7 Week Old Only Sleeps Held or with Mom/dad

Updated on July 18, 2008
C.Q. asks from San Francisco, CA
54 answers

I have a 7 week old baby girl who has rejected the bassinet from day one. We tried for over a week to help her sleep in the bassinet but with no success. We tried putting her in the bouncer, swing, carseat but still she wouldn't sleep. We ended up carrying her and sitting in the glider in order to get some rest. Our pediatrician advised us to do whatever we need to do for everyone to sleep. So if that means carrying her or co-sleeping, then to do it. Our ped said that you can't spoil her at this age. During the day, she naps in the Bjorn or in our arms. At night, I usually co-sleep with her. I would like her to learn to sleep on her own, even if it's the bassinet next to us in our room. Should I not force the issue because she is still young? Would love to hear others' experience and any advice. Thanks.

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So What Happened?

Dear Mamas,

Thank you for all your responses and advice. After reading your responses, I decided to relax and enjoy this special time with my baby. You are right, she will only be this small once. She is now 14 weeks and is sleeping in her own crib at night. At around 10 weeks, we began an evening routine that included bath/washing up, diaper change, music, and nursing. After I nurse her, I would swaddle her and put her in her crib awake but sleepy. She usually falls asleep. Sometimes me or daddy will pat her chest to help her fall asleep. We usually put her to bed between 7:00-8 p.m. and she will sleep 10-12 hours and wake up only once (around 2-2:30 a.m.) for nursing. I am now getting more sleep.

Thank you again for all the wonderful advice!

More Answers

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F.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Even though doctors don't advise it, my baby girl prefers her stomach when sleeping! She sleeps soooooo good on her tummy. We have had no problems with her not being able to breathe, etc. It was a bit scary at first, but she could lift her head side to side with no problem and that way when she gets starled, instead of her arms moving, or lifting up they are secure against the mattress. If you think about it most of us were raised as tummy sleepers, as doctors used to advise this type of sleeping....She slept in a bassinet in our room for the first month now she is 4 months and in a crib in her own room and sleeping about 10 hours a night and taking two long naps during the day. Hope this helps!!!!

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K.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.,

Wow. I can remember those days. At first we took turns sleeping on the sofa propped upright with our daughter in our arms. Not the best situation. Finally we couldn't take it anymore. We started putting her to bed in the pack n' play in our room. She fussed at first but we stuck it out and that worked for a few months. Then she got a cold and I had the idea to co-sleep. Bad idea. She stayed there for months! I didn't get much sleep during that time. I was always afraid of rolling over on her and then there were the middle of the night snacks ; ) Finally at 6 months I decided she needed to sleep in her crib in her room. We had a few nights of crying (me and her). But pretty quickly she started sleeping through the night (12 hours!). She's now almost 1 year old, very happy and healthy. But do NOT expect yours to do this at such a young age. We are pretty lucky we got a good sleeper. It may be many months before your daughter sleeps through the night.

My advice:
Do whatever it takes for right now, but don't get stuck in a situation that's not working for you. She'll learn to adapt. Also, read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

Best of Luck!
K.

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C.L.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with your pediatrician, do whatever you need to do so that everyone sleeps plus they are right, you can't spoil them right now. We kind of had the same problem with our son. He would not nap unless he was being held. Gradually over time, it went from being held, to sleeping in our bed and now naps in his own bed. It took time and that's all I can really tell you. I'm sorry, that's probably not what you want to hear but it's the truth. When you said she sometimes sleeps in the Bjorn, I remember one night where he just would not sleep at night and he was probably about 1 to 2 months old or it could be younger, but anyway, and this was at night, he ended up sleeping in a Peanut Shell (another type of carrier) while attached to me while I sat up in bed. I just had to do it because I was exhausted. So again, it just goes back to, do what you need to do to sleep.

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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.:

My now 4 month old son also refused to sleep anywhere but on mom or dad's chest for the first three months of his life. I never had any intention of co-sleeping and was adamant that my husband and I not do it for fear that we'd end up with a child that slept in our bed until he was in preschool. We tried absolutely everything to get the little guy to sleep on his own to no avail. Finally, after countless sleepless nights and days, we accepted the fact that our son needed to sleep with us - day and night. It was not easy, but it didn't last forever. At around 3 months old, our son made it very clear that he was no longer comfortable sleeping on us. (He became very squirmy and just could not get comfortable.) So in his crib he went. He now sleeps in his crib at night and for every nap during the day.

-C.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations C.! What an exciting time. It seems like just last week my daughter was 7 weeks old...she's turning 1 a week from Sunday.
We had sleep issues from the beginning with our daughter. She did sleep in her crib from the day we brought her home, but she would not nap anywhere but our arms, the swing or in the car. I stressed about it from 2 months until 3 months when I had to go back to work. I wanted her to take a long nap, in her crib! That was that! =O) Looking back now, and knowing what I know now...just relax, do what you need to do to enjoy this time and get some sleep. My sister-in-law couldn't get my niece to sleep in the bassinet (which was her plan) and ended up co-sleeping with her. She's now 8 months old, just transitioned to her crib with minimal problems. I agree that you can't spoil a baby at this age. I also don't think you should start sleep training (let them cry it out, etc) until about 5 or 6 months (although it gets harder if they can sit themselves up in their beds, my daughter hasn't figured out how to lay herself down yet). I just really want to stress to you not to worry about it too much right now. Like I said, looking back, I miss those naps on the couch or snuggling in bed until 8am...now she's up at 7 and doesn't want me to snuggle with her, she's always on the go!
Enjoy!
C.
I almost forgot...I was too lazy to read The Happiest Baby on the Block, but we bought the DVD and LOVED it. I wish I would have watched it before we had her!

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C.L.

answers from Fresno on

I would do whatever it takes to get sleep. She is too young for sleep training, but at 3-4 months I would move her to a crib or bassinet. You don't want to develop a habit that is extremely difficult to break. If you wait any longer establishing her bedtime routine it will be really difficult. We used the CIO method, but still went in a rocked herfor the 1st month or so when needed, but rarely let her sleep in our bed. She is a great sleeper and always has been, and I think it is because she learned to soothe herself (not require a bottle or us to help her back to sleep).

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S.E.

answers from San Francisco on

You need to do what is best for your family. Our daughter slept in our bed, on me initially and then next to me. She turns 7 in two week and where does she want to fall asleep? Next to me. She either stays next to me or gets carried to her room when my husband comes to bed.

She can go to sleepovers and put herself to sleep just fine, but at home with out her friends, it's mommy she wants.

Enjoy the ride and know that somethings will last a long time and others won't. It's looking back that you'll smile and remember how great it was.

If your daughter is going to go to daycare, you might want to work on something to help her during the day.

Stephanie

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T.T.

answers from Yuba City on

My son was the exact same way. Difference is I was able to get him to sleep in his infant carry next to my bed. I would sleep during the day when he slept and kept him in my arms, daddy would do the same. I was told that it has something to do with the swaddling, being tightly wrapped and the upright position to help sleep better. Eventually, I started putting my son down on our bed at about 3 months and he'd fall fast asleep, so I gradually put him in his crib ONLY at night. Naps were and still are reserved for mommy & daddy's bed. I will co-sleep in his bedroom on the extra bed from time to time, but never in our bed for night-time sleep. Naps I will sleep w/him in our bed. Try sleeping w/his blanket so it has your personal smell on it. This might work too. Don't worry, things will get better, promise. I was in doubt too and soon it did. He will still revert back to old habits, on and off, but it's not forever.

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M.M.

answers from San Francisco on

All mammals, except humans, sleep with their infants. Our heads get in the way of our hearts. Sleeping with your baby is safe and secure, as long as you're not taking medications or drinking alcohol. It took me to my third child to begin to realize what normal is, which meant it took two tries of getting it wrong, sticking with the status quo, to realize it didn't work. Over the years (I'm now a grandmother), I've watched and had the opportunity to see how babies who sleep with their parents are. It's the best thing you can do for your child until your child is ready to say "This bed is too small for us!" My third child figured it out by 16 months, my fourth child took seven years. He's wasn't ready before then, but once he'd determined he needed to sleep alone, he was off and running--a truly independent soul. Your daughter knows best, and she is now and will be your best teacher.

Finally, when you meet her needs, she will not be busy developing survival skills, she will be thriving. And, isn't that what you want as her mom?

For some great parenting information, see www.aTLC.org.

Best wishes,

M. Milos, RN,
A mom who wished she'd slept with all her children!

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S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Our now 11 mos. old daughter did the same thing when she was a newborn. I defintely think your ped gave good advice about doing what it takes to get sleep. We watched the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD (Who has time to read the book) and it was very helpful and effective. (I highly recommend it) Our daughter slept in her swing and swaddled for her first three months and now at 11 mos. she is a great sleeper in her own crib in her own room.

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E.B.

answers from Bakersfield on

One of the hardest things to do when they are babies is to let them cry. We taught our three children to sleep on their own by letting them cry themselves to sleep. It may sound harsh, but it doesn't take long for them to realize they just need to fall asleep on their own. All three of them took just a couple times (and yes sometimes they cry a long time, self control is the key!) and they learned. I now have three loving, respectful children 15, 12 and 9. When you take control as a parent, respect them, love them and discipline them, they will love and respect you back - it is a beautiful thing! -- E.

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L.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.,
My daughter, who will be 3 in a few weeks, was exactly the same. I ended up napping with her and co-sleeping for about 3 months. She REFUSED to be in her bassinet at all. I used the bassinet that came with the pack-n-play instead. I HIGHLY recommend reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth to understand biological sleep rhythms. It will help you identify when your daughter's are evolving/maturing. Your main objective at this time is to keep your daughter as well rested as possible, what ever it takes. Try getting her back sleep within 2 hours of waking. Now is the time to establish a nap and bedtime routine. Darken the rooms and play some soft music. Our bedtime routine at this age included bath, bottle, rocking and music in a darken room. I suggest getting a white noise machine to muffle noises. As she gets older, around 3-4 months old, you should notice longer night sleep followed by the evolution of the morning nap around 9am. The afternoon naps around 1pm and 4pm follow. Dr. Weissbluth is very adamant about the need for an early bedtime in ALL children for the best possible, restorative sleep. I know that my daughter has always slept better and longer with less nightwaking when she has an early bedtime. For now, do whatever it takes for her to rest and be patient. She will mature and be able to sleep on her own in the near future. Enjoy this time, I still miss having my daughter sleeping on me sometimes. :)
Sincerely,
L.

PS Email me if you have questions or just want more info on Dr. Weissbluth's methods.

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B.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I have a 5 week old baby boy who does the same thing. I too am a first time mom. I feel the same way about getting him to sleep on his own. From what others have told me its ok to let them sleep with you the first months. And then last week I discovered the boppy pillow. Have you tried a boppy pillow? My son will sleep in a boppy pillow for ay least 30 minutes. So this week I have been able to get some things done.

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M.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I think that your pediatrician is right. You have to get from one day to the next. Do what you think makes sense at the time, and give the amount of energy you have. You will hear stories from friends about "sleep training" and all kinds of techiques that worked with their kids. YOu can try them and see if they work, and you can choose to skip them if they sound harsh to you. Remember: every child is different, every family is different. Don't let your friends tell you to do this or that and make you feel like you've done something wrong and broken your child's ability to sleep. That's all silliess. My son didn't sleep more than 3 hours w/o waking up until he was well over a year. I thought I would jump out of a window. I was nursing him overnight and that contributed to it, but also it was in his nature to be wakeful at that age. You just can't control everything. Around 18 months he got to 4 or 5 hours, and little by little better and better, and now he's no problem (5 yrs). That may sound like eternity, but it isn't.

Concrete advice - try to little by little to get enough distance from your baby so that you can sleep. This may be only a few inches. Try to make your middle of the night 'routine' as minimal as possible. Absolutely ap/sleep when the baby does - do't miss a moment of sleep for yourself. But don't ask your friends for advice unless you're in the mood to hear it.

All kids have things that they do and don't cooperate with. My so had the greatest persoality and was totally easy, aside from the sleep, which almost killed me. Other people's kids slept well but had allergiies, etc. Every child has its challeges - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Just get to tomorrow!

Good luck -
M.

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L.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Here's what helped my son. He always had issues with falling asleep, and still does (he turns 4 next Tuesday).
1. The Miracle Blanket. I know it's expensive, but it's magic.
2. Happiest Baby on the Block. This guy knows what he's talking about.
3. Swing. We never had a swing, but that's the only place he would sleep at day care. For our next child we will have one.
4. Tune a radio to static for white noise. We kept doing that for the longest time.
Our son was sleeping through the night at 11 weeks. Before that, it was a struggle, but the above items helped for naps too. good luck!

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L.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi,
I'm also a first time mommy to a baby girl that is now almost 5 months old. I had the same issue when she was born. My husband and I just co-slept with her for the first month or so. We purchased a secure sleeper by First Years. It's basically like a baby bed put on top of your bed. Place it in the middle of your bed so she sleeps with you and your husband. Your baby just needs the security of being close to her mom and/or dad. After a few days or weeks, try putting her on her own bed. The transition will be better. I hope this helps you.

D.M.

answers from San Francisco on

This time passes so quickly, C., and before you know it she will be a big girl. My husband used to tease me because my tummy was my daughters bed and my breasts were her pillow. I miss those days so much, as I am at this moment up preparing for her 3rd birthday party tomorrow. We spend so much time wanting them to get to the next stage and worrying whether they are "on track". But please, just enjoy each and every precious moment she is in your arms, for time passes much too quickly, and we simply cannot get it back once it's gone.

Just my 2 cents.

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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter is the same age. We are going through the same thing. Our little girl will not sleep in the bed. My husband and I take turns sleeping in a recliner.
If she will co-sleep, stick with what works.

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H.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Babies this young do not learn a "habit." (I have a degree in Early Childhood Development)So, please continue to reject the "spoling" idea.

As for sleeping, my son slept less than any other baby I've ever heard of and he creid constantly. It is true that you should do whatever you have to to get some sleep. What worked for our son might sound strange, but it worked better than anything else, try and see if you get success...

1. We swaddled him very tightly. He screamed while we did it, but he was more confortable wrapped tight.

2. We soothed him to quiet by using the "Happiest Baby" techniques (rocking, jiggling, shhshing, etc.)

3. Once he was asleep we placed him in his swing with his pacifier "locked in." (We just bought the Graco Sweet Peace swing for our baby due in 2 weeks. It comes with a swaddle blanket that lets you strap the baby in safley while swaddled, it would have been very helpful for our son.)

4. We played static on an old, tiny, protable radio. The static was kind of loud and seemed really biizzare, but it helped him stay asleep. The radio we had was perfect because it was only 2 1/2 by 5 inches and the batteries would last for a very long time.

As long as the swing was moving, he had his paci, he was swaddled tight and he had his staic he would finally stay asleep for 2 hours at a time and then three and then 4 and so on.

He is almost 3 years now and he is an excellent sleeper. We eventually transfered him to his crib at around 6 months and then got him falling asleep on his own at 13 months. Ever since then, he sleeps more than any of his same age friends and he does so without swaddling or static (LOL).

I really feel that he just needed that re-creation of the womb to feel comfortable, like Harvey Karp from "Happiest Baby" always says.

Good luck to you!

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S.B.

answers from Sacramento on

My 2 1/2 year old son did the same thing. I slept in the living room on the couch with him for two months. He slept across my chest or beside me for easy nursing. I look back and am thankful that I had that time with him. They grow up so fast. Take Care

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L.A.

answers from San Francisco on

I had always believed children should sleep in their own beds. I don't anymore. Almost 10 years ago my husband and I found ourselves raising our youngest grandson (3 months old at the time)because his mother didn't want him. We held him almost constantly using a Bjorn carrier and later an REI backpack with stand. We had a protable crib which we kept next to our bed for nighttime. Ryan would sleep fine until feeding time (1-2 AM) at which point we would shift him to our bed for feeding. He always finished the night in our bed. Wheh he got to the point he could climb out of his crib, he would climb in bed with us. At 18 months we purchased a "flintstone" syle bed and put him in his own room down the hall. He would go to sleep ok, but around 2 AM would come in and climb into bed with us. As he got older the frequency of his nocturnal bed shifting ended on its own. He was 6 the last time he crawled in with us, and then only occasionally. He is a well adjusted, loving and happy child who knows that our home is a safe loving place for him. It isn't difficult to sleep with a small child until they get older. Boy do they move around when they sleep! Try putting a portable crib or bassinett next to your bed, within arms reach. Perhaps, like our experience, she'll spend some time on her own and some in your bed. Your little girl will be grown before you know it. She'll be out of your bed and in her own at her pace but I disagree withforcing the issue with a baby. Good luck!

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C.B.

answers from Stockton on

Try not to worry. I have two babies...one is 21 months a boy and the other is a 6 month old girl. My girl did not want to be put down for months. So, guess what I sat up and we both slept. Your doc is right do whatever it takes to get some sleep. Now my girl sleeps in a pack and play in our room and then in our bed when she wakes up for a bottle. Things do get easier I promise. Enjoy...they are so little for such a short time.

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C.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Co-sleep while you can. It's a great connection builder. I co-slept with both my girls and miss that now (they're 7 and 9)

Your dr. is right. You can't spoil at this age.

Enjoy it while you can.

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I.F.

answers from Stockton on

Hi C., I really think 7 weeks is old enough to start sleeping on her own. The books and doctors often say, just give her a few days. Of course, it will not work right away. Babies feel more safe sleeping with their parents. But you need to be strong. Let her cry, look at the clock, it should not be more that 10 minutes when she calms down. And you need to be consistant with it: If you put her down in her bed, you need to do it for the night and for the naps. In few days you`ll see she should get use to "her own place". Just be patient and give it a time. I know it is hard, but as older she gets as harder it will be. With my experience 3-7 minutes is always enough for them, they don`t cry longer.
Good luck!

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B.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.,

This is a very hard time when the baby is so young. I would have to agree with the doctor on this one as well. It is nice that your doctor is giving you this advice. I would have to say that mine didn't give me this advice. He told me that under no circumstances should I co sleep. With my first son this filled me with fear. I was afraid that if I did and something happened that I would never be able to live with myself. So it was months of sleepless nights. I would get up sometimes every hour to feed and go in his room to nurse and it was just so hard. When my second son was born my first was only 2 and he wouldn't sleep in his bassinet and finally I had to decide that my sanity wasn't worth listening to the doctor and I listened to myself. My friends all told me that I shouldn't do it that he wouldn't ever sleep on his own etc. Well, I will tell you what I did and how it worked.

I had a co sleeper and I would nurse him and he would fall right to sleep next to me and I would sleep, which was wonderful. Like others said make the middle of the night very uneventful, which is much easier if they are right next to you and can just nuzzle up and nurse. I didn't turn on lights to change him. I had everything right there at hand and would change him on my bed. Then after a week or two I would nurse and he would fall asleep and I would gently slide him into the co sleeper and he would sleep part of the night there and later with me. This continued until he would sleep more and more and I could actually eventually slide him directly there and he would sleep all night. Now naps he would sleep on me while I wore him in a baby bijorn and that was another issue (my other son wouldn't let him be...long story, but this eventually got better too.) Now is the very cool part. I put him into his crib in his room at 4 months and he had no issue at all. Funny how all my friends were wrong. He is the best sleeping little guy. He is 6 years old now and never has had any sleep issues.

So what I would like to repeat that I have read on here is that every child is different and every family is different and while it might take you some practice you need to find a way to listen to what works for you and your family and do what you need to do to get some sleep. Love your child and everything will be ok. I hope this helped. And Good Luck!

B.

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B.J.

answers from Stockton on

Hi C.,
I have a 10 month baby girl and I co-sleep with her still and I enjoy every minute of it. They are only a baby for a short time. i ignore those that want to tell me what's best for me and my child when they don't like the way I do things. My Aunt sent me "The Baby Book" by Sears and Sears. they are a married couple with 14 or so kids. Their book talks about "attachment parenting" and all the benefits that come from it. A lot of people from my parents era will tell you not to hold your child when she cries but to let her comfort herself. Dr. Sears says that all you're teaching your baby is that crying(the only way a baby can communicate with you)won't get your attention... Sears also says that your baby will sleep better too when she sleeps with you. for nine months she was listening to your voice, heartbeat and breathing rythyms...it soothed her to sleep. sears also states that when a mother breathes on her baby, the baby will take in bigger breaths and will be less likely to die from SIDS. your baby's sleeping pattern will fall into line with yours too etc, etc..... it really has a lot of good info on everything and anything during the baby stages. Sears and his wife also have a toddler book and other young children stages too.

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D.S.

answers from Stockton on

Hi Carman
what your baby girl is saying is she wants to be next to you both and there is nothing wrong with that there are so many Parents that think they should put there baby in a crib all by himself or herself what babies need is to hear the sound of moms heart beat the love they feel by there mothers touch when they nurse there not to be put in a swing and left alone which is all I have been seeing lately I am a proud Mother of 4 wonde4rful children and I as a mother couldn't put my baby in there own bed
there is a bond that happens between all of you your focus should be on relaxing and just being with your baby your a new mommy don't rush the baby in a crib thing be grateful because some day she'll grow up and you'll never have that again if you start putting her by herself
my 4 children who ages are 12 11 9 7 all slept with us we have a wonderful bond they walk up to and still give us hugs and kisses yes in public to I am just finding it so hard to read all theses parents and how they want there baby to sleep next to them or in another room it makes my heart sad to hear
yes you have a family now be one and not separated
Danielle

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

She is way to young to force the issue. she feels safe when she is with you. So safe that is the only way she can sleep. To a baby mom is the best thing in teh wolrd and the only thing they want. Do what you have to do right know to sleep. when she hits 2 months try again. My son co slept with us until he was 6 months old and then we put him in his crib. Now at 10 months he well only sleep in his crib. It well get better and these days well pass. And guess what you well miss it when it is gone. Yes you well be better rested but i miss taking afternoon naps cuddleing with my baby.
A.

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D.T.

answers from San Francisco on

C.,
Congratulations on your baby girl! Our baby boy was the same. He hated the bassinet and the snuggle nest in the bed. He wanted to be held, nursed and rocked all the time. Remember that your baby only knows being inside of you. Being connected to you 24/7. That is ALL she knows. She does not want separation and shouldn't be separated this young. Wear her in a sling. The bjorn is upright. She is young for that and chiropractors don't like them b/c it forces their growing pelvis apart. Try a new native carrier or maya wrap so she is reclined on you. Try lying down in bed with her and nurse her to sleep. She will eventually fall asleep in a bouncer, car seat, bassinet,etc. Try making the bassinet more cozy with positioners. My baby hated back sleeping so I put him on his side with bumpers to wedge him so he couldn't roll onto his tummy. He was more comfortable that way. Also try swaddling! Babies love it. It mimics the womb. Enjoy this time with her. Soon enough she will want her independence and you will miss these times.
D.

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A.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C., Congrats on your new baby girl!

You've rec'd a lot of good advice already. I am in the same boat as the other moms who do not believe in Cry It Out. I don't judge those who do and have friends who have done that and have been successful. Occasionally they still have to comfort their own, like when they are teething or are sick. I just opt to not have my baby cry very much. I also agree that you can't spoil a baby.

We cosleep with our 6 month old at night. The bed is a little cramped, but we make it work. I tend to get more sleep that way so I don't have to wake up completely to nurse. We do have him nap in his own room now in his crib so that he feels comfortable in his own room (started this at around 3 months). Some babies will sleep through the night early, and some take a longer time. If you can deal with it, keep sleeping (safely) with your baby. If its not working out for you and your family, you can try sleep training. But most Dr.'s say sleep training starts best around 3-4 months.

Regarding sleep training, I have read all the books that have been mentioned in this forum and a few others. I really liked Dr. Sears' The Baby Book and Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. This book helps you to understand some facts about sleep, like when natural sleep rhythms occur for babies. Both are available at libraries if you dont want to buy them. Don't do what I did and read 6 books. Find one you like and stick with it, otherwise, you'll over analyze like I did.

Good luck to you!
A.

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J.K.

answers from Fresno on

The ped is wrong you can absolutely spoil her. Spoiling is just a learned habit which she has already done with sleeping. Having her sleep with you would be great except it will be harder to get her out of your bed later than having her learn the habit now. Put her in her crib and just leave her there with a stuffed animal or something and some low volume relaxing music or ocean sounds. When she is 5 and still in your bed and you or your husband are sleeping on the couch it swill be much harder.

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N.C.

answers from Sacramento on

she is definately too young to learn to sleep on her own. She is not able to self soothe. I find what wakes up my 2 month old, when she falls asleep on me and i'm trying to put her in her cradle, is the snuggle feeling. She goes from being cuddled to laying flat on her back. Try swaddling her and hold her til she falls asleep and then try transferring her. It may just be she likes to be cuddled and the swadling will help, good luck

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

HI, C.,
I would not stress over the issue. Do what works for you, but don't worry too much. Kids will eventually sleep on their own. Right now I co-sleep with my 3 month old AND my three year old! Both love being close to us and though I have tried having my 3 year old in his own bed, he wakes up several times a night and can't fall back asleep. So he ends up back in our bed. I am not worried, as I know the time will come when he is comfortable on his own. Relax and enjoy this time with your baby. it will go by too fast!

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E.E.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi C.. I remember my daughter was like this at first. She would fall asleep in my arms and I would try to gently lay her in her crib. It's like she had some sort of crib radar or something because every time I even came close to the crib she would wake up and cry. I held her and co-slept with her at first. I was totally sleep deprived and desperate. An older and wiser mom gave me a book, On Becoming Baby Wise by Buchnam and Ezzo. It helped me help my daughter develop healthy sleep patterns and she was sleeping in her crib happily (without crying) in three days. If you are ready to help your little bundle learn to sleep, because learning to sleep on your own is a skill and doesn't come naturally to all babies, I would recommend reading this book. It's an easy read and is full of just about everything you need to know. I think it's really the only baby book needed. I could tell you what I did but I would just be reciting the book to you. Best of luck to you and your sweet baby.

E.

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G.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I slept with my son for the first 4-5 months. Like your daughter, my son would not sleep in a crib, bassinet, swing, etc. I did not feel safe co-sleeping so I slept on the couch with him which was easiest for me - I was breast feeding. This worked for us - we were all able to get some sleep. At around 5-6 months I decided it wasn't working anymore. I felt he was ready to sleep in his crib and I was ready to have some alone, adult time in the evening. I looked at the different methods for having your child sleep through the night, picked the one that made the most sense to me and committed to stick with it. It took about 2 weeks and ever since my son will sleep through the night with no problems. We let him sleep with us now every once in a while and we never have any problems with him going back to his bed. I think the key was doing what we felt was best and sticking with it. Not feeling we needed to do things the way are friends, family or peers did them. Good Luck!

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C.P.

answers from San Francisco on

When we had our first son he slept with us few about 2 weeks until I was so tired from not sleep for fear of one of us rolling over on him, or him getting lost in blankets. Some one gave me this trick because everytime I put him in his bassinet he would wake up.

Put a heating pad under her blankets in her bassinett and warm her blankets (turn it off when you put her in the bessinett) but sometimes when she is cuddled in your warm body and you put her in a bed with cold blankets it can wake her up. Also put one of your t-shirts in the bed with her either under her or as a blanket - she needs your smell and to know that you are there.

These things worked for us, I hope they help! Good Luck!

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

You've received a lot of great advice so far. I am wondering what YOU want though. Co sleeping, Bjrons, are all wonderful but if you aren't getting enough sleep or it isn't what you want you might try something the following to give you some rest too. I'm a pretty light sleeper and needed to sleep or nap on my own sometimes too. I'd start out holding my baby and then once she was fast asleep (deep sleep) I'd move her. Here's how to do it: Once she is alseep and not stirring raise her arm and let it fall back down a few inches to see if it is completely limp. If it's not, wait a few more minutes and try again. Once her arm is limp (indicating she's in a pretty deep sleep) slowly try moving her to her bassinet or crib or bouncy, wherever you'd like her to sleep that is safe. It may take some practice to get it down but this may give you a little break and help her to learn to sleep with and without you. Take Care!

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Our daughter absolutely refused the bassinet, but had no problems with a crib, so at 2 weeks old she started sleeping in a crib.

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S.M.

answers from Stockton on

There is a lot of advice out there so trust your instinct and do what you feel is right. A lot of it is feeling it out.
I read many books on sleep...to "cry it out" or "no cry." I opted for no cry - cosleep. That worked best for my baby, and for me. I know of babies who don't want to sleep with mom, and their mom's just knew that was best because the baby would fuss.
Also get Happiest Baby On the Block...that book SAVED us!!! Everything he said was right on. We also got the swaddle blanket/wrap things from BabiesRUs, and those were awesome.

Thatcher still cosleeps with us, which I get "advised" on daily from many people. But it works for us. I remember a couple of weeks in the beginning that I slept on the reclinere with him on my chest because that was the only way we both could get sleep. He is 6 mo now, and he sleeps fine 99% of the time. Last night I had him sleep on my chest in bed cuz he had gas, and after it passed and he fell into a deep sleep I just rolled him over and we both slept fine.
There is no right way to do this, just do what feels right to you!
Good Luck!

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J.M.

answers from Fresno on

I usually don't respond (just enjoy reading), but I think my perspective is a little different, so I thought I'd throw it out there. My daughter is 13 months old, and I just now feel like it's time for her to sleep on her own (she is sound asleep in her crib as I write). Before now, she just seemed so little and helpless, I couldn't imagine her sleeping in her own space. I wanted her to start her life feeling secure and safe, and one of the ways I wanted to provide that for her was by being there for her, right next to her, when she slept~ btw, she started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Now she is a toddler and things have changed~ including the fact she can communicate with me better and needs a different sleeping schedule than me. What's the rush? They are only this little once, my theory is enjoy it while it lasts... just a thought

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A.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.,

When my son was this age he was the same way. I would swaddle him when I could and this helped. He also loved to sleep in his car seat with a receiving blanket tucked around his tummy and legs. This really helped us all to get some rest. I did this at night and during the day after he had fallen asleep nursing in my arms. I'm sure that you don't have a lot of time to read, but a good book is the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. She focuses on teaching your baby to sleep independently. It really helped me. I struggled with getting my son to sleep without me until he was almost 7 months. He is now sleeping on his own and we are all doing great. Good luck and try to get some rest.

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A.T.

answers from San Francisco on

Good luck! I have a 10 year old who still sleeps with me! Don't think that I have not tried everything either. It started out with the co-sleeping while breast feeding and it has not stopped. I have a 20 year old daughter who would be still sleeping with me if I let her. She was also a co-sleeper. My 21 year old son started out from birth sleeping in his crib and he was the only child who never wanted to sleep with mommy. I guess if it gets every to sleep, go for what you know!

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I had the same issue. Our little girl would only sleep on someone from day 1. She slept in our arms and sling and also in our arms in a rocker, which we put in the family room. I would set up a whole thing next to the rocker (water, tv remote, books, magazines, phone, snacks) since I spent a lot of time there with her on my chest. At 5 months we did sleep training, which involved letting her cry it out. It was difficult, but had to be done for my sanity. She was also able to roll to her tummy at this time, which she much prefers for sleep. I really tried to cherish that quiet connection time together, but it was very overwhelming. Now I miss it, of course! Anyways, I highly recommend the book The Sleep Easy Solution by Jill Spivack. It really helped us.

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi,
Here's our story...the plan was for the new baby to sleep in an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper(the one that is connected to, but separate from the parnet's bed)...but, I would nurse the baby to sleep and he would wake up if we tried to put him in it...but he would stay asleep if I nursed him in our bed and let him stay sleeping next to me, with a long bumper pillow along the side of the bed so he would not fall out. During the day it was pretty much the same thing- he would fall asleep nursing and would wake up if I tried to put him down...so I would just make sure to set up the nursing on the couch, so I could read/sleep/watch netflix/use the laptop/have water on hand/cell phone within reach...the baby and I spent a lot of QT on that couch...
At first I was nervous about co-sleeping, but found that I was super aware of his presence and it was actually easier for the middle of the night feeds. This went on till he was 4 1/2 months...then we tried the Co-Sleeper again- I would nurse him to sleep, then put him in the Co-sleeper and he would stay asleep! For the 5/6am wake up feed, I would nurse him again in our bed and he would then fall asleep in our bed with me till 9am...allowing me to sleep in:)
At 7 months the same thing was happening, although we had to sub out the Co-Sleeper(he was learning to pull up and there was a fall risk) and start using the Pak N' Play in our room next to our bed. At 11 months, we moved houses and decided it was the right time to move him into his own room and into a real crib. It worked!!! We got our bed/room/good sleep back entirely!!!
Good luck:)
-Wendy

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E.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi,
Dr. Sears has a lot of advice on the topic. A great book is The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears. We had the same issue with our little girl (she is now 5 months). Don't dispair! She sleeps on her own now for the most part. One day, she just started doing it (around 4 months). I kept trying a couple of times a week and one day it just worked. I still co-sleep, but am able to put her down for naps and in bed before I go to sleep. Hang with it. She is so little, and it is a great bonding measure! I actually ended up loving co-sleeping. I hope that you resist the cry it out theory. She is communicating the only way she knows how. Everything cleared up when I did the elimination diet and figured out what she was allergic too. Good luck!

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E.G.

answers from San Francisco on

I have a 5 month old who was very similar to this. He has started to sleep more on his own in the last month or so. I was dismayed at first because my first child did not do this, in fact he slept through the night at 10 weeks and was in his own room at 4 months. With this one, he started to go backward at 10 weeks and needed more cuddling and nursing at night. I fought it at first, but then became exhausted and gave up. That's when I read a few books and learned that all babies are different and some need more "night time parenting", as Dr. Sears puts it, than others. So I relaxed and went with my new little guy's cues and even learned to enjoy the cuddles with out worry that we'd be doing that until he is 10. Now, I'm a little sad to give it up as he's started sleeping through the night. My pediatrician says it's just what he needed. Again, every kid is different and a relaxed parent who can pick up on their kid's cues is, in the end, a relaxed parent. HTH.

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J.G.

answers from San Francisco on

my daughter also would not sleep in her bassinet EVER! Which was in my room so she slept with me until she was 8 months old. But I could get her nap when she was a little older in her crib with one of my tshirts. someone told me that they want to be near us and that they can smell when we are not around and to try putting a a pillow case or tshirt in the crib with her so that she smells you. this worked for napping during the day but not at night. Maybe this would work for you. good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Sacramento on

My daugher had the same problem. She was in the Bjorn all day and in my arms in a rocking chair almost all night. By 8 months, she was sleeping 2 hours straight by herself, and her naps were at most 1 hour long in the Bjorn. By age 2, she was sleeping 3 hours straight at a time. By 3, she was sleeping 4 hours straight. It wasn't until she was 4-1/2 that she slept for 6 hours straight.

It was due to a number of reasons. She had colic, which means the doctor doesn't know why the baby is crying. Most kids have colic because of bloated gas in their tummies. But, our little girl had acid reflux which made it hard to burp her. So, the doctor told us to tilt her crib so the acid would drain down her esophagus. He also put my little girl on Zantac which helped a lot. On top of that, it turned out later when my little girl could talk that she told me what she was irritated about. She told me she had stomach aches after she drank milk (I was drinking milk and nursing). The other problem was that she had a sensory disorder called "tactile sensitivities" (i.e. her diapers felt like it was burning/itching her really badly even thought she never got diaper rashes). She now absolutely hates wearing socks and the tags on her shirt bothers her to the point of screaming and throwing a fit on the ground. We've checked with allergists and they couldn't find anything related to the itch, but we did find some food allergies which were not related. There are many types of sensory disorders, but my daugher's type requires occupational therapy.

My daughter is now 7 and has developed into a very loving and caring person. She hugs and cradles her baby sister all the time. Her sensory disorder has lessoned thanks to her therapist and we try to avoid things that she's allergic to to prevent acid reflux and stomach aches.

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J.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Dear C.,

Listen to your ped's advice. We had a hard time,too with our son (now 15 months old). He slept on me or in my arms or anywhere on me (bjorn, ergo, sling) until he was 3months of age and over 12lbs.By then, I had enough and he did, too - he was ready to be more independent - I was really able to tell by then. I then put him in his own bed (very cushy organic mattress, bumper, sheets, blankets etc.) on a schedule and after 1 day of adjustment and a max of 15 minutes crying before falling a sleep he slept like a baby is suposed to sleep. :-) Sometimes babies don't sleep well if they are cold - always check the hands, those are good indicators. Hope this helps. J.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

My son did the same thing when we brought him home. He would not sleep in the bassinet at all. I ended up returning it. We had everything, the bassinet, the crib the changing table and we only used the crib. He would sleep in the crib in the morning and afternoon naps and sometimes at night. I did let him sleep with us and he is now 6 and very healthy, loves to be in his own room and closes the door when he wants to be alone, and occasionally sleeps with us!!

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

C.,

Congratulations on your baby!I suggest getting The Happiest Baby On The Block. By Harvey Karp. Excellent book with lots of great tips for getting sleep patterns and soothing baby. Swaddle her, give her a pacifier, make shushing sounds and swing her side to side for a few minutes-- it will trigger her calming reflex-then put her in the basinette.

Good luck!

Molly

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M.H.

answers from San Francisco on

When you think about it, for 9 months the baby is inside mom, warm and hearing the heartbeat. Then the baby is born and expected to sleep alone. Enjoy the closeness and time you can spend with your baby making her feel secure.

As the mother of two teenagers, the time really goes fast, even if it sometimes feels like it drags on. Your child won't sleep with you forever. With my kids, if they felt insecure, even as they got older, we let them sleep with us. We did help them get to sleep in their own rooms with bedtime stories, and laying down with them till they fell asleep.

For the most part, we all got enough sleep. I think as they become teenagers, that is where you really lose sleep. Enjoy the precious time you have now. Don't feel pressured by others to conform to a "norm".

M.

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N.G.

answers from Fresno on

First of all, congratulations! My "baby girl" is in college...and it seems like yesterday that I was also exhausted...it goes so quickly so enjoy every minute! I agree with your doctor that you need to do whatever it takes to get some sleep. If that means co-sleeping, the glider, carseat, whatever. We had a similar problem and I was able to place my daughter in her bed for naps, and then gradually get her to go in it over time. She didn't ever like the bassinet - but didn't mind the crib as much- so we switched to that. I was a working mom, so the non-stop crying at night was not going to work. On the weekends I tried to let her cry a while, as long as she was fed, dry, etc....and I knew she was safe. She eventually began to enjoy her bed and we got through it. She was about 12 weeks old when we had her exclusively in her bed. I also may suggest a t-shirt, or something with your scent on it in her bed....she may just be having a little seperation anxiety. We also had a musical mobile on the crib and I think that helped as well. Good luck and sweet dreams!

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C.K.

answers from Stockton on

My babygirl did not like the her little bed either, but then I found out it was becuase she had acid reflux and did not sleep well laying flat. We held her a lot and then ended up co-sleeping because she would wake up choking from acidy spit up. We tried proping her up in her bouncer and the car seat but that angle was not comphy for her either. She is now 16-months old and still sleeps with us, but we love it. She is out only child. I hope you get some sleep!!

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