9 Year Old Son STEALING

Updated on November 20, 2009
S.B. asks from Lithia Springs, GA
5 answers

I need some advice my 9 year old son started stealing lil things like candy at like 4-5 years old now he has stolen money out my purse and my husband wallet and yes I have punished him.He is such a great sweet loving child everyone around him falls in love with him,he is very smart and very very helpful just a charm but I just do not know why he is stealing and telling lies I need some kind of help with him before this matter gets worst by the way I'm a mom of six and I LOVE all of my children and spend time with them all we provide our kids with a decent lifestyle and a loving environment My oldest is a straight A student our house is a normal house like any other decent family.What do you suggest?

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answers from Spartanburg on

I have had this experience with my son as well. All 3 of my girls have never displayed this behavior. I read what I could to investigate what to do and found some of the advise helpful. One thing that helped me was that this is common with boys in this age group and not to overreact or shame them with questions that make them feel bad about themselves like "what is wrong with you?" They need to know it's wrong and feel remorse but not shame. The best thing to do is to react calmly and with love explaining why stealing is harmful to society and that stealing from family causes a break down in trust and respect. Have him own up! Give him appropriate punishment (losing some priviledge for a specified time, paying back 7X the amount stolen-which is what scripture demands of a thief) That is if they receive an allowance! Which is also important so they have autonomy with their own money. When kids have no spending money of their own they are tempted to take it from mom if they can. Somehow they think we are their personal piggy banks LOL!At least my girls ask first. Also, have a heart to heart and try to find out what is motivating him to take stuff. My son used to take money to give away at school trying to make friends and hoping he would be liked. Very Sad when I figured that out as he is often rejected being the new kid. We move often due to hubby's job situation. Anyway, hope that helps!

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answers from Atlanta on

Could he be seeking your attention? And I am not implying the need for punishment at all. He may be crying for you to notice him (I mean, he does not need help with schoolwork, I bet he accomplishes things without help,etc). Maybe take the time to sit down with him for 10 minutes and "dream about what he would buy if he had all the money in the world". Where would he go, who would he meet, what would he be? Then after a week or so of playing and talking that theme, change to "Where would you go if you did not need money". What if you went to a country where people had no money?
The goal is to get inside his thinking, is he hoarding, is he scared, is he lonely. During the sessions, if he chooses to go on a boat to China. Maka a paper boat or use a toy one and play it out. After you get good at it, your other kids could join the play - but always letting him lead the scene. It might not solve it just yet, but it might get you started and find out what is going on. Is someone stealing his lunch momey at school, does he not want to tell you about it. I could go on, but I hope that helps. JS

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answers from Las Vegas on

I think you need to take him to see a therapist to get to the root of the reason for this compulsion. You could ask his school for a referral if they don't have one on campus. He may be stealing from school too. My son has stolen things and I believe it is linked to his impulsiveness caused by ADD. Good luck.



answers from Chicago on

This is a big issue. I would be that he has stolen more than you know about. I would seek counseling immediately.



answers from Atlanta on

My motto is "easy on me, hard on you." He may be getting a rush from stealing little things, and with his charmingpersonality is able to charm you out of discipline. You might think abouta what would hurt the most to take away, or require chores, or give away one of his toys to a homeless child. You don't want him to think because he is cute and smart that he can get away with this all his life.

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