5 Year Old Boy - Imaginary Friends, Hurting Self, Bizarre Behavior

Updated on June 09, 2011
J.S. asks from Dallas, TX
16 answers

My 5 year old is a very bright very lovable child but he has a scary side to him. We usually try to ignore it and not make a big deal out his tales but sometime he does things that we can't ignore. Since he could talk and walk we have known about "Bobby"; who is his "bad" imaginary friend - for lack or a better word, HE will sometimes say HE is "Bobby". If something bad happens it is "Bobby's" fault. "Bobby has caught the house on fire, has colored on walls, flooded the bathroom, ran away in the middle of the night... the list goes on. Its been pretty peaceful for awhile since "Bobby" hasn't made an apperance but now he has a new friend "Jean Luc" I dislike him even more than the former friend. "Jean Luc" pees "designs" on the carpet, threathens to stab me with forks and "cuts" my son. My son will sometimes go vacant - it is a very strange thing to see. It's his body but he is clearly not there. Kinda like "The lights are one but no one is home." I am certain this behavior is not normal - our pediatrician has suggested we see a child psychciatrist. My oldest son has never exhibited any of these actions. I am hoping he is just very imaginative and creative. Does anyone have any similar experiences or words of wisdom?
PS - We have made an appointment with the psychciatrist - he has just not been to see him yet. Also my child is not possessed or a demon or sexually abused or anything of the sort - nor is he like those girls on 20/20. I will not have my child involved with an exorcisim nor will I read books written by former vampires and witches who are now born again Christians. My son attends church and I refuse to turn that into something traumatic for him.

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So What Happened?

His father is a problem. I say I hope he is just creative not to discount the issues but because my stepbrother who is 3 years older than me is schizophrenic and he did some AWFUL things, trying to strangle me, planting pipe bombs outside my window, killing my cat, bird and making my life hell. Ashton is nothing like my stepbrother - he had no remorse or concern for others. My son is very much with it 90% of the time - the other 10% well its sends chills down my spine. I am not afraid of getting him help. His father will be a challenge, I am CERTAIN that his father has some pshycological issues that he refuses to address. I would not be surprised if both of them are schizophrenic. His father (which BTW is in the house -we are still together) does not approve of me or anyone else for that matter "giving into his ideas" we are not allowed to talk about his friends or episodes.

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L.V.

answers from Miami on

Okay, so I know this is going to be very WOOHOO but here it goes. Do you have any family members that are sensitive to paranormal activities? You may want to look into this as well. This entire situation sounds too adult for a 5yo. You need to look into spiritual possession (wow sounds weird to just right it) and discount that as well. Talk to you religious leader and get his/her feedback. He may be someone sensitive to the afterlife and these “imaginary friends” may be trying to get someone’s attention.

GOOD LUCK!

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't think the imaginary "bad" friends are the problem -- the problem is the behaviors these bad friends engage in. Catching the house on fire? Peeing designs on the carpet, threatening to stab you with forks and cutting himself??? One of these things in isolation might be something you could overlook (except cutting), but these things in their totality indicate a severe problem to me.

Yes, the psychiatrist is a really good idea.

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M.J.

answers from Dover on

While your son definitely sounds both imaginative and creative, he also sounds dangerous, to himself & others. If his pediatrician has told you to take him to a child psychiatrist, what are you waiting for? Until he seriously or permanently injures himself or you?? He is only 5 years old, still really a baby, & you need to drop the denial routine & get your baby the help he needs.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

a

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A.C.

answers from Wichita on

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

As other say, yes, you and your son must see this psychiatrist immediately, and if this one doesn't click with your son, find another one. You don't mention whether there is a husband or significant other in the picture but if there is, he too must be 100 percent on board with getting help and he needs to be there by your side to hear what the doctors say. Imaginary friends, great. Destructive and especially self-harming behavior--a cry for help.

One red flag that concerns me isn't about your son. It's about you. You write, "I am hoping he is just very imaginative and creative." He may be both those things AND also still need serious professional help. You and his dad need to be very open and receptive and willing to learn if the psychiatrist finds your son has problems that must be dealt with through therapy, medication, behavioral changes, etc. Please be sure you're not, in the back of your mind, trying to convince yourself "He's just creative" while a doctor is simultaneoulsy saying, "He's ill."

I've seen this happen and the kid picks up on the fact that mom and dad are not fully on board with the doctor and will use that to wriggle out of treatment because he knows mom and dad are not totally going to enforce it. I'm not saying you'll do this, I just know it's a risk that is there if the parents hope, hope, hope their child is "just acting out" or "just in a phase" or "just creative." You already know his behavior's not normal, as you wrote, so you're most of the way there.

You are doing totally the right thing to have him seen, but be aware that this may just be the beginning of years of therapy and other interventions. If it's not -- fantastic. If it is -- be ready to accept that.

Please update us here. Your son is going to get good help!

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

"I am certain this behavior is not normal - our pediatrician has suggested we see a child pshyciatrist".... DO THIS NOW! Please, for your safety and the safety of others in the house, IF your son has a mental disorder they CAN help, but they have better results when started early. There is NOTHING wrong that anyone did in this situation and it seems that he may have a form of multiple personalities or something else... either way, please get your son the professional help he needs for your whole family's safetly.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

No, this is not normal. Imaginary friends are, but the vacancy and self-hurting is not. I'm glad you have an appointment with the child psychiatrist, I hope you can get him in soon. I grew up with a sibling who was very dangerous to us and himself and he also had some mental problems, so I wish you all the luck.

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

Imaginary friends are normal however it appears this is more than just having a great imagination or an imaginary friend. Please, please, please take your pediatricians advice.

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C.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Number one I can't believe that Maria Elena had the audacity to say your child was possessed, that is ridiculous. To say there may be some mental issues and you need to take him to see a psychiatrist is one thing, but saying that is ridiculous!!!!

Unfortunately, alot of your examples don't seem normal. I think it's perfectly normal for the child to blame the imaginary friend of something they've done that is "naughty", but the things you're saying he is doing is more than just "naughty". Goodluck and I hope you get him the early intervention that it sounds like he needs.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Creative - hum?? I don't know if creative is the right word.

Your pediatrician has suggested to bring him to a child pyschologist. What are you waiting for? Sounds like your son needs some therapy ASAP. Child therapy is wonderful. It uses art and music to bring out underlying feelings.

On a good note - imaginary friends are a sign of high intelligence.

Best of luck!!

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T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Him hurting himself is not normal.

I am happy to see that you are following what your ped suggested and you are taking him to see the psychciatrist. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you out.

I saw the same 20/20 episode and agree that this maybe something you can do some research on.

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K.I.

answers from Oklahoma City on

this is not normal behavior , imaginative friends are normal so, but for a 5 year old everything is playing and fun sometimes wrong thing are they fault too.....but hurting himself or thinking in hurting someone else is not good, you know deep inside you that something is happening......I hope you get a good diagnose after your appt. Problably he's just a very imaginative kid, and he's been watching to much tv.

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T.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

i am far from a dr, but i do think you need to seek help. i saw a story recently about a little girl who was born with schizophrenia. Not saying that is what it is, but something to look into because that can happen in kids. The little girl in the story had imaginary friends like that but they were numbers, etc. I really hope all is ok, but definatly get him in soon to be evaluated so he can get the help he may need. I am sorry you and your son have to go through that. im sure it may be scary for him to and he may not know what to do about it.

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A.B.

answers from Louisville on

The bad news is that the things you've described can be symptoms of early onset of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Imaginary friends are very common in young children, and are especially common in children with autism. But the presence of destructive and harmful behavior stemming from these imaginary friends is NOT normal anymore than the spacing out you have described. If you are looking at something like schizophrenia, it can indicate a severe case if it is manifesting this early. It normally doesn't show up until adulthood, and then, usually following a trauma or great stressor (we had a good friend who went through this in his early 20's following severe emotional distress). BUT there is good news and hope. They have made huge strides in treating many mental illnesses, including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. You will want to have a thorough family medical/mental illness history in place to give the psychiatrist, including anything you can get your son's father to discuss. When I read your additional information, it occurred to me that his determination that these things should not be discussed might stem from being forbidden to talk about his own problems or those of another family member when he was younger. Keep in mind that up until the last decade or so, most mental illnesses were a source of shame to families and were swept under the rug as much as possible. So it's not unlikely that your son's father has been trained to keep a lid on it and fears discussing things. If you can find a way to approach him non-threateningly to see if he has any info or stories that are similar to what your son is experiencing, it could save you a lot of time trying to narrow down the diagnosis. Best wishes to your family!

M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

With all due respect, I do believe your child is possessed. I don't know if you believe in God but I would suggest you go to a Catholic church and consult with a priest to have your son evaluated by him. He needs to be baptized as well. I've seen children and people who are possessed and your son exhibits many of the ''symptoms'' these people had. I wish you good luck and I will be praying for your family.

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