7 Year Olds and FRENCH Kissing?

Updated on March 08, 2017
K.H. asks from Saint Louis, MO
12 answers

So, my 7 year-old son informed me that his friend (girl, also 7) taught him what "marraige kissing" is thtat they've been doing it. So, I calmly asked him what "marraige kissing" means, and he said she told im it's when you "open your mouth and put your tongues in each others mouths." He also informed me that they've done it more than once (WHAT!?), and that she said she has done it with two boys at her school. My son and her don't go to the same school.


I told him that moms and dads sometimes kiss that way, but that it is not appropriate for kids his age and that he shouldn't be touching other kids ever unless it's friendly and just a hug. I didn't want him to think he was in trouble, they are just kids afterall. However, I let the little girl's mom know what happened and she got really defensive and said that theyre just young kids and thats normal, and "I'm not going to NOT kiss my own boyfriend in front of my kids, it's called showing affection!!"

Can someone PLEASE help!

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So What Happened?

Okay, I'm new to this site and don't fully get how it works yet. I thought I'd be able to reply to answers from other moms. So, the situation is a little more complicated, I guess I'm more asking for advice on how to deal with her mom then really the incident itself (although, insight on that is appreciated too!) The little girl is my boyfriend's daughter. We have been dating for a while and our kids get along great and we have never had an issue like this. He was just as shocked as I was, but when we brought it to his ex-wife's attention (you know, for that whole co-parenting thing that is extremely important) THAT is how she reacted. Granted, she's a very selfish mom, and 100% hates my guts. She just wrote it off and yelled at us in front of the daughter like it was completely normal. I know she hates me and that's fine, but I dont know how to handle it from here on out being that our kids are around each other so much. And she really is a sweet little girl... her mom is just awful and won't hear anything that could reflect her negatively.

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answers from Anchorage on

You brought it to moms attention, but dad is also fully capable of talking to his daughter about what is okay and not okay behavior. The ex is not wrong, she should be allowed to show affection for her SO in front of the child, in fact children learn what love looks like from the adults in their life so showing affection is a positive thing, but she still needs to understand that certain kinds of affection are only appropriate in a adult relationship and that she is too young to be engaging in these behaviors. Dad needs to talk to his daughter.

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answers from Boston on

You don't deal with the mom.She be the crazy ex girlfriend everyone talks about. You did a great job explaining to your child and when your boyfriend's daughter is around you can calmly explain it to her as it applies to your son. Let the boyfriend deal with the ex. She don't like you, she never will, and anyone who french kisses regularly around a young child is too immature to get it.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

This was two young kids kissing and you handled it appropriately with your son. I would have left it up to my boyfriend to talk to his ex.

What the little girl is doing with boys at school and how her mom handles it is none of your concern. I don't mean to be blunt, but stay out of it. You handled things on your end fine.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

Take a deep breath. Relax. This doesn't have to be a big deal.

Kids really will do things like this (copy what they've seen). It's normal for kids to be curious, but it's also perfectly ok for you to let your so know that this is really something that grown-ups do. My son has asked about kissing and other things that he has heard form kids at school. We just let him know that these are things that grown ups do and that he should just focus on being a kid right now. We didn't shy away from questions, and we didn't make a big deal about it.

What you said to your son sounds perfect.

You can't worry about the other mom. You let her know what your son said, so you've fulfilled your responsibility to her. You let her know what you've been told the kids did. How she feels about it and what she chooses to do about it are not your concern. You might disagree with the way she handled it, but that's her decision. Don't worry about it, and don't take it personally or allow it to make you doubt your own reaction. You handled it just fine.

ETA - Ok, so the mom is your boyfriend's ex. I can see why you can't just ignore her comments. You have to let your boyfriend be the dad and her be the mom. Yes their actions and decisions affect you, but you have to let the two of them parent their child. You have to let your boyfriend work this out with her. You are not the girl's mom, so you have to remember that "co-parenting" to her is between your boyfriend and her. She very well may have resented the fact that you were a part of the conversation at all.

I'm not a stepparent, so I don't know how hard it is. But I do know that you have to let your boyfriend deal with his ex, and you need to do your best to stay out of it. You may not like what she says, but he's the one who has to deal with it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

After reading your So What Happened, my original thoughts changed.

First, since this little girl is the daughter of your boyfriend, her mother's actions are not your business. What happens in your home is your business, but you really can't confront this little girl's mother. You can parent your own son, and establish some basic rules in your house. But this child is not your step-daughter. She's your boyfriend's daughter.

You can also hope that your boyfriend parents his daughter effectively. How he responds to this situation will tell you a lot about him as a parent and potential future spouse. The two of you should not have approached his ex. That's on him.

If you think you're going to stay together, you have a long long time before the kids are grown and out of the house. They're only seven now. If your boyfriend teaches his daughter right from wrong, privacy, respect, saying "no", and morality, and if he is willing to confront his ex and make sure that his young daughter is not kissing boys at her age (in any manner), well, that says a lot. It also says a lot if he needs you to come with him to confront his ex, and if he allows a parenting discussion and fight to take place in front of his daughter, and if he doesn't step up right now and help his daughter establish some boundaries and some personal self-respect. His daughter is going down a rocky path. There are several people in this scenario that need counseling.

Your loyalty is to your son. If a boyfriend's daughter is teaching him this stuff, and sharing the kind of information that she did (telling him she's done this with other boys at school), how are you teaching him and helping him? I know we can't put our kids in bubble-wrap, but a child who is willing to teach a parent's new partner's child about French kissing may not stop at that. You should be vigilant where your son is concerned. The girl may be sweet but I think she's crossed a line.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

This is something your boyfriend needs to address with his daughter, and her mom. If mom blows him off, then whatever, but he has every right to parent his daughter and let her know that while it's OK for adults to kiss that way in private, it's not OK for kids and now that she knows it's not OK for kids, if she continues to do it at your house or at school, she will get in trouble.

In the future, leave these things for your boyfriend to handle. It's his job to parent his child and manage his ex.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Okay, after reading the SWH I'm going to go ahead and jump to...you all need a therapist.

This is NOT normal behavior for the mom or daughter and it doesn't seem like you can keep the two kids out of contact with each other so I really do think you need professional help with boundaries, etc.

Yes, kids are curious, but french kissing is not something that is in the basic wheel-house of a 7 year old and at the very least she has observed this behavior from others multiple times. You aren't going to get help or support from the mom so get the help and support you all need and go from there.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Reading on

My son was coaxed into doing something very inappropriate at a party with a little girl by an older girl when he was very young - preschool. We were absolutely horrified that our child had done it, but we also realized that the idea wasn't his and he had no idea why it was wrong - he was just role playing as an older child instructed. We talked with the parents of the girl who was his "partner" to let them know and to express concern about the older girl's safety. Why did that child know anything about it?? She herself was school age, but still too young for that kind of knowledge. It was clear that my son was as innocent as the other little girl. We didn't know the parents of the older girl as our friends were hosting the party and they were also guests. Our friends talked to them and conveyed our concern.

My concern in this situation is where did the child learn the behavior?

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answers from Philadelphia on

Keep your son away from her daughter. The girl's mom sounds nuts.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

You teach your son what you feel is appropriate for his age, and enforce that as best you can.

Other parents do the same, and may have differing opinions as to the appropriateness of certain actions. You have no control over them.

What you CAN do is tell your boyfriend's daughter that children are not allowed to kiss that way at YOUR house.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

So, he is practicing French Kissing with his stepsister. (At least, she will be if you marry her dad.)

Well, there are worse things they could be doing. Who knows what else that woman might not be shy about doing in front of her daughter!

Just tell your son that you would prefer that he wait til he's older to kiss girls.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

It sounds like your boyfriends family has a lot of issues.
Maybe you and he should be keeping your kids away from each other.
Time to get your son involved in Cub Scouts, taekwondo, etc.
Your boyfriend should be taking his daughter to her own activities too.

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