6 Year Old... Pleased with NOTHING!!!

Teach him how to problem-solve.

He whines? Grumbles? Complains? Is bored?
Tell him "problem-solve that...." and have him come up with things to alleviate.. his said complaints or whining. And discuss it with him. Praise him for coming up with good ideas.
My son's teacher, teaches her kids that and that is what I do with my kids.
Hence, kids "learn" how to become proactive.... and self-reliant. And self-aware. And become, able... to problem-solve, many things or situations.
Because, learning how to come up with "solutions" is a skill. Then an aptitude. Then, more of an instinctual reflex.
Teach him that... now. He is old enough.
Then maybe he won't whine and complain so much. Because he will feel more self-reliant.

And maybe, he just wants to do Legos. Not the gad-about type. Either.
But still, teach him how to problem-solve... there are so many ways, not only one way, to do something or solve something.

Its his personality. He might be a grooming pessimist or a realist. So he just may not be the outgoing fun type, he might end up being the sit at home watch TV play with leggos, read a book type kid who is perfectly fine with not having to go anywhere or do anything unless it is something that motivates him. Find out what that is.

If you're sure there are no medical issues, he is well rested and fed, and you have not stayed someplace too long, then handle it with discipline. I know that sounds harsh, but remember it's not your job to make him happy. It's your job to make him a functional member of society. This may be his personality, but think, how successful will he be in his career or love life if this is his attitude?
First, before you go somewhere set your expectations. Let him know that his behavior on past outings has spoiled everyone else's day and you do not want to hear any whining or complaining this time. Decide upon and tell him ahead of time what the consequences will be if he does.
Second, work on teaching him to be more positive and ask constructively for what he wants. Ask him what his favorite part of the day was. Encourage him to thank you for taking him somewhere special. Let him know it's ok to say I need a rest or a snack, or I'm ready to see the next exhibit.
Lastly, reward him with a small surprise if he holds it together.

Well, what DOES he want to do? Just sit home and watch TV or play video games all day? Has he always been like this or is this just a recent development?

I'm fairly old-school for a young mom, but I would say it's time for him to spend some quality time in his room alone, with nothing in there to entertain him. I had to do that with my daughter this afternoon when I wanted to take her to see a movie (something she normally loves) and she started to whine that she wanted to just watch more TV, then she wanted to go someplace else instead, etc. I told her fine, you don't want to see a movie, we won't go, but we are not doing anything else either. She was giving me a hard time about some other things, so finally I sent her to her room for the rest of the afternoon. She came out of there with a much improved attitude (but we still didn't do the movie - it was too late and even if it weren't, I wouldn't, just to let the lesson sink in).

You can't "make" your child happy - he needs to learn to be happy by appreciating what he has and what you do for him. Maybe if you stop, and everything gets taken away and he has no other option but to sit in his room and really be bored, he'll decide maybe going out and doing things is not such a bad idea.

Sounds like you have a "highly sensitive child" on your hands. My daughter is that way (but so am I so I was prepared for this). We have left lovely restaurants because of smells, she hates crowds, she is super sensitive to scratchy clothes and has been that way since birth. There is a book that will give you advice by age group that has been my "bible" for raising my child. It is by Elaine Aaron and is called "the highly sensitive child", I got it on Amazon.
The first chapter has a little questionnaire that will indicate if you have a truly sensitive child or not. There are many positives that come with this temperament, not just negatives, but it all depends on your point of view. Good luck.
http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Ove...

I've found at least three major factors that affect how "agreeable" a child (or even an adult) can be at any given moment:

1. We all have unique personalities, and some of us are just more positive, cheerful, or easy than others.

2. We have emotional/nurture factors that may seem more or less supportive of our "true" selves. In my experience, simply expressing compassion for a person who's simply less positive through no fault of his own can brighten his personality, at least for an hour or two. Trying to argue against his negativity can drive him further into it.

3. Physical factors can be important, perhaps more so in children. Low blood sugar? Chemical exposures in food or air? Enough sleep? I can usually tell when my 6yo grandson needs a meal or a healthy snack, because he suddenly becomes "bored" with everything. He doesn't usually feel hungry – he's never been much of an eater – but 15 minutes after some fruit or peanut butter on crackers, he'll suddenly brighten and take interest in doing things again.

There are a couple of books I strongly recommend, particularly for parents of 'challenging' kids: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish (simply a brilliant, practical, and very doable approach to parental coaching), and also Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information.

Although I haven't read it, I've also heard wonderful reports on Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Kurcinka.

hmm. do you do these kinds of activities all the time? maybe he's burnt out or a little spoiled by it? obviously he doesn't appreciate the activities you provide.

it seems a little extreme to me for a 6 year old to be SO unhappy and unappreciative...i'd almost ask his dr. next time you take him. that doesn't seem normal for a 6 year old.

on the other hand, if he has been indulged and spoiled to the point where nothing impresses him anymore, i guess it's possible...

i've never known a 6 year old to be so jaded. i'm not even sure extreme spoiling would do what you're describing. assuming that he hasn't been handed everything at every whim his entire life and is just now disenchanted with it, then i still think talking to his dr. might be a good start. i bet you get some good advice from ladies on here. sorry, i've just never known a 6 year old that acted like this.

something else to think about, was your 6 year old generally easy to please and happy as a 3 year old, or has he always been this way? or did he start out sweet and fun and then something changed? when did it change? was it gradual or a fast change? was there anything that was going on?

There have been times when we turned to the kids and said, "We brought you to x, which was not for us. This time, you go to y for us (or z for your sibling). You don't have to love it, but try to like it and at least not make everyone else miserable."

I realize you can't always leave him home, but maybe if you could sometimes 1) he'd realize he would rather have gone and 2) you can enjoy your trip. Then maybe sometimes leave the 3 yr old home and do something just with the brother that maybe the 3 yr old isn't up for. My sks did not want to be up and at 'em in Dublin this summer so we left them. And they wondered where we were 4 hours later and had to wait for our return to do the Storehouse tour. I do not feel one iota guilty that they had to wait. It was their choice.

Have you asked your son what does make him happy? It sounds like you are doing things that are fun for you but maybe not him. Some people like sports others opera. Maybe the zoo really bothers your son. Try to find a balance and do things that both of you love. I learned early on w/ my hubby that we have WAY different opinions on what we think is fun. We have learned to compromise. I know your son is 6 but he sounds like a mature 6 so just talk to him openly. See if he'd have a better attitude if you did things that he thinks are fun too.

I think it's very upsetting when we plan something fun for our kids or want to plan something we idealize as a fun family outing, and it just does NOT work out. Sometimes in my family it's because my girls are fighting and don't want to do ANYTHING with each other at that moment in time I was ready to go for a fun day out. Sometimes my youngest is like your 6 year old. I do know she is just more of a homebody by nature. And my oldest wants to go, go, go all the time. That's just personality difference.

I'm not sure you need to fix anything with him. You can't "make" him happy. But don't let him drag your mood down with his. Not too much attention for all the griping. Ignore it a lot. Change the subject a lot. Don't engage in debate. You can ask him what HE wants to do. Legos? Just fine. Play with a school friend at home? Sounds good. Color outside on the deck with some music and lemonade? Why not? My youngest gets very stressed if she feels rushed around, especially too early, or if she's hungry or tired. Slow things down a little. Allow him his likes at home. Allow him time to get bored and problem solve. Ask HIM, what would YOU like to do this weekend? If you suggest something he doesn't want to do, can you occasionally leave him home with Dad or a Grandparent and take just the 3 year old? Give him the control to choose his own activities, but don't allow him to dictate your plans every time.

Sometimes I feel the same way with my 4 year old- my husband and I like to go out and about, like to do nice things with him, but he complains a lot. From what you describe, though, it sounds like he is happy in certain things. I think we have to learn to accept as parents that our kids are different and, unfortunately, sometimes their personalities are not super compatible. Like the extrovert, social parents with a super shy kid. So he has more fun at home and it's less stress for you, so stay home. I can't tell you if he'll outgrow it. You may also try explaining that the world doesn't revolve around him, that families make compromises for one another, and so sometimes the 3year old will get to choose the day's activity. And, BTW, you can't ruin our fun by complaining (I'm trying to work on one). My son also has a hard time with transitions, so it helps to really set it up- what day we'll go, what animals will he most want to see, what snacks to pack, music in the car, etc. Like when he started swim lessons it was horrible because it wasn't part of his routine, but the 1st class we went to we just watched. He could see the teacher, see what the other kids were doing. THen the next time he got in and participated. After that it was just part of his routine and no trouble. And maybe put things on the calendar so he can see when to expect it and also see the days that are "his"- free to stay home and freeplay.

How long has he been like this? Has it been only on this winter break or has it been growing over the last few months?? I'd say get a good physical first and foremost. Cries all day, too hot too tired could all be physical. You sound tired and tired of him. Are you home and off? How much longer is he off? Have a quiet day. Take a day and let him watch a movie or two he likes Play games at home. He could be coming down with something. He ould be going through an exhausting growth spurt and just be really tired right now. Without knowing how old this behavior is it is too hard to tell more than that.
Good Luck.

HI H.~
I feel like I need more information to answer your question better...Is his new behavior for him or typical? If it's new (as in happening on this break), I would wait to see if it passes before getting too upset. My kids are kind of crazy on the breaks for at least part of it. I attribute it to the shaking up of their routine and schedule... they aren't doing the same things as they do when school is in session, they aren't using the same energy, they miss their friends. And then there's the other side of it when they are so burned out from too much excitement that they don't want to do anything.

I try to keep the energy more low key and less about entertaining them. Or depending on their energy, I balance busy play with quiet play. So we might turn on music and have a dance party and then play a board game, have a puppet show or make a snack together. If your son likes playing with certain things, like trucks, coloring, playdoh, they doing these things with him and see if that helps. Keep him on a consistent meal and sleep schedule. Ask him what HE wants to do.

I always tell my kids that if they are bored, they are boring. A day has a million opportunities to discover, play, learn. Being bored is just not knowing what you feel like doing... sometimes we have to get creative and help motivate.

There's a good book out there called Playful Parenting. You might check that out.

I think that a lot of people have a problem with making assumptions about what's normal and what should be fun for everyone. There are so many things we can do in this world. And yet some people like to remain closer to home. Some of us really don't appreciate being hot. I know in my own situation, I've never been in shape. Even as a child, I could not keep up. It's always been difficult. Most people walk to fast for me. So I've spent my life out of breath with my side hurting as I try and catch up with the people that think there's something wrong with me.

It sounds to me like you haven't found the things that make your son tick.

First you need to be a model for him, make sure you and other family members are not complaining about problems in their life in front of him. Every day take time to say aloud the things your are grateful for that day. Second, never make it a priority to "make" him happy or entertain him. He needs to learn to do that. You do need to find out if he is like this in school or at other children's houses. Until he is better, take some time to take your younger child to zoos, parks, libraries etc without the 6yr old. He needs these outings without a negative influence, maybe your six yr old could go on some play dates. Do not feel guilty about doing things without him, I'm sure this is a phase and things will get back to normal, in the meantime tell him Little one likes the .... and you dont so I will take him. Do not ask him or try to talk him into it or make a deal with him, he has already shown you he does not want to do those things

yikes i'd like to see the answers too..my son is happy but my boyfriend's son is miserable..he's always being tossed around by his mom like a hot potato..grandparents mostly raising him...my boyfriend wants to but they're using him to hold power over him..even though it was the ex wife that cheated ..but now i feel like i have all this work in front of me..and when he's with me i hug him a lot and give him lots of attention like i do to my own son and he starts to become sweeter..but then he goes back to them and comes back and i have to start all over again..
try hugging him a lot and telling him how much you love him and make things seem exciting ..today i was telling my boyfriend's son that he should be happy just to be alive..i said.."aren't you glad your parents had you and you get to experience life? " i also said.."for me, just seeing the sunshine makes me happy..a nice walk somewhere pretty..looking at life and appreciating things" i think they need to be taught to appreciate and maybe be more playful and fun with him..make him laugh. My son's teacher asked the kids "what's your favorite thing to do?" and my son answered.."anything with my mom" and that's b/c i make things fun and he knows he's super loved..so make sure you drown him in some love and see what happens.

good luck xo

If he's usually happy and fine in school and outside of the home don't worry about him. Some kids just like to test us more than others, and are just less pleasant children overall. However, that doesn't mean that anything terrible will happen when they turn into teens (other than the usual teenage angst), or that they will be unsuccessful adults.

This is one of the reasons I love school. You get to get rid of them for a few hours and know they are being happy and pleasant over there!!

I agree, there doesn't seem to be enough information. Has he always been this way?? Is he happy doing anything, or just not "family outing things"?? Maybe he wants to hurry home and get to an x-box, DS game, building with legos...is that it?? Maybe he's not an outdoor adventurer...maybe he's a cook or an indoor guy?? Is he spoiled? Do you move heaven and earth to make him happy? If that was the case I'd put an end to that quickly. Can you give us more info please???