5 Year Old Throwing up Dinner

Updated on April 24, 2008
W.W. asks from Sacramento, CA
24 answers

Hello,

My son is normally a picky eater. He likes PB&J, breakfast, and goldfish crackers. That's pretty much it. He does eat lunch (usually fine) that consists of a whole wheat cheese sandwich without condiments, a piece of fruit, and a glass of milk. On Fridays he gets PB&J. At dinner he will sit down with us and we make him take a "no thank you" bite. Sometimes he will eat his dinner and get dessert and other times he will choose not to eat dinner and not get dessert. Lately he has been throwing up his dinner. He gets bent out of shape and refuses to take his no thank you bite. After he takes it he will throw up. These aren't new foods. Tonight he had shepherd's pie (which he actually will eat normally without any problems). He got upset and after finally taking a bite of the potatoes and cheese he threw it up. A few nights ago he did the same thing with shrimp which he also has eaten many times before. Is this normal kid behaviour or something else?

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So What Happened?

Thank you very much for all of your thoughtful words and advice! I can't tell you enough how much I appreciated hearing everyone's stories and reading what has worked for all of you. I should have been a little more clear about some of the issues. Firstly, my 5 year old does have mild autism and he does go to a special day school with a speech pathologist teacher (communicatively handicapped class), has 2 pull out speech therapy sessions per week, and a weekly occupational therapy session. I completely understand about the oral motor issues. I talked to his OT therapist today and she agreed with many of you that it is a control issue. The difference with him is that his is control over transitions. I should have realized this, but did not. He is having trouble transitioning from playtime to eating due to the weather changing and it being "daytime" at dinnertime. We always eat at 5:00pm. As many of you know with autism we must adhere to the schedule of our children - any deviation is horrible for us as parents and our children. Apparently, many of his OT's other kids are also going through very similar things. Also, I would never force him to eat something he truly hates. He hates mushroom (both raw and cooked) and I even make his stuff without the mushrooms in a separate dish because he really does not like them. I do understand about all the unnecessary additives/preservatives in many prepared foods. I also know that some of them do bring out undesirable behaviours in my son. I am a personal chef and I like to practice my craft even in my own home. This evening we had the leftover shepherd's pie and I took the recommendation of a few people of separating the layers and putting them in seperate compartments and he ate his dinner. Oh, one more thing I should have clarified, he never has to eat all his dinner. He only has to take a no thank you bite - even if it is one thing. I never give him all new foods. In fact, he's been home so long now that we rarely have "new" foods! He will always get dessert as long as he takes a no thank you bite - it is proportional to what he eats. His OT therapist said if he has found out how to use his gag reflex to control when dinner is over for him. She suggested (as many of you have!) to ignore his gag reflex, hand him a towel, and continue with dinner for at least 5 more minutes. I really do appreciate all the support you have given me! Happy eating everyone!

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N.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My younger son used to throw up, at will. I started calmly saying, "Oh, you are sick" and then I would put him to bed. It only took a couple of times before he decided that behavior wasn't worth having to go to bed for.

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P.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I have a picky daughter too who seems to refuse dinner more than anything else.....it really helps to have dinner at an earlier time...around 5...somehow it fits her time clock better. She gags at many foods too.Sometimes I think i should have dinner even earlier ....4.00pm ,but I just can't quite make that happen.Later she is tired and is less apt to be interested in eating.P..

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi W.,

This behavior sounds disturbing to the family and I am sorry you're going through this. I think it is "normal" human behavior in the sense that your boy is needing to control his body and environment, much like my four year old girl, and of course like anyone would.

So it sounds like a classic power struggle to me. In my experience, the child will always win these--and they will use Any Means Necessary. Your son has indeed hit upon a dramatic way to assert control over what enters his body. Since the child always wins, I've found it's up to me to find a "way around" the issue and drop the power struggle.

Food is such a loaded issue for parents, but really, it's only fuel for the body when you think about it. (I see you work as a personal chef, so perhaps food has a special meaning to you...this issue coming up now might offer a great opportunity to examine that and how it affects your relationship with your children's diet). From your post it's clear that there are lots of things your son chooses TO eat. That's great! I'd suggest that if you want to change the throwing-up behavior, let him choose what he eats without requiring any "no thank you" bites. And let him know that's what you're doing, as in, "I know in the past we've asked you to try all foods, but from now in it's your decision what you eat." And pay no attention to what he eats. Give him just dessert or dessert first if that's all he wants. Buy whatever groceries he wants. In this way the power struggle is dropped.

Ignoring what he eats may be really hard. What I keep in mind is that American diets are incredibly varied and nutritious even if self-limited (it sounds like your son's food choices are already much more various than many childrens'). I also remember that we don't really know what, if any, effect today's food choices will have later. My mother has eaten terribly for 70 years but remains healthy. My grandma lived on bacon, tomato aspic, and jello for 103 years. Also, food can taste different to people depending on their genetics. Whatever your son is throwing up may be truly disgusting to him. Why force it and make mealtime unpleasant?

There's a great chapter in the book "The Mother Dance" by Harriet Lerner about food power struggles. I highly recommend that book!

Good luck,
J.
____@____.com

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L.J.

answers from San Francisco on

My son was also a non eater. He wasn't picky, he was just not interested in eating. We went through the first 6 years of his life fighting over eating. And when i forced him, he even threw up too. I researched eating disorders, psychological disorders, attention seeking behaviors, ect... I even had his stomach sonogramed to see if there was anything wrong. I tried punishing him for not eating and often he would opt for the punishment rather than eating. Everywhere we went, people would comment on how skinny he was which made me want him to eat more but he just refused. Finally, we went to a new peditricain, and she mentioned that he had bad breath and wondered if he might have trouble eating. i said YES! She thought it might be acid reflux or sour stomach and asked me to try zantax (an acid inhibitor). i tried it. He would take the zantax 30 mins before meal time and after 2 or 3 days, he was eating like i had never seen! He has been eating like a growing champ ever since!

poor kid. All along, he just felt icky all those years and just couldn't tell me. Instead of telling me he felt awful, he would just say "not hungry".

Ped said that some kids are born with their insides too close together and then stomach acid might creep up to places its not suppose to be. So as my son grew older, his body seemed to work things out naturally and he if off the zantac.

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S.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi, I agree with Kelly V.
I am a nutritionist and recovering picky eater. My mother let me win all my food battles as a child. My sister and I both thought it was funny that she would tell us we need to eat (whatever she made) before we would eat anything else. My sister lived in Russia for many years in different cities. She has not meet any picky Russians over food. They are mostly happy to just have food. So probably it is not genetic. Having said that I am a nutritionist, and I can tell you there are food sensitivities. Most children who have issues with food are because of the processed chemical aditives such as MSG or red dye, etc. I don't want to encourage an eating disorder so I would not force a child to eat any particular meal. I also would encourage one healthy meal for everyone at dinner. As for food left from not eating: I tell my children I am not willing to waste healthy food. So if I make some dish that can be saved and is healthy I will tell them that we can save it for the next meal & that they may want to eat then. If I have a dessert then I simply say I want you to be healthy so I can't give you dessert on an empty stomach because that would not be good for you. I also tell them the dessert is only a treat for sometimes and since it isn't good for you anyway we won't save it for later. These are all suggestions I learned from a few childhood nutrition classes I have taken. I hope this helps, feel free to call with questions ###-###-####.
S.

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N.P.

answers from Modesto on

Hi W.!

I have 2 picky eaters, yet my sister's boys eat EVERYTHING! I just don't get it! I would keep doing the same things you're doing at the dinner table, with a different approach..... just have his "real dinner" waiting after he has tried your dinner.

My rule for the last 8 years, has been that they had to take a very timy bite and chew it 5 times. Then they can spit it out or swallow it.....Their choice. I had my boys do this twice every time they were trying something new. They learned that i kept my promise that they wouldn't have to eat it, as long as they were brave enought to try it. Your son seems like he already knows that he HAS to eat it, so he's throwing up about it because he's so upset. I think you should take a "break" from your usually style of dinnertime, and wait for a week or two, then try a different approach. You want him to be a successful eater, not a little boy frightened at dinnertime.

I even went through a stage where I "nicknamed" everything with the word "cake" or "frosting" or something catchy :o) Like Graham Craker Cake....It worked, though!

Anyway, my 11 year old eats almost everything you put in front of him now, and is NOT afraid to try anything new. My 5 year old, on the other hand, is still afraid to try Scrambled eggs! So, I'll keep working on him. He finally tried frozen Waffles the other night. My 5 year old gets really overwhelmed with the thought of trying anything new, so I only do it twice a week (when i have more time). He knows when Friday dinner comes, he is trying something new. He gets teary-eyed yes, but he gets braver each time. I always remind him that Mommy says he doesn't have to eat all of it, only try it. He's learned to trust me, and he knows I keep my promise. To prove myself, I always have his "real dinner" waiting for him after he tries his 2 tiny bites :o)

I hope that helps your situation,W.. Picky Eaters are so hard cause we worry that they aren't getting enough nutrients. Thank goodness they have t hings like Ensure now.

Good Luck

:o) N.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Choose your battles- food should not be one of them. He is a 5 year old kid and wants to control what goes into his body, so let him. Just be sure your "choices" at home are healthy, and then let him select the food. If you do not want to be a short order cook, then insist that he makes his own meal.

From an Aspergers perspective, my daughter prefers similar foods: peanut butter, wheat (brown) bread, pizza and chicken nuggets. I recently read in the book "Aquamarine Blue" that these kids think foods "taste" a certain color. Brown food tastes "plain" and orange food tastes "sour." One kid in the book said 'If I eat an orange and know that it is sour, then eat orange ice cream and it is sweet, I would want to throw up. Something is wrong with it if it doesn't taste the same color.'

For a healthy brain, our doctor at www.amenclinics.com recommended Coromega (Omega 3 fish oil in orange/chocolate pudding) and Garden of Life Primal Defense for Kids (probiotics banana flavor). I put both supplements into a smoothie or mikshake and the kids love it.

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D.H.

answers from San Francisco on

The only other thing I would add is about dessert. A pediatrician recommended that instead of the option being dessert or no dessert make it proportional to the amount of dinner they ate. So, if they ate an entire plate of food, maybe they get a bowl of ice cream. However, if they merely eat a few bites then they only get a couple of M&Ms. It makes sense to me because they are rewarded accordingly.

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J.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Check out the book "Child of Mine" It's all about food and kids and how not to get into power struggles over eating. Our son is very picky and we've used her methods and while it hasn't changed his eating habits, it has removed the power struggle that can occur over these things so that our meals are less stressful and more enjoyable for all of us. BTW - If forced to try things he isn't ready to try our son (who is 4) will also throw up. We always put whatever we're having for dinner on his plate but he doesn't have to eat it (we put things that he will eat on his plate as well.) We do ask him to put one of the things that he doesn't want to taste on his fork and smell it. After a while we graduate to asking him to touch it to his lips or touch it with his tongue. We also tell him that if he wants to put it in his mouth and then he doesn't like it he can spit it out. It's a LONG S L O W process, but if you can demonstrate good eating habits yourself and not make meals a power struggle then when he's older and more mature he won't have a built in psychological resistance to mealtimes and trying new foods. Hope this was helpful.

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S.L.

answers from San Francisco on

We had similar issues with my 5-year-old daughter (also adopted). She's never been a picky eater and we weren't introducing any new foods. She is however a total drama queen, complete with tears and vomiting on demand. The poster who talked about control issues was probably closest to the mark -- especially with an adopted child. In my house it's always "What would Nancy Thomas do?" in response to the Attachment issues. For this, we stopped making it a big issue. "It's okay if you don't eat, but the next meal is breakfast. If you choose not to eat now, you may be excused and go sit in the family room until we finish." This removes both the control struggle and the attention she's getting for negative behavior. Removing her to another room makes her feel like she's missing out. If she decides she hungry after all, she has to wait until the rest of us are finished so that our dinner is not disrupted again.

It seems to be working for us.

HTH

S. L

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S.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Geez...sounds rough. I have four sons, 19, 17, 15 and two years old. With the older boys I just fed them whatever they wanted for their meals, ya know foods that I knew they enjoyed and I approved of. Sometimes we would have pancakes for dinner or they would each have something different. I don't think of it as them winning a power struggle with me, why shouldn't they be able to choose what they eat? We do. Textures and flavors freak kids out, find something that works for him. I am happy to say that my sons are happy and healthy, good students and my oldest is in the Air Force. The two year old is making me feel old though...whew! Just do what is good for the boy and don't worry about forcing him into any expert recomended molds. A trip to the doc wouldn't be a bad idea either to check for food allergies, oh and use a light hand with the spices. good luck

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C.F.

answers from San Francisco on

If it's only after the no thank you bite that he throws up, not after lunch, etc., then it's probably on purpose. I used to be able to do that as a kid, don't know how. My daughter is also a picky eater and I couldn't even get the no thank you bite until this year, she is 10. She's starting to add more things to her yes list... don't worry, it gets better.

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J.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't really have any new advice for you but I can sympathize. I have a VERY picky eater, wouldn't touch half of what you mentioned. When I asked him to touch corn niblets with his finger he gagged and threw up. Some kids just have this incredibly strong aversion. I know, I too was one of those kids. I did not even try broccoli until the night I met my husband's parents! My son is 6 now, does have oral motor/sensitivity issues, and only in the past few weeks when we went on vacation has he tried some new foods.
I agree that maybe laying off right now is a good idea. A doctor once told my mom that there are two things you cannot control with a child, what goes in them, and what comes out. We can only offer good choices. My only suggestion is keep offering but not forcing. And if you have ruled out any medical causes, don't make a big deal about the throwing up. It may be a tool your son is using for attention or whatever. They are sneaky at this age, LOL.
Good luck and let us know how things go. I think parents of picky eaters should form our own support group. It is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting for me (especially with an 8 year old who will eat anything!). I would love to hear some happy endings.

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K.V.

answers from San Francisco on

For little kids, the 2 areas they have absolute control over are eating & toileting. I agree, there are kids w/certain aversions to food so you may want to have him assessed for sensory problems. But there are also kids who are picky eaters to be in control. I would check w/your ped about this first, but to me, this sounds like a control issue. Especially since he's throwing up foods that he's eaten before. Sounds like you generally make him what he wants to eat so he already has a lot control over food & may be testing to see how far you'll go. Did this start when the younger sister was born? While you don't like the barfing (YUCK!), I say your best bet is to not give it very much attention as the more you acknowledge it, postive or negative, the more he may contintue w/the throwing up. I say, when he does it, you calmly ( no reaction verbally or w/your face) tell him that he now needs to clean it up & then is to leave the table & that's the end of it. He won't go hungry. And kids are smart...he'll soon figure out that you mean business & start eating. The key is to stay consistent & strong. Hope this helps & good luck!

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G.B.

answers from Sacramento on

My 3 year old did the same thing for a period of time in the same situation. Of course it may be wise to talk with your pediatrician about it, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet. My daughter would get so worked up and once she discovered she could use her gag reflex, she did. Sometimes even when it wasn't about food, say I put her in a timeout and she became hysterical. I found that when I tried to get her to stop, it became worse and more frequent. When my husband and I completely ignored her reaction, the novelty wore off and she stopped doing it (though you should keep and eye and ear on them during these times just to make sure they aren't creating a choking hazard).

As far as the food is concerned, I always put it on her plate and as unfortunate as it is, we still have to negotiate the "no thank you" bite. But it is much easier now than when she was making herself vomit.

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W.M.

answers from Sacramento on

W.,
No, this is not normal behavior. Here is a question for you, do all of your meals at dinnertime have mixed foods together? Maybe he needs to see them separately? At that age, I hated everything being mixed like that, so did my kids actually. I don't make them try something until they are ready though, my dad forced too many foods on me that I, to this day will not eat. If separating the foods does not work, I would strongly suggest counseling. It sounds like their could be a problem that no one is aware of.
W.

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L.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi W.. I'm sorry your son is going through this. I too am an adoptive mom. The fact that he's always been a picky eater may be that he has oral aversions which would mean that he just can't stand the textures of the foods. The throwing up could be from the aversion being so severe that it makes him wretch. If he was a baby that choked a lot or spit up a lot, it could be he has an overactive gag reflex which can go along with the oral aversion. Your pediatrician could order a swallow study or ask for a feeding consult by a speech therapist.

I hate to say this, but it could also be because of being adopted from Russia. I know that sounds bad but the care in some of the orphanages leaves a lot to be desired. Sometimes the kids coming from them have emotional issues that crop up as they get older. There are also times medical issues not told to the adoptive parents - prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol, emotional or psychological issues, and/or family histories that aren't told. Not eating, picky eating and throwing up can be signs of control issues.

I hope this doesn't upset you. That's not my intention, but please understand that not only have I adopted 6 kids of my own and been a foster parent for 10 years, I have numerous friends that have adopted internationally. I'm just saying I do have some experience with adoptive situations and it's something to look at.

L.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Is he getting upset, crying and then throwing up? Or is he just throwing up after he eats without getting upset? It sounds like he is getting upset because he is locked in a power struggle with you about taking the "no thank you" bite.

If that is the case, I would recommend laying off him for a little while about what he eats just to get him back to a place where eating food is not a stressful occasion. It sounds like the food he does like is healthy, so let him eat that for a while.

When things have returned to normal and such a big deal isn't being made about what he eats, then you can start working with him to choose other foods. He's only five years old...it is more important for him to have a healthy relationship with food than to eat a wide variety at this point in his life.

I would also recommend talking to your pediatrician about this. It sounds like this food issue has become an emotional one for him.

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M.C.

answers from Bakersfield on

Children can develop allergies or sensitivity to food at anytime for no rhyme or reason. I have also had friends with children that had an intestinal infection that showed no other symptoms other that the throwing up when they ate big meals. I would suggest speaking with your doctor about this as it seems to be more than just a simple "fit". Dinner shouldn't be this hard :)

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

That sounds a little worrisome to me. I think I'd have the pediatrician take a look to be sure something isn't wrong. I mean, the pickiness is fairly common and if it were just that, there are certainly ways to address that over time. But the throwing up part can't be good. Could he have developed a food allergy? Believe it or not, I have a friend who is allergic to black pepper. It could be a very common ingredient like that. Please let us know what happens. I hope you can get your little guy back on track soon!

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K.B.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't have personal experience with this but some family friends did. Their son did exactly the same thing (at 4.5) and when she took him to the peditrician he said that this was the one area of his life that he could completely control (bedtime, dinner time, play time, school time etc) and that he was doing this as a way establishing himself. The Dr. said to not force things- offer dinner but not if he chose not to eat it then he chose not to eat (but to not offer any other food later) and that eventually he will be hungry and want to eat. He also said to let him make choices in other parts of his day.

I don't know if you situation is that similar but maybe that will help.
Good luck.

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J.G.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi,
Im not sure if it's normal but Im happy to hear that I wasn't the only one. My son now 7 had the same problem. I was making him his own dinner every night on top of what we ate. A little over a year after talking to his doctor we decided to stop doing that. About three times a week I would try to do a dinner that he liked and then the other times I would add a side dish like mac & cheese to menu. He now will eat pretty much everything we eat yet he still doesn't enjoy it, most of the vege's are joined by downing a glass of water down with the bite! It will take a while for the gagging to go away but hopefully your son will grow out of it like my son is continuing. Good Luck!

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S.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I would contact a psychiatrist ASAP.

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C.K.

answers from San Francisco on

i wouldn't sweat it - if he wants to only eat pbj and goldfish for the next year - he'll grow out of it - there are so many bigger issues to worry about - i think it's pretty normal - at least with almost everybody i know! seriously i wouldn't sweat it.

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