6 Years Old Daughter Got Phone Call from a Boy..

Updated on November 18, 2013
A.H. asks from Clearfield, UT
24 answers

My daughter is a super sweet well behave child, I am proud of her. And today, she got a phone call from a boy in her class. They talked for a few minutes, said good bye, but then he called back again, and again for a third time. I was shock. so i asked about him, she said, he asked her for her phone and she gave it to him..I asked? is he cute? she said yes..I asked? do you like him? she said no... I asked why did he call you? she said she did not know but he talked to her about cartoons and told her he would bring her candy on monday. I thought he was funny so then I teased her by saying to her she got a boyfriendl..she at first got mad about it, but then she said she likes him and that she has a crash on him...has this happen to you, how did you handle it?...I have my first crash on a boy when I was 7 but never even dared to get close to the boy or even talk to him. I kinda like it this new experience of seeing my daughter in this phase..is that wrong?

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answers from Washington DC on


Sorry - I wouldn't tease my 6 year old about having a boy friend. I mean really?! The point is for her to feel like she can come to you for anything and with anything and you're teasing her?! MAN!!

My 13 year old texted me when he was going to kiss his girlfriend for the first time....I would like to believe it's because we have a good relationship and he feels he can trust me.

So what would I do? I would keep talking to her about it when she brings it up. I would NOT make a production of it. Keep the lines of communication open...don't harp on her!

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Dover on

Little crushes are normal but I wouldn't tease her over it. At this age, they are just friends (regardless of being boy/girl).

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

My family teased me about such things at this age too. Please stop, it's confusing. Ask her if he's nice. Are they friends? Do they play together?

At this age, it could be friendship or the very young version of "I am going to grow up and marry you because we both like to play with planes." It is VERY innocent, and honestly, I wish adults had the emotional foresight one sees in some kids this age.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Phoenix on

It's people like you who make it difficult for my children to have friendships with other children of the opposite sex without being teased for it. Can't children be friends without it being a boy/girlfriend? How ridiculous of you to tease her, you'll push her right away from you and that's not what you want to do. Don't encourage any type of relationship at all other then platonic friendship!

16 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Um... this is just weird.
Six year olds shouldn't be thinking about boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. That's not something to encourage. I can't even think why a parent would ask their kid 'is he cute?'

I mean, it sounds like the boy barely knows how to use the phone. Calling someone once to talk is okay, but three times?

As a mom of a boy, if my son was calling some other kid's house, boy or girl, three times in a row, he'd be losing phone privileges. It's okay for kids to like each other as friends, but I think the emphasis on this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff too early is unhealthy. It puts more focus and meaning on something that children this age are not ready to really navigate successfully. And when we encourage it, we impart both our approval of this as well as an expectation that we somehow think they *can* or *should* be thinking/acting in this way.

Something to ask yourself is just this-- what if you had left it alone. Just acted like it was no big deal? Chances are, if he forgot the candy on Monday, it wouldn't be noticed. Now, because you are drawing attention to this and valuing the whole 'boyfriend' thing in this way, if he does forget the candy, she's more likely to make it about *her* and a rejection of herself.

I'd drop it in the future. My son has a friend who is a third grade girl-- he's in first grade. I've never asked him if she is cute or if he likes her as anything more than a friend. There's something so valuable in letting our children just be-- letting them figure out who they like, why they like that person. Let them practice just being friends-- isn't that the end goal? My hope is that my son will one day be partnered with someone whom he considered his best friend, just as my husband and I are best friends. The only way our kids can progress in this way is if we encourage them to focus on being a good friend, period, in their younger years. Let's teach them to do that first and foremost-- leave the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff till middle school. Let them grow up in their own way without imposing our adult interpretations on their interactions.

16 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

They are only six years old. There is nothing wrong with girls having boy "friends," but you should not have sexualized the situation by asking if he was cute and teasing her about him being a boyfriend.

Is this wrong? Yes. You need to stop sexualizing your daughter's experiences with members of the opposite sex, or she is going to become sexually active way too soon.

If a boy calls, you should treat it just the same way you would if a little girl called her, and act normal about it.

Your daughter will grow up soon enough. Let her be a kid.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

you need to back way off on the "do you like him, is he cute, is he your boyfriend" thing. kids get that thrown at them way to soon. They are 6 and are still in the dora the explorer age group. not the teenie bopper you have a boyfriend stage. so yes I think it is wrong. it should have been more along the lines of oh what do you play together at school.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Really... Why make a big deal about it?

Why would you tease your daughter? Don't you want her to communicate with you long term? You tease now and she'll talk to someone else when she feels the need.

So what, a first grade crush that will be over by the holidays. Don't encourage it, don't forbid it, just communicate with your child vs embarrassing her about it. Geez

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

My son had a "girlfriend" in first grade. He wanted to buy her diamonds for her birthday because "Daddy loves you so he gave you a diamond", we settled on a charm bracelet, lol. He was sure that when he turned 21 he was going to marry her. She was forgotten about a week into summer.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Don't tease her about boyfriend/ girlfriend stuff. They are so little and innocent. They are not boyfriend and girlfriend. They are friends. You are mom and you are supposed to be the one that does NOT ever tease her about things like this. Just encourage her friendships so she will be able to come to you about anything.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Are you really a mom (?) because you sound like a sister.
There's nothing wrong with your daughter being friends with a boy but don't tease her about it, how mean is that, being teased by your own mother?!

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Don't tease her. It is platonic.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

You're teasing her?? Seriously? Keep it up (focusing on boys being cute and encouraging this) and you'll be a pretty young grandma.

You sound like a very immature mom. If I were you, I would have answered the phone and told the little boy nicely that your daughter cannot talk on the phone. And then tell his mom he shouldn't be calling.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I also have a 6 year old girl.
This is totally normal and you are reading waaaaay too much into it.
I would knock it off with the boyfriend/girlfriend talk (why would you want to encourage THAT?) and just enjoy the fact that it this age they don't have awkwardness with crossing gender lines to make friends.
I am sure you are confusing her with all this "do you like him?" talk. Just treat it the same as you treat any friend.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Richland on

Oh my goodness!! Seriously you have got to knock this off, what are you, 16? Sorry if I insulted any mature 16 year olds!

My daughters have had boys as friends for as long as I can remember. Sure they call these boys friends, these boys call them, they called them back, but I can't imagine the thought process that would compel you to sexualize a childhood friendship.

Do you think this means your daughter will be more popular than you were? Do you think that the reason you weren't happy was boys didn't like you when they liked other girls? Don't answer me, talk to a counselor about these issues.

What will happen is your daughter is going to get the idea that it is important to have a boyfriend. She will do anything to keep her boyfriends. Your daughter will not be popular, she will be the easy girl boys use. As BK put it you will be a grandma young.

Chill, seek professional help, but stop sexualizing childhood friendships.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

In my opinion 6 is way too young to have a boyfriend or to encourage a girl to have a boyfriend. My daughter is 6 and for about three years her best friend was a boy. We never called him a boyfriend or teased her about him liking her. They were friends, plain and simple. It will be too soon when she is old enough to have a boyfriend and all the drama that comes with it. Why rush that?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Really he called then called back 2 more times?
I'd find that annoying.
If he wants to call his grandmother I'm sure she'd think it cute but otherwise they are just letting the kid play on the phone.
I wouldn't be thrilled with my 6 yr old handing out our phone number.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Ha, I remember my sister was 6 and got a call from a boy in her class. My father was very upset. He talked to the boy and asked him his name, his parents name and why was he calling. He said he liked My sister and my father told him to call back when he was 16!

He was nice but firm with this poor boy.
My sister said he was a nice boy but did not want to marry him.. I thought my father would have a heart attack.

Not a big deal and will make a great story in the future.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I wouldn't worry. My son had a girl friend in K. They also went to preschool together. He came home one day and told me that he married her on the playground at recess, lol! My daughter also had a boyfriend in K. It's all innocent. They don't really know anything about crushes or anything beyond that. For my kids, they are just friends that get a long well and play together. I wouldn't even start asking questions like "is he cute?" or anything else like that.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Well who answered the phone? You? If so, my daughter would be 'too busy' to accept the call!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

That's my son. Each year there is a girl or two he thinks is cool and he wants to have playdates with them. Sometimes they call and talk on the phone. Sometimes we have the little girl over and they do the same thing as his other friends (boys)...jump on the trampoline, play video games, play a pretend game like they are spies. The girl always includes my daughter who is much younger which is nice. Many of his boy friends ignore her. He sometimes has a big crush. Last year he said he had a girlfriend (when he was 8) but I was not allowed to tell any of his friends bc they would tease him. They sat together on the bus every day and she made him a bracelet. This year it is a girl in his class who he likes. I just ask him what he likes about her. I ask him what it means to have a girlfriend. I ask if she likes him too. That's all I do. Nothing happens and he just kind of moves on as life changes and he does not see that girl anymore. When he was 2 and 3 he would get the hugest crushes on his babysitters!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I'd ignore it, and I wouldn't ask her if he's cute - that puts too much emphasis on looks. Kids start early with body image problems. Same goes for talk about "boyfriends" - they are too little to understand this. Believe me, at 9 and 10 when they want to "go out with boyfriends" you won't be happy that this conversation has been going on for years! Talking about boyfriends/girlfriends just encourages the crush, you know?

She doesn't know what she's doing with this - she's too young to really have these feelings, so she's just going by what she sees on TV and hears about on the bus. So I'd let her have the first call - if you hold back, it becomes even more intriguing. She doesn't have a cell phone so she's using the home phone. You could listen in on the other line for now. If he calls back again and again, you can answer yourself, be VERY POLITE (teaching kdis about manners is good!), and say she is too busy right now.

On the candy issue, tell her it's not polite to accept a lot of gifts from someone without reciprocating, and that he should not be spending his money like that. Also tell her if the school has a "no food sharing" policy - a lot of kids have allergies and so there is a "no sharing/no sneaking" policy that is important for health. If one kid sees this boy doing it and gives a problem food to another child, there's a safety issue.

You can also call his parents (perhaps after the kids go to bed) and make sure they know what he's doing. I would treat it like it's harmless and that it will probably burn itself out, but that parents should know what their kids are up to. Make sure you tell them you want to know if she calls their son - so it's not like you're suggesting they are bad parents and have this predatory son on their hands.

Make sure that she knows not to go off with anyone (not just this boy).

It's nice to know that your daughter is making new friends, so it's okay for you to enjoy that. It's okay that she learns to have phone conversations, to use good manners when making and receiving calls, and so on. You can use this boy's behavior as a teaching tool. For example, when he calls, does he give his name and say please may he speak to your daughter, or does he just say "Is Susie there?" Don't put him down, but DO say that this reminds you it's time to teach all kids her age the right way to speak and how to show they are old enough and mature enough to make phone calls - and teach her the etiquette of being polite to adults.

Otherwise I would completely, totally drop the discussion of "boyfriend" and "good looks" - that's not how you want her to evaluate people, is it? That's not how you want her to be viewed by others - based on her looks - is it? The cuteness factor wears off very quickly when kids are 10 and 12 and they start to engage in behaviors and have the ability to sneak behind your back. Then it becomes either dangerous or negative. You don't want to teach your daughter to be excessively flattered by the attentions of someone else, or to have to explain to you that things are just on a friendly basis. You want kids going on large group activities at least until they are 15!! And you don't want your daughter to be lured by the promise of candy at 6 and then maybe something more as she grows older.

I'd be much more nonchalant about it now, teach manners, and avoid the nuisance factor of multiple calls.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I would treat it like any other friendship, even if there are feelings there. My son has had a few little girls interested in him, but both families just treat it as a normal friendship and we have even had a couple of play dates with the girls to foster a friendship instead of the funny teasing that girls can do at school to boys they like. It helped for one little gal, but for the other she still chases him at recess a year later. He hates it. I try to remind him that he'll love it in a few years and to talk to the recess teacher if it gets out of hand.



answers from San Francisco on

My GD, now 11, has two boys that are calling her. I am the only one in the household who knows - she doesn't want to be teased like you teased your daughter so we are keeping it between us for now. But they spend literally hours each night on the phone. I don't care because I hate to talk on the phone anyway so this just keeps it from ringing.

It is cute to watch - nothing wrong there.

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