5Yo Meltdowns

I would agree that he may turn things around once he is in school, and they can be very different kids at school and with teachers than with us at home. My daughter can have melt-downs with me at home because it's her "safe place" - stuff she would never pull at school because she knows she needs to hold it together. You can talk with the teachers and school counselors if it continues. And sometimes "natural consequences" (i.e. realizing other kids won't want to play with him because of this behavior) work too, and "peer pressure" can be a positive thing.

Realize that your son may always have this kind of personality and it may just be his nature to be a perfectionist - my brother was the same way, it served him well in college and in his career (he is an engineer). As he matured, he got better about winning vs. losing, and not always getting his way. However, if your son chooses to throw a temper tantrum, with the kicking, the tears, etc., I would not tolerate it - I would send him to his room and have him stay in there with the door shut until he decides to calm down.

I am starting to wonder too if the summer before kindergarten tends to be tough on all kids, because it is such a huge transition and a milestone for them, and in a way, they sense that and sometimes have a hard time coping with it. I know my daughter is turning 5 next week and starts kindergarten in 3 weeks and seems to sometimes just flip out and lose her mind over the smallest things. She says she's excited about kindergarten, and she doesn't appear to be anxious in any way, but I still wonder if it is still weighing on her mind a little.

When my daughter is upset about not getting her way, I sympathize with her to a point, so she does feel heard and she feels a little more understood, but I still discipline her for screaming and other over-the-top, unacceptable behavior.

Remember too to remain calm yourself and try not to let him pick up on your anxiety - because then it can become his anxiety too.

I would talk him about how his actions will effect kids being friends with him. He may control himself much better at school than what you see. If he continues acting this way at school (which he may not) I think you should speak to the teacher and school psychologist for some tips.

I think meltdowns are pretty typical in 5 & 6 year olds - for the most part. They are still trying to process everything and aren't always quite mature enough to rationalize their emotions. My son is 5 1/2 and starting kindergarten in a few weeks also, and I worry about his tantrums. I have noticed him maturing a lot over the summer, but we still have issues at times. He is in pre-school/daycare now, and they have even commented on him maturing a lot of the past few months, so hopefully things will go smoothly in class. My son is very much a perfectionist - and gets angry with himself if he colors outside of the line, or if he writes his name and a letter isn't perfect -he gets angry and "hates everything and everything is stupid"....so we are trying to work on that with him. Our kindergarten teacher is setting up a meeting ahead of time so she knows each kids "quirks" and knows what to expect. Maybe you can meet with the teacher and go give them a heads up, so they know ahead of time and can work on steering him in the right direction.

Have you read the article "How not to talk to your kids" Really great article on praising effort not success, dealing with perfectionism in kids.

Kindergarten will be good for him. Hopefully he'll get a good teacher who helps him cope if there are any incidences at school, but I think it's likely that he'll save all of those for you at home.

Let his teacher know your concerns, so she can help him work on being more flexible. He'll probably grow out of this to a degree, but it may just be part of who he is and he has to learn to focus it differently. You'll probably see a big change in him through the school year.

Good luck~

As a teacher, I just wanted to let you know that it is very possible he won't act like that at school. Children often behave very differently at school than they do at home. I would try to take that one off your worry list.

As for advice on how to turn a perfectionist into a happy, optimistic child, that is a hard one. The first thing that comes to mind is not to pay too much attention to his negative behavior. If you pay a lot of attention to his perfectionism and tantrums, it will be like you are rewarding or reinforcing that behavior. I'd just calmly state something like, "well, that was a fun game. You played well. Sometimes you lose, and that's okay." If he stays upset, tell him "I would be happy to talk with you/play with you when you have calmed down. If you're going to keep crying, you can do that in here while I go wash dishes in the kitchen."

This sounds kind of similar to my son, though he is getting better.

My son went to public pre-k last year, and he was a completely different child at school. It also calmed him down at home.

I think your son will be fine. All of my kids are different at school then they are at home. And he will grow out of it :).