8 Year Old and Death

First of all really listen to any of the things he is speaking about, Let him know he can tell you anything.

There are many great books about death and about the cycle of life. I noticed our daughter always did well when we read a book on the subject. I would just read it and then ask her, what do you think.. Sometimes it would be another day when she might bring up a thought or a feeling.

His life is unique, but not unusual. He needs to know he is not alone and not the only person going through this.

Let him know you love him and are proud of him for being brave through all of this, but if he is worried or a little freaked out, that is to be expected. Just remind him to always talk about what he is feeling or worried about. You are not there to fix things for him, but to support him.

we are very reluctant as parents to talk to our kids about death .My son asked me a few weeks ago about my mother,all along have been telling him she went to heaven.he said why .I had to come to teams with telling him the truth that she dead she wont be coming back. kids are very smart when we are true and open about things that has happen . console him by telling him the great life the loved ones hard.talk about the good things fun things he had with them.

D.:

So much to be thankful for, yet sooo much to be sad for.

Death is a part of life. If you are religious and raising your son that way - tell him the truth - that God called them home to be with Him. They are now angels and looking down on us and watching over us.

Tell him to write his good memories of them down so he can cherish them always.

i'm glad that your son's dad is becoming a dad!! this is great news!

We're muddling through this right now, actually, with an 11 year old, 8 year old, and 6 year old after losing my 83 year old father-in-law this past Sunday. The funeral is Thursday morning. We're doing a lot of praying, answering whatever questions we can, hugging, doing what we can for my MIL, keeping open communication, and talking about what a great life FIL lived. He lived such a good life, and such a long time, and so many people love him and miss him... and we're just letting the girls talk about him process what they need to process. We don't push the discussion, we don't stop the discussions short, we just talk. We do believe in Heaven and are Christian and that gives us a lot of comfort.

Something else that has helped is that they got to see him last week before he passed. They visited when we could get them there and that was important. The morning he passed away we didn't get there in time, but the girls did see him. Even though he was gone, he looked like he was asleep and the girls weren't afraid. They hugged him and whispered that they loved him. My youngest told him that she hopes he has lots of fun up in Heaven. I asked her if she was afraid or upset at having seen him like that, and she said no. "Dead bodies not scary, Mommy. Well, they not scary unless they shot with a gun. But when they die from being old or sick, they not scary."

::sigh::

::tears::

Whatever you do be honest as children are very perceptive and need to know about life when they experience it. There are some very good books out there for kids on dealing with death. There is an older book called "Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs" by Tomie de Paola, one called "Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven" by Maribeth Boelts, one called "What Happens When We Die?" by Carolyn Nystrom. All of these are for children with questions and all are good to read with them. Of course the last two are assuming you believe in God and Heaven. Besides reading something like these good books to your son the best thing you can do is talk about it and not be afraid to listen and answer honestly. Death is a part of life unfortunately and the way it's presented to a child affects how he faces other loses with death in the future.

This is a really great book:
Lifetimes - A Beautiful Way to Explain Life and Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie

This is how I have explained death to my son (he lost his Pap at almost 3):
•All living things lives have a beginning, a middle and an end.
•When a living thing is at the end of their life, they die.
•We believe that after someone dies on earth, their soul goes to heaven and the body is then just a shell.
•Once someone goes to heaven, they cannot come back to visit, they must stay there for always.
•When our loooooong lives are over, we, too will go to Heaven and then we will have a chance to see/be with our loved ones who are already there and we will all be there for eternity(explain eternity)
•When someone is sick, the doctors, nurses and hospitals do all they can (medicine, therapy, etc.) to help them get better, but sometimes people are too sick for the medicine, etc. to work.

Kids grasp death a little at a time. He will have lots of questions. Answer them as honestly and completely as you can. Good luck!

Sounds like your little one is going through many changes - and all at once!

In order to help him deal with death, the other posts mentioned a lot of great books. Those are a great place to start. Be honest with him. Try not to sugar coat death because it is a real thing that children will experience sooner or later with something as simple as loss of a goldfish to loss of a parent or sibling. I took a class on Death/Dying/Grief and one of the most important things the professor emphasized was not comparing death to sleep. Especially with a pet (dog, cat) that needs to be "put to sleep". It might look like a person is asleep in the casket, but it is so important to choose your words wisely when explaining death to children.

Good luck! I am sorry for the loss you and your son are experiencing. Also, is your son in school? It might be helpful to contact the guidance counselor who might have some ideas to help your son cope not only with the loss of his GGs but also the new feelings of Dad re-entering his life.

I think it's hard for anyone to cope with a loss. You mentioned praying, can you talk with him about heaven? (If that is your beliefs). I think it is important to talk with kids about death. Not to scare them but to help them understand that it is a part of life. I would let him know that it's OK to be sad and/or cry, and it's also OK to not cry. Everyone reacts differently to death.

I'm sorry for your losses. Your boy is probably stronger than you think. My Mom who lived next to us and was VERY close to both my girls just died a few months ago after a brief battle with cancer. We took care of her every step of the way. We are all greiving but I have been blown away by how incredibley strong my kids (12 & 8 at the time) are.
Just be open and honest with him about everything. I would think his relationship with his Dad will have a more lasting and important effect on him then the loss of great grandparents. Talk a lot about his feelings concerning the re-appearance of his Father. Hopefully they can develop a healthy realtionship and that will be a source of support for you in the future.

My kids were young when my grandmother died. They all drew pictures to put in her casket. Each great grandchild drew her a card or letter that was burned with her. It was their way of giving something to her.

We also send helium ballooons up to heaven whenever we get them.