5 Year Olds Behavior - Staten Island,NY

Updated on December 13, 2012
S.W. asks from Staten Island, NY
8 answers

My five year old girl has been having episodes of expressing her anger like I have never seen before. She acts like a teenager yelling at me "I don't want to hear you! No more talking" Mommie stop talking!" she stamps her feet slams doors all the while screaming and crying!! I try ignoring to let her express her feelings butafter the 10 minute mark I tell her enough. At this point she will usually let me hold her, hug her then maybe another ten min later we can talk about what upset her. My question is, is this normal?? it's so draining!!! i mean i want her to express her feelings (i was raised where you could only express happiness) but MY GOODNESS!!!

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So What Happened?

thanks guys, i just needed to know if this is basically normal or if she needed some kind of therapy. So i will con't with my plan but will include having her do a time out in her room when the screaming con't after 10 min.

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answers from San Diego on

After the 10 minute mark? That's a long time to let her carry on. She can choose to express her emotions differently and choose different words. That's unacceptable even though the emotions are normal and healthy. "I'm angry. I don't like that. I don't want to talk right now. I need some time in my room." All of these are okay and self regulating. It won't happen the first time, but teach her to express herself without disrespecting you.

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answers from Chicago on

"Go cry in your room. You can come out when you've calmed down and can talk to me in a respectful way." Even if that means she's in there for the rest of the night.

Let her know that it is okay to be angry. BUT it is not okay to throw tantrums or scream at people. She is 5, she shouldn't be doing that. Teach her that when we're angry, we can talk about it or write down our feelings, but only after we've calmed down. If that means she needs to have a few minutes of alone time to do that, so be it.

You treat her with respect, even if you're mad, she should do the same.

Although, I have to say that my middle girl, when she was 8 or 9, threw a tantrum on the floor (kicking and yelling), I threw a glass of cold water on her (I didn't say a word). That stopped that behavior right quick.

Good luck.

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answers from New York on

It sounds like your talking about my daughter, she just turned 5 as well. I can't even get her to stop when she has one of these episodes. She either MUST have what she wants or I have to just put her in her room for a few minutes and then hug and kiss her to stop the tears and screams long enough to talk. If we're not at home I would have to pick her up kicking and screaming and just go home. Her episodes are much worst when we are not at home and she won't stop at all until she gets what she wants.
I'm sorry I don't have any advise for you, only that I understand and I'm in the same boat.

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answers from Santa Fe on

My son was the same way at 5 so for some kids this must be normal. It was very hard and I thought something must be wrong with him. We started a program where we told him what we expect of him. If he was sweet or did something right we praised him like crazy...every day! If he spoke rudely he had to go to his room (a time out). He really matured more in 1st and 2nd grade.

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answers from Milwaukee on

Must be normal because my 5 year old DD is the same.



answers from San Francisco on

This may be normal for an undisciplined child, but it definitely is NOT normal for my household. I never allow a child to raise their voice at me. It's a matter of respect.

Yes, she does have the right to be unhappy, BUT she does NOT have the right to express it in a loud, disrespectful way. I too was raised in a house where we weren't allowed to express anything but happiness and I do let my children and grandchildren express unhappiness or dissatisfaction, etc., but in an acceptable, respectful manner.

The next time that girl yelled at me, I would throw a glass of water in her face. Bet, she would NEVER do it again.

The next time she stamped her foot at me, I would run over and stomp my foot on top of hers.

Sounds drastic, but her behavior is drastic and something I would NEVER tolerate.

Please teach her respect. It will serve her well.



answers from Chicago on

sigh. 4.5-5 year olds are hard. We never discuss it, but they have such big emotions, such strong emotions, and they seem to come from no where! Add to that their constant testing of reactions, and it can be really draining on mommy!

I send my daughter to her room -- a lot. "We don't talk to mommy that way, please go to your room for 2 minutes." If she argues about it, "2 minutes is too long!," I add a minute (thus why her TOs start at 2).

Today she didn't want to ride on a train with this one boy, so she decided to pass up her turn. There wasn't another turn, as I had told them it was the last train ride before heading home. She grabbed my legs, tried hard to throw a massive tantrum. I just told her she wasn't trying hard enough, to yell louder and to stomp her feet. She immediately switched to nice voice. When she grabbed my leg, I did tell her that isn't how we treat mommy. I told her she had to let go after I counted to 5, and then I just kept my head held high and started walking. She quickly asked for a hug, and calmed down.



answers from Detroit on

My daughter is also 5 and sometimes can still act the same way - meaning, she pulled a lot of this stuff at 3 and 4, it has gotten MUCH better, but once in a while she gets in this mode where she just loses it. Usually when she is tired, especially over-tired. Sometimes it's when she's done something wrong, I have to point it out to her or explain why it is wrong, what she should have done instead, etc. and she doesn't want to hear it. Maybe because she knows she screwed up in some way and is sorry, but just wants to move on and not get a lecture from me. Usually if it gets that bad, I will tell her that she needs to go to her room, or go sit in the couch in the other room, by herself until she can calm down. I let her know I understand she's upset, but she can't just scream and yell at me, slam doors, or say hurtful things - there are better ways for her to express herself.

My DD also has a tendency to show her anger by shutting you out - such as, I usually am the one the read her bedtime stories but if she's upset with me for some reason, she will tell me she doesn't want me to read, she wants Daddy. Or if she is upset at Dad, she wants to sit next to me on the couch, not him. I don't let her get away with that though. I don't let her see that it upsets me, I just tell her she don't shut people out when we are angry with them - we talk about it without screaming and yelling. I want her to know it's okay to express all kinds of emotions too but without all the drama. Modeling the behavior you want, and remaining calm yourself helps.

My cousins kids were much the same way at that age - with time and maturity, they got much better, but it did take a while. If they were going on a trip somewhere, they got sad and upset because they were going to miss their cats. Then when it was time to come home, they got sad and upset because they had so much fun and now it was over. It was really draining on her too to have them always crying over something. But they were only little kids with big feelings, and as they got older, it didn't last.

Don't punish her for her negative feelings - but you can discipline for the inappropriate out-of-control behavior and temper tantrums. Just stay firm and consistent, and hang in there - I know it's not easy and I feel your pain!

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