5 Yr Old Daughter Always Talking About Marrying

Updated on February 08, 2010
J.H. asks from Waverly, KS
16 answers

My 5 year old daughter who is not in school yet (Dec birthday) has been talking about marrying boys a lot lately! We used to play princess a lot and I'd always try to string out the story a little longer...."and the prince and princess dated for a long time and really got to know each other, then they got married and lived happily ever after" instead of the love at first sight and got married 2 days later story. We went out to eat last night and at a restaurant she made friends wtih the boys across the divider and then was holding hands with one and said she was going to marry him. I told her she couldn't marry him because she hardly knew him and you have to marry your best friend that you've known for a long time. Her response was..." but I'm getting to know him"? I think it really is innocent but I worry a little. Do you think this will get better once she is in kindergarten and has lots of kids to be around? Or is she just super boy crazy already?? I am a working mother and she has mainly been babysat by her grandparents. We didn't put her in preschool because there are none close (rural area) and she's got a whole extra year to stay home before starting kindergarten. Her only real socializing is at story time at the library and activities at church. On occasion, we have friends that have kids over and she enjoys playing with them.

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So What Happened?

Reference My 5 year old daughter wanting to marry boys: Thank you all very much for the reassurance that my daughter is normal. She's our only child, so guess we'll learn about each stage as it comes. She is a very loving little girl who gives hugs and kisses to lots of people...men, women, children, elderly. She does also have quite the imagination. It just really struck me when she wanted to marry 3 different boys in about 2 days. Maybe it's because I kept striking her down...she couldn't marry her cousin, couldn't marry the trouble maker, and couldn't marry the boy she just met. Now that I've heard everybody's story, I do remember wanting to marry a nice man that when to my church....he was married with kids and I was probably 6 yrs old. Thanks again, Mommas!

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answers from Detroit on

When I was a little girl, I would always dream of having a boyfriend and getting married. In fact, even as a tween and a teen, I still felt that way. I always dreamed, but in reality, I never went to a school dance and I didn't have a boyfriend though until I was in college, so dreaming was a safe bet . And, I didn't marry until I was 26. So, depending on how you look at it, I say, let her dream:)

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answers from Kansas City on

that is normal. little girls especially 3-5 year olds dream of being a princess and enjoy the thought of marriage and all the grown up stuff. Then about 7 or 8 they go through that ewwwww boys have cooties stage and go through that a few years.

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answers from Cleveland on

My older daughter use to do this w/ boys she went to daycare with and the school later... I think she started "marring" boys around 4. She even would tell me when she was getting married and talk about the wedding they were going to have... she stopped around 6 or 7. Then, boys were gross and she would never kiss a boy... that only lasted till about 14 - then the fun stuff starts, but that is expected for middle school & high school kids. I wouldn't think much of he talking about marrage right now... she is just using her emagination.

If you want to keep talking to her about the reality of marrage it won't hurt anything, but at the sametime try to let her dream a little... she is only a kid after all. What is the point in life without dreams?

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answers from Detroit on

My dd at 4 to 5 years old talked about getting married, buying a house, having babies, learning to cook, what kind of job she would have, what her husbands (yes plural) and boyfriends would be like for a whole year. We had hilarious conversations when I explained to her she could only have one husband at a time (and hopefully JUST ONE EVER -- and that she had to give up the boyfriends too!)

It was a phase. She's almost 7 now and has moved on to new things! I think your daughter is very normal!

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answers from Eau Claire on

I did the same thing; it was just my little girl imagination, imagining myself a princess finding her prince. I didn't really understand what marrying fully was; I knew it was two people who fell in love and promised to spend the rest of their life together. For the longest time I had a crush on a boy in my Sunday School class (kindergarten through 1st grade), and I was always dreaming about fairy-tale instances where he would ride in and sweep me away, and we would overcome some danger together, and get married.

I laughed when I read about some of the little girls who wanted to marry their Dads. (I did this, too.) When girls are really, really little they understand marriage as a promise of being together forever with someone you love. So, of course you would want to marry Daddy! He is your hero, and you love your Daddy, and never want him to leave… it's not a 'romantic' notion, but a sweet, innocent one.

Just keep explaining, as you are doing, but don't worry about it too much. She's a little girl being a little girl. (Just like boys thinking girls are the absolute grossest thing in the entire world!!! Boys being little boys.)

Don't worry. She sounds sweet, and you sound like a good Mom. :-)

God bless!
M. D

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

I wouldn't worry too much about it yet, maybe she sees the wonderful relationship between her parents and wants that for herself! Unless you catch her kissing boys already, I don't think this is a sign of being boy-crazy later on. It probably has more to do with pretending to be grown up and playing mommy and so on. I remember in 1st/2nd grade my friends and I would have weddings during recess and marry different boys every other week!


answers from Kansas City on

i wouldn't worry too much, this is pretty normal. just make sure she understands that all this marrying will happen when she grows up. :)



answers from Austin on

I think it's cute and most likely a stage she is going through. It's a gentle, loving gesture to want to marry someone. Again, I would go along with it and praise her for caring so much for another person.




answers from Detroit on

Totally normal at that age. My son did it too (and still does at 6). I wouldn't worry about it, but if you are, watch how you "play" things with her. Sometimes we don't realize how much imphasis we put on something like marrying "prince charming". If it were me, I wouldn't worry yet.



answers from Boston on

I wouldn't worry either. My 5 year old is always talking about marrying her 2 year old brother. Totally developmentally normal. She'll probably start taking about marrying her dad (if she hasn't already). I would just play along.



answers from Yuba City on

Isn't it nice to know the child is normal??? Yep, mine too! My 5 year old's biggest love is Daddy, going to marry him, then she found out he was already married, and since she is nice enough to let Mommy live with them....LOL! Now, I'm not sure who she's going to marry, but we've been through so many. I don't know if it is 'boy crazy' or just being a little girl. She is in Kindergarten now and has not made any attempts to marry any boys in her class, so I'm thinking we're moving on from this stage. But it is cute. Sounds like your daughter has a wonderful imagination, good job, Mom!



answers from Philadelphia on

I thank walt disney for that. My 4 year old daughter does the same thing (she watches alot of disney movies at my mother in law's house... between wanting to get married, and talking about death... it really drives me nuts). Anyway, my daughter is very social, and two of her good friends at school are boys. The one is always trying to kiss her... you'd think she's be really into it since she and her sister pretend to get married all the time... nope! She is too busy with everything else to even care!



answers from Charlotte on

Hi J.,

It's really normal - little girls who play at carrying around baby dolls and fantasize about their wedding day, grow up to be wives and mothers. It's a nurturer instinct, and helps make the world go round! I tried to instill a little nurturing feelings in my sons when all they wanted to play with was cars, trucks and trains, but all they did was throw the babydoll across the room! It's okay for your little girl to be so feminine. Perhaps later she'll get into sports and you'll experience the joys of having a tomboy. So nice that girls get to do both in our society!

Have fun!



answers from Grand Rapids on

I am laughing at the moment, my daughter (just turned 6) is doing that sort of too! Except she wants to marry her best friends 9 year old brother! I just laugh it off. I also ask her what if Timothy doesn't want to marry you. Her response "I will go to their house when we are grown up and ask him and we will get married!" come on that is soo cute! When I was 7 or 8 I wanted to marry the boy accross the street, we are the same age. I wrote a letter say "we will have a car and a house..." his ma still has the letter, almost 20 years later, and my little sis still picks on me about it! Sigh...
Don't sweat it.
Unless it gets really bad, like sexual things.
My daughter doesn't do that so I am not concerned.
(p.s. we homeschool so she has never been in a public school situation either)
Take care.



answers from Tulsa on

When I was doing research on SIDS while in college I ran across an article about how men don't have any understanding about what the women are going through after a miscarraige because they have never been fathers, never held their baby in their arms and fell in love with them. (The fathers finally went through a greiving period for the miscarried baby when they held their fist living child in their arms, had that bonding experience, and understood what the moms had gone through.)

The article then went on to talk about how "Mothers" started being moms at about age 4/5 when they started really playing pretend families, they held their future babies in their arms and their brains were forming their nurturing abilities. They are forming their ideals about husbands roles, their roles as wives and mothers, they need guidance to be strong women and by playing with her and role playing you can help her form wonderful ideals.

K keeps asking me who she's going to marry when she gets older. I tell her I don't know, you might marry someone you already know or it might be someone you meet when you are much older, like 30. She laughs at that.

By the way, I have to keep reminding my 3 yr. old boy he can't marry his sister because he got confused when she kept dressing him up as the groom in her pretend weddings last year.



answers from Boston on

Oh, she is so normal!! One of my daughter's friends got married at recess three times in 1st and 2nd grade. She's almost 13yo and is not boy crazy at all. One of my boys said he was going to marry one of his boy friends when he was about 6yo. (I wasn't really concerned because I realized he thought it would fun to be able to play all the time. Pretty girls definitely catch his eye, etc., so I know he's all set.) When I was in early grammar school, I always imagined that I'd marry a boy named Jeremy. Guess I loved that name. Turns out it was a Joe, not a Jeremy, and he was worth the wait. Have fun with your imaginative daughter! Sounds like you're giving her good messages.

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