7 Month Old Would Rather Have Maternal Grandma

K.~
I am a grand mother of a 16 month old and she does the same thing with me. I have learned to have her mother or father get her attention in another room before I leave and then slip out.
Its so much easier and makes for a better visit on my daughters part. Good luck!

K.,
I too have a great mother who is around my 3 kids weekly. I stay home with them too. With your baby girl, it could just be someone different in her day to see. She is old enough to understand the daily routine and to expect your ever present faithfulness in her day. Maybe grandma is just a special visitor for her and she enjoys that change. She can probably anticipate the approx times your mom will arrive. Before breakfast or after her feeding in the afternoon. I love having my mom close and she helps me so much, but I have limited our time with her to 1-3 days a week or so. It gives my kids a chance to really save up and helps me feel more needed and in control of daily decisions about them. Mom's are in a hard place between the intricate boundaries with our own mothers and our children's perception and relationship with their grandmother. I would say limit your mom's visiting to at least 1 time a day. Just change your routine, like an outing during her morning visit or something not to hurt her feelings. If you need more ideas, I am full of them. Lord bless your quest for feeling the most important. I surely understand.
C.

I think you are BOTH totally normal! :)

Of course, it's normal for your DD to really like going to your mom -- if she's anything like my mom, my DD adores them and always has fun with them. Also, she is at that age where she is really starting to open up and notice the world around her. And since she's likely with you more, grandparents are a novelty!

Also, I do think it's normal for you to feel a little jealous or possessive. That's YOUR baby, after all! I'm sure especially with nursing you two have formed a strong bond. So seeing her want anyone but you at this point can absolutely be a little disconcerting! You're a human and you have feelings, too - so kudos to you for recognizing that and not letting things get out of control.

Big picture - this is a good thing. You and DD will always have strong ties to one another; that goes without saying. Also, as she gets bigger she will have another woman in her life who she feels comfortable with and who can be a role model to her in her own special way. And honestly, what more could we want for our children?

Hang in there! And don't feel guilty or selfish. I truly think all of this is a natural thing and part of the parenting process.

Happiness in all in the attitude. I have 2 year old grandtwins in another state. The twins have a neighbor who calls herself "their Grammy". I could be jealous because some on my other grandchildren call me "Grammy". My daughter was laughing when she told me that she was playing with her twins, the neighbor walked in, and the children ran to "their Grammy". She thought, "What am I? Chopped liver?" Anyway, we are both grateful that the twins are loved very much. Your child will not abandon you even as she builds an emotionsal support group and becomes independent.

That is totally normal. Think about it, for all those month baby has spent all her time with you. She has everything about you memerized by now and wants to learn new people and things. That was about the age both of mine started wanting Daddy more. I felt jealous too. It's ok, she is still yours. She will want you when it matters.

I wouldn't let it get to you... it could be a million things.. and all most wonderful. Your little one has a healthy attachment and to a loving person.. your mom is an outside joy that she may look forward too... count this as a blessing for when you do have to go out and need childcare. also.... this does not indicate that your little one doesn't love you more.... it is most likely that she recognizes you as a constant and this is a good thing b/c it means she realizes you don't leave often or if you do it is not for a great length of time. SO NO FRETTING.. just be glad her attachment is to a loving nutring person...
..and remember she is more attached to you as most children are to thier mothers.
and on a footnote.. my little one cries when daddy leaves, is easier to calm when my father sings to her and smiles when we get to my in laws home... but she stays glued to me at other times... i am just thankful she loves all of us..because we sure do love her

Girl, don't worry. You're not a bad mommy and your baby loves you!! My DD is the same way. They learn very early on who their grandma and grandpa are and for whatever reason they seem to be partial to them! I felt the same way you do for a while until I realized, hey, I was the same way when I was little.

I think it's just normal, although it's sad for us! :-(

kassi honey,

both feelings are normal. It is completely normal to feel a little jealous that we are no longer the center of our parents universe. I was 32 when my son was born and I still felt those old jealously monsters. As for your daughter. She is starting to realize there are other people in the world and your Mom is one of them. She knows she is loved and wants MORE!!!! . It doesn't mean she loves you less, it means she is growing and realizing she has more people in her life and her heart is growing. How fabulous that your mom has an interest in your daughter. My son is at my parents again this weekend. He ran out the door friday laughing. What a precious gift, this time with their grandparents. ENJOY IT. Use that time to sneak off and take a bath or little nap. Hope it gets better

I would just count your blessings that your mother and daughter are close and hope they stay that way for life.

K.,
Since you are a stay at home mom - your daughter is always with you. She doesn't have much opportunity to miss you like she does her grandma. I remember feeling the same way when my oldest was young and he wanted my mom. Don't worry you are number one to her and always will be. Don't take it personally. It is good for her to have bonds with people other than you, but there won't be a stronger one than the two of you have.

although you may not realize it staying at home with a new baby stresses any parent out.... your mother being a teacher is used to dealing with children all the time and considering that she doesn't have your daughter all the time she is spending her downtime with your daughter she isn't stressed at all when she is around your daughter you on the other hand have started to tense up when your mom is around because your are jealous of the situation... kids sense stress... you need t just relax your daughter loves you she just doesn't see your mom all the time like she sees you it's like a break in her routine for her enjoy the moments when they come b/c hey will be few and far between here on out....

maybe plan some mommy and me things for you and your daughter... if you think the bond you have formed needs to be stronger

you and your daughter are going to be fine.You need to relax honey,thats GRANDMA!!!My kids were the same way.I think sometimes a child can sense the age and experience of our mothers.Children can also sense stress from their mother.Have you been stressed out lately?Mabe that has something to do with it.But for the most part,,,I think this is VERY normal,,even your feelings!! Don't fret,,YOUR DAUGHTER LOVES YOU GIRL!!!

She is at the age where seperation anxiety is just beginning. Very soon, you won't even be able to leave the room to use the restroom without her lying outside the door crying like the world just came to an end.
What you are feeling is normal and I'm sure that every mom has felt a little jealous. Use the time when your mom drops by! Have her play with the baby while you go put laundry away or do something else that needs to be done. Then when you are alone with the baby you'll have more special play time with her and there will be one less chore to worry about later.

Oh girl...{{{K.}}}}

Be happy that your baby & mom have already developed a bond so close. You are your baby's momma & always will be. That bond can not be broken. Your baby will bond with many people in her life. Cherish those people. My mom & dad live about 2 hours away so my kids don't get the daily bonding with her. I miss that. I know she does.

Hope this helps....

I personally think that at 7 months, she thinks of you as an extension of herself and since you are always with you, she hasn't had much of an opportunity to "miss" you. She sees this (I am guessing here) fun, exciting person who comes in every day who is just focused on her and making her smile. You have her to care for as well as the laundry, cleaning and cooking. But if you were leaving her every day, she would absolutely be crying for you. She is very secure in your love and consistentcy. My advice is just enjoy that someone else is loving and adding to your little one's life. You are your baby's ALL right now. Your mom is just a fun addition. Don't let it get you down....

Hugs,
bec (an experienced mommy)

Honey,
this is so normal....just be so thankful that she is close to your mom....she will be able to help you out so much...there will come a time that you will be glad that she loves to be with your mom...you will want a break, and if she is clinging to you all the time, you won't be able to leave her with anyone...trust me...this will work out fine...it is okay for her to love your mom and want to be held by her...she is with you all the time, but it is special when your mom comes by...it is a treat for her...my little grandaughter use to cry when i would have to leave..i would have to sneak out of the house to keep her from crying...just enjoy this special time and don't worry about her wanting to be with your mom...

it's probably just because she sees you all day, and it's something new to see her grandma. she's probably about to start going through separation anxiety and if you never leave her, she can't go through it with you, so maybe that's why she's doing it with grandma. i'm sure if you left her, she'd do the same thing. plus, i think they know grandmas give them anything they want, don't have many rules, etc. even though she's young, she's probably already figuring it out. just wait till she's older...they know how to act differently when grandparents are around, lol. just enjoy that they're so close, and i wouldn't worry about it. good luck!

You need to give your daughter a hand clap for being normal. Don't be jealous at all. Just be glad she wants someone besides you while she is sick. I assure you that you're #1 in Andee's life. Babies change so fast. Next month she may not want your mother at all, or maybe she still will. Never know what their little mind is going to do. I sub for the Blackwell schools so I'm around children who respond lovingly and excitedly to me in public. I see jealous looks from parents, but I know that I'm just a welcome change in their day. My mom is a teacher too. My little ones run right past me to her also. She just has this child magnet voice and actions that draws them. It's OK, they need all the adult love they can get.

A close bond with a grandparent is one of the best gifts you can offer your child. try to work through your feelings of jealousy and continue to offer this joyfully to your baby.

I can totally understand how you feel. My little girl who is now 2 yrs old stays with my mom while I work. I am totally grateful to my mom because it saves us a ton of money not having to pay for daycare but I did go thru what you are going thru. She is with my mom and dad so much that she sometimes doesn't want to leave their house or wants to leave with them when they leave our house. It is still hard to get used to but I try to look at it and appreciate that she gets to have such loving grandparents and will truly know them. Some kids don't have that and I would much rather her have them in her lives and I just have to think of it that way when my feelings are a little hurt. If you think it is interfeering with your schedule or anything maybe you could ask your mom to just come once a day instead of twice. Other than that I don't think anything is wrong with your daughter or with you feeling those feelings.

First I am curious if this is the first grandchild or the only one that lives close by? If the answer is yes to either one I can understand why your mother wants to see her daily. I have 9 grandchildren and only one that lives close enough to see everyday. Your baby will outgrow this stage but maybe you should ask your mother to cut back her visits for a few weeks and see what happens. Get her to try once a day or every other day. Good luck!

HI K.! How wonderful that your mother cares enough to stop in, however, I do understand what you are feeling. Believe me Andee wants and loves you; Grandmas just have a different aura (if that makes any sense) and she has you all the time. The intervening hours between Grandma's visits seem like a lifetime to your little one. I know it may be hard to understand now, but as your daughter gets older you will go thru such periods as she turns to friends, etc. She will seem to prefer others outside the immediate family unit and this is normal. You are always there for her and she knows it. Anyhow, perhaps if you ask your mum to come over for tea and speak with her about your feelings, she might have a solution. Good luck with this and trust that all will turn out fine.

Don't be jealous you have been given a blessing in that your mother wants to be a part of your daughter's life. What is happening is that she knows that you are always going to be with her. At this age she believes she is part of you. With your mom she has another person who brings her joy and it troubles her when that person leaves because she does not understand that she'll get to see her again. Think of it like this... She likes to play peak-a-boo...your mom is the thing that is hiding only when she hides it takes her forever in a baby's mind to re-appear. The first time your mom dissappeared was not to bad... but now she knows when grandma play peak-a=boo it will be a long time before she comes back.

Infants since fear and stress. To grandma, the teacher (knowing from experience), seeing her beautiful grand-daughter is the least stressful time of her day. I also was a stay at home mommy with my daughter until she was 18 months old, some days she would rather cling to a friend she just met than me. I know everyone can tell you to reduce your stress and your nerves but sometimes that is easier said than done. With my daughter I started taking those cues as self check reminders to breath, relax, and refresh. I had to often say to myself, it not that she doesn't want me she just doesn't like the vibe I am giving off. Isn't that true with all of us, I still to this day do not like to be around people whose stress or nervous vibe over takes the room.

Hi K.,
It is a little disheartening to see your child react more affectionately with someone else. But don't take it to heart. There's enough love to go around and you are Andee's mom and she knows that. But she has so much love and she wants to share it with grandma too. Nothing is wrong with Andee or you or grandma. You are still dealing with a lot of emotions, hormonal changes, etc. Instead of thinking something is wrong, look at the blessings. You get to share this wonderful experience with the woman who gave birth to you. Just relax and enjoy the love.

Relax, honey. You can never be replaced in your baby's heart. Grammas are special, and your daughter has learned this. They are really good for comfort, petting,and relaxing, after a hard day of "no no!" She may give you a cold shoulder once in a while, especially if she is trying to manipulate you. As long as Gramma doesn't interfere with your child-raising this is all good. Of course, she is full of experience and advice, which you should take advantage of.