in parenting for me, and my daughter was (and is, as an parent herself) a delightful, playful, and flexible person.

Good luck to you. A small investment in those cheap, disposable foam earplugs might help you through this stage.

Hang in there J.! My son does this sometimes, too. It is such a wild feeling for these little people to try out such a very big sound. Does he ever get worked up to the point it escalates, and gets upset? That happened with us. I actually begin to do the opposite: fingerplays and stories all as quiet as a whisper. He has to quiet down to hear what is so enticing and interesting. This draws him "back into himself" and brings his level of intensity down to a place that is comfortable for him. Or, if he's just screaming his little head off, I hold him and reassure him. "Boy, you have some big feelings in there..." and acknowledge whatever is going on in that moment that might be affecting him.

Please remember that you are right to hold back on treating this as a "discipline" issue. In fact, popular disciplinary tactics will only create confusion, more screaming, and very possibly a power struggle. I wouldn't give the loud voices any more attention than you absolutely have to with your son.

The 3 y.o. can be told that "When you scream, I only hear the loud noise, I can't hear what you are trying to ask/say. Tell me in a soft voice what you need." and then just keep repeating it. Another approach would be to ask, when all is quiet and happy, "Why do you like to scream?" and see what the response is, depending on his verbal ability and level of self-knowledge. Sometimes kids, esp. in groups of multiples, scream because they understand that it is a very effective way of getting immediate attention. You can be a detective and ask leading questions. :)

And of course, some kids just scream. Scream scream scream.
I'd try checking out "Your Spirited Child" for help in that area. Even if it's not your kid that's spirited, I know from my nannying experience that the child doesn't have to be yours for you to help them through life, and different temperaments need different styles of guidance.

Best to you!

This worked for me: never, EVER give in to what he is screaming for. When at home, if he screams, put him in his crib or otherwise isolate him and shut the door until he stops, even if it is hours. Do this EVERY time or it won't wok. Screaming in public is a challenge, but I have been known to stop, leave the shopping cart where it is, and go to the car until the child stops.

Consistency is the key. When he realizes that this is what screaming will get him every time, it will quickly stop. If you give in or don't follow through even once, then it gives him hope that screaming may still work. Good luck...

Hi J.,

I am one of those people who cringes and is annoyed by parents who have learned to tune their children's screams out. Thank you for asking this question. Children even as young as your son can be taught not to scream. My daughter started screaming at about 9 months. I immediately started putting her in her crib by herself when she screamed, while saying screaming is not OK. Stay calm and don't react, just consistently isolate. When she stopped I would take her out and tell her I like her quieter noises. They learn really fast not to do it. Personally, I don't think there is ever a time when screaming is OK (except cheering at a sporting event). You can laugh, have fun, play, dance, etc. without screaming. Adults don't go around screaming, so why do we allow our children to do it?

Babies often experiment with different noises as they get closer to talking. Your baby is just imitating what he has been exposed to by the children you nanny for. He has no idea what it means if you try to tell him it hurts your ears. Try to ignore it and also speak to him in a quiet, calm voice or even whisper. Let him see other ways of using his voice and the habit won't stick. For the babies, it's just a developmental thing, but for the 3 year old your caring for, it is a self-control/training issue. I would say the 3 year old is old enough to comprehend "no screaming/shrieking" in the house, so you could institute a rule for him/her that screaming (for silly reasons) is not okay, and that a time-out is in order if he/she does (this would not apply if he/she gets a big injury). The first time he/she does it, he/she gets a warning. The second time, the time-out spot is in order (for 3 minutes). You can be gentle and kind, yet firm about the rule. Keeping your reaction calm and composed helps to defuse the emotions or protests.

The 5 mo. old and your infant do not require consequences because they can't comprehend it (as you said). I believe your baby will outgrow this, especially if you can help tame the 3 year old's screaming influence. I don't know how the children's parents would feel about this, but you could have a little talk with them about it and see what they say.

Hello My son when he was that age did the same thing and i felt the same as you. I too was embarresed and people would stare at me. My mom gave me the advise to just ignore him and don't give him attention for it and it worked he just quit. I so surprised, they are very smart and regonize that if they do something they will get a reaction form us. Any how i hope that works and good luck. Also I think your right you can not punish him for that they don't have that concept yet. P.S don't get discouraged.

You have my sympathies! I have a very ambitious, sometimes very loud 1yr old and she has a shriek/scream that is almost unearthly in it's ear-piercing pitch. It's her happy scream most of the time, and honestly...I refuse to appologize for a happy baby. Some guy at the grocery store yesterday actually covered his ears as he walked by and kind of glared at me because Ellie was screaching with happiness over the slice of cheese she got from the deli. Too bad Mr. Pissy Mood. Deal with it. She rarely uses this scream when she is upset since she prefers the loud deeper yell for this purpose. She also does not do it as much as she did when she first learned how to make that sound. She will do one sound for a month, then stop and make a new sound for another month, coming back around to the first sound later. She said "mamama" for a long time, then discovered "dadadada" and I didn't get a "mama" for like a month! Now she is back to saying mama again. It's a phase. If it becomes a real problem then follow some of the suggestions from other posters, but I have a hunch it's a phase that will pass with time.

I'm sure he knows what "NO" means. It may take awhile, but if you tell him no, everytime he screams, he will understand that it isn't acceptible to do that. If you softly put your fingertips on his mouth and say, NO, and then whisper to him, he will understand what a soft voice is. Other kids DON'T all do this. It is only because some are allowed to do it, thinking it is normal for the age. The best way is just to distract him.