My 5 year old son doesn't talk to friends at school. He has always been quiet at school at his teachers thought he would grow out of it. Now that he is 5, they are suggesting holding him back from kindergarten because he may not be socially ready. They are also saying he may have some "sensory" issues. I've always thought he was a little "quirky" but now it seems like it is a major problem. He is frustrated A LOT and recently he told me that he doesn't like being himself because he's mad all the time. He plays very well with his little brother at home and loves spending time with our family, but definitely has trouble adapting to new situations. His preschool teachers say he is detached at school and has minimal interaction with teachers or other kids. When asked questions at school he either gives one word answers or doesn't respond.
Has anyone encountered anything like this before?
Does anyone have any experience dealing with sensory issues?
Thank you so much for all your input!
I have some time before his screening and developmental pediatrician appt and was wondering if you girls had some advice on how to react to his behavior. Up until recently, I've been treating his "issues" as behavioral problems and now I feel terrible about that.
Some of his symptoms are...
Repeatedly asking me the same question like "Mom, what are you doing"...sometimes 20 times in 30 minutes
When he gets frustrated he says "STOP IT" and when I ask whats wrong he'll say "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
He grunts and frowns out of frustration and can't tell me what is bothering him.
He can't answer a simple question...for example, I say "Do you like your lunch?" and he says "I'm a Transformer"
These behaviors happen ALL DAY LONG.....and advice in the interm??
THANK YOU!!
I recommend that you read up on selective mutism and see if your son may fit the criteria. If so, follow up with a child psychologist is strongly recommended to help manage the anxiety so he can be more comfortable.
Some resources include
http://www.selectivemutism.org/
http://www.selectivemutismfoundation.org/
Have the school do a "case study", an assessment on your son. They will evaluate him in all spheres of education including social. May consult with a child therapist as well as he indicated that he is often mad. Also you may start asking him about what makes him mad, is it that he can not find the words, is painfully shy, has a slow processing speed (in formulating responses to questions), does he feel overwhelmed by the other children (which is actually quite common), etc. Could me more of a sensory over load issue. Dr. Ira Chasnoff does deal with sensory issues, but there are also other doctors that do as well. Email me if you would like his contact information.
Good luck!
As a teacher in the near by area and having dealt with 5 year old children with sensory issues you definitely want to intervene now! If the school is mentioning the problems then run with it. Public schools don't like to mention problems because then they are responsible for implementing a plan (IEP) and getting him extra help that is needed through occupational therapy, physical therapy and social workers. Push the school district for everything your son is entitled to. He really needs for you to be his advocate and early intervention is the best thing. You can have him evaluated privately through your own medical insurance and present that as further evidence to the school. Even if he is evaluated to rule out sensory issues it is best to start NOW! I hope this information is helpful and I do not mean to scare you but time is of the essence if he is experiencing difficulties.
Has his teacher brought up her concerns to the multidisciplinary team at the school? If not, request a multidsicplinary conference meeting to discuss your son's difficulties. Also, call the school social worker (or school psychologist), talk about your concerns and ask for their guidance in navigating the process of figuring out the best way to help your son. The school social worker is able to intervene to help your son with his social and coping skills...usually through a small "friendship group" during the school day. The types of behaviors you described most likely will not be "solved" by retention to Kindergarten. Good luck.
Hi-
I have 2 children, both with Sensory Processing Disorder. Even from very young ages, they weren't very social, preferring to play by themselves with THINGS rather than PEOPLE. They have both been evaluated and had OT,and seem like totally normal kids now, who enjoy peer friendships.
You have a couple of options, if you are concerned that his behaviors are sensory related. I would recommend reading Sensational Kids, by Lucy Jane Miller, or The Sensory Sensitive Child by Smith and Gouze. The "bibles" of course, are The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, both by Carol Stock Kranowitz, but personally, I found those less reader friendly than the other two. There's also Raising a Sensory Smart Child by Biel and Peske.
Meanwhile, call a local pediatric therapy center that has one or more Occupational Therapists trained in sensory issues on staff, and arrange for an evaluation. I tell you to do this, because you may have a bit of a wait. OTs are highly in demand. If, after reading the books, you change your mind, you can always cancel the evaluation.
Second, you could contact your local public school district and voice your concerns about his social skills and difficulty with transitions. They are required to set up a screening for your son free of charge. A note of caution about school districts, however. Some believe in sensory processing disorder, and some do not. It varies from district to district, and the diagnosis is not yet officially in the DSM-V.
My son's sensory issues were severe, and qualified him for Early Intervention, and eventually, district preschool; however, the concerns over sensory issues by the school district seem to "disappear" suddenly when he moved to kindergarten. Many of his issues were suddenly labeled "home issues."
Anyway, I wish you luck. It sounds like you may be on the right track. Pediatricians don't always know about SPD, either, so don't rely on your son's doctor. I belong to a couple of online support groups as well, so as you are making your journey, please let me know if I can help you with other resources or information. BTW, many children with sensory issues are also gifted, but not all. :)
Feel free to e-mail me off-list.
M.
Hi K.,
My son Roland who is also 5 has had the same issues since he was 2. Many told us too he would outgrow it but I persisted to have him evaluated by the state. He had speech delays, issues with motor planning, fear of transitions and changes, and lots of issues socially. Early intervention and the early childhood program in our school district the last 2 years has helped ALOT. He is going into kindergarten with "the masses" this August. He has always had the sensory portion and was diagnosed with SPD by an OT. We had him medically evaluated and he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which puts him on the autism spectrum but high functioning. Getting the medical diagnosis has opened and will remain open alot of doors for our son. Without help, this becomes a self esteem issue as well - sounds like your son is heading in that direction. Seek help thru your school district and your pediatrician. Our doctor recommended a pediatric neurologist for the medical eval.
Good luck!
S. in Lisle
You need to insist the school do an evaulation with their special services team. He sounds so much like my son - who was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when he was 10 - but the teachers noticed difference in his social interactions when he was in kindergarten.
Please check out Tony Atwood's book and web site on Asperger's syndrome.
M. H. in Elk grove Vlg.
My almost 5 year old has sensory integration disorder and that can be very hard. They should not be holding him back. You need to request an evaluation. This way you can start the process of getting him special needs help in school if he needs it. You do have to go through the public schools but we started our journey with Early Intervention and then transfered to the school district at 3 years. You should get help through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004 which was made effective on July 1, 2005. I wish I had a website to offer you but I don't. If you bring up that law with your school district you should be able to get things in motion. You start with an evaluation by the district therapists and then if he qualifies for services you move on to an IEP(Individual Education Program). It is a long journey but don't let them hold him back get him the help he needs. They are saying that holding the kids back isn't that great and that offering extra help alongside peers is better. I really hope things work out for you and your son. I know it is hard and a long process but it is worth it. My son could barely talk at 2 1/2. He barely had 2 words. Now he talks in sentences. These therapists can really help. Good luck!
In response to your second question try to be as calm with him as possible. He knows things aren't making sense. The key is eye contact persistance and slowing down. You have to get his attention. My son obsesses with things right now it is Thomas. Sometimes if you repeat back what they are saying they will stop because they know you understand. My son just talks about Thomas and his friends all day long. Half the time no one knows what he is talking about. But if you can make sense of it you can ask questions about it and about half the time I get an actual answer. There is a lot of repetition involved in communication. Don't feel bad I didn't realize there was anything really different until my son was evaluated and was deficient in more than one area. We used to use PECS which is a system of communication using pictures. This really helped before my son had any words. The school should be able to give you the ones you need if you ask otherwise they are really expensive. I really know how hard this stuff is. I wish you best of luck and the least frustration.
So is he is preK? If he is, I would contact the early childhood program in WC and ask them when their next screening is? If they are finished for the year, ask them if you could set up your own screening with them and state your concerns.
I could recommend a couple good books on Sensory Ingegration Disorder. I did some reading on this topic because my son has "sensory issues". There's lots that can be done to help your son feel & adjust better (i.e. occupational therapy). Also talk to your pediatrician because s/he could refer you to a O.T. for an evaluation.
Educating yourself on the topic is always a good place to start. Here's 2 books I have:
"The Everything Parent's Guide to Sensory Integration Disorder" by Terri Mauro
"The Out of Sync Child", by Carol Stock Kranowitz (she has other books too)
Good Luck!
If you don't get the information you need email me and I can probably get you intouch with some people. My sister has experience with sensory issues, and a boy who was in my little ones preschool was diagnosed with sensory issues. I think your boys are about a year apart in age.
My eldest son, 16 years old now, went through the same problems when he started kindergarden. It was a k/1 cluster double room with 4 teachers and he would sometimes crawl under a table and put his hands over ears. At that time teachers blamed his behavior on me saying I was abusing him. Took him to a pediatric neurologist and he was diagnosed with sensory issues and aspergers syndrome, which ia a high functioning form of autism. years of occupational therapy and he was a presidential award winner for academic excellence in elementary and middle school. All honor and AP classes in high school.He is a junior now whois going on to college. Donot give up hope. You are the only advocate for your child. Demand and IEP and the school will give him all the therapies needed. Just threaten due process and they will run to begin testing. They just want to keep costs down in district so they make parents work for it. Get your child diagnosed and slap papers on principals desk. These children are brilliant.
