7 Year Old Daughter Talking Back, Attitude Problems, argumental...Need Advice

Updated on March 13, 2010
A.C. asks from Downey, CA
8 answers

I need advice, don't know what to do with my daughter with her behavioral problems and this is all the time. She has a really bad attitude talks back to me and my husband and I don't know what type of punishment to give her as I've tried taking toys, video games, time out away and it seems not to work with her. I've talked to her and nothing happens...This is making me really frustrated because her sister which is 5 yrs old doens't act like this and I wish she would listen and behave just like her little sister does. I don't know where this is coming from and I have no idea what else to do to get her to stop being like this. Its very embarrasing for me for my child to act this way because it makes me feel like i'm not doing my job, but at the same time my other daughter doesn't behave like this so.....what am I doing wrong?????Please if any mom can give me some advice on how to control my 7 yr old or other ways of punishment that will work with her. She's very sweet and adorable but not sure why she's like this now...

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answers from Portland on

HI~ First of all, you are a wonderful mom.. It is such a hard job. Have you ever talked with her dr. about the things that happen? It sounds like a strange thing to talk to her dr. about, but sometimes it might be something to look at. There is a disorder call Oppositional difiance disorder and they defy anything most people say. I have some nephews who have this and it sounds a little silly as most people think kids tend to do that anyway, but those who really do have it, can not help it...Have you talked to her about why she does these things? Is this something new? I hope it gets better for you! It is so so tough...

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answers from Chicago on

The first thing you need is a list of "rules" what is and is not acceptable. its ok for her to be angry but no ok for her to yell at you. its ok to be mouthy to her friends if she wants but not to family or adults. Do you do the 1,2,3 magic? This was a life saver for us when our children were small. First you make sure the kids know what is and is not ok. then when they are doing something not acceptable you say 1 if they do it again you say 2 and if they get to 3 they get a consequence. consequences need to fit the crime. don't go straight from "you left your laundry on the floor" to your grounded for life. things like video games and tv times are privileges. and should be taken away if not earned. You will want to nip this in the bud so you don't have a rebellious teenager. they make 7 years old look like a piece of cake.

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answers from Provo on

Take a look at www.oneweekparentingmiracle.com. I have done some in depth training on this subject, and I love this program! It is specifically directed at pre-adolescent kids, but the discipline techniques work for kids who are just starting to be disciplined. I think this website will answer a lot of your questions. I hope it helps!




answers from Philadelphia on

What exactly is she giving you mouth about? Does she argue with you or give u attitude or jus doesn't listen to u? Is at a particular time of the day? I can help if u can answer these questions, I have a 9 year girl with a major attitude and mouth problem.



answers from San Diego on

Good Morning A., I like Sheri's and Taryn's advice. We did something a little simular to Taryn with the tokens, When our kids were small we lived over seas, and with daddy gone all the time, our kids did their share of acting up, nothing major. My husband suggested to put the kids on a 5.00 a week allowance, but every time they dissabeyed or didn't do what they were supossed to we minus .25 cents, and at the end of the week, I would add up the minuses and then give them what was left, but my husband made it like a compitition to see who could earn the most money, Like sherri said we had our rule list and we had posted, I made it reasonaible, and they really enjoyed it. Also one of the things my husband did with our 3 kids, was once a week he took them out one on one, let them pick where they want to go (within in reason) and just talked, gave them a chance to talk about what they are thinking and feeling, or even confess something they did, that's been bothering them. Talk to your little girl, something maybe going on at school, or something maybe going on that she is afraid to approach you with but if you open the door for communication she may feel more comfortable. Don't take her to a doctor as Brandy suggested, nothing against Brandy, but doctors are so quick to lable a child ADD and tell you your child can't consentrate, can't sit still, can't this can't that, now your child has all these excusses to act up, and once any child get's the I can't vocabulary, their set up for failure. You are not a bad mom, you are a mom who loves her daughter and wants what is best for her. One more piece of advice, toy mentioned your 5 years old being so well behaved, don't compare them, to your daughter, it will just make her resent her sister and feel worse about herself. In our home we did 2 swatts for discipline, no full flege spanking, just 2 swatts, until age 10 then we did grounding. Been a mom for 26 years, our kids turned out great, and so will yours.



answers from Indianapolis on

OMG!! My daughter is 7 and I am having the same problem. I think they get alot of there attitude's from school. I think they have more freedom at school so when they get home they think they can be "the boss" ( not sure thats the right description) but yes I get the same thing from my daughter. Does your daughter roll her eyes at you when you say anything? Mine does!!


answers from Phoenix on

We have our 8 year old daughter and 11 year old sons on a "token system". It has done WONDERS for the kids.
They earn and pay tokens for pre-discussed chores (also listed on a board, never a surprise)that are done without being asked (getting ready on time, making bed, getting in jammies by a certain time, etc.) and then to "play" a day (ours is 3 a day for play plus 1 more for electronics) every day. The actual tokens need to be something tangible, in our case we use plastic poker chips. They have a value, ours is $1.00 a chip, but it can be any amount...25 cents, etc. Which can be cashed in at times to buy things, but if no tokens, no play, so only in room with a book. I can calmly go ask my Daughter (8 and a "spitfire" as I fondly like to refer to her :)) to go get a token when She "acts up"...at first it makes her even more upset.,..they get to value these as parts of a lifestyle...just a idea, it works for our kids...if you choose to use it and have any questions, let me know. Good luck either way, I like to remember that my Daughter is finding "herself" and thats tough stuff! :)



answers from Santa Barbara on

Okay attitudes ya I know that one. I have a 5 year old soon to be 6. His attitude is too big for him sometimes. I have always disciplined my son. He is very well behaved but his attidue wow. I have been big on discipline because I am mom and dad. I can not raise a monster that soon I won't be able to handle. What I learned from one of my friends is that he would go eye level to my son and tell him what he was doing wrong. He would tell him very firm but with love. He would talk to him telling him that a little boy doesn't act that way. My son would listen. When your daughter gets an attitude don't yell it makes it worse. Let her know very sternly that is not acceptable. Don't give in. Make her go on time out until her attitude goes away. You can check on her ask her if she feels better. If she says no then let her stay there a little longer. Make her appologize to you and hug and give you a kiss. Tell her you love her and accept her appology but you will not accept the disrespect. I also grounded my son once, and since then I don't have that problem. BE CONSISTANT. When you see another child acting up ask her do you think that looks good. If she says no then say that is not how we want to act right. We are a good girl. Let her know who is the boss. Maybe she just wants some extra attention. Spend a little more time w/her allowing her to do what she likes to do if it is her brushing your hair. Putting on your makeup, dressing in your clothes. Be aware what is it that she is getting her attitudes for also. Kids love guidelines. Let her know what they are. Make her write a list of what the guidelines will be. Kids that age love to write. What I also have done is make my son take a nap when he has an attitude. He wakes up refreshed and sometimes it is because he needed that nap.