7 Year Old Son Wanting to Kiss

Updated on November 02, 2014
K.M. asks from Jacksonville, FL
15 answers

Help! My 7 year old son and 6 year old girl next door neighbor want to know why they aren't allowed to kiss? Both the other mother and I have told them they are not to be kissing and that this is something they do when they are older...... but is forbidding it only going to make the situation worse? I don't want to make more out of it than it is, but I know this is only the beginning! Help, I need to know the best way to handle the boy/girl friendships!

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A.C.

answers from Boca Raton on

I'm assuming they just mean innocent kisses. Do you think they mean otherwise? I think making a big deal about it is going to make it more intriguing to them. I would not have an issue with my daughter kissing her friend, as long as it was in front of us. If you are scared, don't let them play alone. I think it is sweet that they are friends...I would let it go.

2 moms found this helpful

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

At this age they are probably thinking that they kiss their mommies and other family members, so why not their friends. Perhaps you can allow them to kiss on the cheek. 'We only kiss our friends on the cheeks.' It's not like they are looking to 'make out' at this age, just an expression of friendly affection. At this age they connect kissing with love (but not 'sexy' love), 'my mommy kisses me because she loves me and I love my friends so I should kiss them too.' At this age it is a very 'pure' sort of thing. Kissing shouldn't be a forbidden thing, or thought of as 'bad' behavior, that could make them feel ashamed and/or tempt them to be sneaky about it.

11 moms found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

They are 6 and 7... not 14 and 15. I'm pretty sure both children get kisses from their parents and relatives who love them, not to mention they see Mommy and Daddy kissing in affection and not sexually. They must really care about each other and are showing their feelings in the way they are expressed in their family.

I think you and the other Mom are making something out of nothing.

4 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I think the "germ thing" will backfire on you because they see everyone else kissing and it's really not a great thing to suggest that people are infecting each other every day. I think you have to keep focused on the real issue for both you and the other mother, and not derail them by shifting the reason around. You can explain it in your own terms but it helps if you and the other mother are in agreement and feel you can use the same words.

I think, at this age, it's about affection for each other, and they see it as a natural expression of their caring. I think you can say that lip-kissing is for parents/kids and for grown-ups with each other (or older teens, whatever you want to say). Cheek kissing is for special friends and relatives (Grandma, Aunt Susie, whatever), hugs are great IF both people want to but they can't go around grabbing their friends at school. It's probably best if you really emphasize that not everyone is comfortable with kissing or even a lot of hugging, and they need to be careful in their choices. Also, they need to know that many people don't like to see a lot of hugging and kissing, and they may be teased by others. It lets them know what is socially acceptable.

They may sneak off and kiss anyway - many of us did. It's not the end of the world. I think you are worried about greater levels of exploration. My guess is, the novelty will wear off soon. But you don't want to make it such a private thing that they hide it from you.

3 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

tell 'em to kiss each other on the cheek.
and don't make a big deal out of it.
khairete
S.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

What real harm is there in letting them have a peck on the lips? They aren't playing tonsil hockey, are they?

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

They shouldn't kiss because they might have a cold or be sick and then the other kid would get that cold and be sick. Then they'd BOTH have to take icky medicine.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I do not understand why they are not allowed to kiss on the cheek?

It is not a sexual thing it is a good friend thing, may even be like a sibling thing. They love each other like brother and sister.

Yes, you forbid this and they are going to start wondering what is really going on?

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I think you should let them "kiss" and hopefully it will get out of their systems. I do think it will get worse if they know they cannot do the "forbidden thing" together. It will be their little secret challenge (trying to sneak out of their houses and kiss). I think you and the girl's mother should arrange a playdate at one of your houses and tell your son and her daughter that they can give each other a kiss. Make it like a game. Tell them they each get a turn and ask who wants to go first. Tell whomever goes first "Are you ready? Okay, go give him/her a kiss!" Do the same with the other one. Hopefully, they will give each other a little peck and not more! At ages 6 and 7, do you think they know about "french kissing?" I would die if my 7 y/o son knew about that and actually wanted to act on that!!! I think they just want to give each other an innocent little peck. If they start making out, then it's time to worry and take this situation very seriously. I will keep my fingers crossed that it's sweet and innocent! Good luck!

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

How about the germ thing? Make up your own story and why later on in life it might be okay. Well, works for me.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

tell um they can't kiss because they aren't related and they might spread germs to each other.

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C.Y.

answers from Bellingham on

I believe its best to not forbid the fact that your child wants to kiss the neighbor girl. I had this talk with my 7 year old tonite he told me him and this girl kiss on the cheek and hug, but they both want to kiss on the lips at first I wanted to tell him he shouldn't think like that but right away i thought ok if i want my son to trust his feelings with me then i have to choose my words wisely knowing I wasn't prepared to have this talk. He said he doesn't want to but his brain keep telling him that he wants to. To be very honest I didn't know weather to tell him if this was ok if they really kissed eachothers lips or not the only thing i could think of was i need to look this up and see how other mothers have handled these situations and that i need to do some research before my son wakes up for school tomorrow.

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B.R.

answers from Naples on

I would say maybe that as friends they can hug and maybe give a peck on the cheek, especially if he is inclined to greet all friends that way, but that kissing on the lips is for when he is much older and considering marriage. (it will seem like a million years away to a child since they rarely are inclined to be thinking GF/BF - marriage this young) I think if it's forbidden it will be more tempting. My daughter hugs all of her friends hello and goodbye - boys and girls alike.

S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

In agree that it usually is not a sexual thing. But it depends. Unfortunately some children are allowed to watch or be in the room during a lot of sex scenes on tv and it turns into something else. I had a boy in my daycare that revealed to me one day he was having sex with a daughter of one of his mothers friends. He told me how they would be in the upstairs bedroom and the mothers downstairs playing monopoly. I thought he was just playing around and never thought he would be doing anything real. I asked him to tell me what he thinks sex is and he described exactly what they were doing. I was horrified.

Sometimes people aren't the brightest about things. The mother seemed to be mostly upset by the idea that he would reveal it to me instead of her. I don't know how it turned out. But since that time they moved and he's spent time in and out of trouble at school and he ended up in a mental hospital with suicidal thoughts at just 10 years old.

I think it's best to keep them in eye sight, give them fun and normal things to do and monitor the stuff they see and hear.

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T.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

More facts are needed. The six year old girl and 7 year old boy are hiding and kissing on the lips. The kissing isn't as much of a concern Than the fact they are hiding. By hiding, to me it says they know they shouldn't be doing it. I've told both kids it's ok to kiss on the cheek and in the open. I've been upfront with them about the inappropriateness of hiding. IThere will be a time and a place for doing it privately and its when they're much older. I will not allow them to be alone, to change clothes in the same room--I do this matter of factory, and don't make a big deal of it. Factly not factory. Lying to them, or making a big deal about it is a mistake.

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