8 Year Old Playmates- How Would You Handle?

How about you and your daughter agree that it's ok for him to come over and play but if he starts name calling etc, then you send him home. I've loved seeing my daughter recently tell a neighborhood friend "you're being mean. I don't want to play with you anymore." This girl can be snotty... This way my daughter's learning to say no to rude behaviour but it's also likely going to teach this girl a lesson. And ultimately like your neighbor, we like this girl and want them to be friends. And we love the parents. So in your case too, it's not a permanently shut door, only open when he behaves nicely. That way everyone wins or he's the only loser.

If he is at your house feel free to correct him. I make sure that if my child(ren) are over at someone else's home that that parent knows they can discipline them to an extent. I would want them to treat my child(ren) and theirs fairly though. I expect all the kids coming to my house to have manners and to be nice to all the other kids that end up at my house.

lines my brother uses
1. no she doesnt want to play right now
2. no i'm sorry shes busy with homework so she cant play
3. she can answer the door and say no thanks i don't want to play- she needs to learn to voice her opnion=)

I have a 7.5 yr old son who can have attitude at times. This is what I would do: You could try addressing this behavior the minute he arrives at your house. Tell him up front your house rules - We do not speak rudely. If we lose a game we do not yell or act mean. No name calling. Then tell him if he breaks one of these rules while playing he will need to go home. Be very black and white and if he wants to play with someone badly enough he will probably start behaving much better at your house! It might take a few times for him to see you mean it.

Your daughter has the right to politely refuse unannounced visitors. Just because a neighbor kid shows up at the door and wants to play immediately, doesn't mean she has to play. She doesn't owe him a big explanation. When the boy says, "Can Sue play?" I'd say, "I'm not sure Sue is up for playing right now, I'll ask her." Then ask, but beforehand have had the conversation with your DD and make sure she knows she has the right to choose yes or no thank you even if she is available. If DD doesn't want to play, "I'm sorry Billy, but Sue doesn't feel like playing right now. Maybe another time." I wouldn't lie about being busy or anything. Sometimes you have to create boundaries with neighbor friends. If Billy asks Sue directly why she doesn't want to play, she can tell him, if she wants to, that she still feels bad about how their games end. But because you've talked to his Mom, and had to send him home before, he really should start to pick up on the fact that if you don't play nicely, friends may not want to play again for awhile.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Limit playtime and when there is playtime make sure and end it before they are ready for it to end. That way they had a good time and it was over before the crankiness started up.

Maybe... they are outgrowing each other.

8, is on the cusp of being 9.
9-12 years old... is a Tween.
Developmentally, many things are going on.... cognitively/physically/emotionally.
Google search "Tween Girl Development."

For me, I would go according to MY child's cues... and common sense.
My kids, who are 5 and 9, DO stand up for themselves. And they choose friends wisely and know right/wrong, appropriate/inappropriate. And they know... when something is not right. In their... gut. I foster that in them. They have good instincts.
And they can talk to me about anything.
I don't force them, to be a friend with someone whom they do not want to be friends with.
And if they are being mistreated, whatever level that is, if my kids don't want to continue to engage with a kid, then fine.
It is okay.
Friends, do change over time and per age. And per the child's own feelings of it.
A kid can still be "cordial." But that does not mean they have to have play-dates or be, BFF's.

If my kids, did NOT want a kid to come over for those reasons, then I would not have that kid over.
After all, it is YOUR home, and YOUR kids.
And if my kids were also outgrowing a friendship or child... for whatever reason, and we talked about it... then fine.
A child, has to know... their own cues, too. And the ability to "DISCERN" that. With a parent's guidance. About life.

The other bottom-line to this is: Your own daughter, has SAID... she does not want to play with him.
So listen to that.

It does not matter how perfect or not, your own child is. She said she does not want to play with that boy.